Prologue
"Welcome one and all to our randomness!! May I humbly introduce myself, for I am the Great Authoress The Hikari Within, but you may just call me Hikari," Said Authoress smiled widely before continuing, "I am about to tell you a magnificent tale of love, sorrow, adventure, drama, and many other things I don't feel like naming off at the moment! Yes, this is the best story you shall ever read for it combines all the wonderful classics. Beauty and the Beast, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella—"
"Hikari! You have a job to do remember …" Stated Hikari's friend … who had been standing off to the side all along with a somewhat annoyed expression upon her face.
"Oh! Silly me! I neglected to introduce one of my best buddies and Co-writer to this magnificent story!" Hikari gasped sheepishly, "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you to the Great Sand Tessen!! Unfortunately our third Co-writer, Charmed, isn't around at the moment, other wise I'd introduce her as well, but—"
"Job, Hikari! Job!!" Tessen shouted. Hikari let out a frightful squeak before hiding behind a random tree.
"Okay! Okay!" Hikari sobbed before slowly trudging off.
"Despite the fact that we have everything planed for this story we still lack one major element … our characters," Tessen sighed, "That is the task that myself and Hikari have been assigned. Unfortunately, we realize that no character would possibly want any part in staring in a story about fairy tales … So we must drag them out of their homes by force!"
"Force!!" Hikari repeated somewhere off in the distance.
"Of course, we as mere common fan girls have no powers of ninjutsu nor genjutsu and not even taijutsu. However, we do hold the power of the pen as Authoresses … technically keyboards, but that'll come later," Tessen explained, "Besides, we fan girls also wield the power of knowledge! We know their every weakness and we'll do everything to exploit it!"
"Yeah! You tell 'em Tessen!!" Hikari shouted from behind a bush.
"Didn't I tell you to get to work?" Tessen grumbled.
"I don't see you doing your part either …" Hikari muttered.
"Fine. You have your list. I have mine. Let's go!" Tessen shouted before heading into the Hidden Leaf Village, followed closely behind by Hikari as she hummed a happy tune.
…
Hikari was merrily skipping down a random street of the Hidden Leaf Village when she spotted her first target of the day. He was easily spotted amongst the crowed. Shoulders hunched, hands firmly placed in his pockets, I-hate-the-world disposition, and the giant Uchiha fan upon the back of his shirt. Yes, Sasuke gave himself away quite easily. A grin spread across Hikari's face as she dug through her bag-o-goodies before whipping out a dark and mysterious robe and taking her place.
"You … Uchiha boy …" Hikari spoke with a fake, raspy voice. It was a damn good thing she had a hood on because there was no way in hell she could ever keep a straight face.
Sasuke paused in mid-step as he glanced down the alleyway where Hikari stood, hiding her form within the shadows to give her appearance a more dramatic effect.
"Come here, boy."
Sasuke entered the alley but kept his distance. His dark eyes scanned over the figure before he spoke, "What do you want?"
"I think the true question is 'What do you want?'"
"I don't have time for this," Sasuke spat as he turned to walk away.
"You seek your brother, correct?"
Sasuke yet again froze, "How do you know about my brother?"
"Follow me … I'll show you the way …"
"Why are you doing this?"
Hikari sighed. Why did he have to make this so difficult?! "Do you want me to show you to him or not?!"
"I guess …"
"Then shut up and follow me!" Hikari hissed before walking away, and, sure enough, Sasuke took the bait.
…
"…so that's pretty much the whole idea," Tessen finished explaining. She paused and waited for the information to sink into the two ninja's skulls when – suddenly – the youngest let out a burst of emotion all at once. It was almost too much for Tessen to take.
"What a marvelous idea!!" The energetic Lee proclaimed.
"Such a splendid display of youth!!" Gai joined in.
"So … does this mean you'll help?" Tessen questioned.
"But of course," Gai replied, "You have our full and complete cooperation!"
"Great! Now if you would please just follow me to th—"
"Beep!! Beep!! Move it!!" Hikari shouted as she literally flew past the group with what looked like a bowl of Ichiraku's ramen in hand.
"What the—"
"Thief!! Give me back my ramen!!" Naruto roared as he charged through the group, nearing running Lee over in the process of rescuing his beloved ramen.
"Such a fiery display of youth!" Lee gasped. Gai silently agreed with a vigorous nod, tears about to stream forth from his eyes.
"Follow me," Tessen sighed as she began walking in the same direction Hikari and Naruto had run off in.
