"Jake?" a familiar, masculine voice spoke. Jake's shoulders were lightly being shaken and prodded at. "Come on, wake up, son."
And although Jake was awake, he couldn't seem to have enough energy to open his eyes or even mumble a reply to his father.
Jake could hear Glen sigh as the sound of his old man's heavy construction boots retreated away from the bed. "If you don't wake up soon, you'll be late picking up Clare and be late for school," he said, leaving the room all together on that note.
That reflexively caused Jake to open his eyes. He slowly rose up in bed, but he soon realized he wasn't in his room-the one he had at Clare and Helen's house- but the room he had at the small house his father had bought right when they moved into this town.
Scrunching his eyebrows downward in confusion, he eyed his room in bewilderment. Everything was how he remembered it to be before they moved again. His plaid shirts all stuffed into his closet, some barely hanging on to their hangers, while the rest of his clothes littered the floor. His desk was cluttered with homework, but also future projects he wanted to eventually build. His tools not far, hanging on a hook by the door.
Just then Glen poked his head into the doorway, a tooth brush in his hand. "I knew if I mentioned Clare you'd get up," he said with a light laugh. He threw a blue Degrassi polo at him. "Hurry up," Glen prodded once more, before leaving again.
"What?" the teenager whispered sleepily. Why would he have to pick up someone that he lived with?
He rubbed his eyes before he routinely started getting ready. He pulled the Degrassi polo over his head and stepped out of bed to pick a pair of pants that seemed reasonably clean of chicken grease or dirt.
Jake then picked out a blue and light purple plaid shirt to wear over his polo. He stepped into his boots that were by his bedside and exited his room to walk down the stairs.
As he reached the first floor, he casually glanced around the old home. However, Jake saw that no one was around. No Helen. No Clare.
Suddenly, Glen rushed out of the kitchen. He threw Jake's truck keys at the boy's chest. "See ya later, kid," he yelled from over his shoulder before exiting the house.
Wordlessly and confusingly, Jake watched his father leave. He hadn't even gotten the chance to ask his dad what the hell was going on. He went to sleep in one house, but woke up in a completely different one. His dad didn't seem to think anything was unordinary though…
Jake then turned his attention to the keys he'd been thrown. He ran his finger down the unique outline of the different ones on his chain. He then felt an impulse to at least get out of the house. He was supposed to be on his way to school, anyway.
Jake left the house and strolled over to his red pick-up truck.
At least this wasn't different.
He climbed into his truck and started it. He sat there for a moment, letting the car warm-up. The purr of the engine was comforting for him. And just then a chime on his phone sounded, letting him know he got a text message. It was from Clare.
'Where r u?'
Scratching his head, Jake guessed he really had to pick up Clare at their house – or was it just her and Helen's house now? He shook his head, trying to relieve it of all the stressful thinking he was doing, especially at such an early hour. Maybe Clare would know something. Maybe she was just as confused.
Making up his mind, Jake shifted his gear to drive and start towards the Edward's house.
…
Taking a hesitant breath before knocking thrice on the Edward's door, Jake really didn't know what to expect. The way his dad acted seemed like nothing was wrong. And since Clare and Helen weren't living with them or vice versa, did that mean that this (whatever this was) was before his dad and Helen dated? Like he somehow time-traveled or something. But Jake was wearing a blue polo, which indicated he was in his senior year…
So complicated.
The door then swung open. Clare was staring up at him with a wide smile on her face, clad in her red polo and tan skirt. Out of the corner of Jake's eye, he saw Helen in the living room, smiling over at the pair. Jake smiled back bleakly.
Before Jake could get a word out to Clare, she stepped up on her tippy-toes and placed a soft kiss on his lips.
Jake's eyes flew open wide, quickly looking over at Helen to gauge her response, but she was still smiling. Almost like she was happy.
Clare caught onto Jake's reaction. "Hey," she said, poking him in the chest, "are you alright?"
"Uhh," Jake let out, "just your mom is right there and -"
Clare's face scrunched up in amusement. "Since when did that bother you? We've done a lot worse in-front of her," she said, whispering the last part so only he could hear. Her cheeks flushed a light pink as she smiled modestly.
Jake could feel his own face beginning to burn, just thinking what she might have implied.
"Bye, mom!" Clare then shouted back to Helen, grabbing Jake's arm to haul him out the door with her. He hollered his own departure before the door was shut behind him.
