Burning

by oliviahotchner

"I'm alive, Emily. He lost. We beat him…" He whispered as his thumb brushed the tears that still wetted her cheeks. "Touch me." Oneshot.

A/N: Hello everyone.

This was something that I had in my mind and I was finally able to write it now. It's strong and deep and honestly, it's one of my favorite works. I sincerely hope you guys enjoy it too.

Next chapter of UT is coming too. Don't forget to vote on both categories on PCA. It really means a lot to me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.

BURNING

Emily looked at the broken woman in front of her with sad eyes. Her cheeks had tearstains and her eyes were red and swollen, dark circles under it due her hours of crying and lake of sleep.

They were working on a case in Arlington for the last five days and their last victim had just been abducted the day before. Their unsub usually kept them captive for three days before disposing their bodies in empty alleys across the town.

Kimberly Todd, the woman sitting in front of Emily, was their victim's best friend and she was the one who found his apartment trashed out and her friend missing. Thomas Hill had clearly put up a fight against his taker by the state of his place, and considering he was a very strong and fit man that said much about their suspect.

"Okay, Miss Todd, I know this is hard but I need you to tell everything you can about Thomas… you said you arrived at his place at eight-thirty last night?" Emily asked with a soothing voice as the woman tried to compose herself.

"Yeah… we h-had plans last night… Thomas got a promotion at work… he's really smart and he was just so happy…" Kimberly sucked in a breath as she tried to talk through her tears. "We were going to a concert of our favorite band… he was supposed to meet me there at seven and he's never late, never… I called him twenty times, I think, I left him messages, send him texts… I was just so worried… I knew something was wrong, you know. I could feel it in my heart…" She whispered and Emily shivered at her words. "His place was totally destroyed. The door was open and everything was out of place, the chairs broken and there were glass everywhere from the coffee table that was broken and -" she choked a sob "- and the blood was everywhere, on the floor, on the walls, just everywhere… I could smell it…" She whimpered and Emily felt her heart tightening.

"I know how hard it is, Kimberly… can you think of anyone who could want to hurt Thomas? Did he have enemies, someone who wanted revenge for something?" The profiler asked.

"No! No, of course not… Thomas is the most caring person you could possibly know… he wouldn't hurt anyone… everybody loves him, he's just too nice and sweet…" Kimberly said as her eyes filled with tears again. "Please, you need to find him, you need to… if something happens to him…" She closed her eyes with a gasp. "He's my best friend, I've known him ever since I was three years old! He took care of me when my parents died, he always took care of me… I need him, please…" She cried and Emily could only squeeze her hand as she tried to swallow her own tears.

"We're doing our best, I promise you…" She whispered.

/*/*/*/

They couldn't save him.

They found the unsub's identity too late and when they got there Thomas was dead for at least an hour.

Emily was the one who told Kimberly.

The look of pure agony on her face was something she knew she couldn't forget.

She thought about the trauma this woman had gone through, finding her friend's apartment devastated and himself being gone and now having to deal with his death and had to thank her ability to mask her feelings because her heart was breaking at the pain way too familiar.

As they drove towards the tarmac, she closed her eyes and tried to put back into its little box in her head the memories that started to hunt her again. She could still smell the blood and see clearly the bullet hole in the wall. She could feel the despair that took over her as she saw the apartment trashed and not knowing where he was. She could hear the machines beeping uncontrollably as he fought for his life right in front of her.

It had been over a year ago, so much had happened. She watched as he recovered physically and mentally from the horrors he had gone through. She was there when the coffin was being put on its grave and as he held his little boy as they said their goodbyes. She saw him struggling to cope with his lost and raise his son as he continued to do his job. She watched as he put himself together and continued to be the strongest man she'd ever met.

But nothing could ever erased that feeling. The fear. The despair. The complete terror she felt not knowing where he was, if he was hurt, if he was alive.

Those same feelings that now came back to the surface and managed to steal her breath ever after so long. She swallowed back her tears and forced herself to get it together, at least until she was safely at home, the only place she allowed herself to break down.

Until then she would pretend.

That was something she was really good at.

