A/N : yeah, im still working on Doesn't that Count… but I wrote this mostly just because I wanted to expand on my opinion on what Ianto went through when Jack was gone for awhile. Mostly because I make some small, almost undetectable references to it in my other story, so maybe this might clarify some of my take on Janto. And yes, the title does come from the kelly Clarkson song. Not a huge fan (unless I'm in the car) but it just seems so gosh darn appropriate, im amazed there arent more fanvids to it. People should make more janto fanvids to that song. (hint hint to anyone out there with video editing capabilities and tw episodes)
Disclaimer I don't own torchwood or kelly Clarkson. I don t really even want kelly
This is more casual then I usually write, so please, please review and let me know if you like it.
Since You've Been Gone
Jack wasn't quite sure how he had ended up here. He remembered a movie. It had been a drama. And it had involved some kind of girl power theme at the end. And there had been a song.
Which is what brought them to the topic at hand.
"So, you're saying you have a lot in common with Kelly Clarkson?" Jack asked, trying to clear his mind of the confusion.
"Only if that song wasn't sold to her by sweedish song writers, yes."
"…." Jack just sat open mouthed.
Ianto couldn't help but laugh inwardly at the expression on Jack's face. Jack had nooo idea how ridiculous he looked, and to top it off, Ianto had never seen Jack look quite so speechless. Ianto decided why ruin the moment, and he let Jack just sit there, looking like an idiot.
When Jack decided it was time to use actual words.
"So, you're glad I was gone?" He managed to get out.
"Yup." Ianto said nonchalantly, taking a bite of the Greek food he had taken back to the hub with him in a to -go box.
"You…you didn't miss me?" Jack asked incredulously. He didn't think he'd ever have to actually ask Ianto this question. Jack had just assumed Ianto had missed him while he was gone. Not as much as Jack had missed Ianto. Jack was assuming he'd missed Ianto more because well, Jack was being tortured by a crazy Time Lord at the time, and he really could've used some Ianto to pass the hours when the Master wasn't killing him, or just to have talked to. Ianto had been on his mind that whole horrible year.
But, although Jack had experienced some major drama-drama he had yet to tell Ianto about- he had just assumed that Ianto had missed him. He seemed to have missed him in those few days he was dead. Why should now be any different? Jack had been assuming Ianto had been going through some serious pain missing him while he was away. It was one of the major reasons why Jack felt so guilty about having left his team for as long as he did. Never mind that it was the Doctor's fault for never being able to land the TARDIS at the intenderd time.
Now, Ianto was lifting his guilt, but in it's place was something far worse, the feeling of being unloved.
"I never said I was glad you were gone." Ianto clarified. As much fun as he was having watching Jack speechless and confused, he didn't want Jack thinking Ianto hadn't missed him. That would just be too cruel. Jack could not handle blows to the ego like that.
Jack breathed a sigh of relief. Ianto had missed him. Oh no, that meant the guilt was returning. But wait, Ianto had said he was glad he'd gone…so…..
"So, you missed me, but you're glad I was gone?" Jack said, desperately trying to clarify.
"Best thing that's ever happened to me." Ianto said.
OK, NOW Jack was really confused.
"Look, Ianto, if you want some kind of explanation, there are better ways of asking me." Jack said, thinking maybe that's what this was all about.
"Oh, all in good time, Jack. I was just commenting that you leaving, I think it was good for me." Ianto stated. Wondering how Jack would take that statement.
"So…I was bad for you before?" Jack asked.
Ianto hesitated. There had to be a kind way of putting this. "Well, no. I mean, a little. Before…Jack…you never….well…how do I put this?" Ianto stammered. Then sighed. This had started out fun… Then Jack had to go make it all a serious conversation.
"Ianto, just tell me." Jack said, the first coherent thought he'd had since Ianto had brought Kelly Clarkson into the conversation.
"Here's the thing, Jack. We started out friends. It was cool, but it was all pretend." Ianto said, quoting the song word for word, since 1) he had no other way of putting it and 2) He was desperately trying to lighten the mood.
"Whoa, you think that our friendship early on was all pretend?" Jack asked. He didn't know Ianto had felt that way.