"So, why were you so late, mister?" Clare questioned playfully as she jumped into the truck.
"Overslept," he answered shortly. "Hey, our parents aren't married, are they?" he then blurted as he drove away from her house. The question kept burning inside his mind and he just need answers already. Sure, they weren't living in the same house, but it's never bad to be sure. For all Jake knew their parents might have gotten into a fight and his dad could have moved them back into the old house until they sorted things out. Of course, that seemed a bit unrealistic, but it wasn't impossible.
Clare shot Jake a funny look then laughed. "No," she replied, "then we would be step-siblings and I don't think step-siblings date!"
Jake cleared his throat and laughed along with her, of course his was a bit perturbed.
If only she knew…
He turned his attention back onto the road. "So…" he started slowly, cautiously, "they never dated or…?"
He kept his eyes trained on the road, but he could feel Clare's gaze on him. Probably wondering what the heck hit him in the head. He'd like to know too.
"No, they never dated – Jake, are you alright?" she suddenly said, concerned.
"Yeah, fine," Jake said directly, flashing her a smile to try and convince her. "I-I just had a really weird dream, that's all," he fibbed, but she seemed to buy it.
She hummed beside him, and then slowly she started chuckling.
Jake took his eyes off the road for a moment to smirk at her. "What's so funny?" he questioned.
She ended her tiny fit of giggles. "I was just thinking how weird our lives would have been if our parents really did date, then got married…it would have been so bizarre, not only awkward for us, you know?"
"Oh, I know," Jake spoke lowly, turning into the Degrassi parking lot. When he saw Clare look at him oddly again, he revised his last statement. "Well, I can just guess that it would be…different…"
She nodded, like she let it slide again, but she still seemed wary.
As they both got out of the truck and walked up to the school entrance, Clare grabbed Jake's hand, holding it warmly in hers. And though they were never afraid to show public displays of affection in school before, holding hands with Clare now felt different.
It didn't feel taboo or wrong. No one was glaring at them in disgust or whispering about them behind their backs. Even someone like Jake, who didn't care what people thought, admitted the constant snide comments would grow tiresome. But now, they were a normal couple. He had to admit that he kinda liked feeling that again.
He smiled at that and squeezed onto Clare's hand, savoring the feel.
To say Jake didn't miss this interaction the last couple weeks or so since their breakup, would be a lie. He missed acting like this with Clare. Like a couple. Sure they had recently made a break-through as siblings, but it wasn't the same. He still had a tendency to grab her face and kiss her, or to creep up on her from behind to hug her and smell the vanilla scent of her hair. A fist bump did not suffice. Not at all.
She was the first girl in a long time that he felt something more for, not just an attraction. She was the only girl he admittedly told he loved. You just can't drop feelings like that. Not even when your dad marries your girlfriend's mom and you're legally siblings.
And he's been trying!
"I guess I'll see you later," Clare then spoke, reaching her first class. He smiled down at her and this time he was the one that initiated the kiss. Though she was probably expecting a short peck, Jake pursued it further, turning it slightly more passionate as he slipped his tongue in.
After a moment, Clare pushed herself away. Her face was glowing and a stupid, silly smile was plastered on her face. "What was that for?" She asked shyly, a tad breathless still.
Jake looked into her big blue eyes and smiled timidly. Admitting his feelings was never a strong suite for him, but it's been on the tip of his lips for weeks, but he couldn't say it anymore, so it felt relieving to finally utter them. "I love you."
"I love you too," she responded back, giving his hand a squeeze. She then told him she had to finally get to class. He dipped his head, understanding. He let her hand detangle from his grasp as she walked into her classroom and took a seat, next to Alli, surprisingly.
He waved goodbye to her, before he left to go to his own class.
…
It was suddenly lunch and Jake couldn't have been happier. School was hectic enough, but today he was constantly on edge about what other changes might have occurred overnight. Luckily for Jake, though, his schedule was the same. However, things like Alli and Clare still talking was different, but then again, if their parents never dated, let alone got married, Jake and Alli's kiss probably never happened.
The sweet aroma of food carried its way to Jake, so he quickly got into the lunch line, starting to pour whatever food they had down on his tray. It looked like mashed potatoes, corn, and some sort of meat sandwich. It wasn't chicken, but it would do.
Drew slid up next to him, frowning at the lunch choices, but he reluctantly took the sandwich. "Hey," Jake greeted him enthusiastically.
