The Tragic Death of Uzumaki Naruto

Rating: M (for a naughty word/character death)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I make no money from this. Read and review, if you can BWA-HA-HA.

Our story starts as many do with Naruto and Tsunade arguing.

"I can be a better Hokage than you any day old lady." said Naruto.

"Naruto, you call me old one more time, you won't live to be Hokage." said Tsunade in a voice that froze the young ninja in his tracks.

It was just another day in Konoha. Naruto was so tired of Tsunade putting off his becoming Hokage. It just wasn't fair! He had already proven himself to the village time and time again. His latest exploits were already the stuff of legends. He had brought back Sasuke just a month ago, and last week he had finally succeeded in destroying the Kyuubi's consciousness. He now had access to all of Kyuubi's chakra and for all intents and purposes the fox that had terrorized Konoha was dead.

"Why won't you let me be Hokage? I just don't understand. I have nearly the entire village behind me. I have brought nearly all of the Hidden Villages together in an iron-clad treaty. I finally took out the last of Akatsuki and I am one of the top 5 ninjas in the world. Why not?!" Naruto screamed the last part he was so frustrated. He had been standing in front of the Hokage's desk for the last 30 minutes pleading his case. But for some reason, the old bat didn't want to give up the title just yet.

"For numerous reasons. One, you just don't understand the meaning of the word patience. You want the title of Hokage right now and wouldn't even think of waiting a year or 2 until you have the entire village behind you before you advance. Secondly, I uhh...I need the money..." Tsunade trailed off on the last part.

"The only people left to get behind me are the one's who's only loyalties lie to the Hokage, and for another thing, why do you need the money?"

Tsunade leaned back in her chair before answering.

"If I hold the title of Hokage for another year I will finally have enough money saved up to pay back ALL of my gambling debts. You don't know how it feels to know that you owe more money than you could believe. I want to pay it all back so I can have a clear conscience and can go to sleep without wondering if the next day debt collectors are gonna catch up to me." Tsunade was nearly crying towards the second part of her speech but to Naruto, a trained shinobi, it was clear that it was mostly a show. Mostly, anyway...

"Ok, I can remedy that by giving you a loan on your retirement pension, now what else?"

Tsunade couldn't believe that she hadn't thought of that. It would be so easy, yet it took a mind as simple as Naruto's to point it out.

"Fine, but to tell you the truth I don't think you understand what a Hokage really does. For one thing, it isn't just doing S-ranked missions all the time. You have to handle the village in such a way as to make it prosper. I just can't see you doing as much paperwork and everything that I do every day. I have to heal myself just to keep my brain from short-circuiting."

Just then Shizune walked in. She was carrying her customary 4 foot tall stack of paperwork.

"Good afternoon Hokage-sama. I got your midday paperwork ready. I'll be back in a few hours with more for you."

Shizune walked out leaving a pissed off Tsunade and Naruto, who was smirking at the pile of paperwork facing the Hokage. He knew it would take her a lot of time to do it all and he had known of a way to do it quicker for years. He turned to leave.

"Since I'm not Hokage, I don't have to do paperwork huh? If you would let me be Hokage you wouldn't have to do all of that paperwork." Naruto said, baiting her.

Tsunade looked back and forth between Naruto and the pile of paperwork on her desk. It would take her the better part of the day to get it all done and she really needed a drink. All of a sudden, an idea popped up in her head.

"Uzumaki Naruto, I hereby instate you as Hokage on one condition. That condition is that you do all of the paperwork on my desk in 1/2 hour. Do you accept that challenge?"

Naruto stopped immediately. He turned around with the largest smile he had ever been seen with. He could just see the Hokage's robes draped over his frame.

"Deal!"

Tsunade's eyebrows rose as far as they could go. Did he know something she didn't? But she knew that there was no way for him to get all the work done, so she wasn't worried. As she walked out the door to go down the street to get some sake, she left him with false words of hope.

"Don't fail." She started laughing barely outside the door. She was gonna get a break, and Naruto was gonna get some work done for her. She won, he lost. Plain and simple.

30 minutes later...

Tsunade felt great. She had gotten some sake in her system and was now a little tipsy. She walked in to her office and was immediately pissed. All the paperwork had been placed in her out box and Naruto was sleeping in her seat.

"NARUTO!!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!"

Naruto fell out of the seat and proceeded to curse her for waking him in such a manner. Each word out of his mouth just made her angrier.

"MOVING THE PAPERS TO THE OUT BOX DOES NOT CONSTITUTE DOING THEM!!"

"I DID DO THEM, SO STOP SCREAMING!"

"Naruto, there is no way in hell you could have done even half of those papers in the time allowed. I regret it, but now you will never be Hokage, I'm giving the title to Sakura."

"I did a secret method to get it all done. I haven't told you how because your too dumb to use it."

All of a sudden Naruto felt like his soul was dying. He looked at Tsunade to notice that veins were popping out all over her forehead and she was giving off enough killing intent to make Orochimaru shit himself. As he backed up into a corner, cringing, he threw his last bit of info out in a desperate attempt to save himself.

"Since I get all the knowledge they acquire when I dismiss them, I just used a few dozen kage bushins to get all the work done while I slept. It was easy."

Tsunade blew all her gaskets.

"YOU KEPT THIS FROM ME FOR HOW LONG!!!!!!!" screamed Tsunade.

"3 or 4 years." said Naruto in his meekest voice.

And so ended the life of Uzumaki Naruto, wannabe Rokudaime Hokage. Tsunade was committed to a mental institution for the remainder of her life. Rock Lee was made the new Hokage, proof that hard work does pay off.

A/N: This is my first finished story. It wasn't that hard, not like the Itachi story I'm working on. Just wondered why Tsunade never used this technique to get her paperwork done. Oh well, later.