Aaaah! Real Monsters: Scaring Is Magic
A Crossover Fanfic (Aaaah! Real Monsters and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic)
Author's Note: You can see designs for the pony versions of all the main Nicktoons characters (aka "Nickponies") over on my deviantart page, www. savefearow. com. If for some reason you cannot access part of the gallery, a short description of the new cast members is provided below. The pony designs could not have been possible without General Zoi's excellent flash game and I am truly indebted to her for being "so awesome".
Cast of Characters (Visiting ponies from Saddlevania and their Equestrian nicknames)
Ickis (Short Stuff): a short male unicorn. He wears glasses and has a reddish-maroon coat and pale blue mane. His cutie mark is a harmonica and he has some skills as a musician. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about his magic spells which seem to backfire constantly. He has a lot of confidence and self-esteem issues, which isn't helped by the fact that his father is so talented.
Oblina (Stripes): a slender, graceful earth pony. She has zebra-like markings and a stylish new-wave inspired mane. Her cutie mark is a stack of books and she is very knowledgable about all the subjects she's read. If you give her the slightest oppurtunity she will demonstrate this knowledge ad nauseum.
Krumm (Big Stink): a chubby, carefree pegasus pony. He has a peach-colored coat and bright blue mane that is slightly spiky. His cutie mark is a clothespin, which is appropriate, considering how he lives to get filthy and smelly.
Slickis (Fleetfoot): a medium-sized male unicorn. Father to Ickis, he has a brick red coat and deep blue two-tone mane. His cutie mark is a large gold trophy that emphasizes his athleticism and scholatistic talent.
Locations
Saddlevania- the home of young Ickis, Krumm, Oblina, etc. This spooky neighborhood is full of strange ideas and even stranger residents, all of whom adore Nightmare Night and strive to incorporate fright into their daily routines. The train makes infrequent stops to this town, but no explanation has ever been given for the erratic transit schedule. Maybe nopony has ever been daring enough to ask why...
It was a bright enough morning in Ponyville, although the air had a certain nip to it, promising the start of a cold winter. Three young fillies walked towards the school, speculating amongst themselves about what possibilities the day might have to offer. The tallest of the three, a studious earth pony, had a voice which carried the furthest. "I'm sure it will be very exciting to visit a new school. I can't wait to compare our curriculums." she remarked happily. The young filly paused mid-stride and carefully adjusted her purple "traveler's cap". It was important to her that she made the right impression.
"You can if you want to. I'm more interested in seeing what everypony does in class, Oblina." her chubby pal of a pegasus pony stated simply.
Oblina rolled her eyes. "Oh, Krumm..." she murmurmed. Sometimes she despaired that her friends had fewer brains than she had stripes, and that wasn't even counting the ones she had in her mane.
Her smallest companion sighed audibly. "I'm not even sure I want to do that. Why couldn't I go to the palace with Dad, and help with his Student Exchange Proposal?" the little male unicorn whined.
"Because your father wants his plans to succeed, Ickis." Oblina answered testily. "If you don't even have the ambition to participate in a classroom, what possible use could you be to his negotiations?"
Oblina's words stung and he flicked his ears angrily in response. "I said I didn't want to be here, not that I wouldn't participate. If you don't even know how to listen, what possible lessons can you learn, hmmm?"
Oblina was about to fire off a retort of her own (probly about how only lazy little unicorns resorted to quibbling over semantics) but another, louder filly ran up to them and started gabbing.
"Howdy there, new ponies. Couldn't help but overhear ya'll talking. Seems t' me y'all are from outta-town and this'll be yer first visit t' Miss Cheerilee's class. Mah name's Apple Bloom and with me are my two bestest buddies and fellow Crusaders, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo." Apple Bloom greeted the newcomers with a friendly wave.
"You forgot lifelong pals." Scootaloo couldn't help adding. She had invented most of the Cutie Mark Crusader's titles, and wanted to make sure everypony remembered the correct terminology.