Drew looked behind him at first, as if the country, plaid-wearing guy was talking to someone behind him, but then turned back towards Jake, realizing his mistake. "Oh…uh, hey," he replied back quietly, completely uninterested.
Jake mentally kicked himself in the head. Of course Drew wouldn't have been all buddy-buddy with him anymore. Jake's dad wasn't married to Helen, which means Jake didn't have a reason to break up with Clare at prom, which meant she didn't reject him at the wedding, so he never threw the party at the cabin. He should have known that, considering his kiss with Alli apparently didn't happen either.
Man, all this chain reaction stuff was difficult to keep up with.
Jake quickly made a beeline to a random lunch table that was free. Soon Clare would be there and hopefully she could take his mind off of the chaos that he somehow woke up in today.
A tray then was dropped in-front of Jake's. He lifted his head from his meal to see Jenna sitting opposite of him. "Hey, Jake!" she friendly acknowledged.
"We still talk?" Jake abruptly questioned. His mouth seemed to not be able to control itself today. It was just a spurting machine.
Jenna's eyebrows knitted together in bewilderment. "Umm…yeah…unless something happened between now and yesterday at lunch…"
Just my whole life seemed to change, but that's all…
Jake shook his head. "Naw, we're fine, I-I just- did I help you with your coffeehouse thing a bit ago?"
"What coffeehouse…?" Jenna drawled out, looking at him skeptically. "Are you alright?"
Jake groaned, pushing away his food to lie down on his folded arms. He was way too confused to eat at the moment. "I don't know," he moaned, his voice slightly muffled by his arms.
"Is there trouble in paradise?" she questioned with a hiked eyebrow.
Jake immediately bolted upright. "No-no-no, of course not. I-I'm just kinda confused right now…"
"About what?" Jenna inquired as she took a bite out of her sandwich.
"Have Clare and I ever broken up?"
"Not that I know of," Jenna answered, before taking a swift bite of her food.
Jake nodded his head, taking in this information. "So, we're a good couple? Would you say that? Honestly?"
"Honestly?" Jenna started, placing her sandwich down on the tray to give him her full attention, "I think you guys have something really good going. It's good for her. She always seems very genuinely happy. And you always seem happy too, so it's not one-sided. Then again, I'm just a spectator…are you happy?"
Clare then stepped into the cafeteria with Alli on her trail, talking about something and laughing. Jake involuntarily smiled at the sight. "Yeah, I'm happy," he spoke, looking over at Jenna with a satisfied grin. The phrase 'actions speak louder than words' seemed to apply here, as cheesy as that sounded.
He was happy. Right now, in this parallel universe place, he was, but he was even happy when he and Clare were together in his own world. Things were just getting too complicated for them. A relationship with a bunch of circumstances and complications didn't seem to add up very well. God forbid if they ever got caught again by their parents, they would have been done for. Forbidden romance was vastly overrated. And stressful.
"Hey, there," Clare said, bumping the side of her hip into his side as she sat down beside him, ultimately breaking him of his thoughts. She kissed him on the cheek, before continuing to talk to Alli about something that happened in their science class.
He smiled over at her. Watching her eyes; so passionate and engaging as she spoke. Jake extended his left arm until his left hand rested on her hip. He pulled her a little closer to him, so that most of their sides touched.
Clare turned her head from the conversation to gaze at Jake curiously. Her face had a shadow of a smile on her face and her eyes were playful. "Are you sure you're alright? You're being very affectionate today. More than usual, not that I mind…"
"I'm perfect," Jake replied simply, bugging his eyes out as he answered to entice a laugh out of her. He succeeded.
Jake's thoughts then reignited as the girls began to talk amongst themselves. He really was happy. His and Clare's relationship seemed to be smooth sailing and drama free. (Something he thought could never be possible.) This was the life he could have had if Helen and his father didn't get involved, and Jake loved it. He didn't have to feel like a guest in his own house all the time. He could keep by the traditions him and his father set, instead of conforming to some new rules and ways that Helen provided when they said 'I do.' Not to mention, he got to stay together with Clare.
Don't get Jake wrong, he loved his dad. The man was the only blood relative he had left, or at least who bothered with him, so he didn't want to lose him or displease him. And since the divorce, Glen was a mess when it first happened and, from that moment on, Jake vowed to make Glen's happiness his main priority and do whatever it took to guarantee it. (No one likes to see their parent heartbroken).