/*/*/*/

It was over two am by the time they were finally on board.

There was some last minute problem with the jet and between going back to the hotel and waiting at the tarmac they decided to wait, all too anxious to get out of that town and go back home.

Everyone was exhausted, going over thirty-two hours without sleep so they were barely on air when sleep came. JJ was curled up on the single chair as Emily took over the couch and Morgan and Reid were resting at the other end of the plane. The only ones awake were Hotch and Rossi, both too wound up to let themselves rest, one working on his files, the other reading a book.

They were engrossed on their tasks as the unfamiliar moan caught their attention.

Hotch frowned at his friend, as if asking if he had heard it too, when another one came, a little bit louder and just as much painful as the first one.

"No!" There was shifting from the couch and they got up as the brunette turned around, head tossing, sweat rolling on her face. "No, please!" She whimpered as the first tear rolled down her cheek.

"What's going on?" Morgan's sleepy voice startled them as they noticed they weren't the only one watching the scene.

"She's having a nightmare…" JJ whispered. "Should we wake her?"

"No, Hotch, please!" She cried a little louder as she tossed her head to the side, her cheeks now wet with tears. Everyone looked at the man as he stared confused at his subordinate. "Please, please, wake up… Hotch!"

"Emily, wake up…" JJ shook her carefully as she continued to trash and cry on the couch. "Emily!"

The brunette rose from the couch with a start, breathing heavily as she stared her teammates looking at her. "I'm sorry…" She whispered. "I'm sorry…" She repeated as she got up and walked towards the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and cringed at her reflex in the mirror. Her cheeks had tearstains and her eyes had dark circles underneath. She shuddered as the images of her dream came back with full force and she barely managed to reach the toiled as she started to get sick. As she finished she washed her mouth and her face, trying to put herself together before coming out. She knew they were all worried and wondering out there and probably heard her getting sick, so it wouldn't take long for one of them to come knocking asking if she was fine.

Just as predicted, the whole team was fully awake as she got out, watching her carefully. "Are you okay, Em?" JJ was the first to ask, a look of concern on her face.

"I'm fine, Jayje. I'm sorry if I woke everyone… it was just a dream…" She said, carefully avoiding everyone's eyes.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're crying and…" Morgan hesitated.

"And what? Did I said something?" She asked, a pitch feeling on her stomach. "Did I? She pressed as no one answered.

"You were crying my name…" She visibly flinched as her superior spoke. "What was the dream about?" He inquired and she dreaded the answer.

"It was Kimberly's interview, wasn't it?" Rossi asked and she just stared at him with wide eyes. "The way she talked about Thomas apartment. The fight signals, the blood." She closed her eyes at that. "It brought back memories…"

Dave had been the only one who came to ask her how she was after Hotch was hospitalized. She was in the cafeteria, all of them waiting answers on both him and Reid when he sat beside her and asked if she was okay. She put her façade on and told him she was fine but she knew he didn't buy it. Thankfully he didn't press her at the time, just told her that if she needed anything, he was there for her, even just for talking.

She never took upon his offer, of course.

"It was just a dream, guys… I'm okay…" She told them dismissively.

"Are you sure?" The deep hazel eyes were staring at her intensely and she was just barely able to put her mask on to answer him.

"Yeah, I'm sure, it was just a dream… you guys go back to sleep… I'm sorry for waking you all…" She brushed their concern off and begged for them – especially him – to let it go. As her colleagues returned to their seats, still with careful eyes towards her, she curled up again on the couch, but this time didn't close her eyes, too scared to fall asleep again and be betrayed by her mind one more time. It was bad enough that she had woke the whole plane with her nightmare, she couldn't risk it again.

She just ignored their stares and looked at the dark sky through the window, waiting to go home and finally be able to let everything just go.

At the other side of the plane, the dark-haired profiler was still thinking of what happened, of the way her whimpers cut right through his heart like a knife and the sick feeling he felt as she cried his name in despair.

"You know that's just a façade, don't you? She's just trying to compartmentalize everything like she always does and pretend nothing happened." Dave told him quietly and he nodded.

