K: Huzzah! And welcome to the first chapter of Evangelion: Mirror World.
P: This story descri-
K: That's right, P. So enjoy chapter one!
This chapter dedicated to the Air Hockey table that inspired so much of it.
Disclaimer: Eva and its creamy chocolate center isn't ours…
Episode 1: Welcome to NERV
Shinji stood in the center of a public street. He looked down at the pavement. This was where he was told to wait, but where was his ride? He pulled a picture out of his pocket. It was of a woman named Misato.
Misato was sitting on a stool in nun's clothes. She signed the back.
Hey there, Shinji. I work with your dad. Hope to see you soon!
P.S. Alcohol is bad.
P.P.S Drugs are O.K. though….
Shinji just stared. Wasn't she a nun? A car horn made him look up. Someone was in a green beat-up sports car next to him.
"Get off the road!" screamed a fat man with a bald patch. Shinji just stared before smiling.
"I'm straight," he said. Suddenly a red sports car squealed to a halt behind the green car. A woman stepped out. She was the woman from the picture he had. She was wearing a red jacket and some kind of skirt. She turned to the guy in the green car.
Misato pulled out a baseball bat and smashed in the front window of the green car. "What the hell are you doing, you crazy bitch?!" shouted the guy in the car.
"Let that be a lesson to you!" yelled Misato. "How dare you yell at someone for standing in the middle of a public street!" The man in the car just stared blankly for a few seconds.
Then he pulled out a gun.
"Run!" screamed Misato, dragging Shinji behind. "Just get in the car, go!"
"I'm straight!!" shouted Shinji. Bullets flew through the air. One of them hit Misato. She screamed in pain.
"Misato!" shouted Shinji. "Are you all right?" Misato through him in front of an elevator and grabbed the steel cage behind him.
"Never mind me! You have to rescue her!" Misato called, clutching her bullet wound.
"…rescue who?" asked Shinji. Misato stood up.
"Oh, right," she said shaking her head. "That doesn't happen till the movie. My bad." She stood up and walked over to the car door.
"Wait, weren't we just in front of an elevator?" asked Shinji. Misato stared blankly.
"I don't remember that," she said.
"How can you not remember?!" he demanded, staring at her in disbelief. Misato turned dramatically and clutched her head.
"Because all the heroin has killed my few brain cells!" she shouted.
"You do drugs?! I thought you were a nun!?"
"Stupid!" she began. "I'm only a nun on Saturdays!"
"Of course!" exclaimed Shinji. "It's so obvious!" He walked around to the other side of the car and opened the passenger door. He sat down on the leather seat. Misato joined him. A bullet zoomed through the windshield of the car. "Drive, drive!" shouted Shinji.
"Oh right," began Misato. "We're being shot at. I thought the author dropped that," Shinji stared anxiously, waiting for her to drive. She just sat there. Then she grabbed her seatbelt and started to try and click it in. She smiled. "Buckle up for safety!"
"Just drive!" exclaimed Shinji.
"Pushy bastard," she muttered. She through it in reverse and took off.
Hours later, Misato said they were nearing there destination. Shinji looked at the houses as they drove by them.
"Why did I have to go all the way to that city to get picked up by you?" he asked.
"Because it's a midpoint for us to meet," Misato explained.
"Where do you live?" he asked.
"In an apartment complex five minutes down the road," she said. They drove by another set of houses.
"That's my house right there…" He stared out the window as the sun set. "Hey Misato?"
"Call me Ms. Katsuragi," Misato said.
"Okay… Ms. Katsuragi?" he tried.
"Oh you can call me Misato," she explained.
"…Oooooo-kaaaay…Misato?" he tried once more. Misato blushed.
"Shinji, please, I know I'm fine, but I'm an un-practicing nun every other Saturday!" Misato exclaimed, waving him away. "Restrain your adolescent sexual urges!"
"…I don't care how straight I am, you're like forty…" he muttered.
