Cardcaptor Sakura
I'll Always Love You

Rating: T
Genre: Romance
A/N: Hi again! Sorry I haven't been updating lately, kinda went on a shut-down for a while. Anyway, just a bit of a warning, for those people who cry at mushy-mushy endings, I advise you not to read this story cuz this one gets VERY mushy at the end! But please, enjoy!

A thick white blanket of snow covered everything from the treetops to the pavement. The only light came from the dim streetlights every few feet. A thin layer of frost covered the colourful Christmas lights that hung along the rooftops of every house in the neighbourhood.

The only spot of colour in the white landscape was a figure all dressed in black, from the hair tie that held half her hair in place to her black Converse shoes. She hugged the jacket tightly around her, shivering slightly from the cold. The female walking through the empty streets had honey-coloured auburn hair, about shoulder length, and bright emerald eyes. She was top student in her class, and the only student in the entire school of Tomoeda High to join the track team, the cheerleaders and the badminton team, all of which she excelled in. She was like your perfect student - intelligent, athletic and beautiful. Not the kind of fake beauty that only worked with three layers of makeup, but the kind of natural beauty that only skin-coloured makeup went well with. Still, there was little competition when it came to selecting prom queen.

Which was why she had almost every single guy in the school going after her, jocks and nerds alike. But she turned them all aside, her mind set only to one.

The pretty teenager shook her head and blinked away sudden tears at the image of a handsome, chocolate-brown haired and amber eyed boy. He had been hers for a very short period of a month, at which time she realized that it had been a mistake. He had had many, many others after him, and he entertained them all. Syaoran Li – the player of Tomoeda High. And she had been one of the many girls who had succumbed to his charm.

So immersed in her thoughts was she that she didn't see a figure running towards her. She wasn't fragile, but the sudden impact knocked her to the ground. The snow squelched between her fingers and she grimaced slightly. A masculine voice immediately said, "Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

The girl stopped brushing the snow onto her black jeans – that voice was familiar. Warm, gentle and utterly too familiar. Fearing she was right, she carefully looked up…and amber clashed with emerald. Immediately she looked away and whispered, "Syaoran Li."

The chocolate-brown haired teenage boy stopped in surprise. "I'm sorry…" he said carefully, "…but do I know you?"

Breathing deeply, she raised her head to look at him, but refused to meet his eyes. Li let out a low breath as he realized who the beauty on the sidewalk was. "Sakura," he said softly, voice laden with affection…and pain.

Calming his fast-beating heart, he attempted casually, "Hey…haven't seen you in a while. How ya been?" He reached out a hand to her, but she flinched back like she'd been hit.

I'll…I'll get up myself, thanks," she whispered quietly. As she stood and brushed snow off her, Li gazed at her without a word. In his eyes she had gotten even more beautiful in the two long years he hadn't seen her, and certainly more stunning – although that may be because she was no longer his. He recalled the moment when she had answered so coldly, and flinched. It's my fault she has her guard up…he thought sadly.

"And I've…been busy," Sakura added, choosing her words as carefully as possible. She looked up at him, and once again, their eyes met and locked. Both were as entranced as the other…until Sakura deliberately pulled hers away, painful memories running through her mind.

Flashback

Sakura watched as Li snaked an arm around Mei Lin's waist, pulling her closer. It was Valentines' Day, marking two weeks since he had asked her out on a date and made her his girlfriend; two weeks since she had found out his true nature.

She had left him an enormous box of chocolates on his desk but she had watched, unsurprised, as he shoved it off his table without even looking at it to replace it with the one Mei Lin had given him.

So many wondered why she was still letting herself get hurt when she had so many other options. He cheated on her, insulted her behind her back and even in the face. He ignored her and avoided her, even bitched about her when there was no other topic to talk about with his friends. She didn't deserve this but she had thought that she would be the one to bring out the good person she knew was under the playboy. But alas, she never had a chance to.

There was an afternoon when Mei Lin had left early for her ice-skating competition, and Li was under the cherry blossom tree reading. Alone. A strong feeling had overwhelmed her – she had to end this. Now.

She deliberately stood where the sunlight fell straight onto his book, blocking it. It took him a few seconds, but when he finally answered, his voice was cold, hard, reserved. "You're standing in my light."

She ignored him and knelt down. "Syaoran…" she said softly. "You really…you really love Mei Lin, don't you?"

