p data-p-id="6294f4d0c107d38160d65e3bce0eb617"strongA/N Ok guys! This first chapter is a bit wordy and long but I promise everything else wont be like that. I just needed to set the stage and give you guys some backstory so everything makes sense. Any and all authors notes will be bold like this and there will be some flashbacks in at least the first couple chapters and those will all be in /strongemItalics like this. /emstrongNow enjoy!/strong/p
p data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p
p data-p-id="29a92489542f46b9928b718abdc0f544"Kellins POV:/p
p data-p-id="e2ca1cbe06182af458fd9f3534278554"It was thanks to my neighbor, Victor Fuentes, that I was enrolled in the local community college and ready to leave the hospital. He didn't know that though. And I didn't have any plans to tell him either. We had been neighbors most of our lives so we had always been friends, but we were never super close or anything. Which is why I couldn't tell him that I was only enrolled in college because of the way his eyes light up when he talks about his own classes. I also couldn't tell him that it was his music that had truly saved me./p
p data-p-id="a127fd1f86e4ab650f2216f09992afa4" /p
p data-p-id="26eedaf40e666fdc71022695671fc76f"Whenever anyone asked his what he planned on doing with his life, he'd say that he was starting a band with his brother, Mike, and a couple of their friends. Half the people he told believed him and the other half didn't. most people had heard him play a little bit out on the quad on campus or at neighborhood parties, but not many people had heard him play the way I had. Not that he played anything special for me, but on hot summer nights when he thought everyone was asleep he would sit on his back porch and play guitar and sing like he never did when people were around, even though his voice was always quiet. It became something I looked forward to, either lying in bed with my window open or sitting in the tree outside my window. I always wondered what had happened to make his voice so raw, to make those lyrics cut right to my center. I knew someday people would pay to hear that voice./p
p data-p-id="7cb90a17d6068da0d5194d0c9e09bf30"It was his music, and watching him play it from my tree that kept my three year dance with self harm from getting any more serious. And it was the thought of getting back to that that helped me through my stay in the hospital. In case you couldn't tell, I had had a crush on Vic from afar for quite a while now. The closest I ever came to telling him everything was three months ago when I was first admitted to the hospital./p
p data-p-id="d48a2f61b20388a428733b6f9c70a741" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/p
p data-p-id="2ebea32d862b5d7db76433a5cfbdc618"emWe weren't allowed visitors for the first week in the hospital. Which was stupid in my opinion. I was in the beginning of my second week and my parents had come to see me yesterday. Not much was said, as if that was anything new. I guess it was better than the arguing though. I wasn't expecting to see anyone else for a while, but suddenly I heard a knock at my door and looked up to see Vic standing there, a mixture of emotions on his face. /em/p
p data-p-id="bc64c3c291fc303eeec0eae93da407e4"em"Vic? What are you doing here?" I asked, uncurling myself from my chair by the window. I was surprised to see him. We had been friends since he moved next door when we were 6, but not good enough friends that I had expected him to visit me in the hospital. /em/p
p data-p-id="a2618b3944532478bb8d568b7f767a5b"emHe shrugged. "I hadn't seen you around lately and then I heard my mom talking to your mom and she mentioned you were here so I thought I'd come see what happened..." he trailed off, obviously waiting for an explanation. And I didn't blame him. I hadn't had time to tell any of my friends where I was going. I didn't even have my phone at the hospital with me yet. Something about having to prove that contact with the outside world wasn't going to send me over the edge again. /em/p
p data-p-id="087f8ec83a7eda5e061528329c2f5916"emBut how do I look into those deep brown eyes and admit that I had accidentally cut too deep? That my parents hated each other almost as much as they hated me so I turned to physical pain in order to numb the emotional pain? That my mom had found me curled up in the shower, crying as I watched my blood run down the drain too fast...my eyes wide with fear when it wouldn't stop?/em/p
p data-p-id="7fe925413df832b4fe341e22961a9323"emI was snapped out of my thoughts when he readjusted his hat and said "Uh...sorry...you don't have to tell me I guess."/em/p
p data-p-id="018f3ac9118a6070b647a471ccc9c7c9"em"No, I just...it's..." I didn't know what to say so I reached up to scratch my head. His eyes immediately flicked up to the bandages that were still on my wrists, covering the stitches but not all of my other scars. Before I could register his movement his hand shot out and grabbed mine, turning it so he could see the lattice work of scars. I'd be lying if I said that my hand in his didn't feel nice./em/p
p data-p-id="e7af022848fba73b6288e64457e261da"em"Kellin, why didn't you tell me what was going on?"/em/p