…
An hour later Tessen and Hikari had successfully captured three more ninja. The first was Choji who was easily bribed with an 'all you can eat buffet.' After him was Sakura. Just mentioning Sasuke's name was enough to get her to follow the two fan girls. Then there was troublesome Shikamaru. He was the reason why the two were so far behind in gathering their beloved ninja. Why was he so troublesome? Because Tessen and Hikari spent forty five minutes dragging him out of the village on his mattress; that's why.
After a brief rest, the two split up once again, targeting an older generation of ninja this time.
"I see you're a proud fan of Make-out Paradise," Tessen stated.
The silver haired ninja lowered his book and stared down at Tessen with his one visible eye. She had his attention.
"What ever makes you think that?" Kakashi replied, sarcasm dripping from every word before he continued reading his book.
"What if I told you that I have a never released copy?"
"You have my attention …"
Tessen held up said book, "I can see that you are a huge fan—"
"Number one fan," Kakashi quickly corrected.
"Number one? Impressive," Tessen stated, "That gives me an even greater reason to give you this book … the only copy ever printed."
Kakashi was practically drooling by this point, "How much do you want for it? I'll pay any price!"
"If you want the book … You'll have to help me."
"Of course!" Kakashi agreed without even bothering to ask what kind of task he had to do.
"Great! Follow me, please," Tessen smiled as she walked off with an obedient Kakashi following along behind her like a lost puppy.
…
"Jiraiya! There you are, you handsome man you!" Hikari shouted after finally spotting the old man, "I'm been looking all over the village for you!"
"You have?" Jiraiya questioned, "What for?"
"I'm sure you've already realize this, but you've become quite the talk of the town amongst the female population."
"I have?!" Jiraiya all but gasped.
Hikari gave the old man a nod, "Yeah, isn't it obvious? I mean, look at you." Jiraiya grinned like the perverted old man he was before Hikari decided to continue, "As we speak women are gathering in a secret area just outside of the village so they can meet you personally. It was just a wild idea I though of when I was having a little girl chat with my friend. I'd really hate to disappoint them, but if you don't want to—"
"I'll do it!" Jiraiya shouted, "I mean, what kind of gentleman would I be if I kept all of those lovely women waiting on me, only to never show."
"You wouldn't be a gentleman at all."
"Exactly!" Jiraiya beamed, "Now, if you could please take me to the women?"
"Sure! Follow me!"
Five minutes later the two arrived at a rather large building with only one door and tiny barred windows circling the highest point of the building. Jiraiya stared at the structure for a moment before casting Hikari a questioning glance.
"This is it?"
"Yep, just head right on in," Hikari spoke as she unlocked the heavy metal door and pushed Jiraiya inside.
"Oi! Pervy Sage? What are you doing here?"
"Naruto?!" Jiraiya gasped right as the air tight, pressure lock door slammed behind him.
"This is just too easy," Hikari giggled before smiling at her friend.
"Who's next on our list?" Tessen questioned.
"Let's see … We can mark off Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Kakashi, Shikamaru, Jiraiya, Choji, Gai, and Lee," Hikari stated as she read through the list, "How about you go after Hinata, Kiba, and Shino, and I'll get Ino, Tenten, Sai, and Neji."
"Neji?" Tessen questioned, "You must have forgotten to mark him off the list."
"Oh yeah! He was the first one captured … Poor sap …" Hikari giggled as her and Tessen exchanged an amused glance.
"Then after that we can go after the Hokage and Shizune together?"
Hikari gave her friend a nod, "Then it's off to Sand Country!!"
"Sounds good to me."
"Do you have the supplies?" Tessen gave Hikari a small nod, "Then we're off!!"
…
On her way into the forest where team eight was often spotted training, Tessen ran into the young heiress of the Hyuuga clan. A smile graced her lips as she quickly made her approach.
"Hinata!" Tessen gasped, putting her theater classes to the test, "Naruto needs your help!"
"N-Naruto needs my help?" Hinata questioned, "W-what for?"
"It seems he's been … kidnapped, by … a crazy woman!" At least she didn't have to lie to her.
"B-but what about his team?"
"I don't know, nobody can find them," Tessen stated, "They think the woman kidnapped them as well."
"W-w-what am I s-supposed to do?"
"I can show you where she's keeping them …" Tessen replied, "But I wouldn't worry too much, she's not a ninja."
"T-then how did she—"
"We must hurry, Hinata! There's no telling what she'll do to them!" Tessen cried as she gently pushed Hinata in the direction of the building.
A smile graced Tessen's face after she successfully captured Hinata. Oh yeah, her theater classes paid off. Now all that remained were Kiba and Shino, and since Hinata was already kidnapped she could easily use her as a back up plan. Fortunately, on her way to their building, Kiba spotted Tessen running off with Hinata. Curiosity got the best of him as he leapt from the trees and landed directly in front of the two. Tessen nearly had a heart attack as she skidded to a stop while Hinata was used to it.