All Li did was stare at her. Both knew the answer to that question. Sakura breathed deeply. "And…and you never…you never cared about m-me, did you…did you, S-Syaoran?" Her voice trembled with the words that came out of her mouth.

Again, Li remained silent, but the corners of his lips itched to tug into a self-satisfied smirk. Sakura resisted the sudden urge to slap him. Abruptly she stood. "Well, then, Syaoran. It's…it's settled .It's over."

She walked away, trying her best to keep her tears at bay, at least until she was out of sight of him. All the pain, the hurt, the anger was threatening to overtake her, and she was struggling, her shoulders shaking. Her concentration broke when Li called out her name. "Kinomoto."

She tilted her head to one side in response; she was far too upset to look at him now. Silence met her ears until he said coldly, "It's Li to you."

End of Flashback

Sakura blinked to clear tears; she had avoided thinking of those painful memories for the past two years, when he had left – or at least tried to. It only came to her in times of great sadness: times like now, when she was haunted by her past.

Somehow, Li knew what was running through her mind: all the pain and hurt and suffering he forced her to go through when she was his girlfriend. And he still couldn't forgive himself for it.

After their breakup, Li was free to date Mei Lin without a conscience telling him about another girlfriend, but he was never happy. His mind always strayed back to Sakura, the happy-go-lucky girl with the playful smile and bright green eyes. Everything he did reminded him of her, from watching a movie to roller-skating in the park. He found himself wandering to places he knew she would be, whether or not Mei Lin was around. Once he found her he would sit and watch her from a distance, aching to walk up to her and start a conversation, like how he would be able to if he hadn't broken her heart.

There were a few times when Sakura would catch him looking, and that's when Li would look away, avoiding her gaze, concentrating on something else. However, there were a few times when he couldn't bring himself to look away from her beautiful eyes…and a small smile would play on her lips, a sweet smile that sent Li's heart flying. Then the moment would end when she turned away to resume whatever she had been doing before she turned to look. Most nights, when Sakura hadn't smiled at him that day, he wouldn't be able to fall asleep.

Earlier, a smile would have been enough for Li to last the day. But as his final days at Tomoeda High drew closer (he was a senior) he found that a smile wasn't enough for him. He didn't want her smile – he wanted her.

On the last day of the school year, Li was the only student not jumping for joy and whooping like a lunatic like the juniors, or crying and bidding final goodbyes to close friends like the seniors. Instead, he casually took the back road to his house, which passed through a waterfall. It was his favourite place – if you didn't count being next to Sakura – because it was peaceful and remote.

The thundering sound of the waterfall falling to the river below was the only sound in the small clearing. Li threw his almost weightless bag down and slumped to the ground, wrapping his arms around his knees. He tried to control his tears but it was hopeless. The last day of the school year, the last time he was going to see many of his friends for a very long time. And Sakura. He still hadn't apologized, or told her what he really felt for her deep inside…

"Li?"

An all too familiar voice rang through the clearing, cutting across the water. To the speaker, it sounded ordinary; to Li it was like wind chimes blowing softly with the wind. Li turned…and his heart lifted immediately when he saw the emerald-eyed beauty in front of him.

Sakura climbed through some thick overgrowth and absently brushed a spider off her arm. Li almost smiled – any other girl would have started screaming. Upon seeing him, Sakura smiled slightly, almost shyly. "Li," she said again, softer and more shyly this time. "Are you okay? I've been looking everywhere to say goodbye…"

Li's heart broke at this.

Sakura's voice faded and she didn't finish her sentence when she saw his tear-streaked face. "Li…you've been crying…"

Reacting based on habit, Li answered coldly, "Go away, Kinomoto." He regretted it instantly, but Sakura pretended not to listen.

She knelt beside him; if it was closer than necessary, he didn't object. Quietly she asked, "You wanna talk about it?"

Li almost told her to get lost when he considered this chance on her. He could tell her how much he cared for her, tell he was sorry, apologize for everything he put her through…but he couldn't. He wasn't ready for it – he couldn't face her. Abruptly he remembered that Mei Lin had broken up with him a few days ago, because he was always where Sakura was. And…well, knowing Mei Lin, I guess you could figure out the rest.

Seeking comfort in her, Li rested his head on her shoulder – an action that made Sakura's heart beat faster – and softly said, "Mei Lin broke up with me. A few days ago. She said…she said she was only using me for my money," he invented.

