The Beginning.

Is it my fault?

Rain poured down heavily outside of the building, perfect for such a gloomy occasion.

Everyone there in there wore all black, different tones of the shade everywhere the eye could see—all but for one person, who happened to be wearing a simple black dress with a darker cardigan. Resting on her shoulder was a large, dark handbag; what she wore that wasn't black, however, was a light blue ribbon on her head decorated with a heart on one side; on her right wrist was an equally light blue wristband that had white lace on the edges.

She had light brown hair that could also be called dirty blonde with teal eyes that were emotionless at the moment. Looking around, she saw the pitiful looks people gave her and her family. Some people even had sad expressions on, mourning for the loss. She could tell that they were faking their apparent emotions.

She hated it.

She simply hated how they all faked their feelings; she knew very well herself that they could care less for the death of her beloved sister. The only reason why they were there was either that they couldn't refuse going to the event, felt too sympathetic for her family (or namely, her father), or wished to get on the good side of the Liddell family. (While her family was strictly middle-class, that didn't mean that they didn't have good connections or weren't influential enough to be considered important.)

In the corner, sobbing heavily but quietly, was her younger sister, Edith. Face buried in the palms of her hands, she let tears out freely: Something the girl would have loved to do as well. The only reason why she didn't cry as hard (or even harder) than her younger sister was because she knew what her elder sister would have wanted: No tears to be shed, and for the rest of the family to continue to be happy.

Whatever her definition of happiness was.

But how can I be happy at all if you're gone, Lorina? she thought, at loss for such a thought. First Mother, now you; I have no one now. Edith hates me and Father's long since lost himself in his work.

"The poor soul, look at her, crying in the corner over there—"

"Look at the older one, not even looking sad—"

"I heard that she didn't even cry when her mother died several years ago—"

Stop. She shut her eyes tightly, tuning the hurtful words of the others out. Just stop. You don't understand my feelings at all, so why talk as if you know everything?

Once again opening her teal eyes, she directed her thoughts to something else: Where was her father?

Forget it, it doesn't matter anymore, she thought bitterly. He doesn't care anymore either. He probably doesn't even know of Lorina's fate.

She shook off the thought, knowing it most likely true, and looked about a bit more: She found her sister's fiancé standing by the coffin, dabbing away his tears with a hankerchief embroidered by Lorina herself. My ex-boyfriend who pretended to love me but set his eyes on Lorina instead. The thought came to her mind so naturally and subtly that she glazed over it, lost in other thoughts among things. However, the gossiping ladies nearby were not too discreet in their talking and the girl overheard bits of their conversation clearly.

"Such an unfortunate family, first Lorina, then her daughter..."

"I find it quite a coincidence that they both had the same first name," a woman whispered.

"Ooh! Maybe some type of misfortune is tied to the name? Or perhaps a family thing? Every Lorina Liddell dying untimely deaths?"

How can they talk about this so easily? Do they not know how disrespectful it is for them to speak of such things at a funeral of all places? Especially so shamelessly at Lorina's?

"I don't know, hm... Both mother and daughter were oddly similar; almost exact features and personality. Both of them were certainly very mature and—"

"Edith is also quite mature and very polite—"

"Alice, on the other hand, is..."

Stop.

She knew what was going to be said next. She knew that she was not as polite or mature or ladylike or anything else, at that matter. Especially she was not any of those when compared to her siblings and mother. Of course not, no; she had never been the favoured one. Not being able to take anymore, she ran out the building, not taking any care in slamming open the doors or about the perplexed looks people had (the gossiping ladies had inferred that they'd been overheard and therefore stopped gossiping for the rest of the week altogether), and ran out into the rain.

Fresh, cold, pouring rain. She didn't care as the rain drenched her and her outfit, it felt good. Refreshing, even. Drops of rain dripped from the ends of her waist length hair, some making their way down their cheeks.

Or were they tears rather raindrops? Not even she knew anymore. She couldn't tell if she was crying or not, whether it be due to the numbness from the cold or the fact that she could no longer hold all her emotions in any longer. The pain that the cold rain eased was not much, and the temporary comfort left as soon as it came.

"Lorina, why?" she whispered quietly, almost inaudibly. "Why did you leave? Was it..."

Eventually, she found her way under a tree in an abandoned park, for no one wished to be out in the rain. She was glad for that. She had privacy and a sense of secureness when she was alone and distanced from others. All she wanted to do was mourn for her sister; her kind, truly beautiful sister. The only person she looked up to after her mother had left. The only person who loved her and understood her perfectly, unlike everyone else.

Taking her handbag off, she put it behind her back as a sort of pillow to rest her back on: an attempt to make sitting under a tree more comfortable. It had been stuffed full, the zipper looking as if it were going to pop open any moment. It worked well as a pillow, but provided little comfort from what she wanted.

Emotional comfort. Not physical comfort, but emotional comfort.

