The Founders
Staring
The Shorting Hat SH
Helga Hufflepuff H
Godric Gryffindor G
Salazar Slytherin S
Rowena Ravenclaw R
House elves HE
Poptart the unicorn P
1
G: So we are agreed that a magic school is the best idea?
R: Indeed a magic school will be most profitable.
S: well I say we only let in wizard kids who are puree bloods mudbloods are most disgusting.
G: Don't say that horrible word Sly.
S: Bah.
H: I like ponies and unicorns and magic and lollypops and…..
Ravenclaw slaps Helga and sits down quite calmly.
R: Problem solved.
H: My face hurts but I don't care candy whee!
G: So Helga you agree on a magic school then?
H: I never went to school but I guess so is there hugging classes?
R: I should think not.
G; Yes Helga just for you.
H: Yay ponies unicorns hugs for everyone.
R: No thank you.
G: Sorry I am quite busy at the monument.
S: Piss off.
H: hey sly why are you such a meanie huh?
R: Helga that's enough.
H Ok whee.
Helga runs off to play with her imaginary unicorns.
R: Sometimes I wonder about her.
SH: She a hard worker when she wants to be.
2
Godric and Rowena are marking student's tests in the classroom when Helga bursts in screaming about her lost kitten Kittenwhiskers.
H: Where is Kittenwhiskers I can't find him anywhere? (Helga starts sobbing.)
R: Helga what's wrong? Kittenwhiskers has been dead for 10 years remember.
H: (Stops sobbing) Oh I forgot hee hee I going to give hugs to all my students whee.
Helga runs off laughing madly.
G: I swear Helga is going to get into trouble one of these days.
R: I know the feeling. Now shall we proceed to making the tests?
G: Alright where's Sly?
R: (Sighs) you know Sly. He went to find a powerful wizard tom I think his name was.
G: you won't catch Tom in my house.
R: The tests Ric.
G: Oh alight.
3
Godric and Rowena are sitting in the Great Hall eating when Helga flicks her wand and make Godric's plate tap dance across the room,
G: Helga what in the name of Merlins beard are you doing?
H: I'm making the plate's tap dance silly.
G: well please stop.
H: I forgot how whoops. (Helga starts giggling)
R: I will stop this. (Ravenclaw waves her wand and the plates stop dancing.)
H: No fair you're such a bitch.
R: Looking stunned.
H: Puppy's?
R: Slaps Helga 5 times then walks away pissed off.
HE Would sir like some wine?
G: no thanks. Helga why did you say such a rude word?
H: Rowena makes me angry sometimes so I listen to my inner bitch.
G: Good job.
S: Avada Kedavra. (Kills Hufflepuff)
H: So you met my clone?
S: Yes I can still kill you.
H: Stupefy. (Slytherin is unconscious)
R: Helga I am so sorry I forgive you.
H: Me too I think.
R: Hug?
H: HUGS!
G: You had to ask.
G: Clean up the body elf!
HE: Yes sir.
3
Helga is locked in her bedroom after try a super locking charm. Ravenclaw is try to unlock the door but to no avail Helga is the only one who can open the door.
R: Helga open this door right now.
H: No!
G: Please?
H: NO!
S: Waves him wand the door explodes.
H: Runs away crying.
R: You insensitive basted!
S: You're welcome.
G: You should have let Helga open the door herself.
S: Fuck you (leaves)
R: (sighs)
H: Hey Ric hey.
G: Yes Helga.
H: I can do a cartwheel watch whee!
R: She back to normal.
G: (sarcastically) Great.
H: Raven watch this whee jump off a cliff.
R Shit Helga get back here.
H: Okay (fly's away on broom)
R: on the ground next to me NOW!
H: Alright then Ravenclaw coming. (She land next Ravenclaw)
R: Helga what have I told you about jump off cliffs without a broom?
H: I know alright I was riding my unicorn Poptart.
S: He not real stupid….
G: Shut it you.
H: What's Poptart Sly?
R: He right over there see?
H: YAY! Poptart here I come whee!
R: Sly you basted you don't say that to Helga she's very emotionally challenged.
S: But she's so annoying.
R: You'll have to get use to her one day.
S: I know.
4
Helga has multiple personality syndrome on one side Ditsy Helga DH on the other Bitchy Helga BH the resalts funny as all hell.
BH: Sly you jerk you basted I hate you so much die in a fire.
S: (shocked) what did you say you cow.
BH: you heard.
S: Why shouldn't I just kill you now?
DH: Ponies YAY!
R: Sly you know Helga now has MPS.
S: Yes but did you hear what she called me?
R: that wasn't the Helga that we know and love.
BH: Yes it was you stupid bitch.
R: (calmly) yes Helga you need to calm down or I'll get Ric.
G: too late.
G: what's going on here?
H: Poptart loves everyone yay!
S: Well I HATE everyone stupid bitch.
H: Starts sobbing.
P: It's okay Helga I'll impale that basted.
H: Really?
P: Just for you.
H: Yay!
P: Impales Sly on his horn.
R: well I'm glad that's over.
G: we can finally get on with things.
5
Helga is making human-badger cross breads. The Badgers plan to take over the school with cudgels and lemon squares. Helga and Poptart lead the invasion.
P: Onward my brothers to a new age of lemon square and badgers.
H: Yay death to all.
R: WHAT THE SHIT ARE YOU TWO DOING!
H: Slaying all non-believers.
R: Poptart I expect better of you.
P: get stuffed you old bat.
G: Well at least Sly is dead.
\]Random Badger stabs Ric in the leg. Ric pulls out his wand and murders him.
R: that was surprisingly violent of you Ric.
Helga starts killing student left and right. Poptart impales students on his horn.
H: They will pay for what they have done.
R: Wait a minute…..
G: These are all Sly's students.
R: Kill them all Helga.
6
Ravenclaw Ric and Helga are locked in the magical dungeon of magic. The Badgers have taken over the school and imprisoned all the students. They must escape and slaughter Poptart the leader of the Badgers. The only question is how?
R: This is all your fault Ric you should have killed those badgers when you had the chance.
G: Helga made them ask her to kill them.
H: I love Poptart I will marry him.
R: Not after I'm through with him.
Ric Helga and Ravenclaw are choosing the new headmaster to replace them because they are leaving in two week Helga will be married to her unicorn Poptart. Ric will be mining gold for Gringotts Sly is dead as seen in chapter 4. Ravenclaw will be retiring to the new Fartknockers elderly people home.
G: Well the new Headmaster been chosen and Sly is dead so I'll be off then bye. (Leaves)
H: Come on Poptart it's time for our honeymoon in Kentucky bye. (Leaves)
R: Well the Reapers have come to take me to Fartknockers bye. (Leaves)
The end