"And closest COMpadres." Sweetie Belle said with a smile. She liked the way the way that sounded best of all.
"Charmed." Oblina dropped to a slight curtsy. "I am Oblina, and my friends Krumm and Ickis, are very excited to be here." She gave an exaggerated glance behind her. "Or at least, Krumm and I are." Ickis stuck his tongue out at her.
"Oh yeah. I can tell you guys really get along." Apple Bloom joked. "It's just a matter of time before you become each other's very-special-someponies."
Oblina feigned horror. "I wouldn't stoop so low. And I really would have to stoop around Ickis." she added mischeivously.
"I'm NOT always gonna be a runt, you know. When I finally master my magic, I'm gonna be huge." Ickis insisted.
"Me too! Everypony tells me I'm gonna be huge without even trying. Usually when I'm eating my second breakfast, but sometimes they say it during elevenses or luncheon or afternoon tea." Krumm blithely commented.
"You guys are gonna have an awesome time here." Scootaloo predicted. "We'd ask you to join our club, but it seems you already got your cutie marks." She pointed to their flanks where Oblina's stacked book-mark, Krumm's smell-obscuring clothespin-mark, and Ickis' harmonica-mark were prominently featured.
"We could still show them our clubhouse though." suggested Sweetie Belle. "We'll tell them how valiantly we defended it from bullies, and then they can tell us how they got their cutie marks."
"It does sound intriguing." Oblina admitted "But we are really only supposed to be here for classroom observations only before Ickis' father takes us back to Saddlevania."
"Saddlewhatya?" Scootaloo was a bit perplexed. "Never heard of it." Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were equalled mystified.
"It is rather difficult to reach. If you don't board at the right platform, the train won't even make it to the proper nexus point." announced Oblina, a bit airily.
"Disappearing trains? That sounds kinda eerie. I wouldn't want to go anywhere like that without my sister to protect me." Sweetie Belle shyly admitted.
"Do you really think Rarity would protect you?" Apple Bloom asked increduosly.
"She might. Especially if I told her the luggage would disappear too." Sweetie Belle resolutely claimed.
"Not the luggage!" cried Scootaloo as she pretended to swoon dramatically. "It's a fashion faux-pas!"
Apple Bloom snickered. "Poor Rarity. Where shall she go, what shall she do?"
"Frankly my dear, I don't give a buck!" Oblina finished, surprising everyone. "I simply adored that novel. You are quite well-read Apple Bloom. Krumm never reads anything that isn't printed on a menu, and Ickis only cares for your run-of-the-barn bestsellers. You know, the kind that has lots of pictures?"
Krumm didn't take offense to Oblina's blunt literary analysis but Ickis was seething. "You're just jealous because you didn't get J.K. Corraling to autograph your books. I stood in line for eight hours for that signature!" he proudly asserted.
"And I'm sure a more productive use of your time was never spent." Oblina retorted. She turned to address the CMC leader. "Apple Bloom, you simply must teach us, in words that even Icky can understand, all about the best that Ponyville has to offer."
Apple Bloom looked thoughtful. "Well, ah don't rightly know what y'all mean by best. We're mighty pround of our Zap Apples." she began.
"And the famous Wonderbolts!" Scootaloo blurted out. "Can't forget about them!"
Oblina's eyes sparkled with delight. "That is exactly what I mean! Is it true Nightmare Moon came here and made horrific illusions of them out of mist?"
"Shadowbolts. And they were no match for my idol, Rainbow Dash." declared Scootaloo with authority.
"Those Shadowbolts were mighty scary." Apple Bloom concurred. "But Luna 'pologized for all that Nightmare stuff and don't do it no more."
"Yeah, my sister says that Nightmare Moon is sooo last season." piped in Sweetie Belle.
Scootaloo looked quizzical. "I coulda sworn it happened longer ago than that."