"Did you speak to her about this before?" He asked and his friend shrugged sadly.

"I tried. You know how she is… even more stubborn than you… she just brushed it off as if it was nothing and focused on you…"

"I never even thought about it. What does that make me?" The unit chief whispered ashamed.

"It makes you human." Dave answered. "Aaron, you had just been attacked. You had to send your family away, you were too focused on finding that demon to think about anything else… it just makes you human…"

"I mean, she was always there. Calling, driving me around, taking care and I never noticed…" He shook his head.

"As you know, she's the best in hiding her feelings. She acted as you needed her to be… strong, supportive… that's just how she is…" Dave shrugged.

"And who takes care of her?"

"Unfortunately, she's used to taking care of herself, on her own way… I think no one has ever wanted to take care of her before…"

"Well… that's just not right…" He said as he watched the brunette staring at the window. "It's not right…"

/*/*/*/

It was just over six as the knock came.

She frowned as she got up from the couch, wondering who it could be. She was at home for just a couple of hours and the last thing she wanted was to talk to anyone.

It was Saturday and Hotch had told them to not be in the office until Monday so she was really looking towards spending the weekend regrouping and putting everything back on its places before having to face anyone.

Whoever it was, it was just interrupting her plans and she was not happy at all about it.

"Crap." She whispered as she looked through the peephole. The last person, the absolute last person she wanted to see now was standing outside her door, dressed in dark jeans and green t-shirt, frown stamped on his face.

"Emily, open the door, I know you're in there…" He called from outside and she groaned before turning the look and opening the door.

"What is it, Hotch?" She asked and he just stared at her for a minute before gesturing in.

"Can I come in?" He asked and she closed her eyes with a sigh. No, you can't. She opened the door wider and gestured for him to get in, already dreading whatever conversation he had planned.

Her mind thought back at the last time he was here, standing in her kitchen as he asked her to come back with him. She could still feel the happiness and relieve when he told her he knew about Strauss' plans and on his own way thanked her for having his back.

"It was in that moment I knew I could trust you with my life…" She was startled at his voice and the way he seemed to have read her mind. "I never regretted, not even for one moment, for bringing you back… you're one of the best agents I've ever had…" He continued and her already constricted chest tightened even further at his words.

"Hotch… what are you doing here?" She asked tiredly, wanting nothing more than for him to go.

"I just wanted to know if you were okay…" He started and she closed her eyes and turned away from him. "It was a pretty intense dream, Emily… you even got sick…" He pressed.

"Look, Hotch. I'm fine… it was just a stupid nightmare, we all get them…" She brushed it off but he wasn't having it.

"What was it about?" He asked and she groaned.

"Ugh, it was nothing, Hotch! Why can't you just let go? Go home, Jack's waiting for you, I'll be fine!" She exclaimed.

"Jack is with his grandparents until Sunday night and don't change the subject. What was the dream about, Emily?" He said while approaching her as she took more distance of him.

She was starting to feel claustrophobic as he stepped closer and continued to press her. She didn't want to talk. She didn't even want to think about the images that hunt her mind over and over and over ever since her talk with Kimberly. "Please, Hotch, just let it go… I don't want to talk about it… just leave and I'll be fine. I just need to rest a bit…" She pleaded and begged him to understand and respect her and just go but he wouldn't, she knew he wouldn't because he was Hotch, and Hotch didn't just let go.

"No Emily, you need to talk about it. If you just put it back into your little boxes you will just be avoiding and sooner rather than later it'll come back again and you won't be able to let it go…" He said and she almost cried in despair because she didn't want to talk about it! Let alone with him! "Emily…" He approached her and she stepped back forcefully.

"Don't, Hotch! Dammit, why can't you just let it go?! I don't want to talk about it, don't you get it?" Her eyes were burning and she was furious with him for making her feel vulnerable.

"I get it. Believe me, I do. But I was oblivious at this for too long, Emily. I can't just let it go as if nothing happened…" He said and she scoffed.