"At first? It was, a little, for me, anyways. In my mind I was still with Lisa, and it was just flirting." Ianto said.
"Ianto…" Jack did not know what to say. He had really liked the younger man when he first met him. Maybe not as deeply as he cared for him now, but he thought that Ianto was a cool guy. How many other people stalked him to get a job? And that moment rolling around the floor with the pteradactyl? Jack had been instantly attracted to Ianto, and quickly had grown to find his presence, well comforting.
"Jack, you hired me as office eye candy." Ianto said, surprisingly bluntly.
"I did not!" Jack defended. OK, so it was a little true, Jack admitted to himself. But that had only lasted about a week. One week when he realized not only did Ianto Jones make the best up of coffee on God's good green Earth, but that Ianto had the best sense of dead pan humor. The sense of humor that Jack looked forward to every time he came back from a mission. And flirting with Ianto…flirting with Ianto was almost as good as sex with Ianto. It had become one of Jack's favorite past times in the early days. Flirting…not the sex. The sex had come later.
"Jack, you wouldn't even hire me on a trial basis. I offered to work for free. Then suddenly, we're rolling on the ground together and I have a job. And you compliment my suit." Ianto said, really hoping Jack wasn't taking this the wrong way. Their relationship had taken so many turns since then, but it had started out, well…pretty fucked up.
"Yeah….well…I mean…Ianto, it wasn't like you were a toy or anything. I mean, I did…I really did…." Jack had noticed that this entire conversation words were completely failing him. What was so hard about just telling Ianto that he had liked him when they first meet? Oh fuck it, Jack thought.
"Ianto, I did actually like you as a person when we first meet." Jack finally got out.
"I know." Ianto said. "I mean, not then, I know now. But Jack, I really didn't care about you when we first meet. You seemed interesting enough, but I knew who you were. You are in the Torchwood Archives in London. I'd come across your name before. I knew you had worked at Torchwood for about 100 years. Never guessed you were immortal, mind you, thought maybe you were some kind of mutant or alien or something. But, Jack, when I first meet you, you were just a means to an end to me."
…
….
…
….
Jack just took those words in. He had to admit, they stung. Almost worse than the original betrayal of having discovered Lisa in the basement. So, Jack decided to trace the conversation back, back before Ianto had started making the painful comments.
"So, this Kelly Clarkson thing?"
"Right, I'm just saying, Jack, that since you've been gone, I've become a better person. You left, and there was no choice but to let me actually go out into the field. We didn't have a whole lot of options. I became better. And it's because you had left, and we had to carry on." Ianto said.
"And now that I'm back?" Jack asked.
"It's much more fun." Ianto answered.
Jack smiled at that. When, coincidentally enough, on the radio, the very song of the discussion began to play. The two sat in silence as the song played, the lyrics filtering through the Hub.
Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone
You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone
And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say
But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone
How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone
How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way
But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again
Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
"The guy doesn't come back in this song, and the girl moves on..." Jack noted. Had Ianto moved on? Then what was he doing here, now, with Jack?
"Well, that's where the comparison ends, I guess." Ianto said.
Jack let go of a breath he had not realized he'd been holding.
There was a pause, a silence between the two of them.
"So, how long have you had that song rigged to play?" Jack asked.
"Since you've been gone." Ianto replied.
…
"Well, to the bathroom" Ianto finished. "About fifteen minutes ago."
Another silence. A very full silence. Both contemplating the ordinary conversation that had just passed between them. Ianto realized there was still one thing he needed to say to Jack before they moved on to other topics of conversation and inevitably the bed.
"Jack…I always…I think the whole time you were gone, though, I knew you'd come back." Ianto said.
"I didn't." Jack replied. "I'm pretty sure a part of me did, because when I choose to come back, it seemed like I had already chosen. But, I don't think I knew that when I left." Jack said.
"Well, you had waited for the Doctor a very long time when you finally found him, I'm sure you expected that to direct you to what you were supposed to do next. I know Torchwood was just originally a stall for you." Ianto said.
And for the ten millionth time that day, the English language failed Jack.
Fin.
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