Emily inhaled deeply from her cigarette, the burn of the smoke in her lungs the only thing that felt real, the only thing she felt at all. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt anything.
Behind her a door opened and she could hear the noise of the bar spilling out into the quiet darkness that surrounded her. As quiet footsteps approached beside her, she wondered briefly who had finally noticed her absence, surprised she'd been missed at all. She didn't look up to see; it didn't really matter anyway.
"You really should quit smoking," Alex remarked softly. Her tone was conversational – not scolding, merely remarking, if she were commenting on the weather. She leaned against the railing, mirroring Emily's position.
Emily let out a long slow exhale of smoke into the night, watched it rise skyward and disappear. "I know," she said quietly, not looking at her, but feeling her gaze intensely on her. "I've been saying that for years." She stared vacantly at the cherry end of her cigarette as if it were the only thing that existed in the world.
Alex waited for her to say something more, but nothing followed but laden silence. "You're missed in there," she said when the silence extended too long for comfort.
Emily gave an unladylike snort in response and flicked ash carelessly onto the sidewalk below.
"But," she continued, eyes following the lines of her face as if a deep-seated truth were written across her skin, "You no longer feel like you belong... Like you've been gone for too long, you've changed too much – you'll always be a part of them, but never like you used to. It's easier to pull away, than feel like your family has rejected you. It's a game of hurt or be hurt and you've lost too many times to let it happen again."
Emily turned to look at her then, mouth hanging open slightly as if to argue the point, but knowing she couldn't. For a moment, she studied the other woman almost sadly. "I can see why they like you," she said softly, attempted a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"It's not easy to be replaced..." Alex said gently with that soft understanding smile.
Emily shook her head slightly – once, twice – then let out a little sigh, gaze flicking away from Alex's seemingly all-knowing eyes.
"If it helps, I don't think anyone will ever be able to fill the hole you left." She said it with a reassuring smile, but there was a decided rejection to it that said she knew she'd never be enough.
There was a moment of reflective sadness between them. Emily took a long drag to fill it with something other than the empty ache inside her, then scraped the cigarette across the pavement with the toe of her boot.
"Did you want to get out of here?" she asked suddenly, without stopping to consider the words and whether it was a good idea to proposition this woman she'd only just met. All she knew was the emptiness she saw in the other woman that echoed her own and maybe she didn't have to be alone.
Alex looked up suddenly, mouth hanging open slightly, understanding exactly, but at a loss for words. For a few moments, she stammered uncharacteristically until Emily surged forwards and kissed her.
Startled, she pulled back, breathless and more than a little confused. She hadn't kissed anyone since she'd separated from her husband and, though she still loved him, Emily had ignited something in her that she'd long since forgotten what it was like to feel. She brought tentative fingers up to her kiss-swollen lips where the feeling of Emily's mouth on hers still burned.
Emily winced at her reaction, gaze falling to the ground. She fought the urge to pick her nails nervously as she braced herself for rejection. "I, umm..." she stuttered awkwardly in apology, cheeks pinking. "I'm sorry if..."
"No, don't be..." Alex started to console, mind still reeling, but she could already see Emily retreating into herself, so she threw caution – and possibly reason – to the wind and closed the gap between them.
Emily gave a little surprised squeak as their lips reconnected. She could sense Alex's lack of confidence in her rigid spine and tentative tongue and gently took the lead, threading her fingers through the other woman's hair, nails scraping across her scalp, making her whimper. The sound went straight to Emily's core and she gasped into the kiss.
When she pulled away again, she leaned her forehead against Alex's as she caught her breath and tried not to smile too mischievously. "Do you want to..." she husked – whether from the arousal or the recent cigarette, she couldn't be sure.
In spite of herself and the ball of nerves in the pit of her stomach, she wanted to... Just how much of that was the alcohol making her head swim, she couldn't be sure, but there would be plenty of time for self-doubt and rethinking in the morning. Right now, all there was was the two of them and the burning desire thrumming through her veins.
Alex hummed a noise of agreement, giving in to Emily's gentle tug on her hands, pulling her towards the waiting cab.
