"Why is love so difficult?" Harry asked aloud to himself. It was all so
complicated. "Why can't she just love me?" Harry was of course referring to
Ginny Weasley. Harry sighed for about the fifth time in a minute. What
wasn't perfect about her? She was so beautiful, so confident in herself, so
graceful and so… was it innocent? It was innocence without ignorance. She
knew the dangers of the world and was ready to…
No! Harry's mind commanded. I know she is perfect! You don't have to convince me here! I'm trying to solve this problem, not restate it! Harry had had this conversation with himself countless times, seeking for some kind of signal from Ginny, some kind of hidden desire. Or something like that. Harry couldn't put his finger on it. Not anymore. In his second year he could have easily snapped his fingers and she would be lying cozily in his arms, but not anymore. If only things were the same as back then.
Now she was different. Right when Harry had finally opened his eyes and seen that he loved her, she had turned her back on him. It was like a little game. Harry hoped deep inside his heart that she still loved him as he did her, but his hope had diminished to crumbs. He was so close and yet so terribly far away. He couldn't understand anything anymore. It was as if Ginny sent out coded signals and as soon as Harry started trying to send back, she changed the code.
If only he could just… be with her. He could almost see her in his arms, feel her against him. He tenderly placed his hands where her waist would be, uttering softly that he loved her and would never let her go. A moment later, Harry snapped out of his little daydream, afraid that one of his classmates might see him and ridicule him. Still, he could envision her lying there, that beautiful red hair draped across his pillow, that enchanting smile meeting his lips. If only.
Harry smacked himself out of the dream again. He remembered the all too powerful words that Dumbledore had once said. It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Oh how he hated the bitter truth of it all. He no longer needed the mirror of Erised to see what he most desired. She passed him all the time in the hallways.
Every moment of every minute of every day was spent in some fashion thinking of her. This of course had caught the eye of some of his more "aware" teachers and had earned him a few scoldings for lack of attention. All day he would trace her name on his papers, but never dared to place it in ink for fear another student or even a teacher might see it.
That was another matter entirely. It seemed like the entire school knew about his feelings, yet at the same time, no one noticed. Ron was completely naïve to the thought of Harry even liking his sister in any fashion much less what Harry wanted with her. And of course he couldn't consult Ron about this. He would be furious and within the next ten minutes the news would be out. He knew that Rita Skeeter had the article already written, she was so keen for revenge.
The only aid came from a most unexpected source: Hermione. Though Hermione was no queen of social abilities herself and generally lacking experience, she had been the only one to pick up on Harry's foolish grins and drooling smiles. With Hermione he could blabber out because he knew he could trust her. Over and over again he would tell her how he felt about Ginny, reiterating these "bold" statements of love.
Hermione rarely offered advice but Harry didn't really want any. He just wanted someone to listen. And whenever he needed that, Hermione was there for him. In exchange, he had listened to her babble on about the way her parents were restricting her, holding her back and other sorts of problems, not to mention her own confessions of love for Ron.
Now Harry's mind had not only got on the wrong track, he had derailed completely. All of a sudden, a terrible image shot into Harry's mind, a dreadful pain accompanying it. He saw Ginny silently resting on her bed and a green light shot from a random point in midair. Harry launched from his bed, by chance snatching up his invisibility cloak. He knew that normally he would have been nervous and ashamed to go into a girl's dorm, but this was an exception: Ginny was in danger.
But there was no danger after all. Ginny lay peacefully on her bed her chest heaving the covers up and down as she breathed. Harry suddenly felt the awkwardness of being in the girl's bedroom hit him. He looked at his feet and saw Ginny's clothes lying on the floor. A shiver shot up his back as he realized that Ginny was stark naked under the blankets. Around the room Harry saw the other girls resting, Daphne Blake, a beautiful blonde, snoring loudly. Harry giggled at the idea of Daphne snoring.
Carefully, Harry sat himself on Ginny's bed attempting to control himself from doing something foolish, like sitting on her legs. Harry couldn't help it. She was so beautiful, so vulnerable to him that he couldn't resist placing his hand around her waist as he had done earlier in his daydream. He couldn't believe he was actually being foolish enough to risk this. She groaned for a moment and Harry froze stiff. She shifted and rolled right into his grasp.
Harry began shaking, but calmed himself, insisting that panicking would accomplish nothing. Without his own consent, his voice came out as a whisper. "Gin…" his new voice said. Her eyelashes flickered and her eyelids opened. What am I doing here? asked Harry's brain, but he no longer had control. To his complete surprise, Ginny did not scream, she did not pull back. Instead, she smiled a confused, but undeniably happy, smile.
"Um, Harry?" she asked quietly.
Harry had regained control now and the other voice was gone. Harry would have preferred that it had stayed and taken control of the conflict. "I… I th-th-thought y-you were… um…" Ginny emitted a small giggle at Harry's newly developed stutter. His pride slightly tattered, he continued. "Ginny Weasley," he stated. She nodded and stifled a second giggle. "I love you," he declared flatly. "I always will love you, I always have loved you, I was just too blind and stupid to realize it." Ginny began another giggle, but this time she did not have to stifle herself. Harry did it for her.
