A form of Goodbye
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine
Emily's Point of View
[1/3]
He was always the one that wrote letters. It was more of his thing. He was the one with a way with words. Every letter he had given us was always magical. It was filled with so much emotion. You felt what he wanted you to.
Of course, that wouldn't always be a good thing.
His letters to Mom were poems. Good ones. They were full of passion and romance. It was like reading Beethoven's music in a letter. It was beautiful. Those letters were the ones that deserved to be in books. The kind that would leave you breathless and butterflies would explode in your stomach. They were close to perfect. They were passionate, romantic and later the cause of Sharon Raydor's heartbreak. His romantic letters helped her fall for him. Their entire story began when he passed her a note in a class they had together back when they were in college.
She forgot which class it was.
"Something about Ethics" He'd always remind her.
And he would forget the exact date.
"January 14th" She would smile. Her cheeks would turn red and his hand would somehow find its way on her hip.
Even when the details were a little fuzzy, they would never forget the contents of that letter. It was a part of Wendy Cope's Another Valentine.
"Today we are obliged to be romantic
And think of yet another valentine.
We know the rules and we are both pedantic:
Today's the day we have to be romantic."
I remember how well they had memorised it. They would usually recite it together when I asked. Other times, Dad would start it off then Mom would end up finishing it.
But those times were rare, up until they got fewer and farther apart. Before we knew it, Jackson Raydor's beautiful love letters turned into notes on the counter. They usually said the same thing.
"I'm sorry. I love you. You deserve more."
Short and simple; written perfectly cursive on the There were no details on where he was going or how long he was going to be gone. He was just gone. Leaving me and Ricky a note on the counter, and Mom a unbelievable gambling debt and heartache.
The first time I wrote to him, I was sixteen. It was because of a boy I had a crush on.
We have never been ones to send postcards or 'how are you' via mail. Dad would always be back months after, so we just waited. We knew he'd come back with an explanation, so we never wrote him a letter asking why he left. Although, I'm sure mom has. Mom always wrote to him. She would write what was happening with me and Ricky. He never answered.
So when I wrote the letter, I didn't send it. It stayed on school bag till the end of that school year. Never read. Never opened.
"Dad,
Where are you? Why'd you leave again? You were doing so well. You stayed for eight months. You and mom seem to falling back to each other. You promised to take Ricky to a Dodger's game. Dad you've been sober for ten months.
If you craved for a drink, we would have helped you. We are a family. We are suppose to help each other.
I know that you were embarrassed by what happened and by our little fight, but you didn't need to go. We wanted you to stay. We wanted to get through that together. I needed you to be my superhero dad again.
Noah, a guy from my English class, asked me to Prom. I really like him. Mom has given me the money for the perfect dress that her and I picked out together. I wish you were there when I tried the dress on.
Its red. A little too revealing according to Mom, but luckily Gavin convinced her to let me buy it. I wish you could have been there. It was a milestone. Another one that you missed.
I want you back for the actual thing. Noah and a few of our friends would pick me up in a classic black limo. I want you to be there. I want you to yell at Ricky for annoying me as I get my hair done. I want you to be the one to open the door when Noah rings the bell. I want you to glare at my date and warning him that Mom is a cop and that you're a bad ass lawyer that can help her get away with murder. I want you to call out my name and remind me that we would be late. I want you to hold mom as she tears up while taking a zillion pictures of Noah and I. I want you there.
Please come home. Surprise me. Be the Dad I know you can be. I know it has been four months since you last came home but, I miss you. Ricky misses you. We want nothing more than you to come home. Let us be a family again. We can do this dad. We want to be there for you. Don't shut us out again.
Love Emily"
I didn't send it. I couldn't. I didn't know where to send it to.
As to be expected, he didn't come home in time for my Prom. Dad missed another milestone. He came back two months after. He was out of money. He came for the money. Acted like he never left. Pretended to be the perfect husband and a terrific dad then left again. Leaving all of us heartbroken, but surprisingly we were okay a week after his unexpected departure. We got used to it.
From love letters to a form of goodbye, to a desperate cry for help.
I wrote you a letter, that I knew you'd never read, because I really really want to talk to you. It was getting very hard to act like everything will be okay. I miss you Daddy and I don't want to wait another six months to tell you that.