How Things Ended – How They Began Again

I'm guessing you have all heard the saying, "If you love something let it go. If it was meant to be it will come back to you." I had never thought much of that saying until now. After looking at my home life, you probably can see why. I have never had a clue to the true meaning of love. What did it really mean to love someone and have someone love you?

I never really knew who my dad was and well good ole mom- let's just say she wouldn't win any prizes for mom of the year. Lets face it she would never even win the prize for the mom who was there for daughter for one second of the day. I spent most of my childhood and teen years worrying if I would come home to find my mom had od'd. My mom never really seemed to care about me. The only things she cared about was getting high and finding a new man to warm her bed. I spent most nights locked up in my room praying that mom's latest man would be too drunk to try to break into my room. It was a pretty terrible and lonely way to grow up. I guess that is why I fell for Winn's plan so easily. I finally found someone who I thought loved me, and I didn't want to mess it up by saying no. If only I had known what I know now that I was only his ticket to getting out of trouble. Want to hear the funny thing? No matter what happened I won't have changed a thing, because it was out was out of all that mess that I found a home. If I hadn't been sent to juvie. I would have never been discovered by Pablo with this gift. I would have never gotten the job at Raintree. A place where I was needed. A place where I had a purpose, and a place I found love.

I never wanted to disappoint the people who loved me first, the Ritters and Pablo. I guess that's why I let my one chance at real undeniable happiness walk right out of my trailer door. I should have never let him walk out. I should have let him stay to explain himself. Instead, I listened to all that Pablo and Jean had to say about the Davises and people like them. What was I thinking? I know that Junior is nothing like his dad. They have no clue what the real Junior is like. Not the one that was willing to buy Wildfire to prove he cared. Not the one that held me when my mom showed up and turned my life upside down. Not the one who opened up to me about his own mom. Not the one that went after his sister when he knew she needed help. Then would never tell me why he stood me up. Eventhough, he knew I would be steaming mad. Not the one who believed in me when no one else did. Not the one who told me he loved me. Not the one who has proven he loved me time and time again.

I should have known that "My Junior" would have never risked the Ritters livelihood. He just never thought Tina could be that truly evil. He comes from pretty much the same place as me. He was just raised with more money and power. In both of our lives the important part was missing, the love. Both of us receive that from the Ritters. He would never had willingly destroyed that. It just means too much to us both. We really should have listened to Pablo when he told us Tina was evil. Then maybe none of this would have happened. The question now is can we all pick up the shamble pieces of our lives left behind by tornado Tina? I'm not sure if any of our lives will ever be the same again.

I don't know how to handle my situation. Should I listen to the saying and give him some time or was he the one giving me time? All I know is that for the first time in my life there is someone I can not live without.