So, when Glen told Jake he was going to get married to Helen, what could he really say? He saw the way his dad was beaming. He saw his eyes light up vibrantly for the first time in years. How could he deny his father of something that made him feel so good?
But now, sitting in the cafeteria with Clare in his arms, Jake wondered if he should have said something to his dad in that car. Should he have told Glen that he was dating Clare and that he really liked her, admitting maybe that he even loved her? Would anything have been different? Would Glen have called off the engagement?
Jake felt selfish to want to be with Clare after they found out their parents were dating, even more so when they found out they were going to get married. But Jake still wanted to make it work, even after Clare told Helen and Glen about their relationship. His dad even gave him his somewhat blessing, and it seemed at that point that maybe everyone could win. But then, at prom, that's when Clare had to start talking about sabotaging the wedding…and that little voice in Jake's head was telling him to just cut everything off. He wanted to keep his self-imposed promise to make his dad happy. Unfortunately for Jake and Clare, Helen made Glen happy. He couldn't do that to his dad.
However, if Jake knew all of this could be possible if his dad didn't date Helen, would he have wished upon it?
…
Slowly stopping in-front of Clare's house, Jake shifted the gear into park. The school day was over, thankfully, but Jake still was as clueless as to what was going on as he was that morning.
Clare unbuckled her seatbelt and turned her head to look over at him. "You want to come inside? My mom won't be home for a little bit…"
Jake hiked up an eyebrow. It didn't take long for his teenaged, hormonal brain to shut the truck off and follow Clare to the door of her house.
Jake quickly caught up to Clare. As he did, he immediately hugged her from behind, smelling the vanilla scent of her curls. He placed delicate kisses along her neck as she fumbled with her keys to open the door. After she managed to complete the task, they fumbled into her living room and somehow made their way to the couch without falling or knocking into anything.
"Mmm," Clare hummed out in-between kisses a few minutes later. "No. Sex. " She then said, each word uttered after another kiss.
This rendered Jake motionless. He swallowed nervously as he gazed down into Clare's eyes. Her hair was splayed out against the couch cushion and her lips were plump from their previous action; she was beautiful.
"I know," Jake said matter-of-factly. Sure things were getting pretty heated, but he knew never to push things too far because he knew her feelings about sex. Heck, he knew it all too well. Ironically, she pretty much broke up with him because he wouldn't have sex with her. However, in his defense, it was not that he didn't want to, because he really did, but because he knew she would probably regret it down the line, among other reasons as well. Like, how can you promise forever with someone when you're only 17 and 18? Not to mention the whole step-sibling scenario…
Clare reached up to run her hand through his hair. "It's just my mom will be home soon. Plus, I think we used the last condom over the weekend…"
Jake's eyes bugged out his sockets. THEY HAD SEX!
"Are you sure?" Jake questioned, the want very heavy in his voice. "Maybe one fell out of the package or something…we should look then maybe do a quickie?" He half joked, but smiled sheepishly, wishing she would just go along with it. He might have one in his wallet.
Sure he felt guilty about having sex with Clare in his initial world, but in this universe he apparently had nothing to worry about. So, why not?
Clare retaliated by smacking him playfully on the arm. "Shush," She told him, then sat up on the couch. She began to try and straighten her hair and unwrinkled her clothes.
"Hey-wait- we don't need to stop this part, do we?" Jake inquired. "If it's because I sounded pushy about the sex, I'm sorry, I won't bring it up again."
Clare laughed at his panic filled face. "It's not you. I think I just heard my mom's car."
And sure enough, a moment later, Helen walked through the door. She greeted both of the teenagers as she walked passed them, hands full of groceries.
Jake watched Helen start to musingly put away the food in the kitchen. She seemed content. Seemed good. Didn't show signs of sadness; something Jake was afraid of if she never dated his dad.
"So, Jake, how's your dad? Is he doing well?" Mrs. Edwards asked from the kitchen.
Jake's heart pounded inside his chest as Helen mentioned his father. Did she think of him often? Or was she just being polite and trying to make conversation?
Jake shook his head, trying not to overanalyze everything. Both his parents and Clare's were friends. Surely they still wanted to make sure the other was doing alright.
"Um, he's doing fine, Mrs. Edwards," Jake slightly stuttered.
Helen poked her head out into the living room with a genuine smile on her face. "Good…" she trailed off, looking into the distance for a moment before continuing, "Well, tell him I said 'hi'." And then she went back into the kitchen, where Jake could hear cabinets being opened and closed.
