We stalked the streets nightly, scrounging for what we could fine. Usually we settled for loose change we found, and if we were lucky, we could find a bill somewhere. It happened rarely, so we never counted on it.

Neither of us was ever hungry enough to eat discarded food either. We knew we could get sick and we didn't have any money to buy medicine. If it really got desperate, we could always steal something. Already, we've robbed from two local convenient stores. It was quick and fast, and the cashiers had always given us a friendly wave as we left, not realizing we'd just snuck 20 of their food. It was strange for me to say this and keep a straight face, to say it nonchalantly, as if everyone did it. Not everyone did it, obviously. In fact, I'm pretty sure most people were in their houses by now, snuggling into their beds and couches, getting ready for sleep or setting up a movie. They had endless possibilities.

It hurt to know I use to have those possibilities.

"Jackpot!" I heard Brendan say a few feet away from me. He stood up, waving the 50 dollar bill in my face. Smirking, he commented arrogantly, "And who says I don't provide."

My mouth fell open as I jumped on his arm, giggling happily. We hadn't had that kind of money in a long time. "Brendan! I can't believe you found this."

"Yeah, it's a lot better than you're loose change."

"Hey! It'll pay for dinner tonight, so don't complain." His eyes lit up.

"Hell, we could have the biggest and best dinner we've ever had with this. We don't have to split a burger or anything tonight." A frown tugged on my smiling lips. He looked so happy, dreaming of all the gourmet food he could get. How we could go to the movies, enjoy ourselves. I could see the dreams swirling in his eyes.

"Brendan…" I said shyly, "we can't do that." He immediately stopped his ramblings and gave me a look that clearly stated he didn't know what I meant. His look quickly changed to that of agitation, knowing what I was getting at, and it reminded me of all the times when I'd look over at him during tests in class. He'd be leaning over his calculator, typing in numbers or in English as he was staring up at the ceiling, thinking of ideas for his essay. I always thought he had been lost in thought all the time, thinking about the project, but he'd seen me numerous times watching him. He would glance over and smirk at me, which would stain my cheeks a light pink as I focused back on my own work. Still, I knew he watched me awhile after, half expecting me to look up. Everytime he caught me though, and once I had turned away, I never looked back up. Not once.

"Why not?" His question crashed me down to reality as I remembered the situation. I had to think about what we were talking about and when I remembered, my voice held a slight plead.

"We barely get enough money as it is. We have to use this carefully."

"Aw, come off it Bell. Live a little, we may not see this kinda money for a long time." Brendan knew where I was coming from, I know he knew. It was the fact that we had the money, the potential to be… normal again, that gave him the idea. Serious Brendan would've agreed with me in an instant. Dreamer Brendan just wanted me to come along for the ride.

"Exactly, we should save it so we don't waste it away. It could be used for emergency money, or we could buy some groceries to last us for awhile… and don't call me Bell."

"Bell," He groaned, and I cut him off.

"Don't call me Bell." His glare almost levelled me.

"Why are you so uptight?"

"Excuse me, I'm trying to make sure we're going to actually live through the next week."

"We're surviving just fine. We have an apartment, and jobs that pay for rent and most of our food." I opened my mouth in awe, didn't he realize the situation we were in. He must be really dreaming right then, he'd seen everything I had, why was he arguing with me about this. We'd been stuck in this city for a month, living the way we did, and he thought we were fine? I took one deep breath in and caught his gaze, keeping it there.

"Open your eyes Brendan, does it look like we're fine? Our jobs pay the rent and that's about it. We don't have electricity or heat in the apartment, we're just lucky the landlord pays for the water bill so we can actually have water to drink and take a shower. We share a meal per day, which usually consists of some cheap burger. And you think we have the… the… expense to just throw away this kind of money." I crossed my arms over my chest. "I just don't buy it."

It was harsh to say, but if I kept being soft when I was fighting with him, eventually he would win. We rarely had fights, actual concrete fights. We had minor arguments, usually about stupid small things. Like, who should wash the dishes that night or whether it was too cold for us to use two separate blankets, when we should be sharing both to keep warm.