"Oh." The three tourists all looked disappointed. "We were so looking forward to a good scare." Oblina stated sadly.
"Y'all are joking, right?" Apple Bloom was beginning to suspect these new foals were pulling her hoof.
"We never joke about scares." Oblina asserted haughtily. "They're a vital part of life in Saddlevania. We dedicate ourselves to instilling fear in others, and even attend a special school."
"Like the kind Derpy went to?" insinuated Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle looked at Scootaloo reprovingly, while Apple Bloom fought back her laughter.
"The Saddlevanian Academy is a premiere institute." Oblina insisted. "Not just anypony can graduate from there."
"Guess Derpy threw off the curve." Scootaloo replied drily.
"We came here looking for a fright. Don't you know anypony who is really mean and terrifying?" Ickis asked in desperation.
The CMC all pointed to a pink filly with a pointed crown atop her swirly, two-tone mane. "Over there." they replied in unison.
Apple Bloom looked irritated as she described Diamond Tiara and her cohort Silver Spoon. "They're two of the most stuck-up ponies that ever were born. They're nasty, bad-tempered little bullies. Y'all really don't want to-" she trailed off as the new ponies began trotted towards her nemesis. "-mess with them." Apple Bloom finished lamely.
"Good day to you two fine fillies. I am called Oblina, and along with Ickis and Krumm, we wish to make your acquaintance." she greeted smoothly.
Silver Spoon shrugged. "Well, at least they're not blank flanks." Diamond Tiara was less willing to accept the newcomers. After the Babs Seed fiasco, she didn't trust anypony who seemed to be friendly enough to Apple Bloom and the rest of the CMC, even if these ponies DID have cutie marks. Best to be guarded, she decided.
"Oblina, Ickis, and Krumm, huh? What's with the non-indicative names?" asked Diamond Tiara.
"I don't know, what's with the accessory that matches your cutie mark? Are you afraid you'll forget what your talent is?" Oblina retorted.
"It's okay." Ickis confided to Diamond Tiara. "I usually carry my harmonica with me, too. Wanna hear me play it?"
Diamond Tiara scowled. "I don't like hearing you TALK. What makes you think I wanna hear you perform?"
Ickis' ears drooped slightly but he picked up the harmonica anyway. After the first few measures, he began to sing along.
"Every little thing I do
seems to turn out wrong
So what I need to tell you
I'll put in a song.
I'm bad at conversating
I don't think too much
These flaws I'm demonstrating
make me out of touch
But I'm keen on adventure
that might bring me fame
All errors I will censor
if you'll do the same
Just give me a chance to shine
and you won't regret
A braver colt you can't find
once my mind is set!"
Diamond Tiara's jaw dropped. "That actually wasn't horrible. I- I think I might let you hang out with me after all." she consented.
Ickis beamed. "Yesss! The ugly pony likes me!"
Diamond Tiara gave him an ice stare. "What did you say about me being ugly, Short Stuff?"
Ickis shuffled his hooves nervously, as he was undeniably flustered. "You're taking this the wrong way. Where I come from, it's a compliment."
Diamond Tiara's expression's softened slightly. "Well where I come from, servants don't speak without permission. Follow me inside, Short Stuff and keep quiet about it."
Ickis began to trot after her when Oblina grabbed him by the tail. "Ickis! Don't let her degrade you." she hissed.
"She's not degrading me, she's bossing me around. There's a subtle difference." Ickis explained. He shook his tail free and continued after Diamond Tiara. "Coming, Diamond Tiara!" he announced grandly. She glared at him. "Er, coming quietly, Diamond Tiara!" he amended. Oblina smacked her hoof in frustration.
