A/N: Here's the first chapter! I hope you liked the prologue. Oh and I should tell you, some chapters may contain several inside jokes or odd words. If you don't understand, pay no mind. R&R! No flames please.

Chapter One: It's all gone!

Mr. Vernon Dursley rolled over in bed to glance at his alarm. It read 3:08 AM. His stomach rumbled and he let out a quiet groan. "Time to eat food," he said, and rolled out of bed. He waddled downstairs into the kitchen and sat down, pondering what he should stuff his face with. He thought about the evening's leftover chicken, Petunia's birthday cake, Snack Packs, potato chips, and…The Neapolitan ice cream. His mind nearly screamed at the thought that just wandered into his head. Neapolitan ice cream was his favorite type of the frozen delight, what with its three flavors, blended so easily into each other, yet somehow so separate. To Vernon Dursley, it was like poetry in a cardboard box. He stood up and groggily wandered to the freezer and opened it up. There it was: the ice cream. It seemed to be calling his name, saying "Eat me, eat me." He snatched the box and tore it open.

"Where the bloody hell is it all?" he nearly shouted. It was all gone! Every bit of it, gobbled down by another soul. "PETUNIA!" he yelled. His wife came bustling downstairs, wiping her tired eyes.

"What is it, Vernon?" she asked in alarm.

Mr. Dursley sniffled and then burst into tears. "It's not here! Someone ate it! All I wanted was Neapolitan ice cream, and now I don't get it!" He whined, then abruptly stopped crying and started glaring at his wife. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about this, would you? Hmmm?"

"Do not accuse me of eating that sick excuse for ice cream! It's insulting to the world of frozen treats, and no one should eat it!" Petunia said in extreme disgust.

Vernon gasped dramatically. "Take that back!"

"Noparoni. I will not." She said.

"You're just jealous of its delicious creamy three-flavored goodness!" Vernon retorted. "But this is not about your issues, it's about who ate the rest! I will find out who did it! I swear to you, Petunia, if it's that blasted fat pig of a son of ours, we will NOT buy him presents!"

Petunia almost fainted. "You mean…Dudders? Oh…no. Certainly not. Don't touch him! My duddykins did not eat it!"

"I'm going back to bed!" Vernon said rather loudly. He proceeded upstairs, little sniffles coming from him. Petunia stood in the kitchen until Vernon was all the way upstairs. She then tiptoed out into the frosty night and opened the car door. She pulled out another box of Neapolitan ice cream, whipped a spork from her pocket, ripped off the lid and started to devour it!

"Mmmm. You are so delicious! I don't know who ate the other part of you, but I will find that person and hunt them down! If I ever let Vernon find out about this…oh goodness gracious. Keep your mouth shut you damn delicious ice cream!" She whispered to herself, then sprinted inside, tripping in the process, which caused her to fall in the flowerbed and spill ice cream all over herself. "Damn."

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A/N: Welp, there ya have it! Oh, and I thought I might add that when I typed in 'Dudders' the spell check came up and said that the word should be 'udders'. I thought it was funny. Hope you liked it! Please review…toodles!