"So this is about guilt? Because you didn't notice before? Newsflash, Hotch, I didn't want you to see it! I didn't need you then and I don't need you now… it's something personal, I deal with it myself and alone, so would you please just respect that? You don't have a reason to feel responsible for anything…"

"Like hell I don't! It was my name you were crying out!" He accused. "What. Was. The. Dream. About?" He said each word slowly as he approached her and cringed at the sight of her tears. "Emily, please…"

"You were dead, okay!" She finally exclaimed. "I got in and you were lying on the floor and there was so much blood and you were cold and… I tried everything, I shook you and called your name but you were already gone and my hands were sticky with your blood and I could smell it…" She choked out with a sob and he approached her but she shook her head. "No, Hotch… don't you get it? I don't want pity, I don't want your concern! I just want to forget… I want to close my eyes and to not see your bloody body on the damn floor but you couldn't let it go, could you?!"

"Emily…" He could feel his heart breaking at the sight of her and it was just too much. "I'm okay… he didn't kill me…"

"Don't you think I know that?!" She said. "But nightmares aren't rational, Hotch! They're made up to torture us and make us think of the worse possibilities… I know you're okay, I know you survived, but when I saw your blood, when I saw that hole in the wall the only thing in my mind was that you were gone! I kept imagining you dead, lying somewhere, alone, in the cold, gone…" She was shivering and her face had a tortured expression that killed him. "And when I finally found you those machines started to beep crazily and I thought I was going to lose you and I just couldn't take it… I couldn't take it…"

He was the one who couldn't take it anymore and within two strides he had her, face buried on his chest and hands fisting at the hem of his shirt, her whole body shaking and shuddering. He shushed her, brushed his hands down her back and through her hair and whispered little nothings on her ear as she finally let go of everything, allowing herself to feel the fear, the despair, the complete terror she never allowed to take her, just pushing everything back and ignoring it for so long.

He didn't know how long they were standing there, him holding her as she cried. He could feel her breathing evening out but he didn't release her, just as she didn't released her grip on him. As the time passed, he took her hand off his shirt and brought it up his chest, putting it right above his heart, his other hand cupping her chin to make her look at him. "I'm alive, Emily. He lost. We beat him…" He whispered as his thumb brushed the tears that still wetted her cheeks. "Touch me." He said, pressing her hand on his chest and waited until she started caressing him through the fabric of his shirt. She brought her other hand up and stepped just a bit back to be able to touch him, her hands tracing patterns along his shirt as she closed her eyes to savor it.

The moment had escalated to something more and they both could feel it. He felt her hands mapping his chest and stepped back making her frown until he caught the hem of his shirt and raised it up and over his head, exposing his chest for her. He took her hand again and this time brought it right over the damaged skin of the scar closest to his heart. "Hotch…" She whispered as her fingers traced the length of the tissue and new tears started to water her eyes.

"I survived, Emily. He's gone and I survived…" He whispered as he cupped her cheeks, her hands still tracing the scars, and leaned in, forehead to forehead, both closing their eyes.

"I was so scared…" She half whispered half whimpered and he stepped closer, trapping her hands on his chest, as they stood closer than they'd ever been.

"I know, sweetheart… I'm so sorry…" He whispered, his lips brushing over her cheeks, tasting the salt of her tears. She gasped as her tears keep coming, his heartbeat strong in her hands, the heat of his body surrounding her and the smell of his skin filling her senses.

His lips continued to brush against her skin, drying the tears on her cheeks, over her eyes, her nose, her forehead, lighting her head and erasing all thinking as she enjoyed the feeling, any traces of rationality disappearing. She could feel his breathing against her lips and his heartbeat was racing beneath her hands as he stared at her, a million questions in his eyes until she could see the resolution setting in, and then she could only feel his lips touching hers.

It was the lightest of the kisses. Just a brush of lips, both breathing heavily against each other, but it was the most beautiful moment of her life.

Instead of feeling scared of death, instead of feeling hopeless and powerless, she felt alive. She felt as if her skin was tingling and her heart was bursting out of her chest. His hand tangled in her hair as he tilted her head back and then only his arm holding her by her waist was able to keep her standing because her whole body felt numb. His lips tasted salty because of her tears but she barely noticed as he traced the tip of his tongue against her lips and she opened up immediately, eager for him, hungry for him, having dreamt of this so many times she lost count.

