Preface
I cried as I watched him walk by. He was proud but maybe a little worried, or even scared. He held his head high, a slight smile played across his thin lips. This sight made my heart stop, that always happened when he passed by. He paused, just to my left and up a little. His shoulds tensed as he glanced around catiously. My eyes widened. Had he seen me? Had my one wish finally found it's way back to reality? He glanced at me and for the first time I saw his eyes. They were and odd green-and-brown color that swirled and stilled like a coming storm. When he turned his head I felt my heart shatter, all the pieces piercing the empty voretx where, just moments ago, my heart resided. I opened my mouth to call out to him, but he was gone, and so was my voice. I had watched him for over a year now. He never saw me, everytime he passed through the fields he kept his eyes straight ahead. I kept my eyes straight too... straight at him. He had grown since I first saw him. He was just a small boy, now he had grown at least six inches. His face had changed too... instead of a happy oblivion he had a saddened, angry, maybe lost look about him. I could see love in him... but I think only a few people saw or he would show it more. He had strength too, to endure all he had overcome. As I watched him leave I confirmed a thought I had the first time I saw him pass. I loved him. I love Nico DiAngelo.
CHAPTER ONE
Nico passed through the fields often. I had learned his name on the same day I saw him. The day I met his sister, Bianca. Bianca DiAngelo had been killed by an automaton giant on a quest with some of her Hunter sisters and a few demigod heroes. As I cried I wondered if this was how Nico felt when he lost his sister or if this was different. Bianca came up to me now. I never told her about my feelings for her brother but I was sure she knew.
"Nataile!" You cannot think that way!" she scolded. "Souls cannot be with the living!"
I hung my head. Did I mention I'm dead? Yeah, I'm just another soul in the long maze of the Fields of Asphodel. Bianca should be in Elysium, but she couldn't see her brother from behind the gates. I blinked away tears. Oh, I knew the rules. I knew the meaning of the word "impossible.
"Natalie! I love my brother too. I wish I could tell him how much I love him and how proud of him I am. I miss him more than anything! I know it's no the same but sometimes, when I see him, I want to cry too!" She yelled.
A few heads turned but the souls here don't care about anything.
"I don't understand. Why can't you just move on? I mean honestly. I moved on!" She whispered.
I blinked. Maybe losing your life and body maxde you crazy.
"Bianca, you haven't 'moved on'! If you had moved on you wouldn't me hanging out in the Fields! You would be sitting happily in Elysium! Why is it so hard for you to struggle with something!" I screamed.
I stared at her. I blinked away tears but I didn't whether they were sad or angry. I looked up at Bianca. She looked hurt. I quickly realized my big mistake. I had hurt her. She was mad. I needed her.
"Bianca I'm so sorry!"
Bianca looked up. Her face was composed but I assumed she was still wounded. "Sit." Bianca ordered, pointing to the ground.
Great, now I was a dog. I sat down, pulling my knees to my chest.
"Talk to me, Nat."
I sighed, what next? Roll over?
"I can't move on Bianca!" Why was that so complicated? "I love him!" I screamed.
Bianca blinked and stared. Obviously taken aback. Maybe she didn't know. Maybe she thought it was just some crush.
"When I look at him, when he smiles, when I saw his eyes... my heart shatters! When it finally has the strength to pull itself back together, it breaks again. It shatters harder and harder each time. And now, I don't think it will come back." I whispered.
Bianca looked suprisingly understanding. "Natalie, I'm so so-" her apology was cut off by long broken sobs.
Tears flowed from my eyes like a salt waterfall. She could never know enough to be sorry. I would never have Nico. Nico. Nico. Nico. His name was so beautiful it hurt. Bianca rubbed my back but I was still upset. I breathed deeply and eventually calmed down. Sort of. I was still broken inside. I had a feeling I would be until I saw Nico again. I would be healed only to break again.
"Bianca?" I whispered after calming.
"Hmm?" she asked not meeting my eyes.
"Have you ever been in love?" Bianca cast her eyes down.
The world was silent for long moments. The tension was amazing. I knew her answer. I felt it tugging at her. I knew I had won... almost.
"I was fourteen when I died! I had sworn the Oath of Artemis. I couldn't love. I had to take care of Nico. I had a few crushes. Cute boys who caught my eye. Nothing like what you found in Nico."
She looked like she was going to cry. "I'm so sorry. I never should have asked." I whispered. Great, now we were both sad. I hugged Bianca tightly. She looked up at me.
"We need to get you your guy or we'll be spending eternity in tears." She grinned half-heartedly. I smiled. This was better. A distraction but nothing to keep me away from Nico.
