Announcer - "Welcome everyone to today's episode of 'The Ikki & Kazu Show'! Now, here are your hosts...Itsuki Minami and Kazuma Mikura!"
Crowd - (APPLAUSE)
Ikki - "Hello, everyone! I'm Ikki, the best damn main character ever made by a two-bit mangaka!"
Kazu - "And I'm Kazu, the other smexy guy...who isn't as popular...GODDAMIT, JUST BECAUSE I WEAR A FRICKIN' BEANIE OR SOMETHING, PEOPLE HAVE TO JUDGE ME? CURSE YOU ALL!"
Ikki - "Calm down, Kazu. I'm sure someone loves you...somewhere. Anyway, let's get down to business! Today. we'll be talking about women and the role they play in today's anime and manga!"
Kazu - "Yeah, that's right! We'll be talking about that...I guess. I was pretty sure we're supposed to talk about how war and violence is bad, but whatever! I still get paid by the hour, anyway!"
Ikki - "Okay, girls are only good for three things: fucking, having sex, and doing it in bed...or anywhere else!"
Kazu - "ALL OF THOSE THINGS MEAN THE SAME THING, YOU RETARD!"
Ikki - "Well, what else are these slutty anime whores good for? I mean, Japan is pretty much full of perverts. They'll either make women annoying and young with the bodies of young boys, or sexy, over-the-top chest-heavy bitches who can do nothing but have sex and get wasted!"
Kazu - "Damn...I didn't know you thought like that, Ikki..."
Ikki - "I think of a lot of things when you're not around, Kazu-kun..."
Kazu - "Anyway, what proof do you have to this theory that many (if not all) anime women are sluts and/or whores with sexy bodies that aren't possible to obtain in real life without major surgery?"
Ikki - "Okay...how many good anime have you seen that doesn't have at least ONE girl with breasts that are around G-cup size or higher?"
Kazu - "...Not many..."
Ikki - "There you go! From Azumanga Daioh to Yu-Gi-Oh GX, practically every manga and anime ever made shows off some kind of fanservice to please the dirty man pigs of Japan!"
Kazu - "Guys like Onigiri?"
Ikki - "Yup! Guys just like Onigiri..."
Onigiri - "HEY! I RESENT THAT!"
Ikki and Kazu - "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU PERVERTED FAG!"
Onigiri - "..."
Ikki - "Anyway, there you have it! Japan is run by a bunch of pedophiles and perverts that want nothing more in their anime than big tits and lots of panty shots!"
Kazu - "Damn...I can't even think of a good comeback to all of this shit! I'm leaving! FIRE KING POWERS...ACTIVATE!"
Crowd - (Blows up into flames by Kazu's explosion of pure power erupting from his A-Ts)
Ikki - "DAMN! KEEP THAT SHIT ON A LEASH!"
Kazu - "Fuck off."
Ikki - "Good lord, crap like this makes me wish I had satyed with 50-cent and his trumpet band..."
Kazu - "SEE YA LATER, BITCH-WAD!" (He then blasts out through the wall, destroying everything in his path)
Ikki - "...Well, folks! I guess that's all for today's show! Have a nice day!" (Turns around and leaves)
Simca - "That was totally not funny at all..."
Ringo - "I know. Wanna make out?"
Simca - "SURE, OKAY! LET ME JUST GET BENKEI, MIKAN AND KURURU SO WE CAN HAVE A BIG YURI ORGY!"
Ringo - "Sweet! I am so glad I got over that ugly bitch Ikki!"
Ikki - (Suddenly jumps out of the floor) "That reminds me! We haven't talked about yuri yet!"
Kazu - (Crashes through the ceiling and lands right next to Ikki) "Hey, good thing you remembered! This episode ain't over yet!"
Ringo - "Oh, god! Can't you two just go and kill yourselves already?"
Ikki - "Sorry, Ringo-chan, but we don't kill ourselves until next week's show! Now...back to business! I think yuri is one of the few things that gives me a reason to wake up in the morning...besides breakfast. What about you, Kazu-kun?"
Kazu - "Yuri, eh? You mean...girls having sex...with other girls? Oh, god...I...I don't even know where to begin...I sometimes even wish my own mother was a lesbian, just so I could watch some real-life yuri action!"
Ikki - "Good lord, you have some problems! No wonder you're only girlfriend dumped you for me!"
Kazu - "The other 'man' she said she loved is YOU?"
Ikki - "Did I say that? I mean...yuri is hot, and that's final! Who wants pie?"
Kazu, Ringo, Simca, Benkei, Mikan and Kururu - "OOH! I DO, I DO!"
Ikki - "Well, too bad! I didn't bring any pie with me..."
Kazu, Ringo, Simca, Benkei, Mikan and Kururu - "YOU STUPID FUCKER!"
Ikki - "HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!!!"
Kazu - "That's all, folks!"