Jordan wasn't stalking her. Okay, maybe she was a little, but she had a good reason to. She entered the Gull to find it mostly empty. Audrey or Lexie or whatever the hell she was calling herself now was behind the bar, making drinks with a big smile on her face. It made her want to smack it off of her. Instead, she took a seat at the counter and waited for the woman to approach her.
Noticing the woman, Lexie stoped doing what she was at and happily walked by the black haired lady at the end of the counter. Keeping her smile, she asked: "You want a drink? The first one's free. On the house."
"Jameson," Jordan replied, "Neat."
Lexie took the bottle of alcohol and poured some in a glass that she later gave to Jordan. Trying to start a conversation, after the woman started to drink, she asked: "I've already seen you somewhere, didn't I? I never forget a face usually. You wanna talk? What's your name?" She leaned on the counter just in front of Jordan.
Jordan accepted the glass and held it between her gloved fingers. "Yes, I've been around." Jordan replied resisting the urge to punch her in her cheery face, "My name is Jordan McKee." She took a long drink of her whiskey, "And I'm not a real talkative person."
"Ohhhh! Look out, we've got a badass over here!" She says sarcasticly, putting her hands in the air and shaking them. "Hunny, if you wanna know one thing about me, is that I don't give up so easily." She then leaned back and crossed her arms on her chest with the smile she already had and waited for some reaction from the lady.
Jordan was so taken aback by Lexie's outburst that she tried and failed not to laugh. The weight of the animosity she usually felt in her chest loosened a little. It wasn't that she had hated Audrey; she was jealous. She had Nathan's love, not that she wanted his love per say but love in general. She had no Trouble. And she had the ability to end the trouble. It was complicated feelings and suddenly found herself feeling miserable all over again. Jordan quickly downed the rest of her whiskey.
"Hey," Lexie starts, softly. "What's wrong? I can see something's going on with you. I'ma bartender, I see that kind of stuff. C'mon tell me, there's not so much people around and there's another bartender around to take care of the others, we can have a discussion witout being disturbed. So tell me, is it because of someone in your life? Some guy? Some girl? Love problems? If you want we could go take a walk? My shift ends in like 2 minutes so…" She kept looking at Jordan with her little smile and leaned again on the counter. Examining the woman, she could see that she wore a lot of black. Actually, only black. She also had some gloves, black eventually. She didn't wondered why, knowing deap down why she had them. But with Lexie—Audrey—being immune to the troubles, she didn't need to be afraid of Jordan. She could go anywhere with her, she'd be ok, knowing that the lady in front of her could not hurt her by her only touch. So, the proposition she just made her was totally fine, she says. She was waiting for an answer now. And she got aaaaaaall day.
Lexie was trying. Really trying. And it made Jordan feel simultaneously incredibly angry and really tired. She was tired of being alone. Tired of being a pawn. Tired of being Troubled. Tired of watching life go by and not being able to truly partake in it. "I don't talk about my personal life." She told Lexie. And what hurt the most, is that she could see Lexie genuinely seemed concerned. Jordan couldn't remember the last time someone actually cared about her.
"If you don't talk about your personal life then just talk about something else!" Lexie insisted. "Y'know, I hate to see people feeling bad and then I try to help but nothing happens. It feels like the whole world is being sort of… destroyed piece by piece and i'm just sitting here watching the show. I hate this feeling, really. I want to help. I want to make you feel better." her smile has dessapeared and she had some nostalgia, or something like that. She felt some kind of sadness witout being sad. She felt she was talking about her past like a memory she kept for herself and couldn't share. She felt like her Audrey side was being showed a little bit too much and then modified what she was about to say. "Ok, yeah, I admit sometimes I get pissed about people, most of the times, but, I really do wanna help. You seems like someone who needs more happiness in her life. Do you see anyway to make that possible?" her eyes were filled with compassion. She really did want to help Jordan. She was just hoping that the woman would open her shell to her and finally talk.
Jordan sighed. "I'm just tired. I just want a normal life." She gestured to her glass, "Mind getting me another?"
"Don't we all." she says talking about the normal life Jordan wanted. When she asked Lexie for another drink, she simply nodded and answered, "Of course!" taking the bottle of alcohol left behind and poured more in the glass the woman in black already has. "I was wondering… Since when everything went wrong with this town? All those troubled things, when did it started? Have you been living in this all your life?" she asked, curiously.
Jordan shook head. "No. I was born in Chester's Mill. My Mom was born in Haven. I moved here in my twenties." She sighed, "It was the biggest mistake of my life."
