So this is based on "Losing It" by Never Shout Never (Who I have recently become UNHEALTHILY obsessed with).
Listen to it. You REALLY don't know what you're missing.
In fact, listen to it while reading (.com/watch?v=PkxBrBIxxlM). I may intensify your experience ;)
All we ever did was move around.
I was always the new kid.
Never the cool kid.
But all I ever wanted to do was to fall in love.
Just to be in love.
I stared at the bottle before me, head in my left hand and shot glass in my right. Now, don't get me wrong. I never drink. Well, almost never. Bradley Case thought it would be hilarious to spike my coke at that party. I still don't remember what happened that night, or why Clarissa was in my bathtub. Let's just say my parents weren't that excited about it. Yeah. I bet Bradley was laughing when he found out we left because we got a record deal. The only reason I had just taken a shot was because I needed to get my mind off of... her. And them. My head was throbbing from sobbing silently into my pillow after kicking everyone out. My pillow was now on the couch, and the TV, and the table that I was sitting at, and in the bathroom. The plate I had eaten off of before I found out was now shattered on the floor. I had totally lost my chill in the last 15 minutes.
The apartment was too silent, and the shots seemed to take no effect on me, so I was drowning in my thoughts. What caused her to do this to me? I never did anything bad to anyone. I never punched anyone in the face, sabotaged someone, hurt someone's feelings. All I ever wanted in life was to find someone I could actually connect to, someone who was like me, someone who cared. I thought I found her. That's all I wanted from life. I gave my part, why can't I get any good for myself? I've helped old ladies across the street, I helped Logan with his homework (though I'd usually fail). I got James' brush all the time. I helped Kendall execute his weirdo plans (that I would ALWAYS contribute to). What did I do, to deserve this? I wish I knew. I really do.
But my heart was racing.
My mind was screaming,
"you've got your whole life to do these things."
But my legs were shaking.
My hands were searching for her
in the backseat of my car.
I just lost it,
and I can't believe it
I took another shot and finally my vision was all blurry. Or that could have been my tears. I wanted to drown out these damn thoughts, but they kept coming.
And to think, I'd trusted her enough, given all of my heart to her. A week ago, I had even had my first time with this girl. I was against the whole thing, being Carlos, but we had been dating for a while, and I did love her enough for this. Besides, I can't say it was overrated, because I wasn't. Well, I guess now I regret it. I regret being blinded by her perfect shell and not seeing through to the disgusting insides. And to think, she'd probably be reluctant to strip me of my innocence, since I was just some boy toy to her. Maybe she wouldn't want to do something so evil, but I guess not.
I got up from the table and stalked to the fridge. I violently took the name tag and ripped it apart (like she did my heart), then threw it in the trash safely. I went back to the table and thought, fuck the shot glass then, and just took a swallow from the bottle itself.
I knew that I was only sixteen,
but I thought I loved her,
and it'd last forever.
But only if I knew
that she wasn't true.
How could she do this to me?
The apartment held an unbearable tension even though nobody was in there. I, kind of drunk and still depressed, left the apartment, Vodka in hand. I walked into the lobby, where a few people stared at me stagger by and out of the hotel, totally ignoring Bitters' screams. I silently walked along the edge of the sidewalk, avoiding trees and people clumsily. All the while I continued drinking. It did nothing but make me more drunk and more depressed, but I was relentless.
Camille was the one who finally told me. Apparently Logan told her about last week, and she flipped out. She called me and yelled at me over the phone and it took me like ten minutes to calm her down. She finally did and then threw up everything she knew. She told me that Tiffany had slept with James, Kendall and Logan more than once, putting emphasis on more than once. She didn't dump Logan because he forgot her birthday. She dumped him because Logan can't keep secrets, even if it is her birthday (which he did forget). At first, I didn't really register what she had said, and just asked, really? Then I sat there, feeling as if strips of my skin was being ripped off slowly. I shot up and ran out the apartment, knocking down Camille and the door. I didn't make it to the guys, who were sitting on the couch. I just sat on the floor, bawling like a baby. They all surrounded me, trying to ask me what was wrong and everything.
"Did you sleep with Tiffany?" I finally blurted from the floor.
They all made some sort of weird noise that was like, "Psshaw, 'course not, hehehe." I pulled Logan by his shirt and brought him close to my face, because I knew he was the most breakable. I didn't even say anything before he just gave himself, James and Kendall away. I let go of him and he fell backwards. It felt like my heart had stopped and tried to start but was being squeezed and smothered. I didn't know what to do, but I know them trying to beg forgiveness wasn't helping. I screamed for everyone to get out, and everyone did.
As I teetered on the side of the street, I felt that same sinking feeling. Why would she do this? I thought we loved each other. She had convinced me she loved me when she was just sleeping around and needed a cover-up. I had given everything for this girl, or whatever she was, and she had given me a broken heart and a guaranteed hangover. I don't know how people could be so selfish and uncaring of other people's feelings, how she was just stringing me along and felt no remorse about it. The saltiness of my tears mixed in with the stinging of the booze.
But my heart was racing.
My mind was screaming,
"you've got your whole life to do these things."
But my legs were shaking.
My hands were searching for her
in the backseat of my car.
I just lost it,
and I can't believe that.
She was so beautiful. The color of coffee with a tablespoon of milk. Her hair the perfect length, thickness, color. Her eyes were big, sparkly, full of life and hazel with a bit of red near the pupil. Her smile made me lightheaded. Literately, whenever she flashed those perfect teeth as me, I would have to hold on to something discreetly (which of course ended up not being so discreet). She had the perfect, most awesome body any female could ever have had. She was like a barbie, her body a little too perfect to be realistic, but... she was real. As real as real gets. I know, because I still remebered, in my drunken haze, the name tag I had previously ripped apart. I had crossed out the Perez and put Garcia. Tiffany Garcia, she had said, I'm getting used to my future name. That's also the day we became official. She was too loud, too wild, full of energy, unintentionally destructive, adventurous and had the mouth of a sailor. In other words, perfect. Whenever anyone told her she was too wild, or too loud, or too destructive, she'd be like I've got this one life, so why not live this bitch to the fullest? She always would pinch my cheeks whenever she kissed me. She would always grab my butt when she hugged me.
I kept walking, not sure where I was anymore and very drunk, but still depressed. I had turned a bunch of corners and gone down a bunch of alleyways, so only God knows where I was. I didn't really care though, I wanted to get away, never see anybody's face again. I didn't want them to see me, hurting, while they were perfectly fine and dandy. I didn't want to see them fine and dandy while I was hurting. The bottle was empty somehow, so I threw it against a wall and continued walking, only being guided by the streetlights. Even those started to fade, and before I knew it was I lying on the floor, slowly dozing off.
Ooh...
A bunch of people were staring and pointing at me. I know I looked weird but I didn't care. She swear I saw her in the back of the crowd, just staring. I closed my eyes, laid my back against a tree and blacked out more then fell asleep. I don't know how I would get back home when I woke up. I don't think anyone would find me.
But I just didn't care anymore.