"Who's she?" Kiba questioned as he pointed at Tessen, "A new friend?"
"U-um well, she says that Naruto's been captured a-and n-n-needs my help," Hinata softly replied.
"That's just like Naruto to let himself get captured," Kiba spat.
"Why don't you come with us?" Tessen asked before leaning in so that only Kiba could hear her, "Wouldn't it be great to rub it in his face later that you saved him?" Kiba gave the girl a toothy grin as Akamaru barked playfully.
"I like the way you think," Kiba chuckled.
"Good, then I don't have to use flees," Tessen muttered.
"What?"
"Nothing! Nothing!" Tessen gave a nervous chuckle, "Let's get going!!"
After Hinata and Kiba were safely locked behind the door, Tessen continued on to find her remaining target. Unlike Kiba and Hinata, Shino was much harder to find, but she found him nonetheless.
"S-Shino?" Tessen called, catching the male's attention, even though he showed no sign of listening, "Could you please come with me? I need your help."
"What for?" Shino questioned, his eye remaining fixed on the bug upon his finger.
"Well, there's this thing … and I can't do it without you?" Tessen muttered, unable to think of anything better at the moment.
"I'm sure you can find someone else." Tessen sighed as she dug around in her bag for a moment before wiping out a can of bug spray.
"If you don't come with me then I'll be forced to use this on you …" Tessen grumbled. Shino remained as clam as ever as his hidden eyes studied the girl.
"You're a very bad liar."
"Don't call my bluff!!" Tessen growled, "I will use it!!"
"Why are you being so persistent?" Shino questioned, "Is this thing really that important?"
Tessen lowered the can of bug spray, "If I say yes will you come with me?"
"No …"
"What if I say that I have your other team mates?"
"Then I wouldn't believe you."
"Really? And you're not the least bit curious as to why they haven't showed up for training yet?"
Shino sighed, "Where are they?"
"If you come with me then I'll show you."
Shino remained silent for a moment as if in deep thought before finally agreeing to follow after Tessen. 'Three down and none to go,' Tessen thought to herself with a bright smile across her face. She had completed her task, now it was all up to Hikari to finish hers as well so that they could go after the remaining eleven ninja.
…
Hikari's first target of the day was not so easily spotted. Not only that, but to find her target she lost her way in the forest, but she would never openly admit that. However, it was the ninja who quickly spotted her and pulled out a kunai before realizes that she was just a harmless civilian.
"Can I help you? Are you lost?" Tenten questioned.
"Actually … Yes you can, but I believe it's your team mates who need you more than I do," Hikari stated.
"What are you talking about?" Tenten question, her head tilting to the side ever so slightly as she examined the girl.
"I have the rest of your team held captive in a private location," Hikari replied smugly, only to be laughed at by the girl with buns atop her head … which didn't make Hikari feel any better.
"You're funny," Tenten giggled, "But really, what do you want?"
"I'm serious!" Hikari whined, "I have your team mates!!"
"Really?" Tenten still wasn't convinced.
"Tell ya what," Hikari sighed, "If you come with me you can rescue your team and I'll give you a shiny new weapon!"
"What kind of weapon?"
"One that you probably don't have in your vast collection," Hikari stated smugly, "It comes from a far away country …"
"What country?"
"Do you want it or not?!"
"Well … yes!"
"Then follow me!" Hikari chirped as she skipped off, followed by a skeptical Tenten.
The trip back to their secret base took far longer than planed considering Hikari was utterly lost, but after a good hour of walking the two eventually arrived at the building. Once Tenten was locked in with all the others, Hikari headed for her next victim, one much easier to find. A few minutes later, Hikari entered a flower shop and was greeted by her blonde target.
"Hi! Can I help you find anything?" Ino questioned with a smile upon her lovely face.
"Sadly, I'm not here for flowers … you see … I just saw Shikamaru with Tamari and-"
"WHERE?!" Ino roared.
"Uh … H-heading for an abandoned building outside of the village," Hikari managed to choke out underneath Ino's heated stare.
"Take me there NOW!!" Ino shouted as she literally dragged Hikari out of the flower shop, flipping the 'closed' sign over on her way out.
Ino was the easiest one to capture, and to be honest, Hikari felt a little sorry for the sleeping Shikamaru when Ino stormed into the building screaming his name. 'What a horrible alarm clock …' Hikari thought to herself as she headed out for her last target; Sai. This ninja was also another hard one to find as she thoroughly searched the Hidden Leaf Village up, down, and inside out … yet she still couldn't find the boy. She was about to give up when surprisingly she found him standing on a bridge; obviously waiting on his captured team mates to show up.
