A Hero Among Us

by KrisKenshin

This bit was written and removed from "The Silence!" just last night for not playing along with the rules. It went 'Out of Bounds' and I could NOT allow such Crack in my story. But I still kind of liked it…Roy x Ed Yaoi, Gag, Crack, Drabble

A Hero Among Us – A Fullmetal Alchemist Fan Fiction Drabble

Note: This bit was written and removed from "The Silence" just last night for not playing along with the rules. It went 'Out of Bounds' and I could NOT allow such Crack in my story. But I still kind of liked it…not a lot mind you…but a little…and I don't have a problem showing you my horrible mistakes. I hope you enjoy this atrocity because I'm sure there will be more to come. sigh

Author: KrisKenshin

Pairing: Roy x Ed Yaoi, Gag, Crack, Drabble

Rating: NC-17 (for lots of foul language and situations of a sexual nature that are in front of Al, which is why I removed this from "The Silence" and I even had to edit some things out of this bit before I was comfortable posting what is here now because I can't even begin to tell you how much I don't like Elcrest.. I told my brain not to go there but it never listens to me…never…stupid brain…does whatever the Hell it wants to...I don't understand how it can do that... controlled by aliens or something…Roy Ed Yaoi Smut Loving Aliens…hmmm…start the anal probe any time!)

Disclaimer: I do NOT own, in any way, Fullmetal Alchemist! If I did we would still be watching new episodes, which would have ultimately ended up with Roy and Ed getting together in an overpoweringly FLUFFY way that would have lead to them constantly having SMEX in every possible situation, location, and POSITION!

WARNING: If you don't like Yaoi (or also known as Gay relations, implied or sexually explicit, both of which may be included here, or may not, I haven't decided yet) you should immediately press the BACK button and remove yourself from the situation that you are about to involve your retinas in, which of course could cause slight irritation and possible burning in some cases.

Note: Italics Random Thoughts…not sure where they come from.

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"What the Hell do you want Bastard? We've got a PHILOSIPHER STONE TO FIND!!"

"A little louder Fullmetal, I don't think they could hear you all the way outside."

Frowning Ed huffed and crossed his arms over his chest, "Well?" he said with no remorse.

Carefully lowering the file he had been pretending to read, for Hawkeye's benefit of course, he put on his best smirk and leaned back in his chair placing his feet up on the corner of his desk. He was silent for a moment then steepled his fingers and looked up at the ceiling, "It seems we have a hero among us" he said vaguely.

Ed huffed again "Of course we have a hero among us! I'm THE Fullmetal Alchemist, hero of the common man, doer of good deeds, savior to the inferior, the man in every woman's fantasy and other fancy bits and things that I do." He stated puffing himself up proudly.

Al rolled his red eye dots, pretended to be an empty suite of armor and waited for the inevitable bomb to drop from the Colonels mouth.

The Colonel seemed to take a moment to think about this, "I thought I was in every woman's fantasy?" he said smugly waiving his hand around absently in the air as he continued, "You're too short for that sort of thing anyway." He then looked out of the corner of his eye at Ed and smirked loudly.

I don't know what smirking loudly really means but the Colonel was definitely smirking loudly.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO MINISCULE HE CAN'T GET LAID BECAUSE HE CAN'T BE SEEN BEHIND YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE SO FREAKISHLY TALL AND HANDSOME!?" Ed flailed in his brothers vice like grasp.

Chuckling, "You said it not me, Runt."

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU GARGANTUAN BASTARD!! I'M NOT A POCKET-SIZED TOY YOU CAN TAKE OUT AND PLAY WITH WHEN YOU GET BORED!!"

Normally at this point Al would speak up and redirect the conversation, but for some reason he didn't. Suspicious? I think so.

Pulling at his imaginary beard the Colonel smiled to himself, "A Petite boy-toy I can play with...yummy!"

Ed's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "W-Wh WHAT THE HELL!?" he stuttered. "NOT IN FRONT OF MY LITTLE BROTHER!! …AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FIGHT YOU OFF WHEN YOU PUT YOUR PERVY HANDS ON MY ASS!?

"Ok, so I've heard enough" Al covered his head in the general location of ears.

"Ah, but you have such a cute Little ass I wouldn't be able to control myself." Roy grinned, dropping his feet off the desk with a 'thunk' and leaning in Ed's direction.

"OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO CONTROL YOURSELF!! WHAT KIND OF DUMB ASS COMMENT IS THAT!? …DON'T CALL ME SO LITTLE YOU COULDN'T HAVE SEX WITH ME BECAUSE I WOULD FALL BETWEEN THE SHEETS AND GET LOST!!" he screeched slamming his palms down on the desk and glaring daggers.

"Oh how I wish I had ears so I could cover them, that way I won't have to lobotomize myself when I get my body back!" Al said to the room in general.

"How could I ever misplace such a Miniature sex god? You would totally be screaming my name as I rode you like a jockey?" He said smugly, sliding his elbows to the center of the desk and resting his chin in his palms.

"I WOULD NOT SCREAM YOUR NAME!! YOU WOULD SCREAM MINE BECAUSE I WOULD BE SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE YOU END AND I BEGIN!!" at this point he actually crawled onto the desk on all fours "AND DAMN RIGHT I'M A SEX GOD!!" Raising himself up on his knees he grabbed the Colonel by the hand and roughly pressed the hostage palm to his crotch. "DOES THAT FEEL MINIATURE TO YOU!?"

"Or perhaps when I get my body back I won't remember the last few years at all, dear God PLEASE don't let me remember!" Al begged.

Yeah he regrets that one later.

"Damn Fullmetal! I Have misjudged you" as a crooked smirk crawled across his face "how do you manage to squeeze That into these ridiculously tight leather pants?"

"OK IF I COULD BARF I WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY!" Al yelled, yanking his brother off the desk with one hand while simultaneously slapping the Colonel's grabby appendage away with the other.

Without even blinking the Colonel sat back in his chair and continued with the original subject as if nothing at all had happened. "I was referring to a few incidences that have been happening around town, purse snatchings, minor store robberies and the like. It seems that the criminals involved all get caught and mysteriously appear in jail before the local authorities can even begin there investigations."

Al interrupted "That's great! The police never catch people like that! They say the crimes are too petty to dedicate a full investigation to."

"Yes it is great Al" he paused looking at the metal boy thoughtfully, "However that is not what I find interesting."

"It's not?" Ed asked confused scratching his head.

Al squeaked.

Raising an eyebrow at the armor, "No it's not." Roy laced his fingers and let his chin rest on the knuckles. "What is of interest, are the reports of some guy going by the name of Tony Stark."

"Why is that interesting?" Ed asked still confused.

Roy rolled his eyes at the stupidity in the room, "Well Edward. it is interesting because this Tony Stark guy is reported to wear a large suite of grey armor," and looked pointedly at Al.

Al squeaked again.

The light finally came on in Ed's brain and glared at the Colonel "Damn you nosy Bastard!" he spat before turning to Al and punching him hard on the arm with a deafening metallic thunk, "SHIT!" he bellowed over the noise "I TOLD YOU WE SHOULD HAVE MADE YOUR ARMOR RED!!"

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END

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cookies for reviewers!! :)