00. cowardice: to escape from your pain, even if it means losing everything

It was a bother getting up just to attend some human school. It was a bother chewing food. It was a bother bathing. Heck, even opening his eyes was a bother.

Everything was a bother.

…Oh well, thinking about bothersome things was a bother, too. All he really wanted to do is plunge into an abyss of nothingness and never wake up again. Yet, even if his body didn't stir, his consciousness always woke up, tireless and persistent, unable to forget that burning fire. For countless of years, time had passed just like this.

How annoying. How troublesome. Why couldn't he just forget everything?

Just as he thought so, the stinging sunlight pierced through his eyes, engulfing his darkness with light. He opened his eyes reluctantly. Groaning, he got up, annoyed that his sleep was interrupted. He knew he shouldn't have slept in the middle of the garden, but he couldn't be bothered to teleport to his room.

In a flash, his surroundings changed, and he was back in his room. What time was it again? Judging from the clear, blue sky, it was probably morning. Reiji usually reminded him to eat breakfast, but he supposed the black-haired guy didn't bother himself this time. To quote from Reiji himself, 'it was a waste that a deadbeat here was wasting away precious space doing nothing; there was no need to waste even more food on him'. Indeed, he was a really worthless guy who couldn't even protect anyone around him.

Breakfast didn't matter. It didn't matter at all. Even if he didn't eat, he couldn't die anyway, unlike those fragile humans.

If only he was one of those fragile humans...

Groggily, he climbed onto his bed and immediately closed his eyes, the darkness his only refuge away from reality.

The deadbeat didn't come for dinner again, and Reiji was utterly pissed. Then again, he got pissed every time he thought of that deadbeat. The thought of his brother's indifferent, sleeping face had always been the trigger of his anger.

As expected of that good-for-nothing! Even a vase would serve better use than him!

It was a bizarre thing indeed. His brother never did anything to him, but maybe that was what he hated about him. Sakamaki Shu never did anything for his own good... not even when his dog died and not even when his friend died. He was a sloth who would only accept things as status quo, lacking any ambition or drive for anything. He was the kind of person Reiji despised the most—a coward, through and forth.

Such a coward wasn't fit for the heir position. Yet, he had received it, just because he was the eldest… He was a fool born with luck.

And just because he was the second, Reiji was cast away, like some forgotten garbage.

How funny. Vampires could live forever, yet the younger ones were always meant to suffer. Why was fate so cruel to him? Why was she so cruel to him, even though the only weakness he might ever have is being born the second?

Regardless, the subject herself was no longer alive, so there was no longer any use in pondering such matters. The only thing he could do now was to bring her back and punish her, so that she could finally recognise his worth.

Else, there was no reason for his existence.

Making up such a resolve, he stepped into his laboratory, prepared for a long day ahead.

Sakamaki Ayato was bored out of his mind. He was wandering around the mansion, looking for something better to do with his life. Unfortunately, nothing was ever good for Yours Truly, and in the end, he decided to simply settle in his Iron Maiden bed.

He imagined he would dream his mother again. After all, she had been haunting his dreams since young. Perhaps he would see the water scene again, where she would always, without fail, drown him. The sight of him squirming and thrashing about the waters burned in his mind. It was a sign of defeat which he never wished to see again.

He shut his eyes tightly, not wanting to immerse himself in such thoughts. Yet, his screams and her laughter always came back, and they came back louder and greater, as if swallowing him whole, just like that water.

You are worthless to me unless you're the best.

His mother's shrill voice sounded again. He didn't want to hear it. Not his shrieks, not her mocking words-

'I am worthy. I am worthy.' He insisted to himself multiple times. 'I am worthy.' His breathing gradually steadied, although he knew his mind was in a frenzy, and it would always be.

And just like that, he fell into deep slumber, uttering those few words repeatedly like they were all that he had left.

After having some tea parties with Teddy, Kanato was in the usual room. He admired the perfection of his wax dolls, and recalled the times when his mother would praise his idyllic creations. They were the only things that validated his existence, other than his voice.

"Okaa-san, you're proud of me, aren't you?" Kanato asked in the silence. He would never receive a reply, but it didn't matter. As long as his mother was with him, nothing mattered.

The dolls stared at him blankly with hollow eyes devoid of life, just like his beloved teddy. Kanato smiled victoriously, knowing that in this place, he was the only one they could see. They would never leave him no matter how much time had passed, unlike living things. They would never abandon him, just like his mother did.

As he clutched his teddy bear, he smiled victoriously. In fact, his mother's ashes now lay within his teddy bear, forever accompanying him in the form of undistinguishable matter, making up for the lost times that she never spent with him. He was indeed loved. He was indeed cherished. Right?

Of course he was. He would not take no for an answer. And he was indeed happy that unlike when they lived, none of his dolls rebutted him. They could be whatever he wanted them to be…

Now, he would never be lonely again.