"Sai!" It was in that moment when Hikari realized that she didn't have a plan to capture this ninja, so instead she decided to try a very direct approach, "I have your team members held captive."
Sai raised a questioning eyebrow, "You have my team members held captive? … Sure …"
"No, honestly I really do. Naruto was captured by his love for ramen, Sakura with her love of Sasuke, and Kakashi with his love for his trashy romance novel," Hikari explained, "Ya see, my friends and I are working on this story about fairy tales and when we realized that no one would want to be a part of it, so we decided to take them all by force!"
"And you're telling me this … why?"
"Because we want you to be a part of it."
"And how do you intend to bribe me into accepting?"
Hikari thought about it for a moment before an idea came to mind, "A library!" She gasped, "In the end, when it's all over, I'll give you Beast's Library set!"
"How many books?"
"I don't know … Over ten thousand …" Hikari replied, spewing out some random number that sounded good.
"Okay …"
"Okay?"
"I'll do it …"
"YAY!!" Hikari shouted as she bounced around for a moment, "Follow me, Sai!!"
A few minutes later, Hikari and Sai arrived at the building to find Tessen waiting outside, looking as bored as ever.
"Awww … you beat me …" Hikari sighed after spotting Tessen, "Just head inside, Sai." Sai said nothing as he entered the building on his own. "We so rock!!" Hikari lifted her hand with a wide smile upon her face as she waited for Tessen to complete the high-five.
A few seconds later, Hikari was still high-five less …"High-five, Tessen!!" Tessen sighed as he gave Hikari her long awaited high-five.
"Yes!! Off to the Hokage!!" Hikari shouted as she ran off, leaving Tessen to follow after her.
…
Tessen and Hikari arrived in the Hokage's office a few minutes later to find the drunken woman asleep on her desk … drooling all over a stake of papers. 'What a lovely site …?' Both Tessen and Hikari sarcastically though to themselves before a panicked Shizune flew into the room.
"Not again …" The woman sighed before turning to the two girls, "Um … uh … The Hokage is a little under the weather right now, but don't be alarmed, everything is still running smoothly, so if you could just please run along and forget everything you've seen here that would be wonderful!"
"Actually … can we talk to you for a moment?" Tessen questioned.
"Um … okay but make it fast."
"We are in the process of making a story and would like it if you could participate."
"N-Now?" Tessen gave the woman a hesitant nod, "A-are you crazy! The Hokage's a mess! There's three weeks of paperwork that needs to be done! And on top of that I can't find team seven!!"
"Tell ya what, if you agree to help us, we'll give you a day off from the Hokage and all of this … mess …" Tessen offered.
Shizune blinked as she stared at the two, "Really? No joke? You'll give me a day off?"
Both girls gave the woman a nod.
"Okay … You've got yourself a deal!" Shizune giggled softly to herself. A day off was just what she needed.
"All right!!" Hikari cheered, "Just follow me please."
Tessen waited for the two to leave as she took in a deep breath. Maybe reasoning with a drunken Hokage would be easy. Slowly, Tessen leaned over the woman's desk and poked the drooling lump a few times before she started to stir.
"Eh? What do ya want?!" Tsunade grumbled as she slowly propped herself up on her elbows, "Do I know you?"
"I have something to ask of you, Hokage."
"Put it in writing … I'll get to it next month …" Tsunade muttered before resting her head back upon the table's surface.
"Actually I was hoping you could help me now …"
Tsunade sighed, "What?"
"I need you to help me and my friends with a story we're workin—"
"Go away, kid …"
"If you help I'll do a week's worth of your paperwork and I'll throw in some sake," Tessen spoke, catching the woman's attention.
"You've got yourself a deal," Tsunade replied as she lifted herself from the table and stumbled out the door.
"W-wait a second, Hokage! You're going the wrong way!" Tessen cried as she chased after the drunken woman.
Once both girls had managed to get the women locked inside of the building they both headed out to the Sand Country to capture their next three targets.
… In Sand Country …
"How'd we get here so fast?" Tessen questioned.
"It's the power that comes with being an Author!!" Hikari grins before becoming oddly serious, "Love it … Accept it …"
Tessen backs away slowly, "You're scaring me, Hikari."
"Sorry," Hikari giggled, "So are we going after them separately or together?"
"Do you really want to wander around this village alone?"
"Good point …" Hikari muttered, "Who's first?"
"How about the Kazekage first? That way we can use him as bate."
"Perfect idea!" Hikari smiled, "I think Charmed is rubbing off on you."
"Oi …" Tessen sighed before heading into the Village.
"Wait for me!!" Hikari cried as she followed after Tessen.
