Summary: set immediately after OotP (Sirius/Remus) Driven by both hope and despair, Remus sets out on a search that will take him to the ends of the earth and down through his own haunted past - the search for a way to bring the dead back to life.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I don't suppose you were really fooled, were you? I don't even own Sirius Black, though I'd love to. I have a dog collar that would look wonderful on him….
Of course, if you don't like slash (slash what happens when a man and another man love each other) or Siri and Remmy in lurve, feel free to take along walk off a short cliff. Er, I mean, feel free to click that lovely "Back" button at the top of your screen. And Zachary Allen, if you flame this fic, I will personally beat you to death with Anubis.
ONE
Stonehenge in the Moonlight
"We called love: one-half of existence;
a mad star in sanity's night sky."
- Mirza Agha Asgari
The sun is setting behind the stone columns, painting the sky the color of blood. Shadows reach out long fingers to link with the growing night, and the darkness cuts deep into the face of Remus Lupin.
The last of the Muggle tour buses rattled away hours ago; he is alone now, with only the windswept grass and the standing stones and his own subversive thoughts.
Sirius used to love this place. Remus remembers when they were still students at Hogwarts, and they would come out here on holiday with James and Peter. Sirius, as Remus recalls, would fearlessly scale the ancient monoliths, laughing off Remus's admonitions to get down before he damaged something. When he reached the top he would swing his legs in the air, acting like an idiot, a triumphant smile upon his lips…soft lips, so good for kissing….
Anyway, Remus has been doing this very often of late. Retracing his steps, going back to all the places Sirius loved when he was alive. As if he is trying to find something, some trace of the person who was Sirius Black.
For a moment Remus imagines that he sees a great black dog amidst the shadows at the base of the stones…but no. It is only a trick of the fading light.
Remus sighs and rubs his weary eyes. He has not been sleeping very well lately, his dreams too filled with dark veils and the whispering of distant voices, and the slow-motion fall of the one person he still loved.
The moon appears, a thin crescent that to Remus resembles the sickle of Death. He is rather surprised at himself; he never used to have such morbid thoughts, not before Sirius died.
His gaze lifts up to rest on the structure before him. Stonehenge in the moonlight is even stranger and more beautiful than Stonehenge during the day, if that is at all possible; so utterly unreal, yet somehow more real than anything around it.
No one knows who made it, not even in the magical world. There are mysteries that even wizardkind cannot comprehend; there are magics that even they have not mastered. Sirius was taken by one such mystery, so it stood to reason that only another could bring him back. The Veil itself was a dead end, but there are other places, places where the wall between the worlds wears thin, blurred enough perhaps to allow passage.
Yes, this is what Remus believes, wholeheartedly. Sometimes he can even manage to convince himself that it is true.
The stars are beginning to come out. Remus gazes at them, quickly finding the one called the Dog-star.
He remembers something he read a long time ago: how the stars are so far away that it takes their light thousands of years to reach the earth. And how, sometimes, that light will keep on traveling through space even after its source has died, a mirage, a soul detached from its body.
Distantly, the light of another, very different dead star reaches him - the voice of Sirius, whispering, shouting, laughing, rises from his memory. You never notice the beauty of such simple things until they are gone forever.
Remus closes his eyes and grits his teeth. "Sirius," he whispers, but there is no reply.
000
"I'll be leaving for several days," Remus announces. "As of yet it's unclear when I'll be back. I…apologize, but I'm afraid it cannot be helped."
Even to his own ears, Remus's words sound rehearsed, the wooden lines of an actor in a play. He gets like this in times of great suffering. Molly and Arthur exchange puzzled looks over their breakfast plates. Mundungus, the only other person awake at this hour, is clandestinely wrestling several lumpy packages into submission, and takes no notice.
Arthur clears his throat. "Er, Remus - perhaps you should be asking Dumbledore…."
"I've already discussed it with him. He was the one who granted me this leave of absence."
Molly's brow furrows; she is ever the mother, even to those who are not her children. "But it too dangerous, isn't it, now that You-Know-Who and his Death Eaters are back in the open?"
"I'll be disguised as a Muggle, though I'll keep my wand with me at all times. Anyway, I'm not going to stay in any one place more than a few days." Remus attempts a reassuring smile, "There's nothing to worry about, really."
Molly sighs. "Well…I suppose you deserve a break, you and Sirius were always so close, and now he's -"
"Don't say it." The words ache with the anguish and despair of the past few days, and though soft, they slice the air like the blade of a knife.
Everyone stares. Even Mundungus has stopped fidgeting. This is the closest Remus has come to an outburst since Sirius died; indeed, the closest in almost fifteen years. He was always the calm one, the sensible one.
"Remus, what's happened to you?" Arthur whispers.
For a moment, Remus believes he might just burst out into laughter. 'What's happened to me?' How can I ever tell you, he thinks, that the starlight shimmers on the veil that divides him and me; that it is as though he is calling out to me, trying to reach me, so close and a world away.
Of course, he says none of this. He turns on his heel and opens the door and makes as if to leave. But he pauses for a moment at the open door, and in a barely audible voice he says, "Love. Love is what has happened to me."
And then he is gone.
To be continued…
Aha, but never fear, my faithful readers, this is a chapter fic. That's what the little "To be continued dot dot dot" thing at the end means.
This is my first HP fic in about four years, so I hope you guys like it And review, please. Feed the author. She's hungry.