AN: I know, I know, but you try coming up with something decent for those prompts. Not one of my best. Vimes and Discworld came to mind because of those last two. I could actually hear them saying more or less what I wrote here a few seconds after I saw the prompts. A bit of a cheat I know but I had to use it.

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One of Those Days

Prompts: $1,000,000; baby; murder; demon; laptop; thorn; polecat; pole;

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It was one of those days.

It had started out promising and then it all went downhill from there. First there was the $1,000,000 that Corporal Nobbs seemed to think he'd won on the Ankh-Morpork City Wide Lottery. Trying to explain to Nobbs there never had been an Ankh-Morpork City Wide Lottery and that he'd never be getting $1,000,000 was Captain Carrot.

It was entertaining for the first minute before Nobby realised he'd been had. Then they had to lock him in the cells 'til he calmed down.

He still hadn't.

To add to the chaos, someone had seen fit to leave a baby on the watch's doorstep.

Thankfully, Sybil and several female officers were dealing with that problem. Thank gods for maternal instincts.

It's not like he didn't care or have instincts of his own. He had a murder to solve.

And was glad Nobby was still locked in his cell because it turned out the bloke who sold the 'lottery' was also the victim.

Adding to the mess were the wizards as usual. At least it wasn't some multi-tentacled, beaked, ...thing.. from the dungeon dimensions. Again. No, this time it was a demon and a new-fangled thing Ponder was calling, what was it again a toplap? A laptop? That was it. A topoflap. That monster of a machine had spawned a minime. And this time the demons had got in on the fun.

"Thorn in my side the lot of 'em." Vimes muttered bitterly to himself.

"And what has a -" Vimes looked at the report in his hand. "- polecat have to do with any of this?"

"That's a pole and a cat, sir." Cheery said smartly. "See. There's a space between the words." She said pointing at the illegible scrawl.

"Where's the comma?"

"I think it ran away, sir." Cheery said without missing a beat.

Vimes glared.

"Okay. What has a pole and a cat got to do with any of this?"

"It was Maurice, sir. He came back to Ankh-Morpork with Sardines and Picnic, sir."

"Who?"

"A cat and two rats, sir."

"And?"

"Apparently he had this idea for making a few bob and it got out of hand, sir."

"The Ankh-Morpork City Wide Lottery?"

"It was only the Help The Needy Lotto then, sir." Cheery said.

"And the pole?"

"The victim tried to hit him with it, sir"

"... And... ?"

"Maurice and the rats scarpered, sir. The victim tripped over him, sir."

"Bludgeoning himself on the way down, no doubt."

"Yes, sir."

Vimes sighed. Ventinari would want to see him, he just knew it.

It was just one of Those days.