p data-p-id="73af2f18be5eb93c8390bb930432f6f2"em"I didn't tell anyone Vic, not just you. Nobody would have understood." I said, yanking my arm back./em/p
p data-p-id="6de94c0e90427bca3a7b88d3f750ae26"em"You'd be surprised what people understand" he said quietly, looking out the window. When I gave him a curious look he continued "Are you going to try and hurt yourself again?"/em/p
p data-p-id="707ff37f7f55131639f602bb8a0d8994"emI had been asking myself the same question but hadn't come up with an answer. I shrugged and lifted a wrist up to pick at the gauze around it. The wounds were still healing and they itched. /em/p
p data-p-id="39d8c18d43466f9d1b9707f7220eff36"em"Ok, well what can I do to help you?."/em/p
p data-p-id="0cb25fc6818a52bd8af723d2b5ff722e"emI was about to tell him that nothing could help when I remembered the night before it all happened. I had been sitting in the tree, trying to block out the sound of my parents yelling when he had come outside and started playing. "Play something for me. One of /emyour emsongs." I said, putting the emphasis on your, hoping he would know I didn't mean the covers of happy birthday or whatever else he played at the neighborhood parties or around the bonfires. A mix of emotions crossed over his face and I hoped I hadn't given myself away. /em/p
p data-p-id="6473b3bc8251cd55507c0f25e29ce9bd"em"I don't exactly have a guitar in my pocket Kells."/em/p
p data-p-id="74b1e369696cfef77d0cb8f188e29ab9"em"There's a music room down the hall, they have an acoustic." I suggested, standing up. /em/p
p data-p-id="1e62504da30f9e70dc2ca72cd582c48a"emHe followed me out of my room and a few doors down the hallway until we got to the small music room. There was a piano in one corner next to a wall of windows and in the other corner were a couple of stools and a couch with two acoustic guitars on stands. I sat on the couch and pulled my knees up to my chest, not caring at that moment how vulnerable I looked, before turning my gaze to Vic. He glanced at me and picked up one of the guitars, settling on the stool closest to the couch. His fingers caressed the strings as he gave me another strange look before he started to play. It wasn't quite like the music he played at night, but there was something there, some element that he didn't normally reveal for the public. I sat there, curled on the couch, letting the music and his quiet voice wash over me, not knowing when I'd hear it again. That was the only time he visited me in the three months I was stuck in the hospital. br /em/p
p data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p
p data-p-id="ad465fdc584cfc149f51d3f2ad423c1a"strongOk that was chapter 1! this is my first Kellic fic so I'd really really appreciate any feedback/comments/reviews/ratings and whatnot. Hope you liked it and I'm going to try and update about once a week, if not more. /strongembr /em/p
p data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p
p data-p-id="29a92489542f46b9928b718abdc0f544"Kellins POV:/p
p data-p-id="e2ca1cbe06182af458fd9f3534278554"It was thanks to my neighbor, Victor Fuentes, that I was enrolled in the local community college and ready to leave the hospital. He didn't know that though. And I didn't have any plans to tell him either. We had been neighbors most of our lives so we had always been friends, but we were never super close or anything. Which is why I couldn't tell him that I was only enrolled in college because of the way his eyes light up when he talks about his own classes. I also couldn't tell him that it was his music that had truly saved me./p
p data-p-id="a127fd1f86e4ab650f2216f09992afa4" /p
p data-p-id="26eedaf40e666fdc71022695671fc76f"Whenever anyone asked his what he planned on doing with his life, he'd say that he was starting a band with his brother, Mike, and a couple of their friends. Half the people he told believed him and the other half didn't. most people had heard him play a little bit out on the quad on campus or at neighborhood parties, but not many people had heard him play the way I had. Not that he played anything special for me, but on hot summer nights when he thought everyone was asleep he would sit on his back porch and play guitar and sing like he never did when people were around, even though his voice was always quiet. It became something I looked forward to, either lying in bed with my window open or sitting in the tree outside my window. I always wondered what had happened to make his voice so raw, to make those lyrics cut right to my center. I knew someday people would pay to hear that voice./p
p data-p-id="7cb90a17d6068da0d5194d0c9e09bf30"It was his music, and watching him play it from my tree that kept my three year dance with self harm from getting any more serious. And it was the thought of getting back to that that helped me through my stay in the hospital. In case you couldn't tell, I had had a crush on Vic from afar for quite a while now. The closest I ever came to telling him everything was three months ago when I was first admitted to the hospital./p
p data-p-id="d48a2f61b20388a428733b6f9c70a741" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/p
