Author's note: This is a parody of those "My kind of day/a day in the life of....." type interviews/articles that you get in magazines like Hello! and OK. The image of Snape doing a lifestyle interview was just too incongruous, I had to do it.
This is dedicated to Severus Snape's Slytherin Society, the ladies who frequent it and its founder, Syrena.

Disclaimer: I'm not making any money from this and I don't own Snape or anything in this ficcie, dagnamit. It all belongs to J.K.Rowling, the lucky cat.

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How does my day begin? My day begins when I wake up, what a stupid question to ask. Contrary to what many of the students will tell you, I do wash my hair and yes, I also brush my teeth.  

  Choosing my daily garb is never a complicated affair.   The decision to wear black is mainly a practical one. I refuse to waste precious minutes of my time deliberating over whether that robe goes with that tunic, or those trousers go with those shoes.  Also, contrary to what many dunderheaded muggle fashion pundits will tell you, black is the new black.  

  I try to get to the great hall as early as possible to avoid the thronging mass of adolescents that conspire daily to ruin my appetite.  The best way to evade large numbers of students is to limit your movements as much as possible to very early in the morning and to late at night after lights out.  Inconvenient yes, but the rewards are worth the sacrifice.

  After breakfast I like to steal a few moments to myself in my office or store cupboard.   I like to check over my ingredient stocks, read through potion recipes or just admire the some of the many specimens I have collected over the years.   The more uneducated denizen of Hogwarts will tell you that my collection of preserved "slimy things in jars" as they are uncharitably referred to, are disgusting. I however maintain that a container of pickled rat's kidneys has a beauty all of its own.   Aesthetic significance does not begin and end with the Veela. Besides, rat's kidneys are far more useful.

  When the time comes for my first class I cannot help but stifle a feeling of dread.   Teaching is a noble calling, a serious business and is not meant to be enjoyed. By anyone. That most definitely includes the students.   Filling the easily distracted young mind with useful information is no easy task I can assure you.  I do not prescribe to the fanciful notion that education involves bringing out the best in the pupil, accentuating and bringing to the fore the most admirable qualities of the child. No, no, the educator must curb whatever natural instinct the child has (it will invariably be undesirable) and forcibly mould the student into a productive member of the wizarding community.   I have learned through bitter experience that the untrained student falls into one of two camps: The complete ignoramus with no hope of ever making anything of his or her life or the know-it-all show off that can't keep his or her mouth shut. The latter at least have potential. The only way for a child to advance intellectually is through a strict regimen of demanding classes and copious amounts of homework.   The less time they have to themselves the less chance they have to stray.  When this does happen, the educator as disciplinarian should always have this as his watchword: Detention. Never fails.  And no, before you ask, my emphasis on hard work and punishment is not due to deep-seated resentment over the fact that I have never been given the Defence Against the Dark Arts post.  If anyone tells you otherwise, you tell them that I'll see them in court, it's slander, it's defamation of character it's - but I digress.

  Unfortunately by lunchtime everyone is awake and one is forced to be sociable.   Some comfort comes from the fact that the food is usually rather good.  The house elves of Hogwarts actually verge on competent. 

  An inter-house quidditch match occasionally relieves the daily monotony of Hogwarts life.   I am something of an aficionado of quidditch.   I don't follow a particular team because I have a real appreciation for the sport itself.  I admire quidditch qua quidditch; irrational notions of bias and team loyalty do not fetter me.   And no, I am not biased in favour of the Slytherin house team.   The simple fact of the matter is that the Slytherin team is the best.   While it is my duty as head of Slytherin to show support for my house in sporting events and the like, my task is made easier as I am secure in the knowledge that Slytherin is by far and away the most superior house in all respects.

  After dinner I can finally retire to my sanctuary; my private quarters in the dungeons.   Once here I can relax, perhaps put my feet up with a good book and not have to worry about the immense responsibility that comes with teaching at such a prestigious institution as Hogwarts. I often – oh. Oh dear. Uh…I'm afraid that's all I really have to tell you, if you don't mind I think its time that you left. What? No, there is nothing wrong with my left arm.   I have not been scratching it for the last ten minutes, you're imagining things. This interview is over!