Disbelief

She couldn't believe what had happened before her very eyes. All the time she'd been thinking that if they ever got rescued it would be her who would go to jail. Her who would be handcuffed on the spot. Her who would be ushered away by grim looking cops in suits. All the time she'd been dreading the moment they would get rescued. She'd known all along that she would be caught, imprisoned and that she would be rotting in a state pen for probably the rest of her life.

Kate was looking out of the window of her luxury hotel room. She would only stay one more night and then she would move into the little apartment she'd rented. Outside the rain was pouring down and Kate was damn sure that if it would go on like that the world would become one big ocean. One big sea where everything drowned and disappeared under the waves until nothing was left but endless blue. Kate looked around. She had already packed her suitcase. A suitcase full of clothes. It seemed ridiculous. Only a few weeks back she'd been content with a khaki and extremely happy with a change pair of knickers. Now she had a suitcase full of clothes. Clothes Oceanic had paid for. Clothes in a suitcase Oceanic had paid for. A suitcase in a hotel room Oceanic had paid for.

Oceanic Airlines had done everything to make getting back into life easier and more comfortable for her and the other survivors. They had each got a free hotel room in one of the best hotels in town for as long as they wished to stay. Each survivor was presented with a "Golden Ticket" that allowed them to fly on any Oceanic flight they wished without having to pay one single dollar. The airline did everything they could think of to ease their conscience. The bad publicity had been devastating and now they were trying extremely hard to mend fences. They had even sent Kate a shopping assistant who helped her get the right clothes to compliment her look. Of course this had only transpired after they'd had her visit the best hairdresser in town. Oceanic was treating Kate like a princess and to Kate it still felt weird. And extremely wrong.

I'm a fugitive, Kate thought, I've killed someone, I shouldn't be here, I should be in jail, not him. It was still hard to believe what had happened at the airport. The night before Kate and Sawyer had said their goodbyes on the freighter. They had simply called it a night. "You ever in the South, Freckles, come by and knock on ol' Sawyer's door, alright?" he had said with his trademark dimple smile and Kate had simply smiled weakly and had gone off to her bunk. Back then she'd been sure she wouldn't ever be in the South in the years to come but now everything was different. They'd taken him into custody.

6 weeks ago they had taken him into custody and had put him into jail. Not her. Not the murderer, the fugitive, the runaway, but him. She'd known all along that Sawyer was no angel, no saint, but he was Sawyer, he was so much more than just a con-man and now, that they were back in the real world and she was free to do whatever she wanted to do, free to love and decide and explore, now that she could do all this, the only person she wanted to love and explore was gone for good. In jail. In prison waiting for his trial. Waiting for the judges and the jury to decide for how long he would have to stay behind those bars.

Kate couldn't believe it. Someone behind the scenes had made sure she wouldn't have to go to jail. Her file was gone, buried. Kate Austen, didn't exist anymore. It was Kate Morgan who had gotten a new chance. Kate Morgan who had boarded Oceanic 815 in Sydney and Kate Morgan who had 

survived a plane crash. Kate Morgan was born in Chicotah, Oklahoma. Kate Morgan had lost her parents in a car crash. Kate Morgan went to college and had a degree in social studies. Kate Morgan was a good person. Kate Morgan was a lie.

Kate didn't know who it was. The man behind the curtain. The person who made sure she could start anew. Maybe it was her mother, maybe it was Ben, maybe it was the Pope himself, but right this moment Kate couldn't care less. Because all she could think of was him. She still couldn't believe it. She was free, and he wasn't. However hard she had been trying to fight him off on the island, he surely must've known how she felt deep down in her heart. She would give everything she had to have him back. She would even go back to that damn island if only he was with her. She couldn't believe the truth. She didn't want to believe the truth.

"I'm here to visit James Ford" Kate said to the man in front of her. The dark haired Latino looked at her and typed something into his computer. He was quite handsome and Kate guessed he was in his early thirties, maybe late twenties. She spotted a gold ring on his left ring finger. He seemed rather tall and even though his look was a little too serious Kate sensed a friendliness in him. She searched him and found his name tag. Joe Martinez. He mumbled Sawyer's real name and after what seemed like hours to Kate he looked back up at her. "James Ford, that would be block C, you ever been here before?" Kate shook her head. "I'd need your full name and an ID please, Maam".

Kate handed him her ID and said her name: "Katherine Anne Morgan". Joe took her ID and after typing some more he opened the gate for her. Kate thanked him and smiled at him. Joe smiled back and Kate knew she'd been right about the guy's friendly side. Maybe he just had the wrong job. But working in a prison would probably make a clown depressed. Kate was ushered through the gate and down a long and grey hallway. Everything about the place seemed to be grey. The floor was grey linoleum, the walls were grey concrete and even the light seemed just grey. It made Kate sad, but she took a deep breath. She wanted to be composed when she saw him.

The guard who was with her led her into the visitor's room and told her to sit down at the table and wait a few minutes. Kate obliged and shifted uncomfortably in her chair. Only a few more moments. Minutes, seconds until she saw him again. Until she could talk to him, smile at him. She wondered what he would look like. He'd probably be wearing orange, or blue and maybe they made him shave regularly. Maybe they had cut his hair. Kate flinched. She liked his hair long. She liked running her hands through it. He would look different with short hair. But he would feel the same.

Kate looked up when she heard a door being opened. She turned her gaze towards the door and swallowed hard. Sawyer. He was wearing the typical light blue jail shirt and matching pants and his hands were cuffed. His hair was still long and she was right about the shaving. He didn't dare look at the person who was awaiting him until he finally sat down in front of her. He looked at her and Kate felt her heartbeat quicken. She wanted to speak, she wanted to tell him what she felt, what she couldn't believe. Kate wanted him to know, that she felt guilty, that she felt lonely without him. But she sensed something was wrong. Sawyer's expression became more serious, more cold.

"What you doing here, Kate?" he said drily. Kate was already starting to waver. "I wanted to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing." She couldn't bare his cold stare any longer and looked down at the table. "Well, Kate, I'm just swell so you're all done. Go home." Sawyer's voice was deep and dark 

and Kate felt it envelop her and it was threatening. She looked back up at him and swallowed. "Sawyer, don't you send me away now. Do you know what it took me to finally come here and see you?" Kate knew she sounded angry and desperate, but she didn't care. But it didn't bear the expected results. No smirk, no joke, nothing. Instead Sawyer just looked at her sternly and said: "Kate. Let me make one thing clear. You and I ain't family, we ain't friends, we ain't more than two people who happened to spend a few weeks on a damn deserted rock. You got your life and I got mine and mine is none of your damn business. So please, Kate Morgan, go home and never come back since I ain't got nothing to do with you".

Sawyer looked at her one last time and got up. He didn't say no more and walked towards the guard and was ushered away to his cell again. Kate just said on her grey chair in the grey room in silence. He didn't want to see her. Never again. He was shutting her out. She couldn't believe it.