Jake glanced over at Clare, who had turned on the TV at this point.
"Is your mom happy?" Jake asked. The sudden conversation with Helen had him wondering.
Clare looked over at Jake and then peeked over at her mother. She shrugged. "I-I guess. I mean, she doesn't have to fight with my dad all the time anymore. She seems happy…"
"Has she tried dating again?"
"She's been on a few dates, but they're never anyone worthwhile to bring home, I guess. I've never seen a single guy she's gone out with," Clare detailed to Jake.
Jake nodded, pressing his lips into a firm line as he thought.
"Why are you asking all these questions about my mom?" Clare then asked the inevitable.
"Uh," Jake sounded, scratching the nape of his neck. "It's just, you know, my dad went through a divorce too, so I was kinda comparing the two. Plus, I just wanted to make sure she was alright. Outward appearances aren't always what they feel inside."
"Oh…" Clare breathlessly let out. She gazed at Helen then, almost like she was trying to decipher her mother's inner feelings. "I never thought much about it like that…"
"Hey," Jake said lowly. He rubbed her shoulder softly. "Don't beat yourself up about this. Just try to pay attention more, and then you'll know for sure. Talk to her," Jake offered.
Clare nodded. "Yeah, I might. Thanks, Jake." She placed a thankful kiss on his cheek.
"One more question," he proposed. Clare motioned for him to continue. "If you could set your mom up with this great guy, maybe he's even a perfect match for her, would you, even if it meant that you might jeopardize your own happiness?"
It took Clare a moment to think, but eventually she nodded her head yes. "My mom's done a lot for me. She's been that consistent parent, who was there for me when I needed someone. She let me stay here, in this house, even though she wanted to move. Not to forget that she gave birth to me and a million other things I can't think of at the moment. She deserves to be happy. I'm still young. I can sacrifice my happiness right now for something like that…"
There was a moment of silence that passed by.
"What about you?" Clare asked.
"Hmm?" Jake hummed. "Me what?"
"Would you sacrifice your happiness if it meant finding your dad a nice lady?"
Jake opened his mouth, 'yes' on the tip of his tongue, since he's used to making sacrifices for his dad, but then Jake's mouth closed. Sometimes people say that you have to be selfish sometimes; think about yourself. Jake let his dad move him into the city. Glen never really asked Jake if he liked him going out with Helen, let alone get engaged to her, until it was already done. Glen had turned Jake's life upside down in less than a year.
But didn't Jake deserve happiness too, though? Didn't he deserve for something to finally go his way? What if this parallel world was Jake's second chance to get the outcome he always wanted?
Jake looked over at Clare, who was still sitting patiently besides him on the couch, waiting for his answer. He swallowed harshly, his adam's apple bobbing noticeably on his slender throat.
"I-I'm not sure…" Jake eventually whispered, wincing slightly as he did. Guilt was already scraping at his insides.
Clare noticed his troubled face and took a hold of his hand, rubbing circles gently on the outer side. "Hey," she said lightly, "don't beat yourself up about it. It's a hard scenario to wonder about. .."
Jake nodded his head, smiling weakly at Clare, trying to make her feel like she was comforting him. It wasn't just a scenario though, not for him. The first time, he succumbed to his dad's happiness, but now…now Jake wanted to be happy, but it still didn't feel right.
Jake and Clare fell into a comfortable silence as they watched TV and began doing some of their homework.
Jake noticed Helen was constantly doing something, anything so that she wasn't doing nothing. She must have cleaned most of the house during Jake's entire stay. Something that Jake could only point out to be a sad attempt to keep busy and forget her ex-husband.
"I'm going to go home," Jake told Clare, as he finished up his history assignment. She nodded and walked with him out to his car.
"So, I guess I'll see you tomorrow," She said, wrapping her arms around his stomach to hug him.
He hugged her back, kissing her forehead sweetly. She grinned up at him, scrunching up her nose adorably, making him chuckle. He smiled as he took one of his hands to guide her face closer to his. They kissed goodnight, but Jake wasn't sure if this would be their last or not. If he could wake up in this place today, why couldn't he just go back to his normal life tomorrow?
"Bye, Clare," Jake muttered, pecking her on the lips once more, before getting into his car and driving off.
…
Jake walked into his home just as the sun was setting outside. He could see the living room lights on and the extra light beaming off of the TV. No doubt the Leaf game was getting ready to start and his dad was preparing to watch it.
