Mending Hearts

Chapter One

Sunlight flooded in through my window, filling my room with its warmth and brightness. I rolled over and looked at my clock. 12:03, it read. I sighed, and then pulled myself out of bed. Even though Darry and Soda had been letting me sleep in more then they usually did, it didn't feel right to sleep the day away. I went to my dresser, pulled out some clean clothes and headed to the bathroom.

The house was empty except for me, but that was expected. It was a Monday, and both of my brothers were working. They wouldn't be back 'til around five. Ever since summer began last month, Soda had started to work more. He said that it was because we needed the money, but I knew that it was because he couldn't stand to be around me while I was still so shook up by what happened.

I quickly had a shower, changed into my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror. Despite my hair still being blonde, and the dark bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, I looked the same as I always had. I wore my usual white shirt and jeans and my hair was combed back like it always was. But even though I still looked like myself, I couldn't recognize the boy in the mirror.

The boy staring at me looked young, and fearless. He looked like a greaser. But the boy inside of me felt older than I looked and he was scared. Scared, sad, angry – whatever other words you can think of that would describe the feeling of terrible loss our gang had gone through.

It was nearly August, and although it had only been a few months since Johnny and Dally passed away, it seemed like an entirety. And even though all of us in the gang were living like we used too, going to work and all, we all changed in some way.

I changed the most at of all of us. Maybe it was because I saw both Johnny and Dally die, or because I was only fourteen, but I knew for a fact that I was going to take the longest to recover from what happened. Once school ended, I completely shut out. I stop reading books, stopped going out to movies and didn't really talk much with anyone. I couldn't sleep properly, so Darry let me sleep in a lot. I knew that the gang wanted me to snap out of it, and start to act like myself again, but they didn't, probably just so I wouldn't freak out on them and run off or something.

The second person was changed the most was Sodapop, but that was probably only because not only did he lose two friends, but he also lost his girlfriend, Sandy. As I said before, Soda started to work more, and his attitude also changed a little. He was still the same fun-loving guy we all knew, but it seemed like he had sort of mellowed out a bit.

Although he doesn't like to admit it, Two-Bit has change a little as well. He has been hanging out at our house more and has been getting drunk more than usual. When I brought this up, he said that he hung out here because he wanted to make sure that I was dealing ok with everything and that he wasn't drinking anymore then he did before. Then he got mad at me for accusing him of being depressed, and then left to get drunk.

Another person who doesn't like to admit that they've changed is Darry, but I think that's only because he's the most mature and doesn't want us to see him all sad and whatnot. I would have asked Darry why he was hiding his feelings, but I didn't because Darry hasn't changed in a way that the rest of us can see. He doesn't act any differently or do anything out of the ordinary, but I know that he has changed inside. I know that deep down, Darry feels different about things then before, but of course, being all mature and al, he isn't about to babble to the rest of us about it.

As for Steve, I think the only reason he changed was because the rest of us had. The only thing different about him was that he was now working full-time at DX (mainly because it was the summer and that's were Soda was), and that he didn't think of me as a tag-along anymore. Now he thought of me as the Curtis's little wimpy brother who couldn't over a couple of deaths. A few weeks ago, he had come up to me and said: "Hey Pony, stop acting like you're the only one who misses Johnny and Dally. They were our buds too and you don't see us crying about them every two seconds. How about you start moving on with your life and stop bringing your brothers down with all your whining."

I left the bathroom and headed for the kitchen, finding a note taped to the fridge.

Ponyboy, there are some left over eggs from breakfast in the fridge.

Try to get yourself outside today.

Be home by five.

-Darry

I took the note off, put it on the table and grabbed out the plate of eggs. I put them in the microwave for a few minutes, just so I didn't have to eat them cold.

After I finished eating and cleaning up the kitchen a bit, I decided to watch TV for awhile, even though there wasn't much on. Around two, I figured that Two-Bit might be coming over soon; he usually did around this time to keep me company. I didn't really feel like bumming around the house while Two-Bit tried to make me laugh by cracking jokes. It's not that I don't appreciate the fact that he's trying to cheer me up, it's just that, I think I'd get over all this sooner if I deal with it myself.

I quickly found my shoes and headed out the door. I should have left a note for Two-Bit, just so he wouldn't worry about where I was, but I figured he'd be glad that he didn't have to hang with me while I was 'moody', as he said.

