A/N: Now a story in progress. Only the first two chapters are song fics based on the past, the rest will be set in their present.
Song: She's Got A Boyfriend Now by Boys Like Girls
Italics is Puck singing, Bold is a memory.
Oh and I own absolutely nothing.
Stars Go Kill My Eyes
He stands on the stage, and he's done this about a thousand times. His eyes scan the pumped crowd, and he's done this about a million times. He tries not to drown in disappointment when she's not there, because she never is anyway. Ned, the drummer, throws his spare drumstick at the back to grab his attention, and it works.
Puck greets the crowd, hypes them up some more, smiles seductively at the groupies gathering at the front of the crowd and about two songs in, he feels it, like he always does. Because she's not there, and she's not smiling at him the way she used to when he locked eyes with her while he was on stage, directing every emotion he was feeling in her direction and it's just not the same. The rest of the guys notice, and they know.
The end of the third song and he announces; "This next song goes to my special girl. She knows who she is." And his fingers start strumming the guitar, playing the tune they're so familiar with, and the rest of the band just follows his lead, because they're used to it by now, and hell, the song isn't that bad.
We were seventeen and invincible
Had the world figured out and the girl on my shoulders
Told me everything's gon' be alright
(Whoa-oh)
And everything was gonna be alright
(Whoa-oh)
His eyes close, and he can picture her back then, so tiny and weird and pretty and ambitious and driven and all that other shit he never was. He can picture her perfect lips, her perfect curves, her perfect legs, her perfect smile and he can picture her there in the crowd, wearing a shirt with his band's name on it, he pretends it's real and she's there, and she's cheering him on like she used to.
"That was a great performance." Rachel beamed at him and he grinned back. It was January of their senior year, and they were on winter break, and it's the band's first time on a stage that wasn't in Lima. They were in Cleveland, and yeah, they were totally getting their big break soon, he was sure of it. Finn, who drummed and occasionally sang, was sure of it. Matt, who acquainted himself with the bass guitar, was sure of it. Mike, who played the rhythm guitar, was sure of it.
Rachel wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her chin on his chest. Instinctively, his own arms enveloped her waist. "Of course it was, babe, did you expect anything else?" He said. Rachel rolled her eyes, "Your narcissism will screw you over one day, Noah." Puck didn't even try to contain his amusement; he chuckled and pressed his lips to hers.
In all honesty, Puck had never been happier. His band was going places, he and Rachel were going places, and he's thinking 'yeah, I could get used to this'.
Yeah maybe we were in high school
But you never see the ending
When you're young and not pretending
Singing everything's gon' be alright
(Whoa-oh)
And everything was gonna be alright
Buried her deep inside
Stars go kill my eyes
It's May and her television is on, and it's making a whole lot of noise, and there's probably shit exploding on the screen, and that usually blows his fucking mind, but right now it doesn't matter 'cause his eyes are glued elsewhere.
Rachel's biting her lip, unsure of what comes next. His forehead is resting against hers and they're all intertwined. They just went all the way, and he's just looking at her. She's unnerved by the fact she can't decipher his thoughts, no matter how hard she searches his eyes.
He knows he should tell her what he feels right now, at this very moment. He knows he could tell her how he feels, and the words are there, lingering on his tongue, and he wants to tell her, he needs to tell her, but the three words that bubble from his lips aren't the ones he expected.
"New York, huh?" he whispers as his eyes close, so she can't see how much it hurts him.
"You could still come." Rachel says quietly, tracing the boxes that defined his stomach.
Originally, they were both going to New York after graduation and start college and their lives together, but the band's manager had arranged to go out to L.A to meet with a major record company who was very interested in their sound, and if they got signed, then they had to work at recognition and tours and whatever else bands did.
His sigh is enough of a response for Rachel.
And god, how he wishes he'd told her he loved her, and that yes he'll follow her to the end of the world as long as she promises never to leave him. But back then, he didn't know what he knows now: he needs her. Back then, he couldn't fathom that he'd go years without seeing her, only knowing that she's always somewhere he can't be.
Then I took a trip out of LA
For the girl with a smile that could take your breath away
I'm thinking everything's gon' be alright
(Whoa-oh)
And everything was gonna be alright
(Whoa-oh)
5 Months in LA and Rachel slips through his fingers, he suddenly doesn't have time for anything except the band. It's too much for Finn and Mike. They back out of the deal, and Puck doesn't hear from them for a while. Ned and Wilson, two guys who they were all cool with fill in and it's all cool. The deal goes through, and 'Virile' is all over the world, breaking records, gaining millions of fans and money, but it isn't as thrilling as he thought it'd be.
Two years pass by in a blur because his head only thinks 'RachelRachelRachel', and if he writes a song it's for her, and if he sings, it's to her, and everything revolves around her, and she doesn't know it yet, and she just has to.
It's no surprise she's all over Manhattan. Even when he's dodging screaming girls and flashing cameras he realizes her name is everywhere, just like she said it would be. Her Pictures are dazzling the New Yorkers in every street corner, just like she said it would be. The reviews for the latest Broadway production praise her in every way, just like she said it would be. Now, he's going to find her and they can be together, just like she said it would be.