Thanks to Tessen and her amazing powers of persuasion, the two of them found themselves standing before the great Kazekage … Gaara. Hikari nearly wet her pants in excitement, and had it not been for Tessen holding her back she would have tackled the sand ninja … which would have resulted in death.
"How'd you get past my guards?" Gaara questioned.
"We have our ways …" Tessen replied.
"… What do you want then?" Gaara sighed, seeming uninterested in the two.
"We need you help—"
"For our story!" blurted Hikari.
"A story?" Gaara repeated, "If you haven't noticed … I don't have time for stories …" Gaara didn't even need to motion to the mounds of papers that surrounded him.
"We can take care of that," Tessen sighed … not looking forward to doing both Gaara's and Tsunade's paperwork.
"Why would I leave my paperwork in the hands of strangers?" Both girls blinked.
"Wow! Gaara's a hell of a lot more dedicated to his work then Tsunade," Hikari stated.
"No kidding …" Tessen sighed, "Now what do we do?"
Hikari thought about it for a moment before blurting out the first thing that came to mine, "We'll give you a cookie!!"
"What?" Gaara questioned, unsure of if he heard the girl right.
"Okay … Two cookies?"
Gaara glared at the girl as she quickly hid behind Tessen for safety.
"Uh … Well … we have Naruto. Don't you want to see him again?"
"Of course … but I don't have time …"
"Gaara!" Hikari whined, "We need you!! Please!!"
But Hikari's begging only received another glare from the male and she quickly returned to safety behind Tessen.
"Fine … you leave us with no choice …" Tessen sighed, "We have Kankuro and Tamari held captive. If you don't obey, we'll … do horrible things to them …"
"But, Tessen, we haven't—" Hikari was silenced by a swift elbow jab to the gut.
"Where are they?" Gaara growled darkly.
"In a building just outside of the Hidden Leaf Village," Tessen replied, "We'll give you a map on where to find it, but you have to go there alone."
"And when you get there you have to knock on the door three time, pause for two seconds, knock five times, pause once more, then knock once," Hikari explained as Tessen smacked her forehead repetitively.
"Yeah … what she said," Tessen sighed, "And after we have your full and complete cooperation we'll let you go along with Tamari and Kankuro."
Gaara thought about it for a moment before agreeing to the arrangement. Once Gaara was off with his map, Hikari and Tessen were off to find the siblings who were supposed to already be captured. Luckily the both of them were strolling through the town together, making their job much easier.
"We have Gaara, and if you ever want to see him again then you must obey us!!" Hikari shouted as she leapt out in front of the two … only to go ignored as they pushed past her.
Tessen chuckled softy to herself as Hikari turned to her with a devastated expression upon her face, "Why doesn't anyone take me seriously, Tessen?"
"Because they are ninja and you're not …" Tessen stated before approaching the two sand ninja, "Fine, don't believe us … but we have pictures?" Tessen hands over the pictures with a smug smile.
"These are drawings …" Tamari stated.
"Horrible drawings …" Kankuro added.
"I'd like to see you do better!!!" Hikari roared before storming off.
"Uh ... right," Tessen sighed, "If you don't believe us then go see for yourself. I promise you that he won't be found."
The two siblings stared at the girl for a moment before realizing that she was speaking the truth.
"Fine ..." Tamari sighed, "Take us to Gaara ..."
…Back at the Building…
"Charmed!!" Hikari cried as she entered the building and instantly ran to her friend, "Kankuro said my drawings were horrible …"
"Awww … It's okay … He didn't mean it," Charmed cooed as she hugged Hikari, "Um … where is Tessen?"
Hikari sniffled, "I … um … left her back in the sand country …"
"Uh … y-you just left her?" Charmed questioned, "Are you sure you should have done that?"
"Tessen will be fine, she has the power of persuasion," Hikari replied before changing the subject, "So ... How's guard duty working out for you?"
"It's pretty fun actually," Charmed spoke, "I find it amusing when they finally realize that there is no escaping and give up. Well ... most of them. Shino, Shikamaru, and Choji didn't really try to escape."
Hikari gave a small nod moments before there was a knock at the door. There was a pause before they began knocking again. And then another pause followed by one final knock.
"Who the heck is that?" Charmed questioned as she approached the door.
"Oh!! That's Gaara!!" Hikari cheered, "I told him to knock like that … just for fun."
Hikari rushed past Charmed and allowed Gaara to enter. Naruto gasped as he leapt up from the corner of the room and shouted, "No, Gaara!! It's a trap!!" But the door slammed behind the Kazekage before he received the chance to escape.