It was silent over the street and all I could hear was the whispering of two thirteen year olds down the street, the light giggles of the girl, as they rushed down the street, probably having just snuck out of their warm comfortable homes. They didn't realize how good they had it.

I watched the two teenagers, only four years younger than myself (if I was guessing their ages right) for a moment, turning back to Brendan after I heard his shoe scuffing on the ground. The bill was barely clinging to his fingertips and I was afraid if any breeze came by it would be blown away. I took a deep breath, opened my mouth to apologise for something I didn't have to apologise for, but his soft voice beat mine.

"It was just a thought." He said timidly. I immediately uncrossed my arms and put both hands on his shoulders, trying to get him to look up at me.

"Don't worry about it." I smiled, despite how much I wanted to dream with him. "I think about it too." He looked up and ruffled the top of my head with one of his hands, while handing me the money as I stepped back.

"I know, Bell." The tone in his voice stopped me from saying anything about the nickname. We stood there for a few moments as the reality of the situation hit us again. We didn't know how to get back to where we'd come from and we hadn't been prepared for coming here. We'd been taken off guard and by doing so, we were paying for it.

I shifted on the spot, slipping all the money we'd found into my pocket. Brendan reached over to link his hand with mine, intertwining his fingers and giving them a squeeze.

"I love you." I smiled up into his face, his eyes shining with care. For me, of all people. I truly believed he deserved better. I'm not saying this so people will feel sorry for me and tell me that I'm just grasping for compliments. I'm actually completely genuine when I say this. He's intelligent enough to know the things he needs to, without being overly all-knowing. He's athletic enough to look intimidating, standing a little less than a head taller than me. It's probably the only reason why him and I haven't been jumped yet, because he looked big enough to take anyone in a fight.

I reached up on tiptoes and gave him a light kiss on the cheek, he turned his head for more than that, but I was already walking away, pulling his arm along with me.

"Let's go home.

The landlord screamed at us when we came back, complaining about how the tenants were making too much noise at night, keeping him and the missus up. He wasn't directing it at us, only yelling at us because we were the ones to come through the front door at the time, because he knew we were barely here anyway, but it didn't surprise me when he accused us anyway.

"You kids don't quiet down and your asses will be outta here quicker than you can blink." Behind me, I could feel the growl purr in Brendan's chest and the grip on my hand tightening,

"Okay, very sorry sir." I said, trying to get him to move so we could go up to our room and get some sleep. Brendan was up earlier than normal for work tomorrow, I was worried about him being too tired.

"Don't get cheeky with me. You and your boyfriend can go to hell for all I care." I nodded throughout the sentence and took a hesitant step forward, to see if he'd stop me from going upstairs. He did and once again yelled into my face.

"You don't shut up while you're up there and I'm gonna turn off your water." Spit clung to my cheeks and I wanted to wipe it away, but I knew it would provoke him. I knew it was an empty threat, every few days he would yell at either one of us for it, but it still brought an unwanted jolt of fear to my heart.

"Very very sorry, we'll keep it down." I said, biting my lip as I waited.

"Don't push your luck with me, you whore." He gave a pointed look at me and walked away. I could feel Brendan make a move at him, could almost feel the anger he gave off. I turned and grabbed his arm I was already holding onto with my other.

"Brendan, don't worry about it okay?" I could see the muscles in his jaw were clenched and I waited for the landlord to turn the corner before I pulled him towards the stairs. When he didn't move, I tugged on his arm harder.

"Brendan… please?" He turned to me and then looked back to where the landlord had headed before following my lead. We ran the steps two at a time and hurried to our door. I almost tripped over Amber, one of five prostitutes in the decaying building. Her shirt was ripped open, revealing almost her whole chest, and her skirt, which was close to being the length of my hand, didn't hide much.

She blew a smoke ring at me as I hurried by and winked at Brendan.

