It was one of the few moments in John Kramer's life where he didn't have the words. What could he really say to her? He couldn't let her sit there and not have this moment, but it actually pained him to watch her struggle as hard as she was at this very point in her life. It had been close to year since she became part of his world even if it was forced on her a bit harder then his previous inductees, Hoffman and Amanda. She still was absolutely nothing like the two of them - she seemed to hold onto her individuality with bloodied fingers regardless of everything John tried to do to change that. He had come to admire her for her strong personality and stopped trying to change her so much when he realized no matter what she was going to be there by his side. He opened up a world of emotional attachment he hadn't previously and at first it was uncomfortable for both of them but now they seemed to have a unique bond. She had become much more open with him, but right now she didn't want to talk to anyone and he wasn't going to force her to speak to him about how this situation made her feel.
She stood silently in the snow with her hands tucked inside the pockets of the cloak she wore, the hood pulled back as snow collected in her now auburn hair. Although she had nothing to say, the tears that threatened to freeze on her cheeks spoke a thousand words for the young woman shedding them. She leaned forward and touched the gravestone before her, wiping the snow piled on top of it to the ground - she had already done this at least three times since she had been standing here. She had to come here, to close the door, finish writing the pages of this sad story but it was agonizing. She would never get over this, she would never truly heal, and she would never forget but she had to continue on if she were ever going to live her life again. John was not the one to suggest such an action, she made the decision on her own. She finally kneeled down in the snow, pressing her hand against the headstone and dropping her head. For a good 10 minutes she sat there in the snow in silence, taking deep breaths to calm herself even though the constant flow of tears was unable to be stopped. "…what do I say to you? My life has been shit without you. Why did you have to leave me like this? I…should have been there, but I wasn't." As she spoke softly to the last remaining memories before her covered in snow, her soft spoken words began to shake and she turned her head to the side as the tears flowed more freely - it was time to let this go. Swallowing the lump threatening to choke all the progress she was determined to undergo, she picked her head up and bit her bottom lip. Reaching down beside her she took hold of the single rose she had brought with her, now covered in snow before she dusted it off and set it on her mother's grave. "I love you forever and always. Please stay with me cause I have no idea what I'm doing but if I know you're there…I'll just feel…normal." Standing up from her kneeling position, she brushed the snow off her knees. She turned her head to look down the pathway she had come and then back to the grave "Goodbye…" She reached back and grabbed the hood of the cloak, bringing it over her head before stuffing her hands into her pockets and started walking down the snow covered pathway that led her to this place for the final time.
She started the long walk back to the lair alone, completely content with it for this particular moment because she truly hated to cry in front of others, so it gave her time to do just that. Besides, John seemed to understand her need to be alone and didn't even bother to follow her. She had spent the entire day sitting in silence in the lair staring at the wall being it was the anniversary of her mother's death. She hadn't even eaten anything or spoken a single word - the only response he got out of her during the day was a half-hearted smile. The snow continued to come down as she walked back to what was now her home, the journey seeming so much longer then it truly was. For a while she stopped on her trek even though the sun was going down quickly and sat down on a lonely bench to sort out her thoughts - all these things swirling around in her head that she couldn't fit together into a cogent thought. She suffered a truly painful slap back to reality by John's hands however he was the first person since her mother that showed her true compassion, true affection, and a very genuine love that she was still trying to understand. By the time she returned, the street lights were coming on down the street. Closing the door behind her, she dusted the snow off of herself before walking very slowly through the lair to what she claimed as her own little sanctuary - well, John created a space all her own for her to sleep and feel…less like she were 'trapped' and more 'free'. Taking the cloak off, she laid it across the bed before sitting down and removing her boots. She leaned back on the bed and looked up at the ceiling in silent thought, closing her eyes shortly afterwards. Her lips were pursed tightly together as she got up and closed the curtain surrounding her "sanctuary".
John hadn't seen her so in spite of all the work he wanted to get done he got a little concerned about whether she would return or that something had happened to her, so he pulled himself away from his current obsession. Walking into the lair, he looked around silently for a few minutes before noticing the curtain surrounding her bed was closed. He approached quietly and pulled it back to see her curled up in what could be distinguished as the fetal position clutching something tightly against herself that looked like a picture. As he leaned in to get a better look he recognized the face of the woman she spoke so affectionately about and nodded his head as if understanding. She must have finally done what she said she was going to do. He knew it would still be a struggle but he would be there for her if she wanted him to be. He grabbed the sheet and pulled it up over her before closing the curtain behind himself and heading back into his own world to work in silence.
He was lying in bed, eyes closed and almost in a deep slumber till he heard the sound of very deliberately soft foot steps and the swish of the plastic curtains being slowly and carefully pulled back. "…yes Michelle?" he opened his eyes to find the young woman standing quietly there in the doorway before she very gingerly approached the bed and slowly kneeled on the floor before him. He sat up just a bit, tilting his head to the side to watch the red head stare at him, placing her hand on the sheet covering him. "Is everything alright?"
"Yeah." she smiled half-heartedly and tilted her head to the side, pursing her lips together for a moment before that smile returned. After a few moments she looked back down at the floor and spoke in a tone John was very unfamiliar with when it came to her - like a helpless child. "I…I went to the cemetery today. I had to…for me. But…I don't want to forget completely. I guess I'm afraid that…"
That was all he needed to hear, he placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head quickly before pressing a finger to her lips to silence her. "You won't forget, you shouldn't try to. But you will heal if you allow yourself that opportunity. Take it slowly, there is plenty of time to work on this. I will help you but only if you feel you need me to. That decision is up to you." She nodded her head in agreement before looking as if she had something else to say to him but was uncertain about whether she should or not. "What is it my child?"
"…can…I just want to be close…" she hadn't finished her statement before John nodded his head 'yes' and scooted back in the bed, pulling the sheet up to welcome her. She needed comfort, security, and to know someone was there for her and he was more then willing to allow her that. It was what he intended, though he hadn't anticipated the fashion in which she wanted said things from him - not that it bothered him, in fact he relished in the ability to show affection without fearing serious repercussions. She slowly got up off the floor, climbing into the bed next to him as he dropped the cover over her. She was apprehensive but tonight she just needed someone to tell her it would be okay so she scooted up to him, laying her head on his chest. He was startled only by how close she felt comfortable enough to get before he draped his arm over her and placed the other underneath of her, pulling her close to him. He could feel her heart beat, much stronger then his own and remembered the last time he felt it - when it was starting to fade into nothing. He could also feel her breathing slow to a very steady pace and realized she was already falling asleep there in his arms. John smirked and looked down at her one last time before closing his own eyes.