Sakura was shocked. Mei Lin and Li had been like the most perfect couple in Tomoeda High and now they were over? Choosing not to say this out loud, she hesitantly put an arm around his shoulders and whispered, "Let it all out, Li… Don't worry about Mei Lin. There's a girl out there who loves you with her whole heart. She's…she'll find you one day…" her voice faltered as she corrected herself. It broke her heart to say it but she loved him, and because she loved him, she had to let him go.

Unbeknown to her, Li's heart was beating faster and faster with each second that passed in her embrace. He was desperate for her to know the real reason he was crying desperate for her. He was aching to pull her closer to her, so tempted to bury his face and her neck and apologize for everything. He wanted her back so badly, but most of all, what he wouldn't give to kiss her soft lips and tell her how much he loved her.

But he couldn't, because he had his stupid pride to keep.

"Li…?" Sakura's voice broke him out of his thoughts. He turned to look at her, with her questioning gaze. "You okay?" she asked softly, gently, concern in her sweet voice he hadn't heard in far too long.

Breathing deeply, he nodded. "You sure?" she persisted.

He nodded again and managed a small smile in her direction. Sakura's eyes widened and she blushed hard, turning away from him. The last time he had smiled at her was at their date, when he asked her to be his girlfriend.

As she turned away, Li could again confidently guess what she was thinking: whether he was trying to charm her again. Well, yes, I am…he thought, but not in that way. I want you back, Sakura, I want you back, he pleaded silently.

But deep in his heart, he knew that first he had to find the courage to face her again. Then she would have to forgive him, if she could even do that in the first place. And even if she could…that didn't mean she would – or could – give him another chance. He hadn't been in contact with her for over two years; for all he knew, she could've found someone else, someone better, someone who would never hurt her, someone who deserved a precious diamond like her.

Clawing at strings, he asked her hesitantly, "Hey, umm…can I walk you home?" Please, he added pleadingly in his head.

The question obviously startled Sakura. You've never asked me permission for anything before, she thought. What happened to you? But taking the risk, she nodded slowly.

Strangers, yet not really strangers at all, Sakura walked beside Li, keeping a distance between them. Li wanted to move closer, he was itching to take hold of her hand, but he resisted.

They hadn't walked very far when Li stopped in his tracks. "This place, he whispered. The chains of the swings had been replaced, the light bulbs changed, and the benches had multiple layers of different coloured shellacs, but the playground had always been recognizable – especially to Li – as the place he completely shattered Sakura.

Flashback

Li and Mei Lin were tightly embraced, lips locked. Sakura's eyes widened, but she didn't say anything. She took a step back, but in her haste, she stepped on a dry twig, which broke the silence at the playground.

The couple released each other, then relaxed when they saw it was only Sakura. "What are you doing here?" Mei Lin demanded rudely.

"It's a public park, you idiot," she snapped. Both were so shocked at her sudden outburst that they released each other. Sakura ignored the black-haired, red-eyed slut and concentrated on the chocolate-haired, amber-eyed player.

You told me she broke up with you, she thought furiously. You snuggled up to me and cried, like a baby who lost his mother. "I was such an idiot," Sakura finally concluded aloud. Her eyes snapped back to his, an anger in them he had never seen before. "I should've seen it earlier. I believed you, I trusted you. I was naïve enough to think that there was good in you, under the playboy everyone accused you of being. I thought I could bring out that person. But I was wrong – there is no sense in trying to bring out something that's not there. You're despicable, Li. Worse than that bitch you were just making out with, and that's saying something. I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. I give up. I'm just so effing sick of you."

She readjusted the bag on her shoulder and left. Before she was just out of earshot, she said, "See you around, Li," she spat.

If only she had stayed long enough to see the look of pain and guilt cross his face. Sakura, he thought. Sakura, wait, please…you're not an idiot, you're the best thing that ever happened to me and I was the idiot who didn't realize it in time…

End of Flashback

"Li, are you sure you're okay?"

Once again, Sakura's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked again, her voice tinted with genuine concern. "This is the second time you've gone off like that. Hey…your house is just here, isn't it? Why don't you…take a rest or something? You don't have to walk me home…" she said distantly.

Before he could say anything, Sakura began walking away from him. "Happy holidays, Syao…Li," she corrected herself just in time, then shook her head; a short time with him had already made her think that she could call him by his first name, something only his closest friends were allowed to do. "See you around…"

That simple sentence sent Li's head reeling; it was how she had walked away from him two years ago, in the exact same place. He had let her go that time, and because of it, he never saw her for a fifth of a decade…until now. And if she hadn't found anyone else yet, she soon would. He couldn't lose her, not again.

