On The Vest
Words: 736
Couple: Andy McNally and Nick Collins.
TV Show: Rookie Blue.
Disclaimer: All characters you recognize do not belong to me.
AU.
Idea prompted by scene from 4x12.
Established Nick/Andy.
Angst.
…
Her hands are shaking, she can barely keep herself together and it's killing her. It's over an hour after she'd gotten the call from Chris Diaz telling her that he was coming by in a squad car to pick her up and she's sitting there in the waiting room and she's terrified.
After the last year-and-a-half, she couldn't blame herself. After what had happened during the end of Project Dakota and then everything that had happened at the station with Kevin Ford, Andy McNally couldn't stop herself from sitting in the waiting chair feeling as though she should be doing something.
She's twisting the ring around on her finger, she's only just stopping herself from pulling it off and slipping it on the chain that is usually around her neck. Being surrounded by so many people in uniform, there's a small part of her brain that still doesn't believe it's happened and that she's just sitting in the station.
But then the nagging reminder comes back and she's left trying her hardest not to hyperventilate or break down or just shut down. It's every single part of her that's trying to pull her down onto the hospital floor and it's every single part of her that's telling her it's alright to cry.
Then she looks up to the doors that lead to where he was lying on a metal table getting stitched back together and she's reminding herself that she has to be strong. If not for herself, for him. Because he needs that.
"McNally?"
She finds herself unable to respond, she just shakes her head even though she knows that he won't turn around and leave. He's going to fight for a response from her and he's going to make her listen to him. He's always been like that.
"I found something, that should-uh-should help you, I just."
"What do you want Sam?"
Looking up at him she realizes that the reason her sneakers had looked so distorted while looking down at them was because the tears she was refusing to let drop were brimming her eyes and making it impossible to see much of anything but blurred shapes.
"Diaz stopped me before I came over to take Ollie's statement, gave me Collins' vest. I don't know how he got it out of evidence, or how he convinced Frank to let him take it away from the station, but he was persistent on me giving you the vest. And I guess I can see why."
She blinks, pushing back some of the tears in her eyes, just enough for her to look at his hands and catch a glimpse of silver writing on the inside of the left strap.
"He explained that some of Collins' platoon buddies did it, write messages on their vests before they headed out for patrol. He caught him doing it a good six months ago, suggested you start with the front right shoulder, didn't tell me why," he tells her as she stands up, her fingers catching the bottom edge of the vest, "Some of it's still got blood on it, but there'd have been no way to get it off without washing away some of the writing."
Andy's blinking furiously, creases in her forehead as she frowns and takes the vest from his hands. It takes her a moment, but she finally realizes just how heavy it is when she's gripping it tighter so she won't drop it, partially terrified that she'll lose a part of him if she did.
"I saw Celery go past, I think she went to get you some coffee," he says quietly, taking a step back, his feet no longer in her line of sight, "I have to take statements, but you will be okay here, right?"
"Yeah, yeah I will," Andy nods, looking up from the vest just for a moment, "Thank you."
As he walks away, she's opening the vest and her eyes are scanning over the writing that filled small scattered areas on the inside of the front. This time around, as her eyes fall on her name multiple times, and she goes over the small dates he's put beside each section of writing he's done, Andy doesn't fight the tears.
It's as though she can't.
And when a sob breaks through her, and she's reading what's there, she can't tell you what she's feeling anymore. Because absolutely everything is numb.
…
And let's all crawl into balls and cry because they kissed in the middle of the station this episode and they're just so. Eh. I hate them so much because I'm actually crying right now.
So here we go!
Let's put some angst out there to cover with more angst and all that jazz.
Have a plan for another part, and I'm going with the assumption that over the next six-or-so months since the Ford thing that Nick has written maybe one or two things on his vest since then.
So I'll be writing those out with Andy's reaction – including what I believe he wrote during the previous episode.
I haven't written the next chapter yet, so I'm not entirely sure when that'll be up. But I'm hoping it shouldn't be too far away. Outlining everything in my head.
Also: When I write dates with his little 'paragraphs' or whatever, I'm going by the air date of the episode. So I know that after the section for this episode, it'll be 100% AU. But the date that I put with the one from 4x12 will be the air date.
(Repeating one's self FTW. c: )
Thank you!
All mistakes are mine.
Review?