PAINFUL INSPIRATION
stuff happens, and some how, I've had a thing with characters cutting themselves. So this is soubi, and his opinion on the release of sorrow. Enjoy.
He didn't truly understand the point of cutting himself. The pain was the same. With only a subtle difference, because it was self inflicted. Soubi felt, pain was that more gratifying, when it was someone else.
He decided, he couldn't really understand the mind of an 'emo'. he thought of angsting when he cut. Thought of seimei, he thought of ritsuka, he thought of the circumstances he was in, merely because of two boys. But that wasn't him.
He didn't understand cutting. Maybe it was because he wasn't depressed. But he found no release in it. He was only satisfied by being hurt by another person.
Maybe that was what Ritsuka meant by being masochistic. But pain was just that, pain. If you were truly depressed, soubi reasoned, you would want to be beaten, hurt, abused, in anyway you could. By someone else.
If he were really all that depressed, he'd urge ritsuka to beat him. But he wasn't. Maybe because he had ritsuka, that he didn't fall so far. But that pain was his release, his inspiration. This self inflicted pain was a little useless.
But he tried it, and more and more, got addicted to it. He still didn't understand it, but he did it. There was a calm in it, just sitting there, knife in hand watching the blood flow. He wasn't quite sure what was so addictive. The pain? Surely not. He got enough pain from other things to be addicted to this.
Maybe, because he felt like it was killing the monster inside of him, by killing himself outside. But he had Ritsuka for that. Why did he need this useless self inflicted pain.
He took out the knife again, quietly cutting slits in the sides of his hands, his face contorted into a frown. Then, the leaned back against the wall, watching to blood stain and stick to the hardwood floor.
Ritsuka unexpectedly burst into his room, chattering about something until he caught sight of what was happening. "What are you doing?!" he was absolutely horrified, the way he normally was with things as serious as this.
"Just enjoying a bit of early morning cutting." Soubi said with his usual smile. Ritsuka pulled the knife from his hand.
"Never do this again! Do you understand me?! It's an order!" Soubi's smile never changed.
"Understood." he pulled Ritsuka into his lap, mindful not to stain the pretty clothes with any blood. He realized that Ritsuka was crying. Without asking, Ritsuka turned to him, his eyes wet.
"My mom... and Seimei... they both used to do that. With Seimei... it was so scary. He wasn't himself, he was so different..." Soubi nodded.
That Seimei Ritsuka had known, was destroyed when Seimei cut himself. He knew from experience. Painful experience.
Just like this beautiful pained inspiration he was receiving now. His inner sadist loved Ritsuka's crying face.
Maybe he should take on sadism instead?
OWARI
mmm, weird way to end...