Gaara scanned the room realizing that Tamari and Kankuro were no where to be found, but instead there was a high number of Hidden Leaf ninja. He then turned to Hikari before questioning, "How did you get here before me?"
"It's the power that comes with being an author."
"Where are Tamari and Kankuro?"
"Oh, they'll be here shortly," Hikari replied with a wide smile, "Until then why don't you hang out with Naruto and await your doom – er ... I mean when ...wait until we need you ..." Gaara glared at the woman, "... Cookie?"
Before Gaara received the chance to kill Hikari, the door opened and in entered Tessen along with Tamari and Kankuro. Nobody really bothered to warn the two this time and Tessen closed the door behind her.
"What's going on?" Kankuro questioned.
"That will be explained once everyone arrives," Tessen explained before approaching her two friends, glaring at Hikari, "You left me."
"... I ... Love you, Tessen!"
"... You left me!"
"I'm sorry!!" Hikari sobbed as she hid behind Charmed.
"You lived ... that's all that matters," Charmed spoke as she smiled at the angry Tessen.
"Anyway ..." Tessen sighed as she pulled out a sheet of paper from her back pocket, "We have a problem ..."
"What kind of problem?" Charmed questioned.
"How are we going to get Orochimaru and Haku when they're dead?" Tessen asked.
There was a silent pause before Hikari blurted out the first thing that came to mind, "Ouija Board!!"
Tessen sighed, "Go for it ... but I will have no part in this."
"Okay!" Hikari chirped, "What are you going to do until then? We still have others that need to be captured ..."
Tessen paled, "B-but I don't want to go after the members of the Akatsuki alone ..."
"Hmmm ... Gai and Lee know what's going on, why don't you take one of them with you?" Hikari suggested.
"That could work, I guess ..." Tessen replied before leaving in search of the green clad ninjas.
"Okay let's do this!"
... 10 Minutes Later ...
"Who turned off the lights!" Ino screeched from the far corner of the room.
"I can't read my book ..." Kakashi complained.
"I'm hungry ..." added Choji.
"Geez, people, could you just be quite for a few minutes?!" Charmed grumbled.
"I'm a little hungry too ..." Hikari muttered as Charmed let out a heavy sigh.
"Can we just get this done?" Charmed spoke as she seated herself on the floor next to the Ouija board followed quickly by Hikari.
"How do we work this thing?" Hikari questioned as she began lighting the rest of the candles that surrounded the two.
"You suggested this thing and you don't even know how to work it?"
"Pretty much."
Charmed sighed, "Okay, we'll just go with the flow. Put your hands on the guider thing." Hikari did as told, "Spirits ... We call to you ... We seek—"
"What the heck are you guys doing?" Naruto questioned. Both girls peered up to find the young blonde, as well as several other ninja, standing around them.
"We're trying to open a gate to hell to bring back Orochimaru, now leave us alone because it requires the utmost concentration," Charmed snapped, watching as the ninja slowly backed away, except for Kakashi, who was using the candle light to read.
Sasuke glared down at the two women, "What?!" Sasuke all but screamed as he pulled out a kunai and held it to Charmed's throat.
"Are you trying to threaten me?" Charmed growled.
"I-I wouldn't do that if I were you ..." Hikari spoke, "Do you want to end up like Neji?"
Sasuke thought it over for a moment before retracting his kunai, "What are you going to do with him when this is over?"
"Send him back to hell, probably," Hikari replied.
"Can I be the one to do it?"
"Sure!" Satisfied with the answer, Sasuke creped back into the dark shadows of the room with an evil glint in his eyes.
"Now ... let's try this again ..." Charmed sighed.
Honestly, Tessen was not looking forward to her next task, but with both Gai and Lee on her side she wasn't too worried. The Akatsuki were not a group to be messed with, and definitely not by someone with no kind of fighting skills. But Tessen had the power of persuasion. She could get through this. Yeah ... no problem.
After heading out, Tessen decided that she would work her way through the small list going after the hardest to capture to the easiest to capture. Her first target was ... Kisame.
Tessen gulped as she approached the blue skinned ninja ... alone. But, to her surprise, Kisame spoke up before she even received a chance with a, "What the hell do you want?" The strange male glared down at the girl as he slung his sword over his shoulder.
"I-I'd like it i-if you came with me ... please?"
Kisame chuckled at the girl, "And why should I listen to you?"
"B-because ... I have ... fish food?" Tessen somewhat stated as she shook the small container of fish flakes around, only to receive an aggravated stare from the male, "Sushi?"
Without a word, Kisame snatched the plate of sushi from the woman's hands before walking off.
"H-hey! You can't—"
"I can't what?" Kisame growled before popping a bite sized morsel into his mouth, showing off his razor sharp teeth.
