A/N: This is currently a work in progress, and probably will be for a while. In my head it's shaping up to be a slow-build Kirk/Spock post-STID story. I'm giving it an M rating just to be safe, because I don't know what will come up in later chapters. Many thanks to sherlockian-of-the-shire on tumblr for her feedback and suggestions!
Spock had never met a human this volatile, yet this compelling. Captain Kirk was an enigma.
Yes, Nyota Uhura was a satisfactory romantic partner, as well as a supremely intellectual woman and competent communications officer, but she did not possess the almost brutal energy that Spock had observed in his commanding officer. She certainly did not have his impulsiveness. His mother had been very similar to Nyota in many ways, and different from Kirk in about as many, yet Spock believed his mother would have liked his Captain. They shared a certain disinclination towards following the rules, which had certainly contributed to stress in both relationships, but they were exceptionally loving and fiercely loyal people. Spock sighed. It was rather unfortunate that it had taken him this long to understand why he felt drawn to his Captain, heedless of personal and professional differences, since they had disobeyed direct orders from Starfleet and would most likely be demoted, as well as divided for the second time. Also detrimental to the development of this relationship, the importance of which he had so recently discovered, was the simple fact that Jim, his Captain- dare he call him his friend?- was dying, and there was nothing Spock could do to change it.
The wish to change the past was illogical and very human; however, Spock was coming to realize that emotions were rarely logical, and the death of his mother had made him susceptible to the onset of emotions he had previously unaware he was capable of experiencing. Grief, sorrow, and immense guilt, yet also love, joy, and peace- it was not Vulcan, it was human, but Earth was the only home he had left after Nero. If Spock could change the past, he would have listened to then-Cadet Kirk the first time the human had spoken on the bridge of the Federation's flagship. Maybe then his mother would still be alive. He would have spent more time with his mother while he was growing up. He would have attempted more social interaction as a cadet at Starfleet Academy. He would have spent more time with Jim over the past six months. After all, it is important for the Captain and First Officer to function as a cohesive unit in order to ensure the safety of the ship and its crew, and fostering such a connection requires the building of trust. His interest in his Captain was purely professional.
Spock sighed again, a purely human action, but apt for his current mood. He had been telling himself since he began at Starfleet Academy that Vulcans do not have casual friendships with humans, especially not with their superiors, but Captain Kirk had tried at every opportunity to instigate a friendship with him, and now he was compelled to discover what a relationship with this man could be. His alternate self had mentioned a friendship that would define them both. Spock had yet to see that manifest itself in a recognizable manner; however, Kirk's continued efforts were not without results. Spock had found himself gradually accepting Kirk's concern and friendship, the same way he found himself accepting the unorthodox, if effective, way the Captain commanded the ship. The beginnings of a definitive relationship were in sight.
Then all hell had broken loose.