Lalala Love

by Krentenbol

Nami always wondered about her crew's love life, Franky never had. And he wanted to keep it that way. One-shot, no pairings.

Wow, it's been a while! Believe it or not, but I finished a story!
This time, a fic about the crew's love life. Or Nami's and Franky's perception of it.
And I lied. It isn't entirely pairing-free, there are some hints in the direction of Frobin and UsoKa. Because it's practically canon. At least, in my mind it is. But in my mind SaNa is also pretty canon, so maybe you shouldn't pay much attention to that.
Also, this story had quite a lot of dialogue. I would like to know if you, dear readers, think it's annoying.
Oh, one more thing (get on with the story already!): Nami isn't trying to seduce Franky in this fic. That's, what I believe, just her way of talking to guys.
And now, the story!

o-o-o

Franky tenderly put the last little screw back in the Shark Submarine III. Now, he just needed to get his screw driver, and the entire thing would be fixed agai-

'YOU IDIOTS!'

Hugely startled by that sudden exclamation, Franky bolted upright, which made his head come in contact with the submarine's left fin. The hard way.

Muttering some curses, he caressed the aching spot on his scalp. Really, there was absolutely no single moment of silence on this ship. Sometimes he really wondered what the hell had possessed him, that he went of to sail with this crew full of lunatics. Now where did he drop that one screw?

Just when he thought he had found it (it was trying to hide itself under the submarine – the sneaky little bugger), something startled him again. Or rather, someone.

'FRANKY!' bellowed a female voice, as he heard how the door to his workshop was slammed open in a way that made him wonder if the hinges would survive it. Caressing his head again (people should stop shouting at each other while his head was under certain submarines!), he sourly looked at the culprit.

'Yeah, what is it, girlie?'

'Those IDIOTS!' Nami fumed, steam nearly coming out of her ears. She shouted out a few more insults and curses that made even Franky's experienced ears grow red a bit.

'What, who?'

Only now Nami seemed to notice him. 'Those…those IDIOTS!' she managed to splutter out, nearly choking on her own anger.

'You said that already. Now what is it?'

'They broke it!'

Franky sighed. It would take a bit more of tactful talking and reassuring remarks to calm the fuming navigator down again. Or else she would probably wreck his workshop for the third time in two weeks.

'Really, now what exactly did they break?' he said in a calm, patient voice, as he gently guided the redhead to a chair.

But Nami didn't calm down so easily, as expected. Still shouting obscenities at every step she took, she suddenly shoved something in Franky's face.

Startled, he looked at the thing.

The Log Pose.

'They broke the Log Pose?' he asked incredulously.

'YES!' Nami exploded again. 'Oh, when I see them again, they will pay! I will toss them overboard! Hang them from the crow's nest! Or…'

'Woah, that's a first! I've never heard of anyone being able to break a Log Pose! They're made to endure even the biggest storms, the most vicious sea creatures, and even an Aqua Laguna! And now you're sayin'…' he stopped abruptly when he saw the dark, malicious aura that was emitting from the small navigator. 'Eh…Nami?'

'AND YOU'RE ADMIRING THEM?' she screamed at him, grabbing the nearest thing to pummel the shipwright senseless.

'Nonono! I wouldn't dream of it! And sis, please put down the submarine. I was just busy repairing it…' he carefully tried, looking anxiously at the loose metal plate he had tried to fix earlier.

The fiery redhead gave him one more foul look, before she put the submarine down with a quite impressible smack. Franky winced when he saw the metal plate fly off again.

'Hmph.' Nami merely huffed, plumping down on the chair with her arms crossed.

'You alright again? Got it out of your system?'

The navigator gave a small nod, albeit with a grumpy look still on her face. Franky let out a relieved sigh.

'Super. Now, let me take a look at the damage,' he went on. Carefully, Nami, dropped the remains of the Log Pose in his outstretched hand.

'Well, I must say, they did do a half-assed job.'

'What?'

'Calm down, sis. I was just referring to the fact that they break it entirely.'

'They didn't?' There was a shimmer of hope in Nami's voice again.

'No, look at it. The glass is still intact. See?' Franky calmly went on, pointing at the pieces of the trinket in his hand, 'It just broke of off it's socket. And the leather strap has snapped in four places. But I think we can blame that on it's age. How long have you had this Pose?'

'Well, we got it when we first entered the Grand Line, if I remember right…' the navigator said thoughtfully, her finger tapping on her chin.

