What if he hadn't been alone when she'd shown up in take these chains from my heart?
Hey. She said, as he opened the door.
Hi. He said.
You alone? She asked softly.
You okay? He asked at the same time.
Who is it? She heard Stacey call out, the look crossing her face briefly not going unnoticed and half of him loved it – it felt like revenge for her twelve years with Teddy, but the other half of him knotted up realising it was now him keeping them apart.
I just… wanted to come by and say… Maddie loved your company on tour… She just… wanted me to tell you. Rayna replied.
You're… going up to the cabin with her? Deacon asked and she looked at him strangely.
Uh… No I'm… maybe. She replied.
I think you should… It was good seein' you… He said, turning to go inside.
She got back in her car, looking at the shut door of the house they'd brought together 16 years ago. So… he'd made up with Stacey. She looked at the clock on her dash and thought 'you've still got time to get to the airport' and she started the car, suddenly the airport was the furthest place from her mind and she drove, she drove for just over an hour, stopping at a small convenience store way out of Nashville.
She slid from the car, wishing all of a sudden that she didn't have an ostentatious Range Rover and strawberry blonde hair. She grabbed a baseball cap and slid it on, before wandering into the little store.
She got some cheese and bread and eggs and bacon and a six pack of cola, not diet cola, but actual cola and a twelve pack of peanut butter cups, paying in cash so she didn't have to hand over her credit card.
The assistant, a man more wrinkled than she remembered from the last time she saw him, looked at her questioningly and smiled, handing her a docket and a packet of gummy bears.
A grin crossed her otherwise glum face and she looked up at him.
Thanks Joe. She said, secretly loving that he remembered them from more than fifteen years ago, she'd always get peanut butter cups knowing that Deacon and she loved them and Deacon would always throw in gummy bears because they were here favourite, all except the clear ones which he ate for her. She left the few dollars of change on the counter to cover them.
She got back in her truck and pulled out of the store parking, driving another twenty miles before pulling down the familiar long drive way. She pulled up in the sparse space next to the cabin. The last time she'd been here had been ten years ago. Teddy had been near pressuring her to have another child and she'd missed her period, she was scared beyond belief. It was what he wanted but Rayna wasn't sure if she wanted it. She'd driven up after dropping Maddie at pre-school. She had cried on his deck for a few hours, him just sitting there, three hours later, and an emergency packet of half stale gummy bears he'd found in a kitchen drawer later, she picked herself up and walked off the deck. They hadn't said a word to each other, he didn't know why she was crying and he didn't ask. It was one of his admirable traits.
She stepped out of the car and onto the deck. It was weathered now, a bit more so than when he'd brought her here the first time, walking her blindfolded onto the deck, the afternoon of her first CMA nomination. At first she thought they were trespassing, until he handed her a key and told her that it was theirs, 'it's ours baby' his precise words.
She set the goods in the refrigerator before she stood in the kitchen with nothing left to do.
He'd taken down the fish nailed to the wall. She'd hated it and he teased her about it. The couch was the same, a little well worn, the leather softening, still no phone network which was an added bonus.
She took the place in, the eternity sign still hanging above the fireplace, a couple of dusty records next to the record player, their records. The magnet collection they'd acquired from their first tour splattered across the refrigerator. A hole in the plaster in the hall, from where he'd thrown a punch one day, what was she doing here?
She was halfway to the door, when she heard his truck pull in and him kill the engine.
Her heart beat out of her chest as she tried not to panic. Why hadn't his door opened yet?
She took the peanut butter cups and two cans of cola and went and sat on the deck. It was Deacon, the Deacon she'd known for more than half her life.
She felt like she'd been sitting for ever when she heard the truck door open, the age of the hinges creaking. She heard it shut gently and his heavy feet trudge along the sparse grass.
She heard him sit next to her on the porch swing before she felt him, the vinyl covered cushions creaking. He reached over and took a can of cola and cracked it open, replacing it and taking the other can, cracking that open too.
Smug bastard. She thought, hating on her long nails.
They sat in silence for a while, him caving in and opening the peanut butter cups, putting one whole in his mouth. Why she always got the little ones he'd never know, he preferred the big ones. She could stop at one or two little ones where as he'd eat the whole packet.