I wasn't too sure where I was going, but I do know that I was feeling a little bit better. Maybe Darry was right. All I needed to do was to get out a little more.

I eventually ended up in the park, though I don't even remember wanting to go there. Just then, I had an overwhelming need to cry. I walked over to the fountain and sat on the ledge. Even though this was the place were I had almost been drowned, and were Johnny had killed that Soc, Bob, it didn't feel wrong being here.

I didn't suddenly think back to what happen and start replaying that whole night in my mind like they do in books and stuff, but instead, I thought of Johnny and the times we had with the gang. Then I thought of Dally, and all the trouble he had gotten into with the law and all. I soon found that I wasn't crying tears of sorrow, but tears of remembrance, remembrance of the good times we all had.

"Are you ok?" a voice asked.

I jumped, and turned around to see a girl standing a foot away from me. I didn't even see her come up to me.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me," I reassured her, wiping the tears out of my eyes, "I just didn't realized you were there."

The girl smiled. "Mind if I sit down?"

"Go ahead."

"I'm Beth by the way," she said, sitting down. "Beth Miller."

"I'm Ponyboy Curtis."

"I know. You go to my school."

"Oh," I said, suddenly feeling bad.

"You don't recognize me do you?"

I shook my head.

"Don't feel bad. The only reason I know you was because I meet your brother once."

"Sodapop?" I asked. She nodded. "How do you know him?"

"My brother Mark was in his grade," she answered. "They had to work on an assignment together back in freshmen year, so your brother came over to my house to work on it. I always remembered his name because it was so different."

"And so you knew who I was because my name's different too."

"Well, that and I remembered your last name."

We both sat there for awhile, not saying anything. I looked over at Beth. She was looking at the ground, and her hands were folded in her lap. She wore a white shirt with a pink sweater and a light blue skirt. "Aren't you hot?" I asked.

She looked down at her sweater. "No. I have family in Miami and I used to visit them a lot when I was younger, so I got used to the heat."

"Oh."

"So," Beth said, after a few moments of silence, "how are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm fine," I said quickly, hoping that she would drop the subject. "I've just have a lot on my mind right now. That's why I was …" I searched for a word that wasn't crying. "That's why I was upset when you came here."

"Oh, well I meant, how are you holding up with what happened."

So much for dropping the subject. "What do you mean?" I asked, even though I knew exactly what she was talking about. I just hoped that she'd take a hint and stop talking about that subject.

"You know," she said slowly, "about what happened to you and your friends awhile ago."

I didn't say anything.

"I was gonna come up and talk to ya, but I didn't know what to say."

"It's alright," I told her, but didn't say anything else.

"Look," she said after a moment, "you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. It wasn't even my place to be asking. I'm sorry." Then she got up and started to walk away.

"Wait," I called out. She stopped and turned around to face me. I got up and walked over to her. "It wasn't your fault," I said, "I'm just having a rough time is all."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she said.

"It just feels like my brothers and the other guys don't know what I'm going through."

"But aren't they going through the same thing?" Beth asked. "I though all of you were in a gang and were like family?"

"We are," I answered. "It's just that, I'm taking the longest to get over what happened, and I think I'm bringing the gang down."

Beth gave me a warm smile. "Ponyboy, I may not know anything about gangs, but I do know a lot about family, and families – well most families – stick together through the tuff times and they help you get through it. I'm sure your brothers and the others aren't mad at you. They just probably don't want to always see you sad and upset."

"Yeah," I said, "Maybe."

"Don't worry. You'll get through all of this."

I nodded. "Hey Beth?"

"Yeah?"

"When I said I was going through a rough time, you said you knew what I meant," I pointed out. "Are you ok?"

Beth's smile turned sad. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just some stuff happened awhile ago. It's nothing."

"Ok," I said, not really believing her, but I didn't want to push her for answers. "As long as you're ok."

"I'm fine." Then her smile returned to her face. "Do you want to hang out tomorrow, you know, get your mind off things?"

"Sure," I said. Hanging out with Beth would definitely help keep me busy from being upset around the house and it would also get me outside and doing stuff instead of bumming around. "What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know," she said. "Let's just meet here tomorrow and we'll think of something. Maybe go to the movies."

"Sounds alright. See you around one?"

"Ok," she said. "See you around." Then she waved and walked of. I turned around and headed in the opposite direction and headed home.

I didn't realize until I got inside and sat on the couch, but the whole way home, I walked with a small smile on my face.