"What was that?" Misato shot him a look that would kill him if it had the power.
"I said I'll try,"
Minutes later, the car was descending into the depths of NERV. Shinji looked out in amazement. "This is amazing!" said Shinji.
"I know!" Misato exclaimed. "They even fit the Big Gulp cup!" Misato placed a giant plastic cup into the cup-holder. Shinji just stared at her. Misato grinned as the car stopped. She stepped out onto the platform. "Now follow me to a land of mystery and wonder!"
"It sounds like your reading that off the back of a brochure," Shinji commented. Misato laughed nervously.
"What makes you think that?" she asked as she crumpled up "A Visitor's Complete Guide to NERV". Shinji sighed and just followed her down the hallway.
They'd been walking for twenty minutes when Shinji finally groaned. "Do you even know where you're going?" he asked.
"I would if somebody hadn't made me crumple up my map…" Misato grumbled. They were walking for another five minutes before Misato tripped. At the same time the door in front of her opened and a blonde woman with a doctor's coat on walked through. Misato landed face first in the doctor's chest.
"Well, jeez Misato," Ritsuko sighed. "The least you could do is buy me a drink first,"
"Shut up!" Misato yelled as she pulled her face out from Ritsuko's chest. "But they are nice,"
"Thank you!" Ritsuko exclaimed. "I had the surgery,"
"So it went well?" Misato asked.
"See for yourself," Ritsuko said, motioning towards her chest. Misato cupped one with her hand.
"Huh, they feel so natural," Misato commented.
"Hello?" Shinji said behind them. His face was completely red.
"Oh!" Misato exclaimed, dropping her hands. "Sorry, thought I was in college for a sec. Shall we move on?" Misato walked down the hall that Ritsuko just came from.
"Central Dogma's this way," Ritsuko pointed. Misato turned and started storming down the hall in a mix of embarrassment and rage. Shinji looked at Ritsuko.
"Is she always like this?" asked Shinji.
"You should see her when she takes a hit of acid," Ritsuko said nonchalantly and started following Misato. After forcing the image of a wasted Misato screaming what a great time she was having with all the guys while running around in her underwear at a gay bar, Shinji followed Ritsuko.
Later, as they descended farther into the depths of NERV, Shinji stared at the underground complex ahead of them. He was shocked. "I'm shocked!" Shinji gasped.
"Yes, this is all an amazing underground bio-dome that exists here, under the city of Tokyo 48.5. It was a cultivated land built on the shattered remains of the workers that died trying to construct it," Ritsuko explained.
"Nerd," Misato said under her breath. Ritsuko just stared for a few seconds.
"That…was so hurtful…" Ritsuko said as she started to cry. "Why would you say something like that?! You know how I struggle to learn things! I finally figured out what this place was and you say something like that?!"
Ritsuko went on for a while complaining about how hurtful Misato had been, so they left her alone in the elevator. Shinji and Misato proceeded to a hall that was unlit. She smiled and waited for what she knew would come.
Suddenly a spotlight fell on a man up above them. He bore a strong similarity to Shinji and had orange colored sunglasses. He spoke.
"Shinji," he said sternly. "I…am Gendo. Your pim- sorry, your father," Shinji looked at the floor. Misato walked over to him.
"Are you two on bad terms?" she asked in a concerned tone.
"Sort of…" Shinji started. "He hasn't talked to me since…since…"
"Go on Shinji, it's okay," Misato said soothingly.
"He hasn't talked to me…" started Shinji. "Since breakfast this morning!" Misato turned to Gendo with a look of anger.
"You bastard!" she shouted at Gendo.
"That's enough, Katsuragi," Gendo said.
"You can call me Misato," Misato explained.
"Okay, Misato," Gendo tried.
"How rude!" Misato yelled. "I'm your employee, and just because I'm a woman doesn't mean you can treat like a sex object! You can call me Katsuragi!" She stormed off, muttering "Men…" as she left the scene.