He took his time with her, discovering everything he needed to know, what made her whimper, what made her moan, what made her weak on her knees and by the time he finally let her breathe, he was almost a pro at making her tingle.

His eyes stared at her swollen mouth until she opened her own, and then he searched through her big brown orbs for any sign of indecision, any sign of confusion or anything that could make him think she was regretting this moment.

He didn't find it though. He could never find it because the only thing in her mind was how long would take it for him to kiss her again.

It was healing.

It was freeing.

He may have had no idea but with his touch, with his mere presence he was curing her from the demons that hunted her ever since she opened his apartment door that fateful day.

He was erasing every single fear and every single memory and he could even never touch her like this again but she felt as if she could finally breathe again.

He must have saw something though, because last thing she knew she was being lifted to her kitchen counter and he was kissing her again, both hands buried in her hair as he angled her head the way he wanted and controlled her, taking everything he wanted. It took a second or two for her to notice her hands were also free and then she was feeling the skin of his back, the muscles strong and hard against her fingers, and she groaned, opening her mouth wider as he devoured her.

His skin was burning and he was just so strong and so built and she loved every single piece of him. She could feel a few more scars across his back, battle scars from his years on the field and it just solidified to her how alive he was, how he had won every single time and how she loved him for it.

His hair was too soft and it was a real shock for her because it was always so tied and perfect and without a single lock out of place but it felt like silk against her fingers and she moaned again because it was just too much.

His hand had sneaked inside her t-shirt and it felt like fire against her skin as he pressed her closer to him, settling himself between her legs. She could feel the strong muscles of his thighs on her skin as she wrapped her legs around his hips and the feeling made her gasp, pulling back from his lips, groaning as he didn't even hesitate before starting to taste the skin of her neck.

His lips burnt invisible marks on her skin as he kissed her neck, finding her racing pulse point and starting to suck at his earnest, as if it was water on the desert, his desire for her leaving her lightheaded and she felt as if she could pass out at any moment.

She blinked when the cold air touched her skin and just then noticed her shirt was now decorating the floor and his lips were tracing the skin just above her breasts, now only confined but her black cotton bra. Her nails dug into his back as she moaned lowly when he caught her nipple through the fabric and bit it.

The clasp was open within a second and then his lips were touching real skin, sucking and biting and licking and she couldn't think, just feel.

She gasped as her back touched the cold counter as he laid her down and continued his assault, one hand touching one breast as his mouth kissed the other and other hand digging deep into her hip. His mouth continued to savor her skin as she started to feel the tension building it, stealing her breathe. "Aaron…" She didn't know what made her call his given name but as he groaned lowly down his throat and bit hard on her nipple she knew it wouldn't be reprimanded.

She opened her eyes, startled, as she was suddenly being lifted and back into his arms as he walked up the stairs, lips still torturing her down her neck. "Bedroom?" He rasped out and the timbre of his voice made her shiver.

"Second door. Left." She managed to gasp and then she felt her back touching the mattress as he hovered her, covering her body with his, lips finding hers again in a deep and long kiss. His hands mapped her skin, trying to memorize every single curve, every single spot and she just let herself go, surrendering to him.

"Beautiful…" She barely heard the reverent whisper on her skin as he kissed her everywhere. "So, so beautiful…" Her eyes watered because she wasn't used to this, she'd never had this. She never allowed anyone to be this close, to touch her like this, like he owned her, like she was his to protect and to take care. His hands toyed with the band of her shorts and he looked at her, again searching for any hesitation, but she just lifted her hips, allowing him to bring it down her legs, along with her panties. "Fuck, so, so damn beautiful…"

She was glistening before his eyes and he shivered visibly, leaning in to take in her smell. Her back arched and he smiled at the way her fingers were digging into the mattress, eyes closed and lips parted, breathing heavy.

She was pure perfection.