p data-p-id="2ebea32d862b5d7db76433a5cfbdc618"emWe weren't allowed visitors for the first week in the hospital. Which was stupid in my opinion. I was in the beginning of my second week and my parents had come to see me yesterday. Not much was said, as if that was anything new. I guess it was better than the arguing though. I wasn't expecting to see anyone else for a while, but suddenly I heard a knock at my door and looked up to see Vic standing there, a mixture of emotions on his face. /em/p
p data-p-id="bc64c3c291fc303eeec0eae93da407e4"em"Vic? What are you doing here?" I asked, uncurling myself from my chair by the window. I was surprised to see him. We had been friends since he moved next door when we were 6, but not good enough friends that I had expected him to visit me in the hospital. /em/p
p data-p-id="a2618b3944532478bb8d568b7f767a5b"emHe shrugged. "I hadn't seen you around lately and then I heard my mom talking to your mom and she mentioned you were here so I thought I'd come see what happened..." he trailed off, obviously waiting for an explanation. And I didn't blame him. I hadn't had time to tell any of my friends where I was going. I didn't even have my phone at the hospital with me yet. Something about having to prove that contact with the outside world wasn't going to send me over the edge again. /em/p
p data-p-id="087f8ec83a7eda5e061528329c2f5916"emBut how do I look into those deep brown eyes and admit that I had accidentally cut too deep? That my parents hated each other almost as much as they hated me so I turned to physical pain in order to numb the emotional pain? That my mom had found me curled up in the shower, crying as I watched my blood run down the drain too fast...my eyes wide with fear when it wouldn't stop?/em/p
p data-p-id="7fe925413df832b4fe341e22961a9323"emI was snapped out of my thoughts when he readjusted his hat and said "Uh...sorry...you don't have to tell me I guess."/em/p
p data-p-id="018f3ac9118a6070b647a471ccc9c7c9"em"No, I just...it's..." I didn't know what to say so I reached up to scratch my head. His eyes immediately flicked up to the bandages that were still on my wrists, covering the stitches but not all of my other scars. Before I could register his movement his hand shot out and grabbed mine, turning it so he could see the lattice work of scars. I'd be lying if I said that my hand in his didn't feel nice./em/p
p data-p-id="e7af022848fba73b6288e64457e261da"em"Kellin, why didn't you tell me what was going on?"/em/p
p data-p-id="73af2f18be5eb93c8390bb930432f6f2"em"I didn't tell anyone Vic, not just you. Nobody would have understood." I said, yanking my arm back./em/p
p data-p-id="6de94c0e90427bca3a7b88d3f750ae26"em"You'd be surprised what people understand" he said quietly, looking out the window. When I gave him a curious look he continued "Are you going to try and hurt yourself again?"/em/p
p data-p-id="707ff37f7f55131639f602bb8a0d8994"emI had been asking myself the same question but hadn't come up with an answer. I shrugged and lifted a wrist up to pick at the gauze around it. The wounds were still healing and they itched. /em/p
p data-p-id="39d8c18d43466f9d1b9707f7220eff36"em"Ok, well what can I do to help you?."/em/p
p data-p-id="0cb25fc6818a52bd8af723d2b5ff722e"emI was about to tell him that nothing could help when I remembered the night before it all happened. I had been sitting in the tree, trying to block out the sound of my parents yelling when he had come outside and started playing. "Play something for me. One of /emyour emsongs." I said, putting the emphasis on your, hoping he would know I didn't mean the covers of happy birthday or whatever else he played at the neighborhood parties or around the bonfires. A mix of emotions crossed over his face and I hoped I hadn't given myself away. /em/p
p data-p-id="6473b3bc8251cd55507c0f25e29ce9bd"em"I don't exactly have a guitar in my pocket Kells."/em/p
p data-p-id="74b1e369696cfef77d0cb8f188e29ab9"em"There's a music room down the hall, they have an acoustic." I suggested, standing up. /em/p
p data-p-id="1e62504da30f9e70dc2ca72cd582c48a"emHe followed me out of my room and a few doors down the hallway until we got to the small music room. There was a piano in one corner next to a wall of windows and in the other corner were a couple of stools and a couch with two acoustic guitars on stands. I sat on the couch and pulled my knees up to my chest, not caring at that moment how vulnerable I looked, before turning my gaze to Vic. He glanced at me and picked up one of the guitars, settling on the stool closest to the couch. His fingers caressed the strings as he gave me another strange look before he started to play. It wasn't quite like the music he played at night, but there was something there, some element that he didn't normally reveal for the public. I sat there, curled on the couch, letting the music and his quiet voice wash over me, not knowing when I'd hear it again. That was the only time he visited me in the three months I was stuck in the hospital. br /em/p
p data-p-id="26478db11a74b3c8675f463fee30cba7" /p
p data-p-id="ad465fdc584cfc149f51d3f2ad423c1a"strongOk that was chapter 1! this is my first Kellic fic so I'd really really appreciate any feedback/comments/reviews/ratings and whatnot. Hope you liked it and I'm going to try and update about once a week, if not more. /strongembr /em/p