Oblina meant to talk with Ickis shortly after class began, and patiently explain that her teasing had never been intended to rile him up. She had realized, a trifle belatedly, that the arguments and jibes they used at home might be more frustrating when they had a bigger audience, most of whom were young and female and had little to form an opinion about Ickis besides what they saw and heard that morning. Icky had always been more susceptive to peer pressure, and he responded to Oblina's ridicule by snubbing her now. Before she could try to repair their friendship however, she found herself getting absorbed in Miss Cheerilee's lectures. There was no mention of scaring other ponies, or philosphical discussions on whether a confirmed sighting of a ghost signified a post-existential crisis, or any of the other topics she might have studied back in Saddlevania but Miss Cheerilee did at least place a certain emphasis on mathematics. She was delighted when Miss Cheerilee asked her to demonstrate the final word problem of the day. Of course, it was obvious to her. Miss Cheerilee asked her to divide an array of fruit among a hypothetical class of 89. 1/2 the total students were to eat grapes, 1/8 munched on apples, and 1/3 dined on bananas. The remained students were to be given pears. Naturally that left only 3 students to eat the pears as Oblina casually informed the other foals (most of whom seemed to be gazing vacantly during her explanation, and Krumm was actively drooling).
"And because 3/89 is already in lowest terms I have elected NOT to reduce the fraction. Although if you wish, Miss Cheerilee, I shall be glad to express the population of pear picknickers as a decimal."
"Mmm-mmm pears." Krumm gurgled.
Miss Cheerilee smiled wearily. "I've no doubt about that Oblina. You're a very apt pupil and it was my pleasure to instruct you." Under her breath she added "Now I understand what Twilight Sparkle's teachers went through in Canterlot."
Oblina was radiant. "If you ever want to start up a correspondence course, feel free to contact me. I've been filing my parent's taxes for years, so I've plenty of experience in calculating percentages."
"I'll keep it in mind." Miss Cheerilee's tight-lipped grin never faltered. "Class dismissed."
"Ooh, ooh! Miss Cheerilee I almost forgot! I brung you 'nother apple fresh from my family's farm. It's a present fer being such a good teacher." Apple Bloom's head bobbed as she reached into her school knapsack.
"Notice they don't give presents for being a good kiss-up." Silver Spoon whispered.
"Maybe she should change her name to Apple Polisher." sneered Diamond Tiara. "I swear, she does this every day."
"Pretty soon she'll have to change to freeze-dried apples." Silver Spoon jokingly suggested.
"Hey! Short Stuff!" Diamond Tiara nudged Ickis. "Why don't you show her how much everypony likes them apples. Use your magic to mess with it, turn it in to something really rotten!"
Ickis brightened. "Yeah, that'd scare her silly! Okay I'll try it." He focused intently on Apple Bloom's knapsack. If he could pull this trick off, Oblina would have to give him some respect.
"Another apple for me? That's very sweet of you, but I've been trying to cut down." Miss Cheerilee was doing her best to gently negate the offer.
"Ah won't take no fer an answer!" Apple Bloom declared, as she curled her hoof around the bright red apple. Correction, the bright red sticky apple. She could have sworn she'd packed a fresh one this morning.
Cheerilee squealed with delight. "Oh my! A candy apple! I really shouldn't indulge in sweets, but it would be very impolite to turn down such a thoughtful gift!" she exclaimed as she happily munched on the desert fruit.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon both glared at Ickis. "A candy apple? You were s'posed to rot the apple, not her teeth!" Diamond Tiara angrily exclaimed.
"I didn't mean to! I was trying to do a different spell, honest! One that was really creepy and gross and everything!" Ickis pleaded for understanding.
Silver Spoon shook her mane dejectedly. "Maybe we should've asked Snails to do it."
"Snails? He can't even spell his own name!" scoffed Diamond Tiara.
"Let me try again. If I can just figure out what went wrong!" Ickis frowned in concentration. "Maybe if I wriggle my nose more..."
"You look like you have an itch you can't scratch." Silver Spoon informed him. "Forget it, we'll move on to another plan. Come on." Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara jumped out of their seats and headed out with the majority of the class. Ickis followed behind them, murmuring sadly.
