A/N Hi friends, this is a one shot story immediately after 304. I won't even get into that episode, the disgusting kiss or Olivia's treatment of Fitz (so glad he hung up on her) But here is my AU hopes for them, Fitz is a bit harsh to Olivia but she deserves it. Bring on the rest of the season…. Not. #maybeonedaywewillgetthis
"Hi." She said as he walked into the bedroom, the last time she had been here she was convincing him to run again. The room didn't hold a lot of pleasant memories for them really.
"What are you doing here?" His question broke her heart, he never replied without a hi back, it was their thing.
"I don't like how our phone conversations have been going lately." She said truthfully as she angled her sitting body towards him a bit more.
"How did you get in?" He asked still standing at the door, he was still miffed over tonight's phonecall. He really needed her support and to hear her voice and she had chucked it right back in his face.
"I have my ways." She said softly, really she had been pretty reckless but she needed to see him.
"Hmmmm." He said walking towards the bed, throwing his suit jacket and tie on it. "What can I help you with?" He said throwing back her similar words from earlier this evening.
"Fitz." She said softly, he was angry.
"Don't think I don't recognize the voice Olivia." He spat out.
"Fitz. It's not like that." Olivia said softly, although it sort of was. She didn't want Jake but Fitz had called at literally the worst time ever.
"You took awhile to answer the phone, I'm gunna take a guess and say you were kissing." She dropped her head in shame immediately. "Bingo." Fitz said as he finished unbuttoning his shirt before throwing it on the bed too.
"It's not like that, I was upset." She said lifting her head, she had no excuse really.
"You ring me when you're upset Olivia. You don't go kissing my old navy buddies. Not to mention the fact that all of our phonecalls recently have been about him." He said as he undid his pants as they fell to the ground, leaving him in his boxers before grabbing his navy shirt and throwing it on.
"Fitz, I had to get him out of the hole. I saw what it did to Huck, I couldn't be responsible for that again." Olivia said as she stood up from the lounge.
"Don't." Fitz held up his hand, halting her action.
"Fitz." She pleaded.
"Are you sleeping with him? Because I'm pretty sure you left me because you wanted to help your gladiators, yet here you are basically Mrs Jacob Ballard." Fitz said running a hand through his raged hair.
"It's not like that. It's complicated and it's long but it's not like that Fitz." Olivia said pleading with him, the man she really loved was standing right in front of him, not Jake.
"Yet you're kissing him." Fitz said walking around and sitting on the bed, facing her as she stood close to the coffee table.
"I regretted it the moment it happened, I want him out of my life but it's not that easy and I'm so sorry I couldn't talk to you tonight because I could tell you obviously needed me." She said moving a touch closer.
"You could tell huh? So that's why you stayed in the room with him? You could have walked out so we could have a private conversation. What are you trying to do, make him jealous?" He asked, their eyes meeting and she could see the fury behind them.
"Fitz please. It is so far from that its not even funny." Olivia said quietly.
"Yeah, well I'm having trouble believing you Olivia. I put my heart on the line for you, every single day. Yet I get nothing from you. I get you yelling at me, demanding things from me, I get nothing from you Olivia. Nothing." He could see she was close to tears, and that hurt him but he couldn't keep doing this to himself. "We're never going to get Vermont Liv, because YOU won't let us. I fought for you, I earned you but when have you ever done the same Olivia?" He asked standing and finally walking towards her.
"Fitz, I love you." Olivia breathed out. "You have to know that, but you have to know how screwed up I am. There is so much going on in my life, so much. I don't know how to love you properly, I don't know how to not hurt you. I'm so scared all of the time, because I am so desperately in love with you but we can't do this, we cant be together." She said with tears welled in her eyes.
"Why Olivia? Why?" He wanted to know even though after tonight he knew the answer.
"My father is the leader of B613." Olivia breathed out.
"I know."
"What?"
"I know Liv, I know." She was shocked.
"He said you'll ruin me, that he'll kill you. Look what he has done to Huck, what he has made him done. I cant let him do that you. I cant let him take you away from me." She needed Fitz so desperately but she couldn't put him in harms way.
"You're already away from me Olivia, so what does it matter?" Fitz said.
"You're mad." He was, she could tell.
"I'm not mad. I understand the control a father has over their child, I lived it with Big Jerry and I understand it. But I would never pick my father over you, I would never pick anyone over you except you are constantly picking people over me with shit excuses behind it." He took a deep breathe before continuing, "and honestly Liv, I'm not sure if really you do love me. I'm just not sure. I see it sometimes, very rarely, I saw it those few days we were together after we ran out the clock, but since than, its like I don't even know you." Fitz said moving closer towards her.
"You leaked my name." She knew instantly but yet she wasn't mad.
"I did. For us and we got to that bunker and you called Mellie so we were back to step one. So that was it. That's the last time I am fighting for you, for us. I cant do this anymore Olivia." Her heart broke instantly, he had to stay with her, she couldn't live without him.
"I don't know who I am Fitz, I'm running around trying to solve everybody else issues and I can't even deal with my own." She said wiping a tear from her cheek.
"And I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry you're going through a lot Liv, I am." He was, but it didn't change anything.
"I don't know who I am, my dad is back is back in my life and he's ruining it and Huck hates me, he truly hates me and Jake will not leave me alone and all I want more than anything in this world is to come home to you. To kiss you and have you hold me and tell me its going to be okay. But its not going to be okay because I've been horrible, I've been pushing you because I know you'll come back and that's not love." She had been horrible to him, so horrible to him and it broke her heart that she hadn't realised before now.
"No it isn't." She was finally beginning to see how he felt but it didn't make this any easier.