Losing control of all the emotions he had held back over the years, he ran after her. When he was within a few feet, he slowed and laid a hand on her shoulder, stopping her in her tracks. She hadn't even turned around before Li wrapped both his arms around her small body, holding her tight in a way he had never done but he wished he did when he'd still had the right to. She was like hugging something warm on a cold night when you were sleeping in a bed devoid of pillows and a blanket, something you never wanted to let go of.

Sakura immediately gasped and stiffened. "Syaoran…?" she whispered, then realized that she had called him by his first name. She turned red and stammered, "Sorry… I didn't mean to…"

But Li loved the way his name sounded when she whispered it; his name had never sounded so good before. Holding her as close to his body as possible, he said softly, "Don't apologize, Sakura. It's my fault, it's all my fault, I never should've treated you like that; I can't forgive myself for it, I don't think I ever can. When I…when I fell for you, I promised myself I would never hurt you or do anything to make you cry, but I did, and I know I'll never be good enough to have you because of it but at the same time, I just can't let you go…"

He buried his face in her neck and continued. "You have no idea how painful it was during the years, not seeing your beautiful face or your sweet smile, or hearing your gentle voice. I stared at the phone, wishing I had the guts to pick it up and call you, just to see how you were doing. I memorized your number, stalked your Facebook profile, staring at your pictures, wanting to see you, even if it was just for five minutes. I longed to hold your hand, and regretted the times when I had the right to hold you in my arms but didn't. I was praying so hard every day that you wouldn't find someone else before I could get to you, if not to ask for a second chance then at least to say I'm sorry. I prayed and hoped and wished to see you again and now that I have, I'm not letting you get away again. Sakura, I'm…I'm sorry. I truly am, I wish you knew how much, and how guilty I feel for breaking your heart. I…I didn't know what I had until I lost it. I lost you, and if I don't take the chance now, I'll lose you again, and that will be the worst mistake I could make in my life. I'm trying to make amends. Please…Sakura, please forgive me, I'm begging you. Forgive me for all the times I wasn't there for you, every time I hurt you, every time I treated you like you didn't mean anything to me when in fact, you were my entire world. I…I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. And…and give me one more chance. Please. I need to show you that…that I've always, always loved you." It was the first time he had ever said that to anyone unrelated to him.

Before he could continue, Sakura let out a small gasp. "What did you do to your hands?" she whispered, brushing her fingers lightly over his knuckles, sending his heart flying. Li shifted slightly to see exactly what she meant; his knuckles were sore and bruised in most areas.

Li sighed. "I could never forgive myself for hurting you. Some days, I missed you too much to hold it all in, and I…"

He couldn't finish.

Sakura whirled around and carefully held his hands in hers. "You punched the wall, didn't you?" she said accusingly. His silence was the clearest answer he could give. "Li!" she sighed exasperatedly, becoming her old self for a while. "Why? Anything could've happened to you – didn't it hurt…?"

Her sentence stopped suddenly when Li's grip on her hands tightened and he pulled her close again. He slipped a hand around her waist and gazed desperately into her eyes. Abruptly he dropped his gaze. "I know damn well that I don't deserve you…not even to look into your beautiful eyes let alone your beautiful face. But I can't let you go. Not now, not ever." He looked into her eyes again. "Please," he pleaded, his voice barely a whisper. "Please forgive me. Please give me another chance. I know, I…I screwed up badly, but please, give me another chance to make it up to you. I wanna be with you for the rest of my life; I need you in my life, because I love you more than anything. You're everything to me. I love you, Sakura, I really, really do and I am so sorry. Please give me one last chance, to prove it to you. I swear, I will never hurt you or break your heart again. Just…please. I want the right to hold your hand and kiss you, to hold you in my arms and whisper your name, to take you out on dates and walk you to the door, and everything other thing that comes with having you as my girlfriend again. Sakura, please…"

Looking into his eyes, Sakura saw that he did mean he was sorry, and that all the pain in his eyes was hurting her too. "There's always a chance, Li…for you," she whispered. Unconsciously, she was leaning in, her lips mere centimetres away from his.

"Call me Syaoran," he said softly, and closed the distance.

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS.

Author's Note: Hi! I really hoped you enjoyed this story; if you review, do be honest. Thanks a lot! :)