"Or I might need to fold my hooves crossways and nod. I heard that can work wonders." Ickis stated with little confidence.
"I know I didn't pack no candy apples." Apple Bloom stated as soon as she and her friends got outside. "Betcha that awful Diamond Tiara were behind it somehow, and it looks like she roped yer little friend into it too, Oblina. It's just like her to try'n play ponies offa each other."
"It's Babs Seed all over again." Sweetie Belle wailed.
"Who is-" Oblina began but Apple Bloom cut her off.
"Those were very dark days for the CMC." she stated simply.
"What are you talking about? It was barely autumn back then, we hadn't even started Daylight Savings Time." Scootaloo pointed out.
Apple Bloom stared at Scoots. "What I wouldn't give for smarter friends." she muttered.
"You're preaching to the choir." Oblina told her.
Krumm looked around in bewilderment. "Are we starting a choir now? Ickis will be sorry he missed it."
"Maybe I can fill in for him!" Sweetie Belle piped up. "99 buckets of oats on the waaallll..."
As Sweetie Belle continued her cacophonous cauterwaul, Diamond Tiara led Silver Spoon and Ickis down a hill to a nearby field.
"See those manure bags? I want you to levitate them into the biggest bucket you can find. We're going to string it up along some rope and hoist it high in the air. Then when the Cutie Mark Crybabies walk past we dump it!" Diamond Tiara gloated.
Silver Spoon placed a hoof over her nose. "Pee-yew. It stinks almost as bad as Apple Bloom dances. Are you sure you can move something this heavy?"
Ickis gave his most reassuring smile. "Of course I can. When it comes to making messes, this manure has met its match." He loftily assured them.
After the seventieth refrain of Sweetie Belle's singalong, Oblina began looking for a clever excuse to leave. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the two bully fillies and Ickis dragging something through the field. Thinking quickly, she suggested that Krumm do an "air reconnaisance" to find out their plans. Scootaloo then nominated herself for "ground patrol" and although she began circling in the opposite direction, Oblina couldn't really blame her for it. "Sweetie Belle DOES know that she keeps changing the arrangement, right?" Oblina whispered to Apple Bloom.
Apple Bloom nodded glumly. "She calls it 'variations on a theme'. Ah think the theme is noise pollution."
"She's not the only one who likes pollution." Krumm shouted as he hovered as close as he dared to the the edge of the song-free zone. "Those guys are gathering so much manure, I'm afraid there won't be any left for me to roll in!"
Apple Bloom gagged. "Tell me he's not serious."
Oblina didn't seem very fazed by the revelation. "Tell me she's not gonna sing the final verse." she countered.
"And yet, these were the best friends available." Apple Bloom conceded the point. "Especially since Scootaloo went off and left us!"
"I didn't leave, I accepted the mission specs." Scootaloo retorted. "They just weren't specific enough!"
Oblina scowled. "I don't care if our friends are loud, and hygenically challenged, and cowardly. I'm not about to walk up to that stupid bucket trap. How could those fillies possibly think any pony would be that dumb?"
"You've haven't been around here long enough." Apple Bloom assured her. "You saw how easily Diamond Tiara manipulated your unicorn pal? We'll I've met ponies who make that little red pony look like Dr. Whooves. Intelligence is dangerously undervalued around here."
"So that's why I never get any respect." Sweetie Belle announced breathlessly. "I came up with the greatest song ever and it's just too sophisticated for the masses!"
Oblina and Apple stared at each other. "You tell her." Oblina was used to delegating authority. "My ears hurt too much to be polite. Right now I just want to get Ickis and Krumm and get the buck out of here."
Scootaloo pedaled over to the group and removed her helmet. "Krumm already flew off some where. I saw him while I was doing my totally unneccessary patrol." she added sarcastically.
"We'll find him as soon as we deal with Ickis and the gruesome twosome." stated Oblina.