As their lips met, Harry could feel Ginny's hand reach up onto his back. He thought for a moment of her utter nakedness under the sheets, but allowed himself to ignore it and be pulled into their passionate kiss. If only this had happened sooner… Harry thought, but pushed it out of his mind. Things of the past were gone now. He had his Ginny. And that was all he would ever need.
No! Harry's mind commanded. I know she is perfect! You don't have to convince me here! I'm trying to solve this problem, not restate it! Harry had had this conversation with himself countless times, seeking for some kind of signal from Ginny, some kind of hidden desire. Or something like that. Harry couldn't put his finger on it. Not anymore. In his second year he could have easily snapped his fingers and she would be lying cozily in his arms, but not anymore. If only things were the same as back then.
Now she was different. Right when Harry had finally opened his eyes and seen that he loved her, she had turned her back on him. It was like a little game. Harry hoped deep inside his heart that she still loved him as he did her, but his hope had diminished to crumbs. He was so close and yet so terribly far away. He couldn't understand anything anymore. It was as if Ginny sent out coded signals and as soon as Harry started trying to send back, she changed the code.
If only he could just… be with her. He could almost see her in his arms, feel her against him. He tenderly placed his hands where her waist would be, uttering softly that he loved her and would never let her go. A moment later, Harry snapped out of his little daydream, afraid that one of his classmates might see him and ridicule him. Still, he could envision her lying there, that beautiful red hair draped across his pillow, that enchanting smile meeting his lips. If only.
Harry smacked himself out of the dream again. He remembered the all too powerful words that Dumbledore had once said. It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live. Oh how he hated the bitter truth of it all. He no longer needed the mirror of Erised to see what he most desired. She passed him all the time in the hallways.
Every moment of every minute of every day was spent in some fashion thinking of her. This of course had caught the eye of some of his more "aware" teachers and had earned him a few scoldings for lack of attention. All day he would trace her name on his papers, but never dared to place it in ink for fear another student or even a teacher might see it.
That was another matter entirely. It seemed like the entire school knew about his feelings, yet at the same time, no one noticed. Ron was completely naïve to the thought of Harry even liking his sister in any fashion much less what Harry wanted with her. And of course he couldn't consult Ron about this. He would be furious and within the next ten minutes the news would be out. He knew that Rita Skeeter had the article already written, she was so keen for revenge.
The only aid came from a most unexpected source: Hermione. Though Hermione was no queen of social abilities herself and generally lacking experience, she had been the only one to pick up on Harry's foolish grins and drooling smiles. With Hermione he could blabber out because he knew he could trust her. Over and over again he would tell her how he felt about Ginny, reiterating these "bold" statements of love.
Hermione rarely offered advice but Harry didn't really want any. He just wanted someone to listen. And whenever he needed that, Hermione was there for him. In exchange, he had listened to her babble on about the way her parents were restricting her, holding her back and other sorts of problems, not to mention her own confessions of love for Ron.
Now Harry's mind had not only got on the wrong track, he had derailed completely. All of a sudden, a terrible image shot into Harry's mind, a dreadful pain accompanying it. He saw Ginny silently resting on her bed and a green light shot from a random point in midair. Harry launched from his bed, by chance snatching up his invisibility cloak. He knew that normally he would have been nervous and ashamed to go into a girl's dorm, but this was an exception: Ginny was in danger.
But there was no danger after all. Ginny lay peacefully on her bed her chest heaving the covers up and down as she breathed. Harry suddenly felt the awkwardness of being in the girl's bedroom hit him. He looked at his feet and saw Ginny's clothes lying on the floor. A shiver shot up his back as he realized that Ginny was stark naked under the blankets. Around the room Harry saw the other girls resting, Daphne Blake, a beautiful blonde, snoring loudly. Harry giggled at the idea of Daphne snoring.
Carefully, Harry sat himself on Ginny's bed attempting to control himself from doing something foolish, like sitting on her legs. Harry couldn't help it. She was so beautiful, so vulnerable to him that he couldn't resist placing his hand around her waist as he had done earlier in his daydream. He couldn't believe he was actually being foolish enough to risk this. She groaned for a moment and Harry froze stiff. She shifted and rolled right into his grasp.
Harry began shaking, but calmed himself, insisting that panicking would accomplish nothing. Without his own consent, his voice came out as a whisper. "Gin…" his new voice said. Her eyelashes flickered and her eyelids opened. What am I doing here? asked Harry's brain, but he no longer had control. To his complete surprise, Ginny did not scream, she did not pull back. Instead, she smiled a confused, but undeniably happy, smile.
"Um, Harry?" she asked quietly.
Harry had regained control now and the other voice was gone. Harry would have preferred that it had stayed and taken control of the conflict. "I… I th-th-thought y-you were… um…" Ginny emitted a small giggle at Harry's newly developed stutter. His pride slightly tattered, he continued. "Ginny Weasley," he stated. She nodded and stifled a second giggle. "I love you," he declared flatly. "I always will love you, I always have loved you, I was just too blind and stupid to realize it." Ginny began another giggle, but this time she did not have to stifle herself. Harry did it for her.
As their lips met, Harry could feel Ginny's hand reach up onto his back. He thought for a moment of her utter nakedness under the sheets, but allowed himself to ignore it and be pulled into their passionate kiss. If only this had happened sooner… Harry thought, but pushed it out of his mind. Things of the past were gone now. He had his Ginny. And that was all he would ever need.