Laito was indulging himself with R18 flicks again, but strangely, none of them caught his attention. They merely glazed by his memory, left forgotten as soon as they finished. In fact, he had seen so many of them that he had almost gone numb to those obscene scenes. With a sigh, he lay back on his bed, staring at the blinding lights of his room in a daze.

He was hoping to regain the sense of euphoria that overflowed his veins whenever he humiliated or made love with another, if humiliation could even be considered 'love'. But alas, there was nothing. Instead, there was weariness of it all.

Love was lust. It was what gave him happiness, even if it meant stamping on others. That was what his mother had imbued in him since young. But if that really was the case, why was he feeling so… empty? So lost?

He thought that perhaps killing his mother would give him satisfaction, but after losing her, he was like a child trapped in a forest. Even when he loathed her, he also needed her, for she provided him the sense of direction he needed in his life…

He was confused. Very. Since young until now… He was totally and utterly confused about everything.

How pathetic. How pathetic he truly was.

With such a concluding thought, Laito shut his eyes, surrendering himself into darkness and giving up any sort of hope that might have lingered in him. After all, he had already been tainted, and there was no turning back.

You're filthy.

That statement repeated itself like a mantra in his head every single day he lived. And everywhere he went, the silver-haired woman and her golden eyes would haunt him with her anguished stare and trembling lips.

Subaru knew his mother was just sick. She had gone insane thanks to his pathetic excuse of a father, and she was only diverting her anger to him. It wasn't really her fault.

In fact, it was his. If he wasn't born, then maybe she wouldn't be in such agony. She wouldn't have to withstand seeing a single moment of his golden eyes that were exact replicas of his father's…

"Damn it!"

He punched the wall again with such penetrating force. No surprise. There was no other medium for him to vent out his anger, so he took it out on the poor walls, as always. His hands were numb with the pain, just like his heart.

Every time he thought back to his sobbing mother, who begged him to end her life, he wanted nothing but to kill himself, for he was a useless son, and a useless individual.

However, he bore the weight of having a cursed gift—immortality. Death was not an option for him to escape from his misery. And so, he decided that the only way to redeem himself was to continue and suffer from these nightmares for the rest of eternity.

It was night. Yet another day had passed without any news from the man whom she called 'father', and still, she was stuck with six sadistic vampires who treated her like a livestock.

Although she wished to believe that she could eventually make her escape and see her father again, she knew it was impossible with six vampires on her tail, especially since she was just a weak human. The moment she gave up the path Subaru had opened for her, she was doomed to this life abnormal for a follower of God. The strength in her limbs was seeping out, and the tears in her eyes had already dried.

Why did she end up in such a predicament? Why was the man she considered her father all her life... not her father?

Her once clear, white skin was blemished with bite marks of those cruel vampires. As her fingertips lingered on those marks, she realised that she could never go back to the way she was before. She had become a sinner, unsightly for her father and God. Could she seek the truth even with her unkempt state?

She held her cross tightly, in hope that this action could regain at least some faith inside her. No matter what, God would never abandon his people, and so, she would never abandon Him. But as the strength in her hand weakened, her resolve wavered, and she started to doubt.

And once a seed of doubt was planted, it was difficult to stand strong again.

It always started out as a voice. It first echoed indistinctly, like a silent murmur in the distance, but later it became louder, stronger, before overtaking what was left of their consciousness entirely.

However, the six boys and one girl were not alone. This voice existed in everyone's dreams, haunting and reminding everyone of their fears, anxieties and insecurities.

In the dream of a young girl, whose brown locks hung about her face like a cover, there was the recurring image of a woman's corpse, suspended by the noose around her neck.

In the dream of another young girl, her scarlet red hair burning with the colour of blood, there was the recurring image of a woman submerged in her own blood, eyes paralysed with fear.

But in all of the nine's dreams, a common man had surfaced. His golden eyes gleamed in the darkness, and his ghastly, white hair flowed about, like the shadow of a ghost.

If only they knew they weren't alone. If only they knew that there was still happiness elsewhere, and they could partake in that happiness… How would they change?

And so, a dream spirit, Yu, decided to embark on a plan—a plan that might save them all, but also destruct their entire existence.

I wish… to be free from this misery.

"Even at the risk of losing your memories?"

Yes.

"Even at the risk of losing your soul?"

Yes.

Then, I'll grant you your wish.

A/N: Nothing much is added to the prologue, but I just tidied up some of the sentences and also added that additional part at the end to give a slight sneak peek to Tamiko and Shiori's pasts. Anyway, I know I said the story would be light-hearted but after having second thoughts, there'll probably be more darkness than fluff. I feel it's a more realistic choice considering the characters involved. But still, I hope you guys will enjoy the journey ahead. Whatever that will come will have a certain meaning to it, in both good and bad ways.