"Uh huh. How exactly are we s'posed to deal with them?" Scootaloo asked.
"Maybe we should tell Miss Cheerilee." Sweetie Belle suggested. "They've set it up next to school property, so she should be the one to punish them."
"Let's wait till afterwards. Way they've got the durn thing balanced, it'll splash 'em for sure." Apple Bloom grinned wickedly.
Across the field, Diamond Tiara was still berating Ickis. "Pull harder. If you can't keep the rope taut magically, you'll have to do it manually."
"It's heavier than I thought it would be." Ickis weakly protested. It was difficult to talk with the rope in his mouth, and he wouldn't have been able to keep it steady if Silver Spoon hadn't clamped her mouth on it as well and offered some temporary assistane. Once she was sure the rope was steady, the grey filly let go her section.
"You can't speak, Ickis." Silver Spoon explained. "It's not a matter of servitude, it's practicality. If you drop the rope, we'll have to go back and set the trap up again."
Ickis furrowed his brow in concentration. He really wanted to do a good job but he wasn't sure he could manage this stunt by himself. On the one hoof, he could try summoning his father (bringing him here directly was out of the question, but he could at least subconsciously urge his dad to check up on him), but on the other hoof he didn't want to embarass himself in front of these new girl ponies. On the second other hoof, his jaw was really hurting with this strain. And on the final other hoof he wasn't sure how long his father's meeting was meant to last, but he certainly didn't want to interrupt it for something silly.
Meanwhile, Oblina debated the merits of Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle's suggestions. She didn't agree with Ickis' actions but she could understand why he chose to behave that way, and still didn't feel he deserved to be punished alongside the fillies. It was becoming increasingly obvious to her however, that if somepony didn't intervene soon, he was going to be miserable no matter what she did.
Before she could reach a decision, she heard the clattering of hooves and looked ahead in time to see a red streak rush past. Apple Bloom noticed the same phenomenon a split-second later.
"Who was that fleetflooted pony?" asked Apple Bloom.
"Somepony who could outrun Rainbow Dash!" Sweetie Belle declared.
"Nopony is faster than Rainbow Dash!" argued Scootaloo. "Rainbow Dash is best pony!"
"That was Slickis." Oblina gleefully informed them. "He's Ickis' father, and he's a very important stallion, both tremendously clever and a champion athlete."
"So much for family resemblance." Scootaloo quipped.
"Whoa there, son! Need a helping hoof?" Slickis called out as he approached.
"N-no, I got it Dad! Forty-second time's the charm!" Ickis insisted. No sooner where the words out of his mouth when he lost his grip on the rope. The older stallion effortlessly used his magic to return the rope to his son's mouth.
"No harm, no foal then." Slickis chuckled. "I just finished my discussion with Princess Celestia and I thought it was the perfect time to go meet up with my son."
"Dad, please. I'm in the middle of a scheme here." Ickis tried to explain, and once again dropped the rope. As before, his father's spell returned it to him.
"Looks like a pretty advanced set-up. You sure you don't wany any help?" Slickis persisted. "Maybe I could recalibrate that trap, so it doesn't fall all over you and your filly friends."
"Wait, what?" Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara both yelped.
"Unless they wanted a manure bath, because then everything's fine." Slickis assured the group. "After all, Krumm seems to enjoy taking them."
"Fix it! Fix it!" Diamond Tiara begged. "I don't want to be covered in filth!"
"Sure." Slickis was very amenable, and his horn was already glowing with latent magic. "I can replace the manure with a bunch of wriggling worms." he suggested, instantly transforming the bucket's contents.
"Blech!" Silver Spoon made a face. "That's hardly an improvement." She watched in horror as Ickis' grip continued to slacken.
"Termites then. I've always been partial to termites." Slickis announced with delight.
"Ugh! Can't you do any magic that isn't disgusting? Short Stuff made candy apples, for crying out loud!" Diamond Tiara whinnied.
