I stepped out into the blazing sun of Texas, putting my hand over my eyes, as I squinted, looking around the field. "Jasper!" I called out, looking down to avoid damaging my eyes from the mighty sun's rays. "Time for lunch!" His blonde head popped up then, covered in a straw. Those blue eyes met mine, as he brushed off the dirt from his overalls.
"Be right there, Darlin'!" He called, disappearing into the small field of corn stocks we had again.
I sighed, shutting the door to save the little cool air that we had let in the house. The ceiling fan was slowly rotating above my head, giving me little relief from the heat of the day. Jasper would have to fix the rotators again.
As I was placing the sandwiches and ice cool lemonade on the table, Jasper came strolling in, a basket of corn ears dangling lazily off his arm. He glanced up briefly, shaking his head, as a gentle, small smile graced his lips. He too noticed the darned ceiling fan.
"Looks good, Darlin'." Jasper complimented me, grabbing a glass from the cupboard and pouring himself a generous drink of lemonade. He gulped it down greedily, a few drops escaping his lips.
"How do you stand being out there in that dammed heat? Lord knows that I was already sweating by standing in the doorway." Jasper gave me a quick peck on the mouth when he passed me to take his seat, throwing two sandwiches on his plate as I refilled his drink.
"Years of practice, sweetheart." He smiled cheekily before devouring his food while I ate more slowly at mine.
"Are you done for the day?" It was too hot for him to be out at this time, and, plus, I was getting mighty lonely.
Jasper furrowed his brow slightly, trying to remember what he has already accomplished. "II believe so. The plowing is done, fresh produce brought in, and the animals attended too. I'll just need to grab my tool box from the barn to fix that fan, and I'll be all done for the day." He reached for another sandwich, finding he had the last one. His blue eyes glanced up at mine. "Do ya want it, Darlin'?" Jasper was so sweet, always thinking of me.
I shook my head. "I'm good, but thank ya." Tying my hair up with spare ribbon, I picked up my plate and glass, cleaning and drying them before storing them away for their next use.
As my hand was rhythmically circling the plate under a sink full of bubbles, Jasper placed his large hands on my shoulders, rubbing them slightly. "I need to tell you something." His voice was quite, muffled when he dipped it into my neck.
"What's wrong?" I asked, immediately on high alert.
He mumbled something, slipping his hand to hold onto my waist. "What was that?"
Jasper trembled slightly, and when he spoke, he sounded strained, forcing the words out. "I've enlisted myself into the Confederation."
I blinked a few time, half not believing what I was hearing, and half not wanting to even hear it. My reply was stuttered when I spoke. "Y-you enlisted y-yourself? It wasn't just my f-father again?" Even I knew the answer to that, and that answer was no.
"Darling, I'm so sorry, but I can't be stuck on the farm anymore. I've been on one farm for all my life, and I just… I just don't want to live life wondering what could've been."
My hands moved to quickly dry the plate, knowing that if I held it any longer I would whack him with it. Once I placed the plate safely away, I turned out of his arms, moving into our small den. "Jasper Whitlock! You think that fighting in this god damned civil war will help you understand what 'life could've been'? Oh you'll never understand! You'll never understand what life could've been because you'll be shot dead! Shot dead I tell you!" I wagged my finger at him like a mother would do whilst scolding her child. My voice was rising, borderline yelling. "You've never even held a damned gun! Oh Lord, you've never even killed a person!"
He winced, looking down at the wooden floor, tapping his foot nervously. "I know I haven't, but you have to understand-" I cut him off by slapping my hand across his face.
"Understand that you'll get yourself killed?"
His head was still facing to the side; his eyes tightly shut. "The Yankees need to be taken down, and I choose to fight for us Sothern's rights." He didn't dare yell, but I could plainly see his fists clenched at his sides.
"How long until you leave?" My voice was like steel; my back turned to him when I began walking to the staircase.
"The end of the week." I thought he sounded ashamed, but his voice was almost too low to decipher any kind of emotion.
"And to think that I'm your wife." I muttered before raising my voice. "You'll be sleeping on the bench tonight!" I yelled behind my, slipping inside our bedroom and slamming the door tightly shut.
"Bella!" He called after me.
How could you, Jasper. How could you?
I was shaking my head, as I climbed into bed, thinking those same thoughts over and over again.