...
the road to anti-bitchiness
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What does she get for staying up all night and watching crime show re-runs? A freaking conscience.
"I-I just stood there," the redhead on the screen sobs. Here's an idea, move, maybe help your dying brother.
"I-I let him d-die," she breaks down now, "and it felt good," she covers her make-up plastered face with her hands like she is disgusted by the thought of seeing their repulsed faces. She should be. He was her brother. She didn't help him, she let her selfish, spiteful, revenge-loving self watch on as he needed her.
The blonde shakes her head as she watches the old woman's shoulders wobble up and down. Caroline felt no pity for her. How can you even begin to like someone if they enjoyed something so selfish? The woman stood aside, all smug, and watched as someone she loved hurt physically and emot— oh.
It is a similar situation to her and Elena. They are best friends and if Elena needs her she knows where she is. Oh god, that's not enough, is it? Alright, yes, but if Caroline's parents had both died, would she expect Elena to be phone stalking her every five minutes?
Damn it. She totally would.
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"I want a job," her smile only kind of falters when the glass topples out of Matt's hand. It's really not that hard to believe... right?
"You what?" she bends down to help him pick up the pieces, because hey, she's being a better person now. And that's what good people do—they help. And work for minimum wage in the nearest place willing to take them. What? She's following Matt's example, because who's a better person than Matt Donovan? Okay, Oprah. Maybe that other— okay, who's a better person who she actually has a chance of getting to help her than Matt Donovan? Nobody, that's who.
"I would like to fill the permanent 'help wanted' sign in Mystic Grills' tatty little window," she smiles confidently, thinking; is it too late to back out now?
"Really, Caroline?" why is he looking at her like that? All boyish and judging-you-even-though-you're-helping-me-clean-what-could-potentially-kill-people-y.
"Yes, really," she licks her lips and contemplates telling him the truth. Good people tell the truth, right? He skillfully pops the glass into the bin and turns his attention back to her. Here goes nothin', "I—" she looks around The Grill and then, satisfied nobody is listening, she leans a little closer to Matt, "I'm...shallow," she breaths a sigh of relief and he looks at her like she hasn't just told him the biggest plot twist ever.
"And," he motions for her to continue and she gapes at him.
"And I want to fix it!" she hisses and the corners of his lips twitch slightly. Alright. Calm Caroline. Very, extremely, calm Caroline.
"Okay," he smiles, quite genuinely. She feels proud, it was the first time she had seen him look non-broody since the horrendous Elena heartbreak. Good Caroline can work, unfortunately literally.
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She decides to wear less make-up to school. Caroline cringes as images of the middle aged, sobbing redhead invades her mind. There was absolutely no way she was going to let that be her future, hence cleansing her soul to a likeable one. She spots Elena and Bonnie conversing by their lockers. Or someone's locker, she guessed it was one of theirs though. They were standing by it, that was clue number one. What are you doing you chicken? Go talk to them!
"Hey," smooth, Caroline.
"Hi," Bonnie greets her with a tightlipped smile. Elena nods. Well, thanks for noticing my presence, bi— No. No, she is one of your best friends and she is grieving. You shall be nice, Forbes. You shall even if it kills you. They're staring. Quickly, do something Matt-like.
"Your spot on the team is still saved if you want it back," pathetic, Caroline.
"Uh, sure. Yeah, no, I...I will. I will," Elena looks like she's trying to reassure herself more than anyone else. Bonnie looks wary though. Sorry Bon, it's the brain's fault.
"Practice is Saturday, regular time but if you wanted I could cancel and we could just meet and get you up to speed on the routines," yeah, that's a nice thing to do, right?
"Y-you'd do that for me?" Elena and Bonnie share a surprised look which she pretends not to see.
"There's no 'i' in team, Elena," Is there? What— no. Ugh, she is delirious. Being nice is hard, "Plus, it's been forever since the three of us hung out. We could go to The Grill after and get something to eat?" She smiles and scratches her nose. Elena frowns and opens her mouth to answer. Seriously, Caroline? Forgotten the super doper heart-wrenching awkward break-up already? Some friend you are, "Unless you're still avoiding Matt," Caroline cuts in because God forbid she does something stupid like breathe.