"Can you talk to him?" I asked. I thought through the possibilities. We couldn't talk to the ones that breathed unless they called.
"Aha! Charon!" Bianca cried.
I was confused for a second. "The ferryman?" I asked. I met Charon once, when I died. He told me to empty my pockets of all valueables and stuck me in some smelly boat.
"We can get im to tell Nico! We can write a note or..or.." her voice faltered in her excitement.
I honestly think she was crazy. It just might work though. I got my hopes up and pushed them down just as quickly. I'd learned that getting your hopes up was dangerous and hurt too much... especially where boys get involved. Before I could protest Bianca grabbed my hand and dragged me through the fields. It was funny. Usually Bianca was the sensible one. Usually I was moping in a field at this time. I thought of Nico as we ran. I felt the rough grass underneath my feet. I thought of Nico's name. Nico Nico Ncio Nico. I saw the many souls watching as we ran. I thought about his shiny black hair. I thought about his thin face and full eyes. I thought about what it would be like to be in his lean but muscular arms.
"Nat! Natalie! Yoohoo!" Bianca called waving her hands in front of me. I was at the wall of Erebos. I missed my vision. "The boat is coming! We have to get Charon to help us!" She paused thoughtfully. "Got any cash?" she whispered hopefully.
I pulled out the pockets of my ghosty blue jeans. "Nope, Charon sucked me dry the first time round." I sighed, shaking my head. I smiled apologeticlly.
Bianca began rummaging through her many pockets. I could see the ferry coming up on the erie yellow-green water of the Styx.
"Bianca." I urged quietly.
"Aha!" Bianca cried, pulling out a huge gold coin. On one side was a picture of the empire state building. On the other was a picture of an old man with a beard. It was a gold Drachma. "I hope one is enough..." Bianca muttered to herself.
Charon let all the new souls off the boat. We quickly jumped the wall. I felt the tugging of the Fields of Asphodel. We had crossed the line. I guessed we had at the most five minutes before fading back to the fields. Charon prepared to row back. "Wait!" Bianca and I cried together. Charon paused. Bianca ran toward him.
"We need you to send a message! We can pay you!" Bianca cried handing him the large coin.
"Very well," the ferryman said after inspecting the coin. "What is it?" he asked impatiently.
Bianca took a deep breath. "We need you to tell Nico DiAngelo to call forth his sister and Natalie Jones." she decided.
I blinked, shocked. I had never told her my name.
"Is that all?" Charon inquired carelessly. When neither of us answered her nodded. "Nico DiAngelo...call sister... and Natalie Jones." he muttered to himself.
"Swear on the Styx you'll deliver it just as we said?" Bianca pushed.
Charon sighed. "Nobody trusts anyone anymore." he muttered. Bianca gave him a meaningful glance. "Alright alright I swear." Charon said throwing up his hands.
I was going to thank him when I got a tingling sensation. I was being pulled back. I glanced at Bianca, her form shivering and fading. "Tha-" I was cut off. Next thing I knew I was in the Fields again.
I breathed heavily. People always think that dead people don't dead to breath, but just because you walk straight through them, does not mean they can't get horribly out of breath.
"Bianca," I breathed. I huffed and puffed as I plopped down of the coarse grass. I hoped there were no pigs in sight. Bianca nodded in answer, to tired to speak. Crossing the wall does that to you. I learned the hard way.
"Do you..."I gasped. "think you're...brother will... really call us?" I asked. I hoped, dangerous as it was, that he would.
Bianca nodded, "As long as Charon holds his oath, my brother will call." She answered.
Our breath was mostly back now but I wasn't getting up anytime soon. "Well," I grinned. "if he calls us, it better not be soon 'cause I'm so done with being pulled back to this place." Bianca laughed.
I glanced around the fields. Tall weat stalks were bunched up all over. Gaunt trees bordered the endless yellow grass. There was nothing. That was all the fields were. Nothingness full of everyone. Boring as they were I hadn't known anywhere else for a long time. I tried to remember life.
I was a... a Titan I guess. Only not. My mother was a child of a titan, punnished for nothing. I didn't know who my father was, only that he was a hero. I don't know how I died. I think there was a fire, but I don't think I was burned. I wished with all my heart to remember something, but I knew I could never. Souls didn't need to think about their life. Most didn't care. Most thought that because we were supposed to give up feelings that we had to.
Before I could dwell on my past Bianca tapped my shoulder. "Natalie," she sounded worried. "What are you going to do if Nico falls for you?"
I blinked. I knew I should have a plan. I should have thought of it before. Darn.
