Author's Note: I started writing this when I was in a bad state of mind..it's unfinished but I want to post it. It could be triggering...
Warning: Rape, Self-Harm, Swearing...all of the crap...
Never Too Late
Even if I say it'll be alright,
Still I hear you say you want to end your life;
Now and again we try to just stay alive;
Maybe we'll turn it around 'cause it's not too late,
It's never too late.
Part One
It is never too late. That is what everyone tells me. I want..no need to believe them. After all I have been through, I don't think I can. Not after seeing my brother being raped and murdered in front of me, then being raped myself. Not knowing, that the guy who did it is still out there and looking for me. I know too much and he needs to get rid of me before I tell. I will never tell though. I feel disgusting for letting it happen.
How could I let Him rape and murder my brother in front of me? I should have tried to stop him, instead of sitting there, fearing that I was next. I remember it like it was yesterday. There was so much blood, screaming, swearing.. I dream and think about it still. I usually wake up screaming and crying out for my brother.
God I miss him. He was all I had left. Our parents died just a few days after he turned eighteen. I was only eleven and he became my gaurdian because he could not stand the idea of me being put in foster care. In the end, I had to go there anyways.
You see, it all started when my brother started dating this girl. Her name was Katherine. She was the sweetest, most beautiful girl I have ever met, or so I thought. I first she was always nice, but slowly over the first few months of the relationship, she changed. She became paranoid and lashed out easily. I was thirteen at the time, and my brother still wanted me to have a babysitter. So, he allowed Katherine to do it.
That day started like anyother day. My brother headed off to work and Katherine told me to do my homework. I sat at the coffee table and started to read my book for English. About half way through the chapter I was reading, there was a knock at the door. She let in a guy I have never seen before. At first glance, he looked safe and normal. That assumption was wrong.
She lead him over to me and said quietly, "This is the one...cute ain't he?"
I looked up from my book, having barely heard what she said. The guy gave me a creepy smile. I closed my book and set it down, looking at Katherine. She gave me a sweet smile and left the room. The guy looked at me for a moment then firmly said, "Stand up boy, now."
I hesitantly stood up, fearful of what he wanted with me, and why Katherine was a part of it. The guy walked around me, looking me up and down. I shudder and closed my eyes, very uncomfortable with what was going on. All I wanted was for my brother to come bursting through the door. The guy gave me a wicked grin and stepped closer to me, whispering, "Such a sweet, and innocent young boy."
After that, I don't remember much, until my brother got home. All I remember is being forced to watch him and Katherine have sex. Just a few minutes after that, as they were cleaning up, my brother came in the door. I thought it would all end there. He would kick them out and everything would be better,
I was wrong. The guy came up behind my brother and grabbed him, immeaditly overpowering my brother. I cried out, but Katherine put a bandana around my mouth and tied it there. I had to sit there and watch as the guy brutally raped my brother, then took a knife and sliced his neck. I remember watching as the blood poured out, sobbing softly. My brother died a minute or so after his neck was slit.
Then it was my turn. All I remember was that it hurt terribly and then I blacked out. I woke up alone on the floor, covered in sweat, blood and a white substance. I could hear them talking in the other room. I knew I had only seconds to get on my clothes and run like hell. Through excruitating pain I got dressed and opened the front door, running like a bat out of hell. I did not stop until I reached the police station downtown.
I told them everything, but by the time they got to my house Kathrine and the guy were long gone. My brother still lay died, in the puddle of his blood. I fell to my knees, breaking down from all the emotional and physical pain I had faced. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hospital bed. There was a police officer there and I was asked many questions.
This all happened four years ago. I am now seventeen. I have been sent from foster home to foster home. No one can seem to handle the amount of love I need because of all the emotional and physical pain I have suffered. They just do not understand.
According to my social worker, I am going to be sent to a treatment center soon. My depression has made her and her colleauges start to worry about me. If they only knew.
I have been depressed since the day it happened. It has gotten worse through out the years. I am serverly depressed, but you would never know it by just looking at me. I hide it well. I also hide the fact that I self harm.
Now I have a new thing to worry about. I have to go to a treatment center. It will be the last place I will ever be able to stay for free. Once I turn eighteen I have to find away to support myself, with little help from my social worker and other people. I am screwed, because I never will be adopted.
Who wants a depressed, self-harmer as their child?
Author's Note:...so...review?