Alex let out a sharp gasp as Emily slammed her back against the door, knocking the air out of her lungs. The gasp turned into a cry as Emily pulled her shirt up over her head and latched her lips onto her clavicle, hands exploring the exposed planes of her back.
She panted rapidly, chest heaving as desire pooled in her core. She tilted her head back to rest against the door, Emily's lips travelling down to latch on her breast, teeth scraping against her nipple through the lace of her bra.
"I-umm..." she stammered, mewled, struggling for words under Emily's ministrations. "I...haven't exactly d-done this before," she admitted. That's not to say she hadn't thought about it during the long months of nights spent alone, touching herself – but she was finding the reality much more intimidating than the fantasy.
She could feel Emily's smile against the skin of her stomach as she dropped to her knees, trailing kisses over heated skin, fingers nimble on the zipper of her jeans. "Done what?" she taunted, tugging her panties down over her hips, in spite of knowing full-well exactly what she meant, wanting to hear her say the words.
"Been with – ah – with a woman..." It was difficult to focus on the words, on anything, with desire pooling sticky between her thighs and Emily's warm breath right there. She'd barely been touched and she was practically on the edge of orgasm already; she wasn't sure if it was because of pent up sexual frustration (it had been a while) or if it was just the effect Emily had on her...
Emily smirked up at her as if reading her thoughts, entirely too cocky, and damn if those arousal-darkened eyes staring up at her from between her legs wasn't one of the most erotic things she'd ever seen. She might have said something, but then Emily's tongue was darting teasingly over her lips, distracting her.
Words caught in her throat as Emily's tongue hit her clit and she bucked her hips sharply at the suddenness of the contact. She almost cried out, but caught the sound before it could escape with a hand clapped over her mouth, entirely too aware of how thin hotel walls could be.
Emily pulled away all too soon, making Alex whimper in disappointment. She clicked her tongue scoldingly. "I want to hear you," she husked the demand. She'd always had a bit of an exhibitionist streak in her.
Alex's eyes fluttered shut for a moment as she tried to calm her rapid pulse sending need racing through her body – Emily's gaze was too intense, words too laden with implication, and she was coming undone entirely too quickly. She wanted this to last and, at this rate, it would be over all too soon.
This time, she didn't bite down on her cry as Emily's mouth returned to between her thighs, trailing her tongue through her slit, pausing to scrape her teeth along her clit.
Alex's thighs started to tremble, legs threatening to give out completely; one hand scrabbled for purchase on the door, finding none. Her other hand tangled in Emily's hair, keeping her close, needing more. Pleased by how quickly she'd reduced her picture perfect composure to nothing, Emily laughed at her desperation, the sound reverberating through the other woman's body.
"Fuckkk," Alex hissed, Emily's ministrations almost more than she could handle. "I need..." she trailed off, teeth scraping along her bottom lip, words lost on a throaty moan.
"What do you need, Alex?" Emily teased, pulling back to memorize the look on her face so she could remember this moment when she was back in London, touching herself to the memory. "Use your words."
"I need more," she whined, expansive vocabulary lost to her in the throes of ecstasy.
Emily obliged without further taunting, dipping her tongue into her needy cunt.
Alex cried out desperately. "Ah – Em-Emily!" Enjoying the reaction, Emily worked her tongue through her pussy until she was a writhing, trembling mess.
Alex would admit – if only to herself – that she hadn't been eaten out all that many times in her life and on the occasions that she had, it had never been this good. Her husband had viewed it as more of a chore – a means to get her aroused enough to agree to sex – than an actual element of foreplay. Under Emily's tongue, though, she was finally understanding the term body worship.
"Emily, I'm gonna cum..." she keened, moments before a powerful climax raced through her, leaving her gasping for air. Now that she thought about it, in fact, none of her previous partners had been able to get her off as quickly or as effectively without resorting to using their fingers as well...and Emily appeared to be going easy on her, leaving her wondering what other things she was capable of in bed.
