Do you remember?
SUMMARY: Sam remembers everything. Dean can't remember anything. WARNING: Character Death.
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Supernatural or the CW.
A/N: I never thought I'd write a character death fic but…I couldn't help myself!
OoOoOoOo
Sam could only stare in horror as his brother slowly slumped to the ground. His heart pounded in his ears as he ran to where his brother had collapsed.
"Dean," Sam whispered as he sunk to his knees by his brother's side. "Open your eyes Dean."
Dean didn't move from his position on the ground.
"Please wake up." Sam pleaded.
He drew his big brother into his arms repeating his plea over and over. His thoughts slowly drifting back in time…
Do you remember when you held me?
The nightmares started when he was only five. He could never remember what they were about but they had been a constant in his life.
"Sammy, you ok?" His big brother's voice sounded above him.
"D-Dean," Sam whimpered.
"It's ok Sammy, I'm here." Dean gathered his baby brother into his arms.
The fact that Sam was now fifteen and a freshman in high school didn't matter to Dean. All that mattered to Dean was that he held his baby brother until his tears stopped.
It wasn't the first time he'd held Sam in his arms all night and it would not be the last.
Do you remember when you smiled at me?
Everyone was in a bad mood and four year old Sam didn't understand why. He tried to ask his dad but John told him to go play. He tried to ask Pastor Jim but Jim just shushed him. He tried asking a couple of the other adults in the house but they just ignored him.
He sat in a corner, too scared to move, to ask further questions. He waited, knowing, or at least hoping, that someone would see him and offer him comfort soon.
When he fell asleep (that day) he didn't know. What he did remember from that day was as he opened his eyes, he was met by the one person who wasn't mad, his brother Dean.
"Have a nice nap Sammy?" eight year old Dean asked.
Sam nodded and glanced around. The atmosphere was still thick with the anger from the adults but through it one thing stood out. His brother's bright smile as he picked Sam up in his arms.
Do you remember when you showed me how to stand on my own two feet?
"I can't do it," Sam looked at his older brother, fear in his eyes.
Dean clenched his jaw and looked away from his brother's eyes, "Your bus is gonna leave without you if you don't hurry up."
"Dean," Sam hated himself for the whimper that came out but he couldn't help himself.
It was his idea to go to college but now that it was time he couldn't bring himself to leave the safety and comfort that was his big brother.
Dean wrapped him in a hug, "It's time to go Sammy; gotta see if those big feet of yours will carry you."
Sam laughed through his tears and nodded…and stood on his own two feet.
Do you remember when you said you love me?
Thirteen year old Sam lay on the hospital bed scared. He'd gotten sick again and the doctors told John he needed to have his appendix out. He wanted to cry and beg his dad to take him home but he wouldn't do that. He would not give his brother any more reason to make fun of him then he already did.
What Sam didn't see, what seventeen year old Dean refused to let him see, was the he, Dean, was scared too. Dean would have gladly taken his baby brother's place in exchange for Sam to not be scared or in pain.
"You ok Sammy?" Dean walked over to his brother; gently brushing the boys bangs off his forehead. "You need a haircut."
"I'm fine," Sam answered, "And I don't want a haircut."
"You need one," Dean countered with a grin.
They both tried to hide their nervousness as the orderlies started to wheel Sam away. Sam suddenly reached out for his older brother who took his hand without a second's hesitation.
"You'll wait for me, right?" Sam inquired trying to keep his voice from shaking.
"First person you see when you wake up," Dean promised.
The medicines the doctor had given Sam while he was still in his room made the boy sleepy. He yawned as they came to a halt by the doors that led to the operating room. He looked up at his big brother.
"Love you," He murmured sleepily.
"I love you too Sammy," Dean replied instantly causing Sam to smile.
Do you remember when you dried my tears?
Five year old Sam fell to the ground, tripping over his own two feet. He let out a startled yelp and began to cry. Nine year old Dean ran to him.
"It's ok Sammy," Dean picked him up and carried him back into the hotel room where they were staying.
Sam's tears didn't let up as Dean hugged him close and then began to gently clean the scraped knee and bandaged it.
"As good as knew kiddo," Dean gave him a smile.
Sam looked up at his brother, his face still stained with the fresh tears that had just begun to stop.
"It hurts," he sniffed, his lower lip puffing out.
"It'll stop soon Sammy," Dean gently wiped away the tears with his thumbs. "I'll make it stop."
And he did. Just like he did every time Sam fell down; he made the pain stop and wiped away his tears.
Do you remember when you taught me never to be afraid?
Ten year old Sam closed his eyes, too panicked to move. The angry spirit raced towards him but there was nothing the boy could do.
'I don't want to be here', Sam mused to himself.
Sam waited for the spirit to hurt him or kill him like he had done to the other people but nothing happened. He opened his eyes in time to see his fourteen year old brother taking care of the spirit by chanting something in Latin.
The spirit raced towards Dean but Dean held his ground. Sam wanted to go and help or at least shout out a warning but nothing came out. In the end there was no need, John came into the room and together he and Dean took care of the spirit.
Dean raced to his brother's side and checked him over for injuries. "Are you ok?"