'Whoa! It's quite old already, then! I'm surprised the strap didn't die on you earlier. Log Poses are supposed to last a lifetime, but it's a known fact that the leather is mostly replaced every two months.'

'Really? But can you fix it?' Nami asked eagerly.

'I'm a shipwright, not a seamstress, you know,' Franky retorted, a bit indignant.

The navigator gave him a sceptical look. 'I'm referring to the socket, you dolt; not the leather strap. I can fix that myself.'

'Ah, yes, I believe I can. It really is a good thing the glass didn't break. Or else we would be floating aimlessly on the sea.'

'Tell that to the morons who broke it. I'm going to get my leather needle. I didn't think I would ever need it, but now I'm glad Nojiko gave it to me,' Nami said, as she walked out of the workshop. 'I'll be back in a minute!'

'Super!' Franky yelled after her, as he started to gather the tools he needed to carve a new socket.

And with that, the navigator and the shipwright sat peacefully together in the workshop a few minutes later, both busy fixing the broken Log Pose.

After a while, Franky spoke up. 'Say, girlie ('Don't call me that!'), who on earth managed to brake this Log Pose in the first place?'

Nami snorted. 'Why, Luffy and Sanji-kun of course. Just like the last time.'

The blue-haired man gave her a funny look. Last time…? What kind of crew was he sailing with?

'And how did they do it?' he couldn't help but slipping a bit of admiration in his voice.

'The usual. Sanji-kun got very angry at Luffy, and blindly kicked him in a random direction. A direction,' Nami went on sourly, 'where I was walking at that very moment, and checking our course. Then I felt something crack on my wrist, and, well…went ballistic. A bit.'

'Really. Was Luffy stealing food again?'

'No, if he would've done that, Sanji-kun wouldn't be as angry as he was then. And he would've seen that he kicked Luffy exactly in my direction. No, as far as I could see, Luffy gave Robin a bone-crushing hug because she had saved his hat from one of the sharks he and Usopp had caught. Then Sanji appeared out of nowhere, and well, it happened.'

'I should've known,' Franky sighed, grabbing a smaller chisel for the tiny details on the socket. Should he carve his own initials in it, or maybe even a tiny Thousand Sunny?

After a while he noticed that Nami wasn't sewing anymore, but instead staring at some point on the wall.

'Er, sis. You alright?'

'Hm? Oh yes, I'm fine. I was just thinking.'

'Don't hurt yourself.'

'Pardon me?'

'Sorry. Then, what were you thinking about?'

'Well, I was wondering if Sanji-kun was just jealous, or trying to protect Robin.'

Franky looked at her with his eyebrows raised. 'Where did that suddenly come from?'

'Just wondering.'

'Hm. Probably a combination of both, but mostly jealousy. But he himself would say protection,' the shipwright mumbled while bending over the Log Pose again, uninterested in this topic.

'Mm,' Nami responded, digesting this information. 'And what do you think, has he ever had a girlfriend?'

This earned her another surprised look from her discussion partner. 'Why this sudden interest in the cook, sis?'

'As I said, I was just wondering. Isn't it good be interested in my crew?' Nami responded with a wink.

'Right. You probably just want to know this so you can blackmail him or something.'

'Hey, watch your words there. Well, what do you think?'

'I don't even want to think about that.'

'Aw, come on! Why not?' Nami pouted.

'You shouldn't invade other people's privacy! And besides…'

'Yeah, yeah. Don't tell me you never think about things like this,' the navigator interrupted sceptically, crossing her legs.

'As a matter of fact, I don't. This is women's talk! Why don't you go ask Robin or something?'

'First of all; now you're being sexist. And second, I've tried multiple times to talk to her! But she never answers my questions, she merely smiles.'

'Ah. Right. So you immediately come skipping towards me?' Franky crossed his arms sourly, Log Pose completely forgotten.

'Yeah. Sort of. You're the only one I'm really sure of that has had some experience with girls.'

'Wha- what did you base that on, for heaven's sake?' The shipwright felt his cheeks heat up slowly, and not in a good way.

'Those two girls, with the weird hair?' Nami replied in a sugary sweet tone, mimicking said hairdo's with her hands.

'The Square Sisters? They were, exactly as their names say, like sisters for me! Sisters, and only sisters. Sheesh…' Franky started to feel quite uneasy. Did everybody think he and the Square Sisters had had a go for it?

'Aaw, but you did have some girlfriends in the past, didn't you?' Nami tried again, smiling her most charming smile.

Franky answered her look with a sour stare. 'You know exactly how to manipulate a conversation in the direction you want it to go, don't you?'