"I ... uh ... If you don't do what I say I'll ... do horrible things to Itachi!"
Kisame laughed, "And I should care, why?"
Tessen blinked, "I give up ..."
Without warning, Gai and Lee leapt from the trees and beat the blue skinned Akatsuki with a random heavy object, knocking him out instantly. Both green clad ninja struck a victory pose before lifting up the fallen ninja.
Next, Tessen went after one that she would be able to reason with, Deidara. All she had to say was, "I can get you away from Tobi" and the man was hooked. Over all, Tessen was pleased with her first two captures as she lead the way back to the building. She was even more amazed that Deidara didn't care that they were dragging around an unconscious Kisame. He only chuckled at the poor sap before asking if he could force feed him some clay.
"Is this Orochimaru?" Charmed sighed ... this being their tenth try. The small guider moved to the word 'Yes' causing both girls to gasp.
"Yay!!" Hikari cheered, moments before the only door into the building was opened, flooding the room with light and blowing out the candles with a gust of wind.
"NOOO!!!" Both women screamed, their connection with the spirit world lost.
"Now remember Deidara, if you kill anyone I'm locking you in a room with Tobi," Tessen threatened as the blonde rolled his eyes at the woman while entering the dark building, "Hikari, can you please help me?"
"With what?" Hikari questioned.
"Capturing the last two Akatsuki members," Tessen sighed, "Kisame was hard enough, I don't think I can handle Itachi ..."
"B-but I'm helping Charmed raise Orochimaru from the dead ..." Hikari stated.
"It's okay, I'll get someone else to help," Charmed spoke before shouting, "Who wants to help me summon Orochimaru?!" Silence, "I'll give you a cookie!" More silence, "A hug?" Silence continues, "Damn you all to hell!!"
"I'll be quick about capturing Itachi so I can help you," Hikari stated as she locked her arm with Lee, "Come, Lee! Let the power of youth guide us to victory!!"
"Yes!" Lee beamed as the two ran off, followed by a tearful Gai and an exhausted Tessen.
"So ... who wanted to help me?" Charmed questioned as she fumbled for a match to relight the candles.
"I'll help ..." A voice spoke, who was a little too close for Charmed's liking as she quickly lit a candle to find out who was so eager to bring Orochimaru back from the dead. And, honestly, she wasn't too surprised to find Kabuto sitting across the Ouija board from her.
"How'd you get in here?" Charmed questioned, "And how did you know I was bring back Orochimaru?"
Kabuto pushed his glassed up the bridge of his nose, "I have my ways ..."
"Creepy ... but okay!" Charmed smiled as she lit the rest of the candles.
Thirty minutes later, Hikari and Lee managed to find Itachi by his lonesome. Honestly, they didn't have much of a plan, so Hikari just pushed the boy into the open and told him to go with the flow.
"Itachi!" Lee shouted, catching the males attention, "I challenge you!!"
"...Who are you?" The Uchiha questioned, even though he didn't seem interested.
"I'm Lee!! Your biggest RIVAL!!"
Itachi scanned the boy before turning away, "... You're not a threat to me."
"You have no right to judge me before the battle has even started!" Lee growled.
The green clad ninja continued to ramble on with a speech about the spirit of youth, and his vigorous daily training when Hikari jumped out from a random bush and beat Itachi over the head with a frying pan. The Uchiha was out cold ... and Lee was still yakking.
"Good job, Lee," Hikari spoke, patting the boy on the shoulder, silencing him.
"You really think so?!" Lee gasped as Hikari gave him an enthusiastic nod.
Elsewhere, Tessen was convincing Tobi that their story idea was the most wonderful idea in the universe. Luckily Tobi was a 'good boy' and agreed to help the troubled Tessen with her story ... since he had nothing better to do at the moment. Now all that was left were the dead characters ... little did she know that Charmed already had that covered.
Tessen and Hikari arrived back at the building a few minutes later only to find that all hell had broken lose, but not literally. It also didn't help that Tessen walked in with Tobi by her side.
"Hey!" Deidara screamed from the back of the room, "What is he doing here?!" Tobi pointed to himself in confusion as he looked to Tessen for an answer.
"So much for sneaking you in ..." Tessen sighed just as Sasuke stormed past her.
"Get away from me," Sasuke growled darkly as he glared back at the pale man known to all as Orochimaru.
"But Sasuke-kun, didn't you miss me?" Orochimaru teased.
"Can I send him back to hell now?" Sasuke growled.
"No, we need him later," Charmed growled.
"I don't understand why I'm here," Haku spoke with a gentle voice. He seemed almost scared to be surrounded by all the screaming and complaining ninja.