As Jake walked in to the living room, Glen walked in too, but from the kitchen, with a beer in hand as well as a plate of food. "Hey, Jake!" He greeted his son with a hearty grin. "Glad you got home in time! Faceoff is in a few minutes. Food is in the kitchen." Glen then sat in-front of the TV, beginning to watch the pregame talk.
Jake quickly got himself something to eat, and then sat next to his father just in time to watch the puck drop on to the ice.
Jake knew it was absolutely pointless to try and talk to his dad while the game was going on. The man was passionate about his hockey and didn't like interruptions.
"Oh man, did you see that hit?" Glen asked Jake, pointing at the replay of one of their defensemen wailing a guy hard into the boards.
Jake watched half-heartedly. He loved hockey as well, but he still wanted to get to the bottom of why he was here, wherever here was. And although his dad probably knew less them him, he was his only shot left.
Eventually the first period ended and Jake wanted to use the first intermission wisely. Glen got up to take his trash to the kitchen, so Jake decided to follow his lead.
"Hey, dad?" Jake asked, nonchalantly as he placed his plate into the sink. His dad was grabbing another beer in the fridge.
"Yeah, Jake?"
"Is anything…off to you today?" Jake inquired. "Like something is missing or misplaced?"
Glen stood in the middle of the kitchen for a moment, deep thought before shaking his head. "No, not that I can think of, why?"
Jake frowned, even though he knew it was coming. "Ehh, it's nothing…"Jake said, waving his dad off.
Glen shrugged and walked back into the living room.
Jake watched his dad through the archway from the kitchen. The flash of the TV screen was reflecting onto his father's face, and although Jake's seen this scene many times before since he was a young kid, he never thought 'til now how lonely he actually looked.
Sure, when Jake was around he watched the game with his father, but what did Glen do when Jake was on dates or doing something else. He was alone.
Hockey nights at the Edwards's house were different. Helen, although she knew slim to none about the game, always cuddled right next to Glen, wearing a small smile as Glen cheered and cursed at the game. Something, Jake can't remember his own, real mother doing when she was still around.
He wasn't alone in those moments. He wasn't alone period in actual reality anymore.
"Hey, dad!" Jake hollered, leaning in the doorway.
Glen's eyes flickered from the TV to Jake.
"Mrs. Edwards said 'Hi,'" Jake said, delivering her message.
Jake watched his father's eyes light up for a brief moment at her name. It was that or the reflection of the TV. "Oh, yeah? Helen? Well, next time you see her, say 'hi' back for me, will ya?"
Jake nodded. His father sipped a swig of his beer, but Jake could tell his father was secretly smiling into the top of the bottle. All traces of the moment were gone though as the second period started.
So, Glen and Helen never dated or married in this world, but it seems they still had feelings for the other. Maybe when his father was still with his mother and the Edwards were still together, they both harbored a secret crush on the other as they visited each other's cabins in the summer.
Jake looked at his dad, then at the empty space next to him. The space that Helen would have been occupying if Jake was actually home.
Jake did love Clare, but Glen did love Helen. In both worlds, those two things didn't change.
Suddenly Jake wished Helen was there, just for his dad's sake. Yes, it would ruin things between Clare and him, probably for good, but like Clare said, her mother did a lot for her. Well, Glen did a lot for Jake. Glen took him under his wing after the divorce and later during the death of his mother. He taught him to build and to construct things. He provided for everything Jake had.
Jake was 18. Love would revisit him. Jake believed that things happened for a reason. If he wasn't meant to be with Clare, there had to be a good reason for it. And Jake thought it was because the two couples couldn't coexist. If he stayed with Clare, it took away from Glen and Helen's happy ending.
After all those two had been through, they deserved some tranquility, peacefulness, and happiness.
…
Jake jumped up in bed, heaving loudly. He wildly looked around his room. It was the room he had at Clare and Helen's. He was back? Or was it just a dream? He couldn't stop breathing so noisily though.
Suddenly, his door flew open to a panicked Clare. "Are you alright?" she rapidly asked, sitting down on the side of his bed in worry. She took a hold of his shoulders and commanded him to take deep breaths and try to relax.
She rubbed his shoulders to help and they did manage to soothe him to a degree. A few moments later, Jake had his breathing back to normal, though his heart was still hammering from the panic, but also because of Clare's presence.