"No. You know what, today, today is going to be a good day," Elena nods her head and Caroline can tell Bonnie's not buying her confidence either, "You know Caroline, when you walked over I thought you were going to ask me if I was okay," Elena laughs feebly. Oh God, is that code to ask now? Is she okay? No Caroline, don't be silly, of course she's not.
"What's the point of asking a question you already know the answer to?" they look at her like she has grown up, and she thinks, with a little more training, she might be able to.
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She actually listens in class today, and she learns. She learns that the cute new guy is a history whizz—or a smartass, depending on how you look at it—and Mr. Tanner has a vein on his forehead bigger than Amy Bradley's butt.
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Matt closes early Friday. He says he wants to teach her everything before she starts her first ever shift Monday evening.
She doesn't think there will actually be customers then but she doesn't say.
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Saturday goes splendidly. Once she loosens up with Elena and Bonnie she feels right at home. They are three puzzle pieces that slot together effortlessly. She is glad she decided to un-bitch herself because for the first time she feels like she has real friends.
"Elena, you're a natural," she compliments her friend and watches the brunette try hide the little red spots on her cheeks
"Plus your ass looks good in short-shorts," Bonnie winks and the three musketeers giggle as they head to the car.
"Not as good as Caroline's," Elena winks playfully and Caroline smiles and wonders when the last time someone gave her a compliment was. She's glad she has Elena and Bonnie.
.
"He's broody," Bonnie rolls her eyes.
"It's sexy," Elena argues.
"I like his hair," Caroline comments.
"He looks like the type to dwell on it," Bonnie slurps her drink.
"No, he looks hot," Elena plays with her straw while not-so-discretely checking the new guy out.
"He's bad news," Bonnie does her concerned friend head tilt, "What do you really know about him?"
"His name is Stefan Salvatore. He lives with his uncle up at the old Salvatore boarding house. He hasn't lived here since he was a kid. Military family, so they moved around a lot. He's a Gemini and his favourite colour is blue," Okay, so Caroline kind of stalked him. But that was before she knew Elena liked him! He's totally off limits now.
"I know that," Elena smirks and high-fives Caroline.
"Still, too many secrets," Bonnie scolds, waving her straw with each word and sprinkling Elena on sprite. Caroline hands her a napkin, because she actually knows how to use things around this place now.
"He's attractive, new, cool, mystery guy," Elena pouts and pats herself dry.
"Like Edward Cullen," Caroline plays with her drink innocently, "Don't stand in front of a fan in Science and lock your windows," she winks at them. Bonnie chortles and Elena sticks out her tongue. Caroline glances at said Salvatore and she swears she sees him smirk. She shakes her head, he couldn't possibly have heard her.
They sip their drinks while watching the Salvatore show and Matt keeps giving her secret looks, like, because working here means she's in some sort of secret brotherhood that requires her to tell him all. Which, she realises, is probably true.
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She eats in silence. She misses her mother sometimes. Most times. All the time. She decides to learn the seven billion menus Matt gave her. Her Maths homework can wait until later. Also, she vows to never again attempt to cook lasagna as eating scabby cheese is something you can only indulge in once.
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Monday comes and, no surprise, Elena is dating Stefan. Caroline wonders why she doesn't feel that usual burning in her stomach like she usually does when Elena has something she doesn't. She blames it on nerves, it's her first shift tonight.
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Everyone gives her pitying looks and asks her if her mom lost her job. Caroline shakes her head and tells them, "What goes around, comes around," and they give her that look again, like she's grown up. But during her small-talk with the customers, chats with Matt between serving and patiently waiting for orders, she judges. She judges and she can't help it. Those little thoughts pass her head. Those little Caroline thoughts. Those neurotic, selfish, bitchy thoughts, and she tries to stop them, but she can't. But it's okay, she thinks, she thinks it's okay because she hasn't grown up. Not completely anyway. Not yet.
.
It becomes an everyday thing. Even her mom asks her, when she sees her, 'How was work today?'.