Sam's voice shook as he answered, "I was scared."
Dean smiled, "There's nothing to be scared of Sammy. I'll always protect you."
And he had. Sam was never scared again because Dean was always there to protect him.
Do you remember when you told me to reach for the stars?
"I don't understand," fourteen year old Sam cried out in frustration.
"What's the matter Sammy?" His eighteen year old brother asked sauntering into their shared bedroom.
Sam glared at the older boy, hating the nickname but knowing that saying anything about it would only result in Dean using the name more frequently. Instead he turned back to his homework.
"Algebra," he finally answered shyly waiting for his big brother to tease him.
"That sucks," Dean surprised him by saying.
Sam slumped in his seat, "The teacher was saying if we wanted to get into a good college we had to take trigonometry and I can't even get this sh…ow!"
"Watch the language," Dean warned.
"Not like you don't use it." Sam muttered, rubbing his head.
"I'm older," Dean responded automatically. "Let me see what you're working on."
The two brothers sat together working before Sam finally threw his pencil against the wall and threw himself on his bed.
"I'm never gonna get into a good college." He cried too tired to care that he was crying in front of Dean. With that his tears turned to anger. "Who the hell cares anyway?"
"I care," Dean swatted at his head again. "You're gonna ace algebra and trig and I'm gonna help you. By the time I'm done with you you'll get into any college you want."
When Sam showed Dean his acceptance letter into Stanford four years later Dean smiled, "Reach for the stars Sammy."
Do you remember when you told me to always believe?
"How's Santa gonna know where we're at if we keep moving?" seven year old Sam demanded to know.
"He's Santa," eleven year old Dean answered.
"But Dean…" Sam whined.
Dean turned and raised an eyebrow at his younger brother effectively shutting the boy up.
"I bet if you leave cookies out when you wake up in the morning not only will they be gone but you'll find a couple of presents waiting for you," Dean promised.
"They're store bought," Sam protested. "Mrs. Williams said they had to be made."
"Mrs. Williams doesn't know what she's talking about," Dean tried to keep his impatience hidden. "Trust me Sammy."
Store bought chocolate chip cookies and a carton of milk were laid out by the door before Sam went to bed.
When the boy woke up the next morning the milk and cookies were gone a stocking hung from the door knob and presents were under a small tree that had suddenly appeared in the room.
"He came!" Sam squealed hugging Dean tight.
"I told you he would," Dean smiled. "You gotta always believe little brother."
And Sam did always believe…in Dean
Do you remember when you said you'd never leave me?
Eight year old Sam sat by the hospital bed, watching his twelve year old brother's chest raise and fall. It had been a close call for the older of the two. Sam over heard the doctor tell John that if he'd waited any longer, then they'd have lost Dean.
Tears welled in Sam's eyes as he finally gave way to the temptation and climbed onto the bed, curling up to his brother's side.
Dean stirred, his arm unconsciously slipping around Sam's body and pulling him close. Dean seemed more at peace that way, knowing that his brother was with him.
As he finally gave way to his tears Dean's eyes fluttered open.
"Sammy," He said hoarsely.
"D-Dean," Sam cried, holding onto his brother's hand, not caring if his brother called him a big baby later.
"What's the matter?" Dean asked, trying to get the fog to clear his head.
"I-I…" Sam's tears made it impossible for him to speak.
"Shh take a deep breath Sam," Dean coached. "It's ok…"
"I thought you were gonna leave me," Sam finally got out.
"Never," Dean promised. "I'll never leave you Sammy."
Do you remember when you taught me to say goodbye?
"How could you!" Sam yelled, his anger boiling over.
Dean stared at him saying nothing. He knew exactly how Sam was going to react when he found out.
Sam continued to vent his frustration at what his brother had done. How could Dean have done that to him? How could Dean really be ok with going to hell? HOW?
"Because I know you'll be alive," Dean answered surprising Sam who hadn't thought he'd asked the final 'how' out loud.
"But you won't be here," Sam replied, tears filling his eyes. He blinked wildly not wanting to show his brother his emotions.
OoOoOoOo
Sam walked away from the fire that was engulfing his brother's body; tears streaming down his face. He'd failed the one person who meant the world to him…the one person who was always there, who always cared, who always loved him.
Sam would forever be haunted by the eyes of his brother…the open, unblinking, listless eyes.
Sam turned to stare at the fire, allowing the tears to keep falling. His head still echoing with Dean's words from that night...
OoOoOoOo
"I'm not gonna apologize for what I did Sam. I love you to much to lose you," Dean allowed himself to show emotion for the first time. "I will always be with you buddy. I told you, I always keep my promises."
"I can't lose you," Sam finally began to cry. Without thinking, he reached for Dean; needing to feel his big brother's arms around him…Dean complied with the silent request.
"You're not gonna lose me." Dean said softly just as he used to do when Sam cried in his arms in the past.
"I can't say goodbye," Sam managed through his tears, "I don't know how."
"Just say the words Sammy," Dean answered honestly. "Just say the words."
OoOoOoOo
Sam closed his eyes, "Good bye Dean."
THE END
A/N: Poll is up! Please vote