"But you have to know that I love you, please know that Fitz and please believe that." Olivia said tenderly.
"I'm sorry Liv, I don't know if I can. I don't want to be with someone who manipulates me and uses me when they want to." He had to be honest, it was how he felt and it was the truth as of late.
"I don't know how to love you properly." She broke down, the tears streaming down her face. "This is how I was taught to love, this is how my father loved me. I don't know how to love you Fitz, not like you love me. Nobody has ever loved me like you have." She said her head falling into her heads as tears took over her body once again.
"You don't have to love me like I love you Olivia, you just need to love me as much as you can." He said softly moving towards her until he was close enough to touch her.
"I do."
"Well okay then."
"Okay?"
"What do you want me to say Liv, you're crying and you're upset. We obviously have heaps of issues to deal with, but you know how I feel and you know you cant keep treating me how you have been treating me." He said placing a hand on her upper arm.
"I'm going to try my best Fitz, I don't want to hurt you, I've never wanted to hurt you." She bowed her head again, the tears continuing to pour out of her as her chest began to heave.
"I know baby." He said finally giving in and pulling her into his arms, her head immediately going to the crook of his neck as she flung her arms around him.
"I love you Fitz, please. I love you so much." She was never this open with her feelings, ever. But she was close to losing him, forever. "Don't leave me. Please. Don't leave me."
"I'm not going to leave you Liv, but you are constantly leaving me." He said brushing the hair off her neck and placing a super soft kiss there.
"I've never wanted to leave you. I promise." She said between sobs.
"Okay." She pulled away immediately at his words, their bodies still intertwined as she looked into his eyes.
"Do you still love me?" She asked, she had to know.
"Yeah, and that's what makes this all so hard Liv. Because people you love aren't suppose to hurt you like you've hurt me." He said, tears running down his cheeks.
"I know." She looked down before looking back up. "Do you still want to be with me?" She held her breath waiting for his answer.
"I don't know if I can go to bed every night wondering if you'll be there in the morning." He said truthfully.
"I understand." She said pulling away before he pulled her back.
"But I can't go to sleep every night knowing that we aren't together. I don't know how we are going to do this, it's going to be hard and you're going to have to change how you treat me quick smart, but of coarse I want to be with you Liv." He said softly, he always wanted to be with her, that had never changed, ever.
"Always? Even when I kiss Jake?" She asked quietly.
"Well you won't be doing that again." He said sternly.
"Absolutely not. My lips are all yours." She said with a sultry hint to her voice. Fitz smiled before lifting her off the ground and carrying her over to the bed, laying her down before placing himself next to her, Olivia quickly rolled over facing him.
"Can I stay here?" She asked quietly, she knew she had to prove herself to him, she was disgusted in herself for the way she had been treating him.
"If you would like." Fitz said softly.
"I would like it very much." She said tracing a hand over his dried tear stained cheeks.
"No planning? No ringing your gladiators?" Fitz asked.
"Nope, just us. From now on, nobody dictates our relationship but us. I'm not letting anyone or anything get in the way of us again." She said, her tears finally gone.
"Sounds like a good plan." He wasn't sure if he believed her yet or not, but she was trying and that was the main thing. "Do you need something to change into?" He asked taking in her attire of boots, jeans and white cashmere jumper.
"Nope." She sat up quickly before pulling off her boots and socks, followed by her jeans and finally followed by her jumper leaving her in a white cotton bra and panties set.
"Liv." Fitz warned, they were in a delicate position right now the last thing they needed to do was sleep together and literally and figuratively fuck it all up.
"I miss your hands on my body and your skin and you." Olivia said as she joined him as he hoped under the blanket.
"You kissed Jake tonight." He said matter of factly.
"I did." She breathed out, still ashamed of herself.
"We're not fooling around." He said the words he never thought he would say.
"I know, but I still want you to hold me. What I tried to get from Jake tonight is really what I wanted from you." She said looking at him, gauging his reaction.
"And whats that?" Fitz asked.
"To hold me whilst I cry over the failure that is my life right now." Before she could finish her sentence Fitz had pulled her into his arms, her head resting on his chest comfortably. "Thank you." She said looking up and before she knew he had leant down, capturing her mouth in a kiss. It was quick and over before she knew it, but in that one soft kiss he had done more than Jake had in a few minutes. He had calmed her.
"It's going to be okay." Fitz said placing a soft kiss on her forehead as he ran a hand up and down her back, the other linked in her hair.
"We're going to be okay." Olivia said out loud. "We'll be better and we'll be happy."
"We'll be happy." Fitz repeated.
"No one has ever made me as happy as you have Fitz." She said quietly into his chest, he smiled at her words. After a few moments of silence, Olivia spoke again. "I've been looking into houses in Vermont, areas that are good to live in, to raise kids in. Karen and Gerry will like it, an escape from reality when they go to college and Teddy, he'll love the big open areas. And our baby, our baby will love Vermont because it'll be all that he or she knows. And we'll be happy, me, you and our 4 kids." She could barely finish between her tears.
"And you'll make jam?" Fitz said, the tears running down his face, Olivia was finally planning for them, thinking about their future. She was his, and he was hers.
"Yes." She said with a small chuckle.
"You've really thought about it?" Fitz said still in disbelief.
"It's all I think about." She said softly, she was never this open. "They say, whatever you do in your spare time is something you should dedicate your life too. In my spare time, I plan our future. I plan Vermont. I planned our wedding the other night, after the bomb. I can't wait to be your wife Fitz." She said so quietly he almost didn't hear it.
"Me too Livvie, god me too." He pulled her chin up so she was facing him, kissing her softly. "I love you."
"I love you too Fitz and this time, I'm not going anywhere."