These things are disgusting Simmons thought as he took a package of Oreos out of the cabinet. The only reason he was even bothering with them was because Grif was annoying him and he knew how much Grif loved Oreos. Simmons guessed that was pretty much all he ate, which begged the question how Grif was even still alive.
He's going to kill my stomach with Oreos. Simmons thought bitterly. Well, technically it was Simmons stomach, Simmons still had that, but still Grif was probably going to die because how can anyone even survive on Oreos alone. It isn't physically possible. Simmons would be ticked if Grif died, not because Grif actually died, but because Grif would have wasted Simmons' generously donated body parts.
Simmons inspected the package of Oreos.
"This has no nutritional value at all!" Simmons mutter, agitated. He had decided that making Grif mad was not worth eating Oreos. Instead he simply threw them in the trash and went on his merry way.
That was a fatal mistake.
A few hours later Simmons was standing on top of the base trying desperately to ignore Donut who was optimistically babbling on about how light red was the new black or something like that, Simmons wasn't paying attention enough to know the details of Donut's gushing.
"Donut shut up." Simmons finally grumbled.
"But Simmons think of all the fashion possibilities! They say black goes with everything, which is of course a lie, I mean come on, but still just imagine! Think of all the fashion opportunities I have now!" Donut rambled happily.
"You are in the army, you don't need fashion opportunities!" Simmons snapped.
"You always need fashion opportunities!" Donut argued then went right back to explaining the importance of not rely on black going with everything.
Simmons began to contemplate shooting him. He had never wished for a Blue attack in his life, anything to get Donut to shut up.
"Mmmm."
Donut turned, "Oh, Hi Grif!" Donut chirped happily.
Simmons sighed, great Grif. Simmons turned to face Grif and regretted it immediately. Grif was being his usual idiotic self, not wearing a helmet when they were in the open where the enemy could see them. Maybe they would snipe Grif's exposed head that would be nice. Then he remembered the blues couldn't hit a target if they stood five inches from it so his dreams were quickly dashed. It's what Grif was eating that got Simmons mad. What else would Grif eat? Grif was holding the very same package of Oreos Simmons had disposed of, munching away happily. Of course he would get them out of the trash.
"Grif, those were in the trash for a reason!" Simmons said, frustrated.
"One man's trash is another man's treasure Simmons." Grif said simply, continuing to stuff Oreos in his mouth.
"You can't eat things out of the garbage!" Simmons argued.
"What are you, my mother?" Grif asked, rolling his eyes.
"Aw, you guys are having a lover's quarrel!" Donut gushed
Both Simmons and Grif glared at him. "
"Shut up Donut." Grif snapped
"The Oreos where there for a reason." Simmons stated angrily.
"Oreos… what? Oh yeah… Oreos are there for me to eat them Simmons." Grif said, waving it off as he ate another Oreo.
"Grif, stop eating!" Simmons shouted.
"Don't tell me what to do." Grif said boredly as he shoved another Oreo into his mouth.
"I threw them away for a reason!" Simmons said, exasperated.
"You threw them away? Why would you do that Simmons? I could have starved." Grif asked, obviously annoyed.
"I did it because…" Simmons stopped. Why was he mad at Grif again? He honestly couldn't remember.
"Because isn't a reason." Grif pointed out, angrily.
"You use because as a reason all the time!" Simmons grumbled.
"It's ok for me to use it was a reason, it isn't ok for you to."
"That doesn't make any sense!"
"You don't make any sense!"
"Make out make out!"
"Donut!"
"You know what, forget this." Simmons said angrily, grabbing the package of Oreos from Grif's hands.
"Hey, give those back!" Grif yelled, attempting to take them back.
"Hell no." Simmons told Grif, playing keep away with the Oreos.
"Hell yes!" Grif shouted.
"Nope." Simmons said matter-a-factly, then calmly walked into the base.
"Where are you going, bring those back!" Simmons heard from behind him. He ignored it. He went to the kitchen, this time he would make sure Grif couldn't get to the Oreos.
"Simmons!" Grif yelled, entering the kitchen. He then leaned forward and started breathing heavy.
"You are not tired!" Simmons snapped.
"That was a long way to talk fast from." Grif panted in his defense.
Simmons rolled his eyes, ignoring the fact that Grif wouldn't see him rolling his eyes. He then focused his attention on the Oreos. There was one left in the package. Simmons removed the last Oreo and tossed the packed of Oreos in the trash. He missed the trash can and the Oreos landed five feet from the trash can. Grif laughed.
Simmons ignored Grif and begrudgingly took his helmet off, placing it gently on the kitchen counter.
"You're not!" Grif gasped.
"I am." Simmons nodded. He really didn't want to, Oreos were disgusting, but he had no choice.
"Mercy!" Grif cried.
Simmons attempted to take a bite of the Oreo, but mid-way decided against it. The Oreo ended up being held between Simmons' teeth.
"Give it back!" Grif yelled, furious. Before Simmons knew what was happened Grif's teeth had a hold of the other side of the Oreo.
They both refused to let go. Grif chomped down on his end and Simmons did the same. Their mouths wrestled for the last bits of Oreo. Somehow their lips ended up together. It happened so fast neither of them had time to react immediately. They just kind of stood there in horror. The silence was broken by Donut.
"Hold on one second let me get my camera!" he said joyously from the door way then skipped off.
Both Grif's and Simmons' eyes widened and they pulled away.
"What did you do that for?" Simmons yelled, attempting to wipe the Oreos crumbs and Grif germs off his mouth.
"What did I do that for? What did you do that for?" Grif asked, looking bewildered.
"It wasn't me!"
"Well, it wasn't me!"
"Aw, you guys stopped kissing." Donut whined, interrupting the bickering. He was standing in the doorway with his bedazzled camera ready to go.
"Donut!" they both yelled angrily. Then they glared at each other.
"Go away!" Simmons snapped. Donut sighed but left anyway.
"We never speak of this again, agreed?" Simmons asked, turning to Grif.
"Agreed." Grif replied, still looking disgusted.
"And we definitely don't tell Sarge." Simmons added, imaging the horrifying results of Sarge finding out he… he kissed Grif.
"Don't have to tell me twice." Grif said.
Grif started to walk out of the kitchen.
"Where are you going?" Simmons asked.
"I'm going to get my secret stash of Oreos, and no you can't have any." Grif told Simmons, glaring at him.
Simmons watched Grif walk away.
"Wait… you mean you had a secret stash and you still got the Oreos out of the trash? THAT MAKES NO SENSE." Simmons yelled after Grif. He shook his head, put his helmet back on, and went back to the top of the base.
The rest of the day was spent threatening Donut into not telling anyone what had happened, and trying to erase the horrible memory of that traumatic event.