She has extra money now, she never really thought about that part before. Her and Matt each have a tip jar. Caroline is good at talking so people feel more obliged to give her money, as they think she's making a special effort. She doesn't tell anyone but she sneaks half of hers into Matt's. It's simple really, he needs it and she doesn't. Not yet anyway. She thinks he knows because when he takes his jar at the end of the night he has this little smile on his face. She doesn't want to draw attention to it. She wants to be generous, like Matt was with her. After all he didn't have to give her that job or spend all those nights training her. Caroline thinks she's better now, good now.
But then it all goes wrong.
.
Caroline bites her lip as she watches little Vicki get taken away on a stretcher.
"What did they say happened?" she mutters to Tyler Lockwood.
"Animal attack," he gulps and she watches him, studies him. How did she never notice how someone's emotions can show so blatantly on their face before? Maybe she was wrong, but that sure looked a hell of a lot like guilt.
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She places the bourbon on the table, "You're new."
He takes a long gulp, not even looking in her direction, and smiles sourly, "What gave me away?" Caroline decides against 'accidentally' spilling the rest of the drinks on her tray over his head and sports a friendly smile instead.
"Well, I've lived here all my life and unless you've been hiding between Amy Bradley's boobs I haven't seen you before," good one, Forbes, why don't you insult the Mayer too while you're at it?
The stranger snorts and his lips twitch as his eyes rake over her form, "I'll wave some sparkly shoes if I need you, Barbie," he dismisses her with a wave of his hand and she rolls her eyes and walks away. It's not like she needs a hot new boyfriend. I mean, independence is an important step in maturity, probably, it sounds right, right? Ugh, she so needs to go watch more late night television.
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"So are you, like, Sabrina 2.0 or a I'm-going-to-eat-all-these-little-children kind of witch?" Bonnie shakes her head and laughs her oh-Caroline-classic-Caroline laugh. "Oh! Or that one from Snow White and The Huntsman that, like, sucks people's youth away for herself or whatever," Caroline pouts thoughtfully, "That was the movie, wasn't it?"
"As far as I know, I'm a descendant of the Salam witches," Bonnie shoots an amused smile toward her friend, "No youth sucking for me."
"Well, what can you do?" Caroline shifts her handbag further up her arm, "Because a de-douchifying spell would be pretty appreciated right now."
"Is this about that guy again?" Bonnie gives her the supportive friend head tilt, "Because you're better than some boozaholic with no future and attitude problems that will inevitably lead him to death by squirrel."
"Bonnie Bennett!" Caroline feigns shock and tries to hold back her giggle, "Did you misplace your herbal tea with one of your Gram's vodka Martinis?" Bonnie laughs and shakes her head, "Because that was very doom and gloom, very witchy even."
"Very Caroline even," the blonde smiles and with a playful scoff nudges her friend's shoulder with her own.
.
Matt pats her on the back. Sends her a secret nod before she walks over to the table where Elena and Bonnie sit. She knows what they mean, because she was totally right about the brotherhood thing, and it only kind of bothers her that Matt wants all the 'goss', the '411', about Elena. Not that it irritates her anymore (to the point of doodling Elena being eaten by sharks on the corner of her 'People Style-watch' magazines). Not that it should, anyway.
"Why if it isn't the witch and her bitch."
"What?" Elena furrows her eyebrows.
"Oh, right, no. Sorry, silly me. You're Stefan's bitch now," Caroline slaps her forehead and takes her seat in the middle of the duo.
"Oh, ha ha," Elena narrows her eyes and Bonnie giggles into her tea, "I get it. Stefan and I have been seeing a lot of each other lately and I've been a crappy friend but I'm here now, so, forgiven?" Bonnie and Caroline share a look of consideration and Elena brakes out her cutest smile and puppy eyes.
The girls nod at each other, "Well, I suppose s," Bonnie says and the trio smile, "But on the topic of hot backs-"
"-DID HE SHOW YOU HIS SPARKLES?" So what if she's been having Twilight marathons? So what if she's lonely?
"Caroline!" Elena gasps and looks around to see if anyone heard, knowing well what her friend was insinuating.
"Oh, come on we're besties. You're suppose to share the smut!" Caroline leans her chin on her palm and waits expectantly for Elena to 'spill the beans'.
