Author: Mirai
Warnings: AU-ness, slash references…
Author's Note: A new evil has come to Hogwarts… something even Malfoy fears. Ron, Harry, and Draco are forced to work together. Can't say much more without ruining the fun. Not for Cho fans. Humor, slightly slashy.
Three friends sat around a fire in the middle of a dark wood, chanting, their hands clasped in each other's. The first in the circle was a lanky brunette, the second a short-haired redhead, and the last a blond with slicked-back hair. The chant was garbled, apparently in some other language. Their voices steadily rose, and the fire shot up on the last word.
So occupied were they with their spell that they didn't notice the person watching them from the bushes.
Draco Malfoy sneaked back into Hogwarts. Instead of going to Slytherin house, he went up the stairs that could only lead him to Gryffindor. The fat lady looked at him skeptically, but when he whispered "magic school bus," the portrait swung open.
Draco looked around the common room, and spotted Harry and Ron around the fire. No one had noticed his entrance, and he hoped to keep it that way. "Potter, Weasley," he hissed from the doorway. Harry looked up from the game of chess, and Ron slowly followed suit. Draco thought he had never seen a pair of dumber stares. "Stop gaping, and get out here."
Ron and Harry exchanged a glance. Harry nodded, and out of sheer curiosity, the two boys followed Malfoy into the hall. Malfoy was being down right friendly.
"How'd you get in there?" Ron asked, jerking his head towards the common room.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Please. Why don't you tell Longbottom to stop writing down the password? You're practically begging for trouble."
"I always wondered what happened to my boots," Ron muttered.
"As if any Slytherin would steal from you. I only came up here because it's important."
"What is it, Malfoy?" Harry asked, on his guard.
Malfoy pursed his lips. "Don't think for a moment this means I like you two, or that you can say 'hello' to me in the hall. I'm only doing this for my own safety…"
"Get to the point already!" complained Ron. "What is it?"
Malfoy shook his head. "I'll have to show you."
"You sure this is safe?"
"There're two of us, Ron. We can take him."
Draco ignored them, crouching behind the same bushes he had hid behind earlier. They were at the very edge of the Dark Forest. "Sit down and shut up," he hissed.
"Don't see why I should be taking orders from-" Ron was interrupted by Harry jabbing Ron's side with his elbow. Harry's eyes had been drawn to the fire and the three figures sitting around it.
Ron stared. "What the hell?" he squeaked. "That… looks like you, Harry."
"And that's you," whispered Harry grimly.
"And that's me," added Draco, indicating the bleach-blond. "I wasn't about to face three of them by myself."
"But… what are they?" Ron whispered fearfully.
Harry was staring at the three figures. The fire made their features sharper. Harry thought the three resembled Ron, Malfoy, and himself, but there was something just a bit off. They were more… effeminate.
"I think I know what they are," Harry whispered.
Next to him, Ron gasped, making the same connection. "Oh! My dad told me about these."
Draco glared at them. "Spit it out already."
Harry and Ron looked at each other apprehensively. Harry bit his lip, his response barely audible.
"Fangirls. I think they're fangirls."
"Fangirls?" Draco tried the word out on his tongue. "Are they magical?"
Harry shook his head. "Not particularly. But what they are is obsessive, and when they do attempt spells, the results can be disastrous."
Ron nodded seriously. "I read about this actor, James Marsters, who was hospitalized for a month from a single fangirl spell."
"Shh!" Harry hissed suddenly. The fangirls seemed to be arguing.
"No!" The red-haired fangirl shouted. "Harry and Ron belong together!"
The blond shook her head adamantly. "Potter and Weaseley together? That would never happen. Why don't you give it up, trailer trash?"
Draco smirked. "She's got style."
Ron snorted, and looked at Harry, who was watching the fangirls with all of his attention.
"Wait… did they…?" Harry muttered to himself.
"Besides," the blond continued. "Potter and Draco belong together. It's so obvious… As the saying goes, there's a fine line between love and hate."
"Um… what did she mean by…?" Ron looked between Harry and Malfoy, who was no longer smirking. Harry turned bright red, while Draco, if possible, became paler. Ron decided to look somewhere else. "Oh."
The two fangirls continued to argue, their words barely understandable as they shouted over each other.
"Evil," Harry muttered. "That's what these fangirls are."
Draco shook his head. "Not evil. That's twisted."
"Stop!" The brunette finally spoke up, and the two girls managed to untangle themselves from each other's hair. "Obviously, we don't agree on this matter." The two girls shook their heads. "But there is one thing we do agree on." She paused, looking at each girl in turn. "We're here to destroy she-who-must-not-be-named." All three of them nodded. The fire went out suddenly, and they heard footsteps, walking away.
"Great!" Harry whispered. "They're not after us at all! They're after Voldemort!" Ron nodded, looking relieved.
"Idiots! Weren't you listening? SHE-who-must-not-be-named."
The three of them looked at each other. "But… what does that mean?" Ron asked.
Harry frowned. "I don't know. Until we find out, though, I think we should watch out for them. We can't be sure that it won't involve us." They each nodded, not realizing how perfectly they parodied their counterparts.
"Fangirls," Draco swore to himself.