Not longer able to wait anymore, he dove in, groaning at the taste of her, so sweet and salty at the same time, smooth beneath his lips as he started to lick her. His tongue tapped at her clit and she gasped loudly, moaning as he started to suck it. She trashed and arched and shifted underneath him and he savored, his hands firm on her hips to keep her steady as his mouth worked on her.

He could feel her getting closer and closer, the way her breathing increased and her moans got louder, and just as he could feel her tipping the edge he pushed two of his long fingers inside her, not ceasing his assault on her clit, closing his eyes with a hiss as he felt her contracting and getting wetter and wetter as the pleasure took over her.

"Aaron!" She gasped, almost lifting off the bed as she arched and started to tremble when he continued to suck and lick her through her orgasm. Only when she couldn't take it anymore he stopped, giving her one last kiss before pulling back.

She was sweat and all flushed as he watched her while unbuckling his belt. She shivered at the look on his face and widened her eyes as he pushed both his jeans and boxers down, in one move.

She wanted him.

She wanted him like she'd never wanted anyone in her life and when he hovered her again it was her who took his face in her hands and kissed him fiercely, groaning at the taste of her in his lips, wrapping her legs around his lips and gasping as he got in contact with her sensitive center. "God!"

"Protection?" He whispered against her ear as he humped her, searching some friction to relieve the ache he was feeling.

"Clean. Pill. Please…" She managed to say between breaths and then he was there.

He filled her so deep and so good and it was like he belong there, inside her, as if nothing was right in the world before this moment. He stopped for a moment because he knew if he moved it would be all over way too soon and he couldn't have that. He stared at her and the look of pure bliss took his breath away. When she opened her eyes and looked at him there was so much, too much in just one look and he knew his life with never be the same again after this moment.

He started moving, slowly and carefully, both of them enjoying this too much to rush anything, and caressed her face as she stared at him with love-filled eyes. He made love to her like she had never had, making her feel things she'd always ran away from. His strokes went deep and his lips found hers as they moved together, both breathings increasing as they built their pleasures.

It seemed as if time had stopped altogether and nothing else mattered. It was just the two of them, confessing each other feelings long hided, telling each other so much with their bodies, allowing themselves to live something both of them never thought it would happen.

As they reached the end, they stayed linked and just enjoyed the feeling, stealing kisses and caresses, neither of them interested in returning to the real world.

"It was the worse day of my life…" Emily whispered into the dark as her fingers traced his scars. They were laying on her bed, cuddled closely and sated. "I knew something was wrong, you know… I could feel it in my heart… the others were worried but they keep saying, he's just sleeping, he must have left his phone on mute… but I knew it was not that. I knew you weren't sleeping…" She confessed as he caressed her back. "When I got in and saw everything I could feel my heart dying. I didn't know what to think, what to do. It took a minute or two for me to calm down and call Garcia. I still remember how I felt when I saw you in that bed… all those tubes and wires… I never wanted to kill someone so much in my life…" She said and he squeezed her closer.

"Ssh, sweetheart, I know…" He shushed her.

"The nightmares started that same night… I spent moths having them, sleeping just a few hours at night…" She said and he sighed.

"I'm so sorry I didn't notice…"

"I didn't want you to notice… you didn't need that. You needed me strong, so I pushed it all back and stood by your side…" She said. "With time, after everything with Haley, they started to fade… I could see you strong and powerful in the field again and it made things better, easier…"

He was silent for a minute, absorbing everything. "I never thanked you for everything you did…" He whispered and shushed her when she started to talk. "You were my strength back then, you know. The way you knew just what I needed, when I needed. I'll never forget our talk after my first case back. When you told me in not so many words that I wasn't alone… it meant the world, you know…" He told her and she smiled as he caressed her cheek. "Thank you for taking care of me…"

"Always." She vowed and he knew it was true. She had always been there and she would always be there for as long as he let her.

And in that moment he vowed to let her. He vowed to let her in and to be there for her every time she needed, for as long as she let him. This moment wouldn't be the last, that much he promised. Now that he had her, he'd be damned if he'd let her go.

As he felt her falling asleep, he closed his eyes and promised himself always to be what she needed.

Because God knew how she was just what he needed.

/*/*/*/

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think.

Love, Liv.