Sweat drips off of the crypt lords' brows. There are two boxes to decide upon for them. Danom Grim or the Almighty Spade. But there's really only one answer, and they know it.

Danom Grim is nothing in the world of Spades.

Only Spade could truly rule over the dark kingdom. He quickly makes them much more fashionable and gives them all long black spade cloaks. Danom Grim is happy to step down- not because he's relatable or shy but because he loves Spade. But Spade isn't interested in dark lords.

Many years pass, but not too many, and on a dark and stormy night people begin to whisper. They exchange black feathers because that's cryptic and cool and begin wondering if Ivy is the best ruler after all. Even her color scheme is stupid.

"Ivy," Grim says, batting his long eyelashes. "Do you know what's to come?"

"Yes," Ivy said quietly, breathless in Grim's gaze. "But I mostly go by Vine now."

She swept her long purple dress across the floor as she moved, black hair cascading about her hips.

"I welcome the challenge," she said solemnly, eyes downcast. A smile played at the corners of her mouth. "I want him as well."

"Same," Grim said without thinking, "But I also want you."

Vine nodded. "Understandable."

Grim, bending to King Spade's will like putty in his hands, becomes his court jester. He amuses him slightly, but never enough. Grim is always eager to please. He also doesn't do paperowrk because he's a dark lord and jester and isn't anything else. Feste is mad that his role as amusement is gone but King Spade is too busy ruling a country to care about a minstrel's needs. Feste is always too needy anyway.

One day Vine falls at Spade's feet, hand thrown across her forehead.

"Please take me," she says breathlessly. "Grim isn't enough for me anymore."

Spade laughs cruely, but doesn't leave his spot. It tickles him because Grim isn't enough for anyone anymore.

Soon the town's whispers can be hidden no longer- Spade rises to power over Vine's kingdom as well. Everyone hates him because he's so good-looking, but everyone also loves him because they just can't help it. His long pointed nose is enticing, his long black hair is intriguing, his top hat is so anachronistic. He's enchanting. He's the perfect ruler.

They never needed a tunic-clad hero, a pink princess or a villain.

What they needed was Spade.