"Yes, explain to us why exactly we are here," Neji spoke up. The room feel silent as all eyes turned to the silver-eyed ninja ... with colorful ribbons tied in his long chocolate locks. Naruto was the first to break through the silence with a fit of laughter, followed by attempted muffled laughter from several other ninja.
"Neji!!" Charmed squealed as she tackled the ninja.
"Okay ... it looks as if we have some explaining to do," Tessen sighed before clearing her throat, "We have gathered –"
"Kidnapped," Charmed corrected.
Tessen continued without skipping a beat, "—you here today to be part of our story. Hikari, who was currently passing out the script, and I ask that everyone follow the script."
"Or there will be hell to pay ..." Hikari muttered, "Remember ... we lured you here, we know your weaknesses."
Tessen rolled her eyes, "We ask that you cooperate with us, or else your needs will not be met."
"I don't see why I have to cooperate, you've already screwed me over ..." Deidara grumbled as he glared at Tobi, who still seemed confused.
"Ah but we never said how long we would keep him away from you."
"Loophole!" Charmed giggled.
"Anyway, our first story is Beauty and the Beast," Tessen stated, "Those who are needed for the story please follow me for costumes."
"Do we have to?" Tenten sighed.
"The quicker you get this over with the sooner we'll let you go," Tessen replied as everyone reluctantly followed her.
... And thus began the Parody of the century!!
Hi! This is Charmed! -Waves excitedly to the crowd- Tessen told me that we needed to do a Disclaimer and a Warning. Well she said Disclaimer; I added the warning apart, but it's still needed. So here it is: (my thoughts)
Charmed: We claim no ownership of anything you recognize, which includes but not limited to Naruto characters, any and all of the fairy tales we are using (destroying) in the process of this story. In saying that, we state, for our own defense, that we have not stolen i.e. kidnapped any of the Naruto characters (expect Neji), we have borrowed them. Also this is a product of our combined (me, Tessen, and Hikari) boredom (insanity) and is purely for our pleasure and amusement. We share it in hopes that you'd find it as amusing as we did.
That being said, we don't want any flames stating that "YOU SUCK!" Be more imaginative, like YOU LICK SHOES (I don't know where that came from) Also add a plural noun to that, like YOU GUYS (or better yet GIRLS) that way when I read the reviews I know it isn't directed completely at me but us as group. –smiles- That being said we don't mind Flames we just prefer more detailed ones, like instead of just YOU SUCK, tell us why we SUCK! (If you don't I won't be held accountable for my response. –Evil smile-)
Charmed: okay I think that was all Tessen told me to say, -checks over the script- yep everything.
Hikari: -Gasps- You read the script!!
Charmed: I know!! Aren't you proud of me Tessen?!
Tessen: -nods-
Hikari: Hmm … I thought you would be more excited than that …
Charmed: -about to cry-
Hikari: -pokes Tessen- Show more enthusiasm!
Tessen: -sighs- Thank you, Charmed! -pats Charmed's head-
Charmed: Yay!! Anyway, on to the warnings! As stated before this is our combined insanity and each person gets their own chapters. Each chapter is a completely different person, which you will soon find out. And it's up to that person what happens in each chapter, so if you are reading a really insane chapter either by Hikari or myself (Charmed). Then please take notice that nothing is safe. So far Tessen hasn't allowed us to kill anyone (sadly) so that's safe for now. But there will be slash; Yaoi mostly (Hikari can't stop herself) and a little Yuri. There will be violence and mature content, mostly in my chapters but also in Hikari's well actually some in Tessen's too, –Taps lip in thought- I think that's everything. Oh! On a personal note, I will not stand for hate mail from other fan-girls especially Sasuke or Neji ones, yelling at me, for my injustice of them.
First off, Sasuke deserves it, stupid emo.
Secondly, you'd kidnap Neji if you had the chance so –sticks out tongue and clutches chibi Neji-
Okay that's everything…….. Why are you still here……. –glares at them-
-Gets hit with script- WHAT THE HELL!
Tessen: Behave.
Charmed: You hit me!
Hikari: You should be used to that.
Tessen: Are you saying I'm abusive?
Hikari: Only to Charmed.
Tessen: No, I hit other people lets see there's …
Hikari: See!
Charmed: … I feel loved!
Hikari: Of course you are –hugs Charmed-
Charmed: Yay! –hugs back-
Tessen: -sighs-
Charmed: Aww, Tessen doesn't feel loved.
Tessen: What?!
Charmed and Hikari: -jumps on Tessen hugging her-
Charmed Hikari and Tessen: -pile of love hugs on the floor-
Shino: -walks in- … Odd –turns and walks out-