"Well?" Bonnie prompts and Elena gapes at her. Bonnie shrugs and Elena smiles and shakes her head at her crazy friends.
"Well," Elena cringes and lowers her voice, "Therehasn'tbeenany."
"What was that?" Caroline cups her ear with her hand.
"There hasn't-" Elena sighs, "-been any."
"Elena Gilbert!" Caroline shakes her head, secretly delighted- for Matt, obviously, "Let me break it down for you. It's easy. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Sex," She smiles and tilts her head from side to side.
"Maybe that's not-"
"No, she's right," Caroline nods in surprise and Elena gathers her coat and handbag, "It is easy. I just...have to stop being afraid. I am not made of glass," the brunette struts away purposefully.
"To not being made of glass," Bonnie and Caroline clink their teacups before taking a sip.
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The Night of The Comet is coming soon. Matt says the Grill is going to need extra hands that day because of the festivities. She's ready though. At least she thinks she is. They're going out to see the comet with everyone else of course. She's actually quite looking forward to it.
"Pretty dress," she swings around to the familiar voice, "Didn't come in pink?"
"Ah, bourbon guy," Caroline crosses her arms over her chest, feeling the fabric of her yellow sundress, "Joy."
"Damon, actually," his finger brushes along one of her curls and Caroline notices how blue his eyes are.
"See you around, blondie," he disappears.
Caroline looks around her, feeling dizzy. Is it just her or was she on a completely different street not two seconds ago?
.
"I got you a candle!" she passes it to Elena with a grin and bounces over to stand with Bonnie and Tyler.
"Kind of stupid, isn't it?" Tyler whispers to her.
"What?" She frowns.
"This," he gestures around the area with his candle, "Us. All joining together to watch a falling rock. Seems pointless, doesn't it?"
"I think," she chews on her lip and looks around, "It's not the 'falling rock' that matters, it's the togetherness part," she watches his face and studies him the same way as before. He understands. She doesn't know how she feels about coming to a comfortable silence with Tyler Lockwood by noticing each other's loneliness. Anything is possible in Mystic Falls, she guesses.
She laughs with Bonnie, Matt and Tyler for the rest of the show up until the actual comet passes. She shares a small smile with Tyler and squeezes Bonnie's hand. By the time Matt announces that they have to go back to work, everyone decides to join.
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"Have you seen Vicki?" Jeremy bounds up to the table.
"You're her stalker you tell us," Tyler cocks his jaw at the younger Gilbert.
"She's missing, Dick."
"Don't look at me, Pill Pusher."
"What's with the Pill Pusher?" Elena frowns.
"Ask him," Tyler gestures towards Jeremy, "Don't know why you try so hard, man. She'll never go for you."
"Actually, she already did," Caroline's eyebrows shoot up.
"You slept with Vicki Donovan? I mean, Vicki Donovan slept with you?" Oops. Everyone's allowed a little slip up though, right?
"Can you all just shut up and help me find my sister?"
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Caroline ends up checking the back of the Grill with Bonnie. She chews on her lip before asking, "Do you believe in vampires?"
"Vampires?" Bonnie laughs, closing an unsuccessful door, "Have you been binge watching Twilight again?" Yes.
"No, but it's just...you're a witch, right?"
"Grams believes I'm a witch," Bonnie corrects.
"But, so do you, don't you?" Caroline asks and Bonnie furrows her eyebrows with a shrug.
"I don't know what to believe, Caroline. But it is no secret that Grams likes her special herbs."
"But it is possible. I mean, could it be?" Caroline wraps her arms around herself.
"Why?" Bonnie asks.
"Because Matt said - and you can't tell anyone, swear on your life - that Vicki told him that it was a vampire that attacked her. I know, I know it's crazy but he said she had this freak attack but when he came back with the nurse she was fine."
"Where are you going with this, Caroline?"
"Just, listen. He said she changed her story...and that he saw..." Caroline bites her lip.
"Saw what?"
"He saw Stefan there."
"Caroline-"
"No, but Bonnie think about it. All the attacks started the day he moved into town and-" she sighs.
"And what?"
"I think I may have saw one."
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