I'm not gonna hear you shout
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She knocked on the door and waited. Impatiently she knocked again and immediately Dembe opened the door with a polite smile. "Miss Keen, come in." Liz did as the bodyguard said before the door was shut behind her.
"I need to talk with Reddington." she informed.
"He's down the wall. Living room." Liz smiled her thanks and went to find the man with who she intends to have a long talk.
Red was exactly where she was told he would be. He was sitting in a leather seat reading a book in the dark living room. The only light illuminating the room was a lamp in a coffee table near the seat. The tie was gone, so as the jacket and vest. He had his sleeves rolled up and the first three buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing some of his chest hair. He looked tired. Exhausted was the word. To be honest he wasn't the only one. Liz looked like hell as Red would say. The dark circles under her eyes were huge, her hair was a mess, her clothes dirt from the events of the day, her body aches. All she wanted to do was to have a hot and relaxing shower, go to bed and sleep peacefully, dreamless, but the conversation she wanted to have with the man sitting in that dark room was too important to be left for another day. It had to be done.
She may had been there thinking for too long because Red was looking at her a little confused. "Lizzie, for what do I have the pleasure?" he asked her smilling. She sat down in the couch in front of him. It was hard to move, it was like she was carrying the whole world in her hands.
"Red, we need to talk." His expression hardened, the smile vanished. Liz didn't know how to start. After that day, after Red saving her again, she had been thinking. All the words left unspoken would gain voice in that cold night. "About today... You didn't-"
"If you're here to start an argument, you can leave." He interrupted her in middle sentence.
"Red, I'm not here-" she tried to explain herself but was once again interrupted.
"Yes you are." Red smiled in a sarcastic way.
Liz frustrated rose up from the couch and raised her voice. "I was just trying to have a normal conversation but with you it seems to be impossible!"
She didn't know what was happening. She didn't know what had happened. Red had never reacted this way towards her. He always tried to be understanding, and when he doesn't is because he has a good reason to. He always forgives her for all the mess she does. He's always there to listen, to comfort her if necessary, or just to take all the faults and judgements even if they are wrong.
Red stood up as well. He was not going to stay there and hear her calling him all the names, saying how horrible he is for saving her life. For God's sake, it doesn't even makes sense. He saves her life, putting himself in danger, and the only bad thing there, isn't really a bad thing; killing someone who threatened her security. He was not going to let her unload all her frustrations on him. Not this time. Not on that cold night.
"It not always about you, Elizabeth." He said, hurting her. "It's not just always about how you feel." He raised his voice. "I'm not going to hear you calling me a monster. I got that point!"
"Red..." Liz tried to reach him but to no avail.
"I use to just sit down and listen. To let you kill me inside. I use to hear you scream, just for you to feel happy, but you never care about my happiness, do you?"
He was being unfair and she can't believe. No she can't believe. She starts to wonder why she came.
"That's not true." She said, her voice low. A knot on her throat keeping her for saying any other words. They seem to somehow have switched sides. She wants to run. She wants to hide in some tiny hole in the wooden floor. She can't profile him. She doesn't want to. She is afraid and she is afraid to admit it. She wants to leave, but she is not that weak, is she? She never thought this would ever happen, but there's a limit to everything. For some time she was in slow motion. She watched as he lips moved, telling her something, but she couldn't hear. She felt like she had been in a rope a thousand feet from the floor and now she free falling, as slowing as the water turns into ice.
"You know the reason I never try to make it right, Elizabeth? Why I never go running after you?" he asked while she slowing sat down on the couch. Her skin was red raw. She has never seen in so angry at him. "For three reasons. First, I know you will forgive me for something I haven't done, because I know you can't imagine loosing me, even in your angrier moments, even when you want to hate me."
The truth she had tried to ignore came out of his mouth. He was more calm now, is voice return to it's normal tone and a little smirk was visible on his face.
He then continued. "Because every single time I try to talk, my tongue doesn't seem to cooperate, I have a knot in my throat as if someone stabbed a pen in my carotid." He laughed at that and Liz stood up without noticing. "and a I have a sinking feeling in my stomach. And because I have to try hard not to tell the truth. Because I never lie to you, Elizabeth. And the truth is that I love you, Lizzie."
The world Liz was holding in her hands fell to the floor and it broke apart. Tears formed in her eyes. "I love you with all my being."
Liz urged out the room and left the room. She ran out to the street outside and sat in her car. Head in the wheel.
What the hell just happened there. She doesn't even know why she ran. She loves him even if she doesn't admit it. She loves and cares deeply for him, and he knows it.
He had been rejected by Liz. His Lizzie rejected him. Oh my stars, he never expected that. He never expected that and it hit him like a train in track.
What have he done? Oh, what have he done, and what will he do now? Tears ran freely down his face when he was left alone to lick his wound that he had done to himself. It was all his fault this time.
She was still crying. She was still in her car, still in front of is current safe house. Whatever happened there was her fault. She knows that.
But why did she came there? She could've go home. But she wanted to tell him she was sorry for all the time she shout with him. All the time she was unfair. She wanted to thank him for saving her. She wanted to tell him how much she cares. How much he means to her.
She just wanted to save one life: hers. And now it's destroyed, because of her selfishness.
Who's gonna save them now, if the aren't capable of doing so? They don't remember how to save a life. They just wonder who is going to save the world in that cold night.