Nami's smile grew wider. 'Of course, it's my specialty. Now, girlfriends?'

Giving her one more look that clearly said 'I do not approve of this conversation', the shipwright answered with a sigh: 'Alright, fine. Yes, I've had a few girlfriends…'

'See? That wasn't so hard! Now, tell me about them!'

'…and that's all I want to tell you about that subject.'

This earned him an pouting look. 'Aw, come on! You can tell me.' To emphasize these words, she put on that charming smile again.

'…I'm not the cook, you know.'

Nami cleverly ignored that remark, but went on: 'I personally think he hasn't got any experience with girls.'

'What? Who?'

'Sanji-kun of course! Really, are you even listening? He wouldn't act that hormone-driven and…desperate otherwise. I think, if he would just change that, he could have a lot more success with women.'

Franky was silent for a while, and looked as if the orange-haired girl had just told him that Zoro's swords were compensating for something else. 'What are you thinking about, girlie? Why should you wanna know? And why do you think I would want to know? Seriously, go talk to Robin,' and with that, he demonstratively bended over the Log Pose socket again.

'I already told you, she won't talk! Plus, she's not as easy as you to manipulate into a conversation.'

'…'

'Are you ignoring me now?'

'…'

'Franky,' Nami started again, threateningly.

'Alright, fine!' the blue-haired man gave up his fight, throwing his hands in the air, 'I think you are right, and that Cook-bro should change his behaviour.'

'Told you so. And what about Luffy?'

That was one question to far, judging by Franky's horrified expression. 'What the…Who says I even want to think about that?'

'The same as I thought. He's asexual,' Nami said matter-of-factly, nodding a little.

'…I refuse to be a part of this conversation any longer.'

'Seriously, think about it!' the navigator tried, 'Can you picture him with a girl? Or guy for that matter? Hm?' she paused for a while, meant to give the ship-wright some time to think about this. When he didn't answer, she went on: 'Well, maybe later, if he's older and finally matured a whole lot, then maybe there's a little chance…'

Franky resisted the urge to put his fingers in his ears and sing 'La la la', and said: 'Why don't you just go and ask both of them yourself?'

'I can't!' Nami retorted, looking as if the blue-haired man had just asked her if pigs could fly, 'Can you picture what Sanji-kun would be like if I asked him questions like this?'

Franky opened his mouth, looking as if he wanted to retort. Then he slumped his shoulders, and replied: 'OK, valid point. But you still could ask the captain.'

'No, he's asexual. He wouldn't understand my question.'

'You don't even know! And…'

'Look me in the eyes and tell me he's interested in sex.'

The shipwright winced slightly when he heard the name of his captain and that last word in one sentence, but bravely stood his ground. Crossing his arms again, he said: 'Still, you should ask people before you jump to conclusions. What's the use of talking about them when you can get the right answer just by asking?'

'But that's the exact point of talking about people! You talk about them, because you can't ask!' Nami replied, exasperated that the man didn't get this simple logic. This wasn't Vegapunk's science, was it?

'Well, you shouldn't go and judge people like this, just based on what you think you know of them,' Franky tried again, puffing his chest out a bit.

'That was deep.'

'I have my reasons,' the shipwright replied matter-of-factly, picking up the socket again.

Nami looked at him carving away for a while, before she spoke up again.

'But what do you think of Usopp?'

'Argh, you just don't stop, do you?' Franky slammed down the chisel and resisted the strong urge to push her out the door.

'Nope, this has been bothering me for way too long now. Well?'

'Alright! Sheesh. If I'm correct, he's not that interested in girls…'

'Really? Do you think?' Nami asked hungrily, as if he had just told her that Sengoku's beard was fake, and she could be the first to sell this story to the newspapers.

'…except for that one girl he's always writing letters to. He always tries hard to hide that from us, but well, nothing really goes unnoticed in a small room shared with seven men. He's quite the romantic in those letters, you know,' Franky finished his sentence.

'Wow, you're really starting to like this subject, don't you?' Nami smiled and raised her eyebrows in mock-surprise.

'No. I just want to get rid of you, so I can finally finish this socket and get back to the Shark Submarine,' the blue-haired man said in an annoyed tone, as he pointed towards the now slightly crumpled submarine.

'Hey, watch your mouth.'

'Seriously, can't you talk to someone who actually cares about the love life of our crew?' Franky exclaimed, dramatically raising his hands to the sky. Then suddenly his face lit up, and a thought seemed to hit him. 'Wait, why don't you write your sister a letter?'