As she came down from her high, Emily lapped at her juices, cleaning the stickiness off her thighs with a smug grin, like the proverbial cat that got the cream. Satisfied with her work, she pulled back, wiping her chin with the back of her hand in a way that made Alex almost come a second time.
She struggled for words for a moment; now that the urgent need, the heat of the moment had subsided, a sudden and deep vulnerability settled in her chest. Then Emily was kissing her, the taste of her own arousal on the other woman's tongue, making her forget how to breathe.
"Cat got your tongue?" Emily asked with a smirk when the stunned silence continued long after she'd retreated from the kiss. She turned, crossing into the room, undressing as she went until she was in nothing but the delicate red lace of her panties.
She turned back to find that Alex had made no move to follow and the lascivious words on her lips faltered. She sighed softly, gaze falling away as if she'd looked upon something not meant for her eyes. Guilt flooded her insides, feeling like she'd somehow coerced her into this, no matter how willing of a participant she'd been.
She didn't need to be a profiler to know why she hesitated.
"Listen," Emily said with an awkward flick of her tongue across her lip. She wasn't good at this part – the feelings, the vulnerability, the sharing of something more of herself than her body. "I know we didn't discuss what this was, but if..." She shrugged, let her hands fall helplessly to her sides. "It doesn't have to go any further."
Alex didn't have to be a profiler to understand the very real loneliness in the defeated look in Emily's eyes. She attempted a smile she hoped was reassuring, but was in reality more than a little shy. "I just... After that... I've just never been the type to do...this."
There were a lot of things Emily could have said, but she said none of them because in a few hours she'd be gone and it would be like none of this had happened. Instead, she held out a hand and let Alex decide.
After a moment's hesitation, Alex took her hand, eyes meeting hers for a moment, then flicking away coyly, pretending she hadn't seen the way Emily's face lit up with something like relief.
Emily spun her into her body, wrapping an arm around her hips, and kissed her deeply. She backed Alex up until her knees hit the edge of the mattress and she sat down hard. Emily straddled her lap, grinding her hips against Alex's.
Working up her nerve, Alex palmed Emily's breast, thumb flicking over her nipple, making her gasp, body jolting into her touch. Emboldened, she leaned down to take the nipple between her lips. "Shit," Emily hissed, wrapping a hand around the back of her head in silent encouragement, keeping her attention exactly where she wanted it.
When she pulled back, she was slightly out of breath and more than a little surprised at her own boldness. She'd always just assumed she was straight – mostly because she'd married her husband barely out of high school and had never actually had the opportunity to explore her sexuality one way or another – but she was seriously starting to reconsider, judging by the way Emily's little whimpers were turning her on.
Needing more stimulation, Emily traced a trail down her stomach and past the waistband of her panties, hips bucking sharply as her fingers slipped into her cunt, causing her to cry out. Alex snapped back to the moment at the sound and she moaned low in her throat, all other thought effectively quelled.
Emily's head lolled back, breath speeding up, as she pumped her fingers in and out. She gasped, fingers hitting just the right spot inside her. She scissored her fingers, thumb pressing hard against her clit, making her cry out. She ground down on Alex's thigh, riding her fingers, soaking the other woman's thigh with her juices.
"Touch yourself," Emily demanded.
Alex whimpered, then obeyed, body spasming as her fingers hit her still sensitive clit. Her pussy clenched from a combination of the sensation and the sight of Emily's fingers pumping messily in and out of her cunt.
To catch her moans, Emily bit down sharply on the crook of Alex's neck as she cried out her pleasure, orgasm coursing through her in waves.
Alex followed a split second behind with a breathy whimper.
As she came down from her high, Emily pulled back to tuck a loose lock of hair behind Alex's ear, then stroked a tender finger along her jaw. She pulled her sticky fingers out of her panties, offering them to the other woman who took them in her mouth and sucked them clean, tongue laving nimbly over them.
Emily hummed deep in her throat. "Next time, remind me to put that talented mouth of yours to use..." she husked.
"Next time?" Alex asked, brow raised.
Emily just smirked, eyes full of promise and mischief that made Alex tremble with anticipation.