A/N: Established Jisbon. It's a relationship and someone has to take out the trash and buy groceries, but who says that just because they're chores they have to be boring.
My attempt at being a little bit funny... I really don't do funny... so I guess this is more of a cute fun than a fun fun thing.
Disclaimer: I've seen my fair share of lists over the years, none of which outlining that I own the rights to The Mentalist.
She walked into the kitchen, a scribbled note lay on the countertop so naturally she picked it up and read it:
Honey - As sweet as she is.
A potted, blue colored hydrangea - they're pretty like her, and she deserves to get flowers every day.
Licorice - the color of her hair.
A new pair of socks - my beloved Cannon River pair is all but worn out.
Avocados - As deep green and mysterious as her eyes.
1 pd. of Walnuts - tough on the outside, but squishy and delicious on the inside.
A package of 3 layered toilet paper - So soft, just like her skin.
Cinnamon - the smell of her shampoo.
A pair of handcuffs - ;-)
Catnip - just as intoxicating as she is.
Columbian coffee beans (2 bags) - even though grumpy is adorable, waking up to her smiling is better.
Vanilla ice cream - it melts as fast as my heart whenever I see her.
A hammer - 'cause the other one is at the office.
"Patrick," She hollered at him from the other room. "What is this supposed to be?" She waved the note in the air, even though she knew he couldn't see it.
But he didn't even need to see it to know what she was talking about. "A grocery list." He yelled back.
She looked it over again. Skimming the various items. "Oh okay, I thought it was some kind of weird poem." She said shaking her head and rolling her eyes at his crazy ways.
"Nope, just a grocery list." He said wandering into the room and grapping the paper out of her hand.
She raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.
He just smiled and leaned in to kiss her forehead.
"What are you going to do with all of these things anyway?" She asked.
"It's a surprise."
"Jane." There was a warning in her tone.
"What? It's just some of the things we're out off. It's nothing sinister, I swear!"
"Really?!" She glanced at the paper in his hand. "So we're out of handcuffs and cinnamon?"
"Yes. Why is that so hard to believe?" He said with his best I'm-innocent-of-whatever-it-is-you're-accusing-me-of voice.
She didn't push it further. Jane was a schemer, that was just who he was, and as long as it was innocent and no one would get hurt, she could live with being left out of the loop, for a little while at least. He would end up telling her eventually, she would make sure of it or she'd make him pay. And if she were to expect the FBI or the military to come knocking at their door in the middle of the night he would have told her already, they had a very clear deal about that now. So instead of being angry or overly curious she went for a simple and clarifying question: "Okay so what's with all the strange descriptions?"
"Oh, you know." He said casually, looking slightly embarrassed. "I just miss you when I'm out shopping alone." He waved the paper in the air. "This way I know what I have to buy and I'm reminded of you at the same time."
She snatched back the paper. "So what you're saying is that I have licorice hair and my eyes look like avocados. That doesn't sound very flattering."
"No, not when you say it like that." He chaffed. "You shouldn't take it so literal, my dear. It's not an exact science."
She smiled. "You're strange, you know that."
"Sure, but that's why you love me." He said and kissed her before she could protest, and at the same time he managed once again to take the paper away from her.
"Well, have fun then." She said as she continued on her way out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
"Do you need me to get you anything while I'm out and about?" He yelled after her.
"No." She yelled back. And he counted silently in his head: '3, 2, 1.'
And sure enough three seconds later he heard her voice: "You know what, I think we're out of milk."
"Okay, I'll add it to the list." He half yelled, half said to himself.
'Milk -'
He wrote and paused for a moment at a loss, then he added: - It disappears so fast, Lisbon must be hiding a small suckling elephant somewhere.
"Anything else?" He yelled
"A monkey wrench." Came the prompt answer this time.
He giggled. "What do you need that for?"
"You have your secrets and I have mine." She yelled back.
"Not for long, my dear, not for long." He whispered conspiratorially to himself and smirked as he wrote:
One monkey wrench - 'cause apparently I'm in love with a handyman.
Lisbon came down again now in her casual clothes and headed straight for the fridge. When she saw him standing there at the counter she looked surprised. "Are you still here?" She asked.
"Nice to know how much my presence is appreciated." He said sarcastically.
She slapped him on the arm as she passed, opened the refrigerator door and peaked inside. "Do we have anything edible in here or are you going to make me an ice cream with crushed coffee beans and avocado covered in catnip when you get back?"
"It wouldn't be the strangest thing I've seen you eating lately." That comment earned him another slap.
"Ouch." He said and nursed his wound. So she kissed him on the cheek as an apology.
"Should I bring you back a pizza?" He asked.
"Ah the caveman bringing home the bacon. Yes please, I'm starving."
"You know I would cook for you, like a good 21st century man, but it would take some time and you kinda look like you're about ready to eat the plates without anything on them so.." He snickered at her eye rolling. "I'll hurry back I promise." He said, kissing her forehead and nuzzling her cheek, before taking a pen and adding something to the list:
Pizza - for my hungry cavewoman.
Then he headed for the door. Where he turned and blew her a kiss before leaving. He was such a dork sometimes. Missing her when she wasn't out grocery shopping with him. Who does that? He could probably find a way to make taking out the trash fun too. She shook her head. He might be a dork, but he was her dork, and he was an adorable one at that.
A/N: Okay so I have no idea what Jane is actually going to do with all this stuff, I was just trying to find something that had something to do with Lisbon. If you can come up with something ingenious please be my guest, all theories are welcomed.
It's so nice (and a bit strange) being able to write Jisbon knowing they're canon. I'm still not over this fact, sorry.
Secret fun fact - I think the Lisbon in this story is pregnant, I mean she drinks more milk, apparently she eats strange things, and my guess is she needs a monkey wrench to put together the crib..., so buying her coffee might not be the best thing for Jane to do, which means he's got no clue hmm... Oh no she's gonna be grumpy for 9 months... Anyways it wasn't even on purpose, it was just a thought that occurred to me afterwards. Lisbon you sneaky little fictional character you.