What were you doin' earlier? He asked.
She shrugged.
Because the last time we talked… you told me y'all were going to St Lucia, with your producer… you told me to make up with Stacey. He said.
I didn't go. She replied.
Really? He asked sarcastically.
I couldn't. She replied.
Why not? Because I was… happy? He asked.
You looked real happy this evenin' when you told me that no, you weren't ok and that you couldn't move on from me. She replied.
I can… just every time I do, you appear again. He replied.
Here's an idea then, don't take a job as band leader for my co-headliner! She said.
So it's my fault? He asked.
I don't want to fight. She replied.
Really? He asked.
Why did you… tell me to come up here? She asked.
Because I'm an idiot. He replied.
I love you, that's just never not been true. She said.
Why now? He asked.
If not now, when? She asked.
Sounds like a song. He replied, putting another peanut butter cup in his mouth.
Maybe we should write it. Rayna replied.
I bet Liam could help you with that. He replied.
He's not you. She replied.
Rayna, no one else is me. He groaned.
Sometimes… I feel like… there's this magnet, and it's pulling us closer… but then it turns into a reverse magnet and doesn't let us connect, you know? She asked.
Like we're drowning in the water under the bridge? He asked.
She nodded.
What do you want to do about it? He asked.
I want to be with you. She replied instantaneously.
What's stopping you? He asked.
Common sense. Stacey. Tandy. Maddie. Teddy. Paparazzi. Past experiences. History. She began.
I've spent thirteen years trying to become a man you'd be proud of. He said.
Doesn't mean you'll love me as I am now. She replied.
Rayna, I've loved you for twenty somethin' years, what more do you want? He asked.
You shouldn't love me. Deacon… I left you. I promised you I'd be there when you got out of rehab and I wasn't. She said.
Ray, it was my fifth time! My fifth time! Hell, I didn't even think I'd make it! He said.
Why did you? She asked.
I knew I was never gonna get you back if I didn't. He said.
I… was married. She replied.
And heavily pregnant. He added, remembering running into her in the hallway of sound check a few weeks after his six month stint in rehab and month soul searching trip with Cole.
She nodded.
You know… all I thought back then was that you'd gotten pregnant to him so fast… He said, and it felt like her heart stopped beating.
And it wasn't until I was… standing with Maddie the other day that… I thought she might be mine. He said.
And then I… lay awake for hours, thinking that you wouldn't do that to me… but who was I to be a father thirteen years ago? Hell, you couldn't rely on me to turn up for sound check. I don't know how I… didn't work it out, does he know? Deacon asked.
Her head moved and she felt like the world was spinning, like she was going to vomit.
Does she know? Deacon asked.
She felt her head move again, it was feeling like an out of body experience. She heard the words but she was mute.
So that's… Teddy and Maddie considered. What about Tandy? He asked.
You mean Tandy, who came and got me each time you started throwing our dining setting around the living room? She asked.
You don't need to worry about Stacey no more. He said.
I am that diva now, the diva you hated. The diva that can't just… walk out of sound check or off tour buses holding you hand. She said.
Can't or won't? He replied, taking another peanut butter cup, handing her one. He refused to eat the whole packet himself.
We always end up screaming at one another. Teddy's fundraiser, sorting out Juliette and my set, in Chicago before you stormed onto the bus, every time I pulled you out of Tootsies. She said.
You convinced yet? He asked, smirking.
What? She asked.
You convinced we shouldn't be together yet? He asked.
I don't know, are you? She asked.
He leaned over and kissed her, tenderly at first, a hand going to behind her head, but the kiss soon got heated and he was pulling her up, carrying her inside.
A few hours later, as the dark night sky faded and the sun began to rise, he looked at her. Neither of them had fallen asleep, the few words muttered between them since 'I don't know, are you?' limited to, yes's, oh god's, names, moans, lots of moans. She lay on her side facing him, her head on his chest, curling his chest hairs with a finger that gave him goose bumps.
So that was… five… pro's for your list… need any more? He teased, her five orgasms not going unnoticed, she ached in places she forgot she had.
Maybe later. She mumbled, him chuckling into her hair as he kissed her head.
Maybe later? He asked.
Mmm. She replied.
Hey, Ray? He asked softly.