"Um…okay then," Gendo said, re-adjusting his glasses. "Er…Shinji! You have to pilot…this!"
The lights flashed on and Shinji saw what was labeled as Evangelion Unit-1 in front of him. He stared at the purple horn on its head. "That's not sexually arousing at all," Shinji said.
"Shinji…this…" Gendo paused for dramatic effect. "…is an Evangelion!"
"What's an Evangelion?" asked Shinji.
"That!" Gendo pointed at the purple machine.
"So what's that, then?" Shinji pointed in the same general direction.
"That's a horn, stupid," Gendo growled.
"Not the horn!" Shinji defended. "The thing it's attached to!"
"That would be the head, Shinji," Gendo said, spacing his words so they would be easy to understand.
"…whatever," Shinji muttered. "So you want me to pilot this?"
"You have to!" Gendo shouted.
"Fine," Shinji said. "How do I get in?"
"With three drinks and a lot of lube," Gendo said. Shinji stared blankly.
"I was talking about the Eva," Shinji replied.
"I know," Gendo responded. "Now go!"
"I don't know how," Shinji said.
"So you won't do it?" Gendo demanded.
"No, I just don't know how," Shinji explained.
"Shinji!" Gendo shouted. "You are the only hope for the human race! If you don't get in we're going to die!"
"I want to get in!" Shinji shouted. "I just don't-know-how!"
"Fine!" Gendo motioned for something. "Then we'll have to make her do it!"
A hospital bed was being wheeled up behind Shinji. He turned around to face Ritsuko pushing in a girl with very light blue hair. She was lying on a hospital bed. Ritsuko pushed the bed next to Shinji.
"This…" Gendo paused for dramatic effect. Again. "Is Rei Ayanami!" Shinji stared at the girl.
"…she's dead," Shinji said.
"Ritsuko, prep Unit-1 for Rei," Gendo instructed. Ritsuko picked up the limp body of the girl and readied her for piloting. She chucked the body into the entry plug. "Last chance, Shinji,"
"I want to pilot the God Damned Eva!" Shinji screamed.
"…fine," Gendo said calmly. "Send Unit-1 up to the city," Unit-1 was soon flying up to the city above. As soon as it appeared on the dark streets a creature charged after it. "That, Shinji, is an Angel," he explained.
The creature grabbed the unmoving Evangelion and whipped it across the city. It crashed into a few buildings. "The pilot's taking major damage!" shouted someone monitoring the screens.
"See Shinji?" Gendo said coldly. "She's going to die because you refused to pilot it,"
"She's already dead!" shouted Shinji.
"I know," Gendo said. "At this point you've guaranteed she'll die,"
"I mean you threw her dead body into the Entry Plug!" Shinji exclaimed.
"I know. Her fate was sealed the second she walked into that entry plug…" Gendo said sullenly.
"JUST PUT ME IN THE GOD DAMN EVA!" Shinji screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Woah, buddy. No reason to shout it," he said. "If you wanted to pilot you should've just said so,"
"Fine!" Shinji shouted. "Now how are you going to get the Eva back down here?"
"We don't have to," Gendo said. Shinji stared in confusion.
"What are you talking about?" asked Shinji. He blinked and suddenly the Eva was right back next to him in the loading bay. "What the hell? How…?"
"…Jesus?" Gendo suggested.
"Oh! Of course!" Shinji exclaimed.
"No, not Jesus, you idiot!" Gendo exclaimed. "That was Eva Unit-1! This is Eva Unit-01! Now go!"
"Right!" Shinji exclaimed. He jumped into the entry plug. The Eva skyrocketed to the surface and he was soon face to face with his enemy. "Let's go!" he shouted, and the fight began.
DUN DUN DUUUUUUH! What a cliff hanger!
That's chapter one, gang. Hope you liked! Please review! Much appreciated, those reviews. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you in –insert allotted time here- with chapter 2!
Please review!