"I don't know," I was dead. He was alive. Either he would have to die or I would have to live. I couldn't let him die. "I have to live." I stated with a confidence and certainty I didn't have.
"Natalie, you died and there is no going back. It's a bad idea to mess with life and death. It's bad enough for the livng but for you..." she looked at me like my mom used to when I spoke of something impossible or childish.
"There is a way. Orpheus almost made it, Dionysis made it, why can't Nico?" I got so obsorbed in my thoughts that I realized this was all a what-if situation. What-if! Two words that are harmless but change the world together. What-if could be the most life changing words ever, but theres on better one. Love. One word, one syallble, four letters. Heartbreaking.
"Natalie..." Bianca sighed. The pain in my eyes must ave been obvious.
"No. Bianca... it's too much. I died for a reason! I learned my lesson and all that. I can't go through this again. The last time..." I started.
"The last time was 2,000 years ago! The last time you didn't know what you were doing! The last time you were ALIVE!" Bianca cried. Anger problems were a big thing in the Di Angelo- Hades family, I guess.
"Exactly!" I grinned hysterically. " The last time I wasn't even good enough to make it into myths! The last time I was sick of that stupid island and would do anything to get off... and maybe it was worth it..." I broke off into thoughts of chances.
"Nat, theres no way it would work unless he died too! You can't undie!"
"Um... Bianca... I'm pretty sure theres a word called 'relive'!" I rolled my eyes. Wow, she goes through all of this and when I doubt myself she immediately makes things works. Darn my arguing skills.
"Natalie Marina Jones! Figlia del carcere!" I blinked in surprise at the name. "You love my brother! I have a say in this and arguing is better than sitting in the middle of nowhere!"
She had a point.
"Well! I don't want to argue with you because it confuses me!" I shouted randomly.
"HA!" Bianca cried. "I confused you!" she smiled.
I rolled my eyes and layed down. Thinking was easier than talking at this point. My mother always said that was because of the island. I didn't get it when I was little but I think now that loneliness is all I really have, it wasn't the island, it was loneliness. When there's no one to talk to, thinking is good. When you think alot, then maybe it seems easier. Like not having to admit your fears, sins, and hopes to anyone. Not having to admit having nothing. Nothingness was hurtful. In nothingness anything real is more alive because nothing else alive can take away its vivacity. Nothingness was painful.
I was semi-aware of Bianca sitting awkwardly. She thinks too, but she gets excited alot and forgets peace. I sighed and knew she needed to talk.
"What now?" I asked. Bianca smiled.
"Tell me what it's like," she grinned. "How you feel." I sighed again.
"It feels like nothing in the world can touch you. Like when you see him, everything is fine. There's no such thing as war or hunger or pain. You feel weightless, but at the same time tied down. You feel safe and warm and maybe a little protective. More than once I've wondered if there was someone else, for him I mean. I feel that heartbreak every time he leaves and I wonder if that's because I don't know if he'll come back, because he didn't notice me, or maybe it would feel like that even if he loved me." I said, twirling a peice of grass between my fingers.
"Natalie, thats beautiful! How could you even question that?" Bianca scolded. I knew she was right.
"I can question it because it's only half true. You have be loved back for it to be true love." I sighed.
I shouldn't have to question. I should just be able to know that if he could see me... or hear me... or talk to me... then he would love me. Because I love him. That was the only thing true about this relationship. I love Nico Di Angelo.
"What's he like? When you deid how did he act?" I asked her.
Bianca laughed, "He was twelve when I left him. He played this stupid card game and thought he was the coolest thing since sliced bread. He was rwally mad when I became a Hunter. He became angry when I died. He turned on Percy and tried calling me constantly. He didn't succeed for a year." she whispered, as though haunted by her thoughts.
"Is he like that now?" I asked. I would love him no matter what, but this might make things a little different. I needed to know now.
"No," Bianca smiled. "Now he's a hero. He saved Olympus, he's a child of the big three, and he has a family. He has friends."
I smiled so big I'm pretty sure it's against the law. He was a hero. Visions of me in big puffy dress saying 'My hero!' popped into my head. My smile grew bigger. I think I looked like the Cheshire Cat by then.
"Hey Bianca..." my voice was cut of. I watched as Bianca disapeared right in front of me. "Bianca!" I tried to yell but my voice still wouldn't work.
All of a sudden the field started disapearing with her. My body started to tingle, as if I'd sat still for too long. I started to smell things. Grass, flowers, water, fruit and earth. Clean air... Living Things! When I could talk again I didn't know what to say.