'Nice idea, but no. She doesn't know Chopper, Robin, Brook or you, for that matter. That's half of the crew!'

'Isn't that other half enough fodder for your correspondence already?'

'No. Now stop struggling, and just talk to me.'

'And what about the princess?' Franky tried desperately, looking for every possible escape.

'No, she doesn't talk about others,' Nami sighed, rolling her eyes.

'Neither do I.'

'Oh yes, you do. Look at the long conversation we've already had.'

'…There really isn't any way I can escape this, is there?'

'I'm glad you finally noticed. Gee, I should've known Usopp was still after Kaya… That's probably his one and only girl.'

And before she could ask something else, Franky went on: 'Yeah. And I also think Zoro doesn't even notice women. Well, he noticed they are there, but not in that way. Chopper is too young, and Brook probably had some girlfriends in port towns. Ya happy now? I would like to get back to my subma…'

'Are you trying to chicken out again?' Nami asked threateningly, glaring at Franky.

'Gah! Really! I'm finally talking, and now I'm chickening out! What more do you want?'

'I want a conversation, that means two people talking and discussing with each other. Not one person stating his opinion and leaving!' the navigator said accusingly, 'Besides, you didn't mention Robin.'

Franky started to get suspicious. 'What is that supposed to mean?'

'I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me some more about that,' the orange-haired girl asked innocently, a little smile playing on her lips.

'Well…Why the hell are you giving me that look?' the shipwright asked frantically, sweat running down his spine.

'We don't have to talk about the past love life of our crew all the time, now do we?' Her voice was now sickly sweet.

'…I'm leaving,' Franky muttered as he made his way to the exit.

'No you're not! You still haven't fixed the Log Pose!' Nami cried, blocking the door.

'Fine, but I don't want to talk about me and Robin!' Franky said decidedly, crossing his arms. He tried to emit a menacing air, looking down on the fiery navigator. He failed miserably.

'Was that a confession?'

'ARGH! NO! I just said that I don't want to talk about me and her being together! Because we're not!'

Nami just gave him a grin that clearly said that she wasn't convinced at all. 'Of course not. But I do have to disagree with you on something. I don't think Chopper's too young to notice girls; I think he just doesn't notice human girls. He's still a reindeer, remember? But for a real female reindeer he's probably too smart. Poor thing… A girl with a reindeer Devil Fruit would be perfect for him.'

'Sure,' Franky muttered, shrugging.

'And I really would like to know what's up with Zoro. Back in Alabasta, he didn't even take a peak at me in the bath house, while everybody else was very eager!'

'Whoa, you let them look at you?' Why was he having this conversation again?

'Yes, it's a long story. And also, when that Baroque agent changed into me ('Wha-?'), and opened his shirt, Zoro didn't even budge! And there was this time…'

'Alright, alright, I get it. No need for further details,' Franky said as he sat down again, grabbing his much-needed cup of coffee.

'Really, it's as if some evil fairy godmother took all his normal hormones away by his birth, and gave them all to Sanji-kun!' Nami fantasised on, ignoring his remark.

'You really listen too much to the Longnose's stories,' the shipwright mumbled inaudibly, before taking a sip.

'What do you think, is he gay?'

Franky violently choked on his coffee.

'WHAT?' he managed to splutter out between two coughing fits.

'No need to get all worked up about that, it's perfectly natural, and…' Nami lectured.

'No, I'm not referring to that. I'm just startled by the way you jump to conclusions so easily! Not every man that doesn't look at your ti…at you, is gay!'

'Nah, he doesn't really seem to be the type for it, now does he?' the navigator replied, leaving Franky to wonder what exactly she meant with that. 'But I still can't picture him with a girl.'

'And I don't want to,' the blue-haired man mumbled again, staring at his coffee cup.

'You're stuck-up.'

'No, I'm not.'

'Yes, you are. But do you really think Brook has had a girl?'

The cyborg sighed, and put the cup away again. Dramatically, he pinched the bridge of his nose, and answered: 'Yeah, I think so. Look how old he is! He should've.'

'He was your age when he died, wasn't he?'

'What are you trying to say?' Franky asked a bit panicky, hoping she didn't see a hidden meaning in his remarks again.

'Calm down, just that he probably didn't have any contact with women after his death. You know, being dead and a wandering spirit and all,' Nami replied.

'I hope you're right,' the shipwright muttered, trying his best to block out any images of skeleton Brook and women.

'So do I. But I really wonder about him. I mean, he lived in much more prudish times than ours. Women still weren't allowed to wear trousers and sail the seas, for heaven's sake!'