"Candy? Not very imaginative, but if it's alright with my son, it's alright with me." Slickis shrugged and altered the bucket a final time, while his exhausted son let go of the rope for a final time. Candy from the overturned bucket showered down on the young fillies.
"Ouch! It -had- to be hard candy." Diamond Tiara muttered as a large toffee bounced off her forehead.
"Some of them are pretty chewy." Silver Spoon tried to be upbeat. "Look, here's a licorice stick!"
Ickis tried unsuccessfully to shake a lollipop from his mane. "Your next plan, it wouldn't happen to involve any scissors, would it?" he asked hopefully.
Silver Spoon sighed. "I'll go get Snips. He usually stays late and helps Miss Cheerilee clean up supplies." she said as she walked towards the classroom.
Diamond Tiara hesitated for a moment, then called after her friend. "Tell him not to run with them this time!"
"Thanks for playing with my son, ladies." Slickis smiled benevolently and ruffled his son's now-magically-restored-and-lollipop-free mane.
Diamond Tiara wasn't used to an adult complimenting her behavior (except for her own father, Filthy Rich, and even he made exceptions). She blushed furiously but managed to speak. "You're welcome, I guess."
"We really don't deserve your praise." Silver Spoon added.
Ickis was puzzled. "Why not? We had a lot of fun, and did you hear the way Miss Cheerilee shrieked when you asked Snips where he keeps the sharp objects? She was PETRIFIED. Best scare ever!" he declared.
Diamond Tiara chuckled softly. "You are so weird, Short Stuff. I don't think I'll ever totally get the way you think."
"Maybe if you hit your head a few times, you'll have a better understanding." Oblina annouced angrily as she strode towards Ickis and his dad.
Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. "Oh goody. Stripes is back for another round of Nag-a-palooza, just when it seemed she was down for the count. Did you want to tag team with the Cutie Mark Lose-aders?"
"Dang. That insult was almost witty." Apple Bloom was loathe to admit as she and her CMC buddies caught up with Oblina.
For her part, Oblina pointedly ignored Diamond Tiara and turned to address Slickis. "I'm really sorry, sir. Krumm and I should have been watching him better."
"I was watching him!" Krumm protested from his perch on a low-flying cloud. "The view from here is almost as good as it was from the bucket."
Silver Spoon's jaw dropped. "He was in the manure? No wonder the trap felt so heavy!"
Diamond Tiara gagged. "Gross! Does that mean he got turned into all the slimy stuff?"
"I teleported him out first." Slickis remarked casually. "I try not to mess with the molecular composition of sentient creatures."
"Yeah, and you shouldn't hurt Krumm either!" Sweerie Belle chirped. "He can't help being a smelly old doofus."
"I love being smelly." Krumm agreed.
"Whatever." Diamond Tiara was growing impatient. "If you don't need me anymore, it's about time I headed home. My father is probly wondering why I stayed so long after school."
"Just tell him you were being a jerk to somepony new. I'm sure it won't suprise him." Apple Bloom drawled.
"Don't you dare talk about daddy like that, you hay seed." snarled Diamond Tiara.
"I'll talk however I want, you, um, boot-scoot-snooty." Apple Bloom retorted.
"Cutie Mark Crusaders Insult Comics yay!" Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle chorused.
"Hey, Diamond Tiara! If you're in a hurry, I could try a teleportation spell. I always wanted to do one!" Ickis suggested brightly. His horn glowed faintly with excitement.
Most of the surrounding ponies looked horrorified, particularly Diamond Tiara. "D-don't trouble yourself on my account, Short Stuff."
Slickis grinned. "There's that nickname again. It's such a nice tradition for young ponies. You know, they used to call me the Great Slickis. Until one day, when a strange blue unicorn threatened to duel me over copyright infringement." Slickis shook his head. "I was sorry to send her out of town, but rules are rules. I always try to obey protocol."
Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara exchanged worried glances. "Did he just imply what I think he implied?" Diamond Tiara asked her friend, who merely nodded acquiescence.
Oblina decided to step in before things escalated again. "Speaking of Saddlevania, we have a rather lengthy trip ahead of us if we want to return there by nightfall." she pointed out. "Especially if we do not arrive at the station before the last train departs."
"You worry too much. If we're late, I'll just rewind time. I did manage that once." Ickis confidently asserted.
Pinkie Pie popped into view, seemingly out of nowhere. "Don't forget Ickis, you almost broke reality then. Better play it safe and go to the station."
Ickis' ears dropped. "Spoilsport." he groused.
Apple Bloom watched Pinkie hop away then looked at her friends. "Is anypony else worried that Pinkie is on a first-name basis with Ickis?"
"Or that she wants HIM to be more careful?" Diamond Tiara added.
The four Saddlesvanian ponies brushed those concerns aside. "That's just Pinkie being Pinkie." they concurred.
"We've seen her before." Slickis admitted. "And now that everypony here has become friends, maybe we'll see you all again sometime."
Apple Bloom looked dubious. "Friends is such a strong word."
Scootaloo nodded. "He may be a fleetfoot, but he's got a flat head if he thinks we get along with Diamond Tiara." she whispered.
"Come down to Saddlevania sometime." Ickis offered. "I'll show you my books on Harry Trotter. He's a great wizard. I've got a lot in common with him!"
"I've read the entire series. He is nothing like Harry Trotter." Oblina was adamant.
"Well they are both nearsighted." Krumm helpfully interjected.
"So that's why he thought Diamond Tiara was attractive!" Scootaloo laughed. "Finally, it makes sense!"
"You're going down Chicken Little. Mark my words." Diamond Tiara hissed.
"Er, I suppose if the oppurtunity comes up, we will accept your invitation." Silver Spoon tried to muster a dignified response. Privately, she thought Scootaloo's joke was a little funny, but she didn't want to hurt Diamond Tiara's feelings or upset the son of a scarily-powerful unicorn.
"You little ponies have a good evening now and remember..." Slickis voice deepened to a menacing growl as he swelled to an impressive height. "Watch out for the creatures that go bump in the night!"
Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and the CMC all screeched in fright (although Scootaloo would later vehemently deny it).
"That's my dad! Best 'loomer' in the land. Did you see how sharp his fangs got just then? I'm so gonna practice that move!" Ickis chattered. And with that cheery sentiment still fresh in their minds, the schoolage fillies watched numbstruck as the Saddlevanian ponies vanished piece by piece, ending with their Cheshire-like grins.
"I guess they decided not to take the train." Sweetie Belle observed.
~~~The End
Notes 1: "Looming" is a term frequently used to describe a special method of size-shifting which Ickis' father is highly proficient at, and which Ickis himself has been known to utilize, albeit with varying success.
Notes 2: Although a skilled unicorn may sometimes employ transportation spells, they are more likely to run, trot, or walk from place to place. Slickis often uses more conventional means of travel for the same reason Rainbow Dash doesn't fly everywhere, it's good exercise and if another pony thinks you look awesome while you're doing it, so much the better. In a true emergency, or for dramatic appears, Slickis will use magic. He is a Saddlevanian stallion after all, and their methods are inscrutable.
Notes 3: Which may be why Pinkie Pie can handle herself in their environment. She's had alot of adventures that haven't been told yet. Maybe she'll tell all them someday, right after she explains how Equestria was founded.
Notes 4: No, "Harry Trotter" will not ever make an in-pony appearance. (And even if he could, he'd hardly resemble Ickis/Short Stuff.) Trotter's a fictional character like Daring Do... as opposed to the rest of the cast who are... eh, don't think about it too hard. It was a nice story, anyway.
Author's Note: Settle down everypony, that was really the end. I hope you all enjoyed it and be sure to leave a review. It's better than leaving a train station, chugga chugga whoo whoo!