Fan-fiction post the events of 5x22
HOPE
Elena's POV
I have gone crazy. He has finally driven me to madness. I take out my anger on anything within my reach, anything breakable. Stefan was right when he said that everything is heightened when you're a vampire.
"You feel more deeply. Love more intensely. When you're sad, you're in despair."
How I wish he was wrong. I am THIS close to doing it. Flipping the switch and letting the numbness take over. But he's still inside my head. His soothing, persistent voice saying, "Don't do it, Elena! You have to be strong. Everything will be fine. You'll get through this."
But everything is not fine, and it will never be fine again. For Damon Salvatore is gone.
I know I am being selfish, mourning Damon and forgetting about Bonnie. But I am still in denial. My heart, not wanting to face the harsh reality of the situation, is still clinging on to a tiny ray of hope. That he'll walk through the door any minute now. His voice, taunting me, teasing yet loving at the same time.
A wave of grief and pain overcome me, and I rush upstairs to his room. I can hear the others- Stefan, Caroline, Alaric- all calling me but I need to be alone.
I walk in and lie on the bed. The sheets still soft with his familiar smell of safety, comfort, love.
I open his cupboard and just admire his wardrobe- black, black and more black. I slip on one of his black shirts, breathe in the smell of him, and suddenly I am flooded with emotions and memories. Memories of the first morning we had together, the look of surprise and joy on his face, like all his dreams had come true. Though it was the sire bond, it was real for the both of us. And even thought all the odds were against us, we made it this far. "I don't have any regrets," He would have said. And just like that another memory takes over my mind. He had saved me so many times and he didn't even know it.
"I'm not a hero, Elena," Damon said.
"But you save people's lives. You've saved mine a couple of times," I say.
"Well, a couple of those times, I was the one who put your life in danger in the first place." He counters.
"Well, I disagree. Damon, is it so hard for you to admit that you're good? That you're a hero?" I try to convince him.
"Well that's because when you do something good, people expect you to be good ALL THE TIME. And you know I'm not cut out to be a hero because I don't wanna be one. I like doing things on my own terms. No expectations, no disappointments."
"Wow… a hero with his own terms," I smile and say. "Well I think that those are the best kind." I lean over and pull him in for a kiss. We break apart only when we hear Jeremy say, "Can you guys take this cozy gathering somewhere else?"
I am pulled out of my reverie only with one though- how could I be so selfish? Jeremy, my baby brother, is also grieving and here I am, holed up in my dead boyfriend's room. I hurry downstairs. Like Damon said, I have to be strong.