Hmmm… She sighed, contentedly.
The last time you were here? He asked.
I was pregnant with Daphne. She replied, his hand combing her hair stopping.
And you came to me? He asked.
It just… it was like… the end of us. She mumbled.
And… before that… you… came up here didn't you? He asked.
When? She asked.
When I was in rehab? He asked.
Yeah… She replied softly.
You cleaned the place up? He asked.
She nodded.
Fell asleep on my pillow too. He complained.
Why? He asked.
I kind of… hid out here. She replied.
When you… He began.
I came here the night before I married Teddy. She said, him flinching.
And I was… half way here after the plane landed… before we told the girls we were getting a divorce. I pulled over on the highway, swore at myself. Cried, lord did I cry, turned the car around and drove back to Belle Mead. She said.
He held her, tightly. He would never forget her missing her two cues to already gone. He'd known something was wrong and it all made sense when he found out through the media a few weeks later that she was getting a divorce.
You didn't tell me. He whispered softly.
I was too scared, couldn't take you telling me you told me so just yet. She said.
I wouldn't have… He said.
You know I… might need some more convincing. She suggested.
Wait here a sec. He replied, pecking her on her lips and slipping out of the bed, pulling on some sweat pants.
She rolled over to lie on her back and laughed when he came back in, throwing the packet of gummy bears at her, before slipping off the sweat pants and slipping back into bed.
You know…Joe just added these to my shopping? She asked.
He does it to me, all the time. Deacon replied.
Really? She asked.
Yep. Told him last time I saw him that you hadn't been at the damn cabin for years now and he just smiled, told me I'd never know when I'd need em'. Deacon said.
You eat them? She asked.
Yep. On the drive home, every single time. He replied, feeding her an orange one.
They're still the best candies in the whole of the country. She said.
Yeah they are. You're right too, the orange ones. He said.
Mmmhmmm. I'm always right. She replied, taking a couple out of the packet, holding an orange one to his mouth.
You know… if you ever want to do a diva dip… and… demand only red m and m's, I'd be happy to settle for these, any colour. He said.
You encouraging diva dips? She asked.
Trust me. Your dips aren't bad… you should see Juliette. He said.
I have, more than I'd like. She replied, him feeding her another orange gummy bear.
It's a good idea. She said.
I'm full of good ideas. He replied, making her laugh.
Two weeks later she joined him in the corridor of a Washington DC stadium. The tour was back on. They'd kept in touch and she'd visited him a few times but it hadn't been enough, being on the road was easier on them.
He loved the way she smiled now. It was a return of the old Rayna smile, before husbands and girlfriends and one night stands got in the way.
Walk? She asked.
Yeah. He said, following her down the hall, them keeping their distance. Him noticing her cell phone in one of her back pockets and a bulge in the other.
He followed her out of the backstage area, up some stairs to the cheap seats.
She pulled her phone out and a bag of gummy bears and sat down, him laughing and sitting next to her, watching her rip the bag open.
Where did you get these? He asked.
I went for a drive… day before we left. She said.
Without me? He asked.
Yeah… you had rehearsals. She said.
Is that why Bucky was lecturing you about responsibility the night before we left? He asked.
Maybe. She replied.
This is pretty romantic. He replied.
Romantic? She teased.
What did Joe say? He asked.
Uh… he chuckled, tried to give me a bulk discount. She replied.
He knows? Your manager doesn't know but… a store keeper does? He asked.
Shut up. She replied, to his teasing, picking out a gummy bear and offering it to his mouth.
He took it, realising that she'd given him an orange one.
He tugged her a bit closer, kissing her, the flavour of orange gummy bears transferring.
Nope. Turn it off. He said, hearing her phone ring.
She ignored it as well, kissing him.
It rang again and he groaned, pulling her closer, taking the phone from her hand and silencing it.
She laughed, groaning when her phone rang again.
Oh, it's Maddie. He said, seeing it.
Hey Maddie. She said.
Hey… Baby, what's… are you okay? She asked, hearing the girl cry.
Deacon looked concerned so she switched the phone to the ear closest to him, so he could hear.
Mum… we want to come on tour with you and we mean it. Maddie said.
What's going on baby? Rayna asked.
Dad… he's… Peggy and he are… getting married! Maddie cried.