Pulling her knees up, she hid her face, staying in the position for hours. She didn't even notice when the sun disappeared and nighttime appeared. She didn't care that it was dangerous for a young lady such as herself to be out alone under the moon and stars. She didn't care that it was still raining, albeit considerably lighter; nor did she even notice how her body was stiff and sore from the hours of staying in a single position.

What she did care about, however, was that her sister was gone.

She had long since cried (something that made her wonder if Edith was still crying too) all her emotions dry, leaving her feeling raw, alone, and empty. It was not a kind or welcome feeling, but she found it fitting. Maybe it was the closest feeling she could go to feeling happy ever again. Not that I mind, she thought whilst smiling sadly, it's oddly comforting. More so than the rain. But even this feeling of comfort will disappear soon enough... Just like the one that the rain provided.

Smiling humorlessly, she remembered the cruelness of how the content feeling she had left, slowly leaving with bits of her feelings. Her feelings were all mixed up now. Grief, remorse, bitterness; even feelings that she didn't know how to describe. She felt them dancing about in her mind, making her relive the moment she discovered of her sister's death.

"Stop," she whispered, her voice weak and hoarse from the coldness slowly making its way into her body and her hours of crying. She still wanted to cry, actually, which made her voice even weaker. "Stop it... please. Just stop it."

The quiet pitter-patter of the rain on the ground filled the background, creating an eerie effect with the odd shadows of the park.

She continued sitting there, occasionally falling asleep, tears flowing out whenever, and thinking. Only once or twice did she stop to think of the state she was in: Her outfit was surprisingly all right (she had put many things into her handbag, since she planned on leaving her family's house immediately after Lorina's funeral anyways), with only a few wrinkles here and there; it was not so bad that it was unsightly. It looked natural within the few ruffles of the black dress hiding it well. Her eyes were puffy, clearly from crying so much, but not very red, and the puffiness was barely noticeable. But her usual straight hair, however... she didn't care much, but the state it was in was inexcusable. It was tangled, oddly messy in a curly way, and simply a horrible sight to be seen. She made the best of what she had prepacked into her bag (which was a surprisingly lot) and managed to tie it into two neat plaits framing the side of her face; a hairstyle Lorina liked to use on her when she was much younger.

Other than that, she didn't do much. She did buy some food from some nearby stands, only for the sake for her body to continue working, and she only bought the minimum amount of food she needed: Anymore than that amount made her feel sick enough to let it all go back up. Once or twice she considered moving to a new spot, for worry that someone might notice her, but she kept her distance and made sure no one saw her.

On the third night of her stay under the park tree, she finally decided to move. Her family obviously didn't care for her, as there was no sign of them trying to find her whereabouts, but she was starting to become worried that someone would find her easily and find out that she was staying there. It wasn't too hard to figure out, considering how there was a pressed place on the grass where she sat and how she had a number of necessities being carried with her. The rain had lessened by each day, and it was more than clear that it was to be a perfectly warm sunny day starting the next morning.

She unhung her cardigan from the lowest branch and put it on, along with her bag. She didn't give much thought as she ventured forwards into the woods behind the park, as long as it was far enough for people not to bug her.

"I wonder if he ever went... to place his flower and give his respects, at the very least..." she said, hoping her father did go to his eldest daughter's funeral. Even if it were for a minute, it would have sufficed enough.

She remembered her last image of her beloved sister, lying in the beautiful white coffin. She had a peaceful expression on, eyes shut gently, hands clasped together below her chest, white roses surrounding her; she was the prime image of tranquility and eternal rest in her mind. The image was too much for the girl once again, as if taunting the fact that Lorina was to never open her eyes again...

"... The forest here is different to how it looked when I first entered it," she noted, looking at the nonsensical signs and doors scattered about the tree trunks and such. "... Is this some sort of Halloween decoration?"

It was supposed to be nearing the end of October. She hadn't been paying attention to the days, but it wouldn't be surprising if it were all a Halloween decoration. The people who lived in the town where she lived were all very festive and celebrative. Of all places, they were certainly the most enthusiastic, especially compared to herself, as she'd long outlived the seemingly childish games and holidays. But even she had to admit that the other citizens' decorating skills were incredibly commendable and impressive, some of them peculiar but amazing in their own right.

Sighing, she found a comfortable and reserved-enough tree to lay down below, although all of them were almost identical down to the sign placements; she fell asleep instantaneously, not noticing how it was broad daylight out due to the thickness of the foliage.

For the first time in the three nights she slept after Lorina's funeral, she finally dreamt something once again.

But it was not much of a dream as it more to the like of reality, reliving cruel memories.

A passing figure noticed her and started walking towards her soundlessly as she whispered loudly in her sleep, "It's all my fault... I'm sorry... It's my fault..."

Disclaimer: The HNKNA series and its related characters all belong to QuinRose.
I think once is enough to apply for this whole story.

First of all, thank you to everyone checking this out; Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years! Please note, this is a reupload of an old story from my older account, ReflectiveFragments. I've chosen to move this story onto here for archiving; it was originally posted in March 2012.

It's currently on hiatus, but I hope you enjoy it, regardless; I hope to update this one day.