"Oh, sweetheart, we all make mistakes." she sighed too and leaned her head. She took a breath and asked, embarassed, "I know, it may be none of my bussiness, but I've got a question." she saw Jordan raising her eyes on her. It took her few seconds before finally asking it. But, she did. "I know that it takes some kind of emotional trauma to be "troubled", at least, that's what i've been told for now and I also know that you are troubled. So…" she took a deap breath, seemed almost scared to ask it, "what happened to you?"
Jordan inhaled sharply at Lexie's frank words. She found herself abruptly getting to her feet, the bar stool scooting loudly across the floor behind her. Horrible memories of the event that triggers her Trouble came bubbling to the surface and she fought the urge to let out the sob that began to form in her throat. "I-I-have-to-" Tears filled her eyes and she blindly made her to the door, bolting out into the parking lot. "Please stop!" She could hear her words echoing in her mind. "Make me." his words filtered through and turned her stomach. Jordan hurried to the bushes along the side of the building and proceeded to vomit until tears of misery trailed down her face. When she was finished, she wiped at her mouth with her gloved hand. She then peeled them off and through them in the bushes as she heard footsteps approaching. Her body tensed and she found herself going into defense mode as she whirled around and faced the source of the footsteps.
"No, wait!" Lexie found herself running after Jordan. Not paying attention about what was going on around her anymore, she ran outside, finding Jordan, almost crying, totally outdated. She was breathing heavily and had trown her gloves away. Lexie—Audrey—noticed traces of vomit around and the smell of it close to the woman she caught. "Hey, hey c'mere." She came closer to Jordan, the way she approached her could seem like she tried to hug her. "Hey, I live just upstairs over there. You want to come so you can clean a little? I won't ask you to talk about what happened anymore, okay, I promise. Now please, let me help you. Come with me." Lexie tried to help her walk, she was limping, not so much, but enough to make Lexie want to help her walk, at least until she'd be seated again.
Jordan allowed Audrey—Lexie—to guide her up the back deck stairs to the top floor apartment. She sat down on one of the chairs around the small kitchen table. It took her a minute to realize that Lexie had touched her skin—her bare skin— and was perfectly fine. Her touch hadn't hurt her. "How?" She murmured. Lexie didn't appear to hear her, instead she busied herself by getting Jordan a cup of water and a clear shot glass filled with minty green liquid. Jordan brought the small glass to her lips and sucked the mouthwash into her mouth. After swishing a couple of times, she got to her feet and spit it into the kitchen sink. Jordan turned on the faucet and rinsed the sink down, then cupped her hand under the flow of the tap, gathering cool water in her palm, and cleaned the corners of her mouth. She shut the tap off and turned to face Lexie who was now leaning against the kitchen table. "How did you touch me and not get hurt?"
"Uh… well I…um…" she didn't really know what to say. As Audrey, she clearly knew why she did not get hurt. She's immune to the troubles. But as Lexie, how could she know it? "I don't know, what do you mean not getting hurt by your touch? You didn't tried to hurt me as I know." she paused. "Were you?" She then moved closer to Jordan. "Hey, do you feel any better? Maybe you would like to sleep? I'm sorry, I— I really didn't wanted you to… To feel bad or react that much I— I'm sorry, really." she crossed her arms and lowered her head.
Jordan sighed. That's right; Lexie wouldn't know. She made a mental note to ask Nathan or Crocker whoever she saw next. Now as for Lexie's questions… "No, I'm not okay." She settled on being honest, "how my Trouble was triggered was…the worst moment of my life."
She raised her head. She talks, I may have a chance, she thinks. "Jordan, I'm just gonna ask you once. Once and then, if you don't want to, I get it. Now, do you want to talk about it? If I can help, in any way… I will. Maybe if you just want to confess to someone, I am here for you."
Jordan chuckled bitterly. "I talked it over with Claire once…" She sighed, "for all the good that did me. If you wanna know, I was raped by a man I thought I loved and I thought loved me." She took a stuttering breath, "I felt so powerless. I fought…" She shook her head, "but I couldn't stop him. My body felt like it was being ripped apart…and after, I could no longer touch people or be touched. All that he left me with was pain. And now that's all I have to give."
So that's why she really can't touch anyone, she became a human teaser so anyone could hurt her anymore. Not physically, anyway, but the emotional pain still haunts her every single day , Audrey thought. She took a deap breath, surprised by the fact that Jordan confessed this to her. Now I realize why she wants SO much the Troubles to go away. What happened to her it's..It's terrible. I can't even imagine the pain she lived with all these days… "And when did that hapenned, exactly? What happened to the monster who did this to you? Is he in jail? Has he beem punished for the crime he commited? Is that the reason why you became a member of the Guard?" she realized she had a lot of questions so she stoped here.