"You ever get lonely, honey. You come see me." She laughed when he completely ignored her, muttering to herself under her breath . As soon as we got into the apartment, Brendan closed the door and stepped up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and nudging his face into my shoulder.

"I hate the way he talks to you." He was giving light kisses to my shoulder. "I hate him."

"Brendan," I sighed, reaching an arm up to run my hand through his hair. "There's nothing you can do."

"There's a lot I could do." He said, "you just won't let me do them."

"For good reason." I said, pulling away. I walked over to the piles of folded clothes and searched through them for something to wear to bed. I'd gotten us each a few things to wear from a small used clothing store near here. The cashier was an older woman and had watched me sift through clothes for two hours, struggling with finding something that would last longer than a week before falling apart. Once I got back up to the counter, she'd looked me up and down, then at my clothes and at the clothes on the counter.

"Take them." She said and I glanced up at her.

"Shouldn't I… pay for them?" Her eyes twinkled.

"I won't tell if you won't." She gave me a reassuring smile, which I returned full heartedly. She'd thrown it all in a bag and I was about to leave before I stopped.

"Thank you." I said and she nodded to me, using her hands to form a shooing motion. I grinned and left the store. Because of her I'd been able to buy two blankets, thin cheap ones mind you, for both Brendan and I, so we wouldn't freeze at night.

Brendan watched me from his spot where I'd left him and then plopped down on our only piece of furniture in the room. It was an old futon, we'd found it by the road downtown, lucky to have come upon it before anyone else had. Brendan leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I watched him and dropped the clothes I had in my hand. I could see the tenseness in his shoulders, simply from the confrontation downstairs and could only imagine how worse it could get. Walking over, I sat beside him, facing him on the couch.

"Brendan." I said, when he made no move to notice. "Turn around." He lifted his head and gave me a half-asleep look.

"Why?" I tilted my head.

"I was going to give you a back massage, but…." I said, dragging out the last word. His eyes widened at the prospect and he threw off his T-shirt, turning around so his back was facing me. I sat up on my knees and placed my hands on his shoulders, easing out the knots there. I continued my way down his back, coming back up, and repeating the process. Brendan gave a small moan.

"You're really good at this."

"Thanks." I said, "I learned it from my mom, she always had to give my dad back massages." I stopped after a while and he turned around to face me.

"You promise to save me another one of those?" I smiled and leaned forward to give him a light peck on the lips. He leaned forward as I pulled away, keeping his lips on mine as long as he could.

"Now turn around." He closed his eyes, but I could see his eyelids quivering. "Turn around." I repeated and he huffed, standing up and facing the other direction. I watched him for a moment, making sure he wouldn't peek, before shedding my clothes and changing.

"You need anything washed tomorrow?" I asked, refolding the clothes I'd taken off.

"Yeah, there's a pile on the counter by the sink." He started to pull out the futon, putting the blankets on as well. It was getting colder and colder, so we shared the two blankets and body heat. When he'd first suggested it, I had been afraid that he would try something, but he never did. All he did do was hold me and rub my back sometimes, but that was it. I was grateful for it, I really wasn't ready for sex. Not yet.

"You joining me?" He smiled, holding up the blankets for me to crawl under. I bounced onto the bed, snuggling up to his chest (he'd put his T-Shirt back on)as his arms wound around my waist.

"Goodnight Bell." I almost said it back, but another question blasted from the back of my mind. One I had never really thought about, always just dismissing it as something that was just Brendan.

"Why do you call me that?" He didn't say anything for awhile and I thought he had fallen asleep.

"Because it's what my dad called my mom." Brendan shifted on the bed, his warm breath caressing my cheek, "I hope that's not weird to say, but they always remind me of what love is suppose to be. They've been together since high school. I always think of it as good luck for our relationship, and it's my way of showing that I love you, without having to outright say it." There was more silence as I took it all in. His voice came back, a soft whisper. "My Bell."

And I knew he wasn't talking about possession there. He was talking about what I meant to him. He was saying he would always love me.

And I knew I would always love him.