'That's probably why he constantly asks for your underwear.'

'Or he's just plain rude,' Nami stated, while picking up the leather Log Pose strap again. .

'Quite possible,' Franky answered, while following her example and picking up his work again.

'And now, what do you think about Robin?' the navigator asked, sticking the needle in the fabric.

'I thought we agreed that we wouldn't discuss her anymore!' the cyborg yelled.

'We agreed we wouldn't discuss her and you. Not her past love life. You're only making this more and more suspicious, you know,' Nami went on, not looking up from her work at hand.

Franky stared at her through narrowed eyes, before he muttered sourly: 'You're really evil.'

'No, just very interested. Who wouldn't be? Besides you, of course.'

'I betcha that the rest of the guys wouldn't want to talk about this, either,' the blue-haired man retorted, crossing his arms again and chisel still idly in his hands.

'You're changing the subject.'

'No, I'm not! I'm just answering to something you said!'

'Every time I bring Robin up, you blabber about something else.' Nami remarked with her eyebrows raised, finally looking up from her work. 'But never mind that. Is the Log Pose nearly finished? I need to check course,' she went on as she got up and dusted off her skirt.

'And now the entire conversation is suddenly over?' Franky asked, surprised at her trying to walk away.

'Yes. Unless you still have something interesting to say.'

'Well, yes. We still haven't covered one member of our crew,' the cyborg said with narrowed eyes, slight irritation in his voice.

'Who, Merry?' Nami asked, unimpressed.

'No, you!'

'I don't want to talk about that,' the navigator stated dryly.

'So you want to know everything about the others, about me, but you don't want to talk about yourself?'

'Nope,' Nami simply stated, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

'You don't think that's a little unfair?'

'If you look at it from your perspective; then yes, probably,' the orange-haired girl shrugged, 'But I have to check course. Are you finished yet?'

'I only need to glue the glass to the socket,' Franky replied, still looking at her expectantly. When she didn't give the impression that she would elaborate on her own love life, he asked a little indignant: 'So you're just leaving without telling me?'

'Yes.'

A thought suddenly hit the cyborg. He pointed at her, trying to look as serious and manly as he could. 'Do you want me to finish the Log Pose for you?'

Unluckily, Nami didn't take the bait. She calmly replied: 'Do you want to have one single bone left in your body that's not broken?'

Franky's manly look quickly vanished, and he muttered again: 'You're evil.'

Grumplily, he handed the now finished Log Pose over.

'You said that already,' the navigator said matter-of-factly, before her mood took a 180 degree turn, 'Great, the log Pose looks as if it's new! Thank you! Well, wasn't this a nice conversation? I'm so glad I could finally discuss this with someone! Good luck with your submarine,' Nami smiled as she walked out of the door, giving a last wave before she disappeared in the corridor.

She left a flabbergasted Franky with a weird feeling in his stomach. Had he said too much? Was she going to use this against him? How on earth could she have tricked him into this conversation in the first place?

With a sigh, he went back to repairing the submarine. Women…The day he'd understand them would probably be the day the Apocalypse was near.

o-o-o

'Was that a confession?'

'ARGH! NO!'

Yes it was. I'm sure of it.

'Well, you shouldn't go and judge people like this, just based on what you think you know of them.'

'That was deep.'

'I have my reasons.'

He does; in Water 7 he always took in the street thugs the entire city had given up upon. He said it didn't matter what you looked like or were like; nobody deserves to be prejudiced! And he's totally right, of course.

'Wow, you're really starting to like this subject, don't you?'

'No. I just want to get rid of you, so I can finally finish this socket and get back to the Shark Submarine.'

'Hey, watch your mouth.'

Be careful with your sarcastic remarks, Franky! But I do think he is the only one of the guys, besides Zoro, who dares to stand up to Nami a little. The only difference is that she mostly listens to Franky's opinion on things, and ignores Zoro's.

Poor guy.

Had he said too much? Was she going to use this against him?

Yes and yes. Nami is dangerous, you know.

Aw, I loved writing this story! Nami is so nice to write when she's being totally unreasonable and manipulative! And Franky neatly played along.
I didn't include Nami's and Robin's past with men (women?) on purpose, because I think that wouldn't really fit in a comedic story. Both women look good, are young, and had to survive in a world full of powerful and dangerous men. You can draw your own conclusions out of that.
Please tell me what you think of the story! And if you spot any grammar errors, weird sentences, anything, I would also love to hear it!