Jordan found the words falling from her lips before she could stop herself. "He got off. On some technicality." She spit out the words, "Some paperwork slipped through the cracks…" Her hands unconsciously turned into fists, "So, I hunted him down and kidnapped him. Tortured him for three days straight with nothing but my touch…" She shrugged her shoulders, "That was almost four years ago. He's still in a coma."
Audrey stayed speachless for moment. She couldn't say a word. She stayed open-mouthed, no thoughts at all. Only surprise. During three days long… Only her touch… It's been four years and he's still in a coma…Well, for one sure thing, she got her revenge. Audrey understood now all the anger that Jordan had. During all these years, she kept it inside. It needed to come out one day or an other, for sure, but now, she has it all the time. "Listen," she finally replies."I understand all the pain you live with, every day of your life, but you got your revenge over him. During three days long, you've made him suffer with all the pain you kept inside, but it's over now. It's been four years, Jordan." she approched Jordan even more."If you keep it, if you don't let go, you're letting him win. By just, letting go, letting all this pain going away, all the pain you've added over the years, you can get out of all this misery." she took Jordan's hands and saw some kind of reliving. Audrey—well, Lexie for now— wanted to sympatize with the hurten woman in front of her. She knows Jordan has done bad things, first of them by getting into the Guard, but the only reason she has done this was because she didn't know what to do else. She was trapped in a nightmare and couldn't wake up. She then did the impossible to make her life easier to live. She continued, "Jordan, make yourself a favor— forget this horrible past. You need a new start. You need someone who's gonna really love you. Someone who will care about you. Make the pain go. Let it go."
"How?!" She demanded, "How do I let it go?! I've become a monster!" She didn't regret what she did to her attacker but that was just one thing on a long list of sins. She moved closer to Lexie, tears building in her eyes, "I have no friends. No life outside of trying to end the Troubles." A sob wrenched from her throat, "Who is going to love a woman they can't touch?!"
"Oh, Jordan." Audrey couldn't resist anymore. She needed to make Jordan feel good. At least, recomfort her for now. She was looking at her, right in her eyes, the sames from wich tears started to fall down. She could help, but she'd have to cure her from her trouble. No need to end all the troubles right now if hers gets cured. Afterall, she really does has one of the worst she ever saw in her life. She couldn't just stay in front of her. She didn't know why, but she felt like Jordan's pain, the pain she had in her heart, Audrey could feel it. She almost wanted to cry too. She wanted Jordan to have the trouble-free life she deserves. But how? She leaned on Jordan, hugged her softly, but tight and sweetly, just a perfect hug that could make anyone feel better and wispered:"I am here for you. All you have to do is to let this pain go away. All you do is holding it, like something you can't abandon. But you have to. This ache in your heart, that you feel everyday, if you let go, your trouble will too and you're gonna be free and able to start a new life. A trouble-free life. A wonderful, new life. Believe me." she hold tighter Jordan, not giving her any chance to get out from this hug.
Jordan broke down and wept as Lexie wrapped her arms around her and held on tight. She was being comforted without any strings attached and it felt like heaven. It had been years since someone had held her like this; sure Nathan had held her but there had always been an ulterior notice behind his actions. She wrapped her arms around the other woman and clung to her like a life raft. She should've had this relationship with Audrey to start with but they just…never clicked. And now she was Lexie and Jordan was grateful that she took the time to care.
Still holding her tight, Lexie asked, "Would you like to sleep now? Maybe rest a bit? I thought after this I'd go to sleep, if you want you can join me? My bed is good enough large for us both and there would even be place for a third person." she says, half-laughing. "I got some clothes for you if you wanna change yours, I can give you some. Maybe you wanna take a shower or you're hungry, anything-just ask me and you'll get it." one of her hands landed on her cheek, caressing it tenderly. She'd give everything to Jordan if she needed it. She'd just have to ask.
Jordan reluctantly parted from Lexie and nodded. "Sleep would be nice." She felt spent; emotionally and physically and wanted nothing more than to lie down. They changed for bed and Jordan watched as Lexie crawled under the covers. She looked down at her hands, still marveling at the fact they were bare and she didn't have to worry about hurting her. She got in on the other side of the large bed and pulled the covers up around her. There was plenty of space between them that their bodies didn't touch. Jordan found herself inching closer, gravitating towards Lexie, who rolled over and wrapped an arm around her. Tears stung at her eyes once more as she lay there and let Lexie take care of her.