Clare still had her hands on his shoulders. The comfortable weight kept him grounded and serene. However, when she noticed, she quickly retracted them, letting her hands rest in her lap awkwardly.
"I-I was in bed when I heard you. I got scared so I needed to make sure you were alright…" She tried to explain her recent actions. "I'll just go now…" Clare said quietly, making to get up, but Jake reached out to grab her hand.
"Sit?" Jake asked. He felt like they have been living with an enormous elephant in their home and Jake wanted to kick the poor buddy out already. They had yet to really talk about them. And after his 'what if' day or dream, he felt that it was needed.
Clare cautiously sat back down on the bed, farther away from him this time, though.
"Clare…" Jake started, fumbling with his hands as he tried to find the words to say. "I just want to make sure we are alright…"
"We're completely fine," She hastily responded.
"Clare."
"Well what do you want me to say, Jake?" Clare exasperated, throwing her hands up briefly. "That I still think it kinda sucks that you rejected me and that I still wish we were together and that I wish you didn't regret us?"
Jake scooted out of his covers and sat next to Clare on his bed. She stiffened momentarily, not sure what he was doing, but when he moved no further, she relaxed.
"Clare, I don't and will never regret being with you," he told her sincerely, turning his head to look at her. The impulse to smell her vanilla scented hair and kiss her was strong, especially after being spoiled in that alter-universe / dream.
"You don't?" She questioned softly, her voice so low and small like. Her eyes were gazing into his so intently; it took all the will-power he had to break the contact. "No," he repeated, "never."
"For awhile I've been thinking about the 'what ifs' of our relationship. What if our parents didn't get married? What if they never even dated? And you know what, we would have been happy, but…" then Jake paused, sighing. "but then your mom and my dad…they would have been suffering. They would have been hollow inside. I just feel that those two need each other more than we realize."
"Don't we need each other though?" Clare wondered, her voice cracked towards the end, but she wasn't crying, not yet.
"Things happen for a reason," Jake said, reaching over to hold Clare's hand. "There's a reason why we didn't work out, but I will always be here for you. I will always love you. Nothing can change that. But step-siblings are all we can be now…"
It broke Jake's own heart to say those words and from the look on Clare's face, it hurt her just the same. She wiped her hand over her eyes quickly before the tears could escape.
"Do you understand where I'm coming from now? Because I never meant to hurt you, but our parents deserve happiness too, right?"
Clare nodded her head as she bit down on her quivery lip. "I do…I get it." Clare took a deep breath to try and compose herself. "It's just going to be so hard…"
"Yeah, it is," Jake admitted with a growing smile, which caused a tiny smile to surface onto Clare's face. "But we'll get through it, just like we got through your little pot house situation…you druggy," He quickly added in, teasing her.
"Hey! I didn't know they grew weed, okay?" Clare said, defensive now.
"Sure, sure," Jake mockingly replied. "The hysterical laughing afterwards totally didn't mean you didn't smoke a puff or two…"
"I didn't!" Clare argued playfully, laughing slightly as Jake rolled his eyes. "At least I wasn't the one with weed in my couch?" Clare said, referring to the weed Marisol notoriously smoked up at the cabin.
"Alright, alright, alright," Jake said, putting his hands up in defeat. "I honestly don't know how that got there, but I don't want either of our parents to hear any of this so…"
Silence filled the room as their laughs eventually subsided.
"So…are we good now? For real?" Jake questioned.
Clare thought for a moment then responded, "Yeah, we're good."
She stuck out her fist, waiting for his. He stared down at it at first. He hated the fist bump. It felt like the little contact was a tease, but also that it showed just how much of a barrier she had now. Reluctantly though, he formed a fist and gently bumped his hand into hers, before retracting it like an explosion. (Hey, it was apparently their thing) "Sibling power!" he exclaimed afterwards.
"Oh gosh, that was lamer than the fist bump itself!" She hollered, teasingly.
Clare shook her head, giggling as she left his room. Jake smiled fondly at her retreating figure. Fist bumps were nowhere near satisfactory, but it was better than nothing, and it was a start.
A/N: Hopefully this wasn't too unbearable to read. I debated so long as to whether I should post it or not, but I spent so much time on it so I thought "what the hell!" Some parts I absolutely love and others I just couldn't seem to write to my liking, but I hope you, the reader, like it regardless.
I kinda wanted to explore how Jake might have been feeling throughout all of this, since we don't really get his POV.