Ok, are you with your sister? Rayna asked.
Mmmhmm. Maddie sniffled.
They're having a baby. Maddie added.
Is Peggy at home with you? Rayna asked.
Yes. She has been all week, she's as good a cook as you are but Dad's more polite to her. Maddie said.
Ok… I… want you to listen to me okay? Rayna asked.
Baby… it's… I'm gonna… call your Aunty okay and… she's gonna come get you both. You just… Rayna began as Deacon pulled his phone out, finding the phone number he'd never used before.
I want you to… talk to Deacon for a minute okay? Rayna asked, taking his offered phone and handing him hers.
She half listened to him talk to his daughter. His daughter who didn't know she was talking to her Dad.
Tandy Wyatt.
Hey Tandy, it's Rayna. Rayna said.
Hey sis… what happened to your phone? Tandy asked.
Uh… Maddie's still on the phone. I need you to… help me out. Rayna said.
Ok. With… what? Tandy asked.
Teddy just told the girls that… he's getting married and Peggy's pregnant… they're a bit upset. I need you to… pick them up. Rayna said.
Ok. Tandy said.
And bring them to me. Rayna replied.
Is that a good idea? Tandy asked.
I just… need your help. Please. Rayna said.
Ok… what do I tell Teddy? She asked.
Uh… I'll call ahead, how far away will you be? Rayna asked.
Ten minutes. Tandy replied.
Thanks sis. I'll… call ahead for a plane too. Rayna said.
Ok. Tandy said.
Ten minutes away. Rayna told Deacon, scrolling his contacts.
She rang her home phone, knowing that Teddy's mobile was not in this phone anywhere.
Hello, Conrad household.
Peggy? Rayna asked.
Speaking.
May I please speak to my ex-husband? It's Rayna. Rayna said.
What? Teddy asked.
Uh… so… Maddie called. Rayna said.
Did she now? They're fine Rayna. He replied.
Uh… yeah… so um… I thought that Tandy might call round and pick the girls up for a bit? She suggested.
Rayna, they're fine. He said.
Teddy… they don't sound fine and we agreed that… the girls would spend a bit of time with me too. I think now's probably a good time… you know, see New York, it's spring break next week. The girls will only miss three days of school. Rayna said.
And what, hang out with Deacon? Teddy asked.
Or what? Stay there and hang out with Peggy? In our house? You're the one that told me that I wasn't to have company in our house… I wasn't going to, I asked the same courtesy of you and now she's, you're…. Rayna began.
I'm not getting into this with you. There were photos of you and Deacon at the Bluebird last week. Teddy said.
So? It's a place of work! We were testing new material out. Rayna said.
Yeah… the photo's looked like you were testing something out. Teddy said.
I don't trust him. Teddy added, her hearing Tandy in the background.
I don't trust you. She replied, disconnecting the phone call, using it to ring Bucky and asking him to arrange a jet, ASAP.
Deacon was telling Maddie that her Aunt was there and that he'd see her when she got here, promising something musical, as she sat back down next to him.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, massaging them with his free hand.
They're ok. He told her.
Thank you. She replied.
I love them Ray. He replied, feeding her some of the leftover gummy bears.
I love you. She whispered.
Mmm, that too. Love you Ray. He said, kissing her gently.
My girls are… gonna be here tonight. She said.
Yeah they are. He said.
Means we won't be able to… do what we did last night. She said.
I know. He replied.
And you're ok with… She began.
Ray I'm not leaving… just because you're a mumma now. He said.
She got a message from her sister saying that they were about to take off and groaned.
What's going… Deacon began.
They land when I'm due on stage. Rayna said.
I'll get them. Deacon said.
What? She asked.
Yeah… don't need to be on stage until an hour later, I'll have time. If you want that is. He said.
I'd love that. Will Juliette be okay with it? She asked.
Who cares? He asked.
She kissed him, her arms going around his neck, his on her back knowing if he goes anywhere near her hair he'd be dead in no time.
Someone bashed on the door and called two minutes.
I'll head off… be back in about forty minutes. He said.
Thank you. Rayna said.
No worries. He replied.
She finished a song and glanced to the side of the stage, Bucky had just turned around as Deacon and her two girls walked into the wings.
