Willow woke with a start and shot upright into a sitting position in her bed. "Tara? Tara?" She called out hopefully. Suddenly, she felt something touch her arm and looked over to see Buffy sitting on the edge of the bed, gently rubbing it.
"No Will. She's gone, remember?" Buffy gently reminded her.
"No. No. no!" Willow cried as she fell heavily into Buffy's arms and dissolved in tears. All the while, Buffy held her close and rubbed her back supportively.
"I wish I could take your pain away Willow. I really do." She whispered.
"I don't know what to do Xander. I don't know how to help her." Buffy said, a hint of worry in her tone.
Xander patted her arm. "It's hard when you lose the ones you love." He empathised. "I can't imagine what she's going through right now. It must be awful."
Buffy nodded. "She sleeps a lot, and if she's not sleeping, she's balling her eyes out. I'm a little surprised she has any tears left to cry at all."
"I guess we just have to be there for her." Xander said, shrugging his shoulders. "As hard as it is, I think that's all we can do."
"You're right Xan. As hard and as heartbreaking as it is watching her, we can't make the pain go away, as much as we wish we could." Xander nodded his agreement.
"Tara?" Willow called out. "Baby, where are you?"
"I'm here Willow. Right here." Tara's soft voice was music to Willow's ears. "Just follow my voice baby. You'll find me."
Again, Willow woke with a start to see Buffy sitting on the edge of her bed. Buffy looked sympathetically at her best friend, wishing there was something, anything she could do to help her.
"I can't do this anymore Buffy." Willow admitted in a whisper as tears started to fall from her cheeks. "I can't do it."
Buffy leaned forward and stroked Willow's arm. "Of course you can Will." She said. "It's hard now, I know. But I'm right here. Xander, Dawn, Anya, Giles and even Spike. We're not going anywhere." Buffy promised, looking solemnly at her best friend.
"But that doesn't bring Tara back!" Willow cried.
"I know." Buffy whispered. "I know Will. I'd do anything to bring her back to you." Buffy held her friend as she cried again.
"What's the point Buffy? I don't want to be here without Tara." She cried.
"Willow," Buffy said concern in her voice. "The point is me. Xander, Giles, Anya and Spike. We'd all miss you terribly if you went away."
Willow looked up at her.
"Think of Dawn." Buffy continued. "She loved you and Tara heaps. Both of you. Losing Tara killed her. If she lost you too, it would destroy her. Xander and Giles would be crushed. So would I. We love you Willow."
A fresh round of tears spilled from Willow's eyes. "I can't deal with it anymore Buff." She whispered. "The pain. It's too much. I can't handle it. All I want is Tara and she's gone." The tears began to flow rapidly and Buffy pulled her friend into her arms and held her tight.
The two friends pulled away from one another as they heard someone outside Willow's room. They looked up to see Xander standing in the doorway. He came forward, taking Buffy's place on the bed and looking sympathetically at Willow.
"Oh Will." He said. "Come here." Xander opened his arms and Willow fell into them, beginning to cry again.
"She's gone Xander." She cried. "She's gone and she's never coming back."
"Ssh." Xander said, beginning to rock with her. "I know sweetie, I know."
Willow cried even more. "She used to call me that. Tara." Xander gently stroked her hair and rocked with her, hugging her tight as she cried.
When the tears finally stopped and Willow fell asleep. Xander gently pulled the covers over her, kissed her forehead lightly and left the room.
"Was she any better?" Buffy asked when he arrived at the foot of the stairs.
"Not really." Xander admitted sadly. "She couldn't stop crying and she kept saying 'she's gone.' It breaks my heart seeing her like this. I wish there was something else we could do for her."
"I know." Buffy agreed. "So do I."
Willow's memories of Tara flowed relentlessly through her mind as she slept. The first time she saw her, the first time they met, the first time they held hands, when they kissed, when she introduced Tara to her friends, Tara's birthday. The image of Tara's final moments lingered longest in her mind, torturing her and Willow started to cry in her sleep at the expression on Tara's face.
Willow remembered Tara serenading her in the gardens of the university. Her soft, beautiful, angelic, musical voice and the wind flowing through her hair, the sun making her eyes shimmer. She remembered sitting with Tara on their bed. The sun shone through the window and Tara had stroked her cheek tenderly. Slowly, she'd leaned closer and met Willow's lips with her own, kissing her softly and passionately. She remembered Tara's birthday. The overjoyed look on her face when they'd surprised her at The Bronze and when she'd realised that she was loved. She mattered. She remembered slow dancing with her and feeling as if the rest of the world had melted away and it seeming as if they were the last two people on earth.
Everything from first seeing each other, to falling so deeply, head over heels in love with her right up until the bullet tore through her chest and ripped Tara away from her forever, she remembered.