Maybe I thought I could sweep in and
Sweep her off her feet and go right back to Boston
Thinking everything's gon' be alright
(Whoa-oh)
And everything was gonna be alright
(Whoa-oh)
The streets keep holding on but now she's so far gone
He buys a ticket to the musical, right in the front row. The musical begins and he wonders if she'll spot him. Eventually, she does, and the note she's singing falters, and she prays no one noticed but the gasps in the crowd tell her otherwise.
Puck has to pull a hell of a lot of strings to get to her dressing room. He knocks, and he hears a soft 'Come in', so he does. Rachel's standing in front of her vanity. Her reflection locks eyes with him for a second, and she turns around to face him as he shuts the door behind him.
"Hey." He says with a lazy smirk.
Rachel cocks her head to the side, leaning her elbows on her vanity top. She examines him before murmuring a hello.
And his grin falters, because she's so…quiet.
He's leaning against the door, and she's still leaning against her vanity. He's observing her as she gathers newfound interest in her shoes. Puck decides that he loves her hair when it's all curled and loose like that, and that corset costume she's wearing is definitely a sight.
"What are you doing here?" She finally asks.
"I've come to collect my claim." Puck grins, but Rachel's not amused.
Her eyes narrow and she marches towards him.
She shakes her head, and shoves him with surprising strength. "You are an imbecile!" She says through clenched teeth.
Puck's a little taken aback, because he might not know what he was expecting but it certainly wasn't this. Her lips quiver, and she's got this look in her eyes that makes him feel like shit. Now he's the one who's focusing on his shoes and he's got his hands in his pockets, and he's thinking 'when did everything turn to shit?' but even he knows the answer to that question, and he's just not gonna go there.
"I am an imbecile." He repeats, and yeah, it sounds about right.
Rachel purses her lips, and she looks so…well…gorgeous and loveable, yet deadly and scary.
"I'm a very busy person, Puck or Noah, or whatever you go by at the moment,, and not to sound rude, but I don't leave people stringing along without notice." She gives him a meaningful look, and he winces.
"It wasn't like that, Rach, I-"
"I never said it was, and I believe the appropriate manner in which to address a respectable young woman, such as myself, would be 'Miss Berry', anything else would highly offend me."
Was she fucking serious? He didn't know, and he didn't want to ask. Silence falls upon them as Rachel moves about her room, gathering whatever she gets her hands on, and it's not until her cell phone makes a beeping sound that his eyes wander to its location on the table, joined with a big bouquet of roses.
"Adoring fans?"Puck asks, nodding in their direction.
Rachel bites her lip and finally faces him again. She's not really sure what to say, because she gave up on him a long time ago, and she never imagined she'd ever have this conversation with him. Although she's planned this moment ever since the day he left, seriously she has a speech that she's rewritten over and over again, but they all said the same thing: You're a Coward.
"Yes, Finn claims to be my biggest fan." She says, showing the hint of a smile.
It takes him a minute to react, because what the fuck? Finn dropped the band to stab him in the fucking back? He doesn't realize he said it aloud until she turns red, and she looks more pissed than the time he sided with Mr. Shue on letting Kurt sing a solo.
"You're such a freakin' hypocrite! Have you forgotten all the events that transpired in high school?" And though she starts out screaming, she can't help but whisper the last part, because she thinks something will break inside her if he didn't.
And Puck's just stuttering, because what a fucking question. Quinn + Puck = Drizzle, who never actually got to be named by her birthparents, because Quinn just had to pick the couple insisting on a closed adoption, and thinking about that shit hurt. Then there was Finn's look when he saw Rachel and Puck walking down the hallway, hands intertwined. Which just reminds him of he and Rachel when they were all smiles and kisses and cuddling and crap. Then he realizes that her question can be interpreted in two ways, and he's not risking giving her the wrong answer.
"He loves me." She says quietly.
"Do you love him?" Puck gulps.
She laughs bitterly and replies "Does it matter?"
He doesn't know what that means, and he's sure as hell not sticking around to find out. Puck decides it's time to go back to California.
Now she's got a boyfriend
And I've got a rock band
Cause nothing really ever goes the way it's planned
Yeah she's on the east coast and I'm on some back road
Driving to the city and then who knows
Cause that's all she wrote
I wish that I could turn this car around
But she's got a boyfriend now
Now he realizes he shouldn't have left. He should've went back in there and told her that he fucking loves her. Would've saved him 3 years and a half of what ifs and maybes and heartbreak and a letter from her calling him a fucking coward.
Now I'm 23 and invincible
Got the world figured out and a bird on my shoulders
Told me everything's gon' be alright
(Whoa-oh)
And when is everything gonna be alright?
10 Girlfriends, innumerable groupies, 730 glasses of tequila, and a year after that encounter, he swears he feels her in the crowd, and he catches a glimpse of her hair, and he could almost swear he's delusional.
He tells the guys backstage after the show. Ned simply walks over to him, places a sympathetic hand on his shoulder and says, "Dude, shut the fuck up." Then shakes his head, and exits the room.
"I think what Ned meant to say is that you need to let it go." Wilson speaks up. "Besides, have you seen all the honey bunnies out there? Take your pick, man, and forget her, she's not worth it. "
And after mumbling, "She is." He never talks about her directly to them again.