She sang the final two songs, watching as Juliette walked up on to the stage, Deacon following, ready for wrong song.
She and Juliette sang the song with gusto. At one point, her strutting up to Deacon, and playing it up to him, him grinning at her.
She walked off the stage and hugged her girls, still lifting her littlest one, even in her five inch heels.
She lifted Daphne onto her hip, wrapping another arm around Maddie as they walked through the corridor.
Thanks Tandy. Rayna said.
Rayna slipped out of her heels and joined her girls on the couch in her fitting room. She talked Daphne down and encouraged her to go with Tandy to food service.
You did a good job today. Rayna told her eldest.
He just… pretended it was all no big deal. Then he… tried to look after Daphne and not me, told Tandy I could go, but not Daphne. Maddie said, crying.
Rayna hugged her, holding her as she cried.
Baby… you've always been special. Rayna said.
I didn't feel real special. Maddie replied.
Teddy has always loved you… he has… it's just… sometimes… he remembers that… baby, when you were… conceived, I wasn't expecting a baby. I was… twenty four, at the height of my career so far. Teddy and I had been on a couple of dates, I thought he was a… pompous, arrogant, sleeze ball. Rayna said, Maddie laughing.
Then I got sick and… the next thing I know… Your paw paw, Aunt Tandy and Teddy are all sitting in front of me, telling me what we're going to do, as if it was a group decision… baby, I was so scared. Rayna said.
Scared? Of me? Maddie asked.
No… Deacon was… I'd still been seeing Deacon. He had come out of rehab and we'd spent time together, gone back to being the two of us. We get in this little shell and we… Deacon and I had always been a bit… explosive. Rayna said.
What I'm trying to say Maddie is… Deacon is… your biological father. Rayna said.
What? Maddie asked.
There was a knock on the door and it swung open, Deacon walking in. His sweaty flannelette shirt from the stage, sticking to his abs, Rayna having to remind herself that her daughter, their daughter, was sitting next to her.
You're my Dad? Maddie asked.
Yeah. Deacon said softly.
How long have you known for? Maddie asked.
Not long. Deacon said, not sure what the right answer was.
How can you not be pissed off at her? Maddie asked.
Because she did the right thing by you. Maddie, I was a drunk… I can't even… I used to have black outs all the time, I'd go days without remembering a thing. Baby I was… I was in no fit state to be a Dad… Deacon said, sitting down next to Rayna.
Are you two together now? Maddie asked.
Maddie… I… Rayna began.
How would you feel if we were? Deacon asked.
If Dad's marrying Peggy then I… Why do I keep calling him Dad? Maddie groaned, bursting into tears, half throwing herself into Rayna's arms.
Rayna hugged her tightly, smiling a little when she felt Deacon's arm move around her and rub Maddie's back as well.
Maddie I don't… expect you to stop calling Teddy Dad ok? He has done so much for you... But I'd love to be in your life. Deacon said.
Hey Maddie… Deacon began.
Yeah. Maddie said quietly.
Your Mum and I have some… really good gummy bears, want some? Deacon asked.
Gummy bears? Maddie asked.
Yeah. I'll even let you have the orange ones. Deacon said.
You giving my daughter my favourite gummy bears? Rayna asked.
Our daughter and yes. Deacon replied, pulling a packet from his pocket, ripping it open.
Deacon picked out the orange ones, handing them to Maddie, all except one.
Maddie tasted one and giggled.
They are good. Maddie said, as Deacon offered the one remaining orange gummy bear to Rayna.
Your Dad… and I, discovered them when I was nineteen. Rayna said, biting half of the last orange gummy bear and offering the other half to Deacon who ate it from her fingers.
Seventeen. Deacon replied.
Seventeen? Anyway… there's this… cabin Deacon has up highway 65 and there's a truck stop on the way… this old guy Joe, must be in his seventies… Rayna began.
Never lets us leave without a packet of gummy bears. She finished.
They're your Mumma's favourite. Deacon added.
You know Mum, if you want to become a diva, we could get these for every show? Maddie said, making Rayna and Deacon laugh.
We got enough for the tour we're on…. Joe has some more on order. Rayna said.
You know… sometimes I am glad my Mum's famous. Maddie said.