A Growing Darkness
Cold, dark, damp…
These stone walls that encompass me
Suck out all hope and joy.
A cloud of black engulfs my soul,
Completely blocking out any light that may remain-
A suffocating tightness that impales my chest.
Sweat trickles from my brow,
A chill streaks down my spine-
There is no escape.
I can feel the madness forming;
It's taking over my mind,
Controlling my every thought and movement.
There is no trace of my former self left,
I have succumbed to the darkness-
It's easier than fighting.
I scream into the night
A blood-curdling cry;
The pain is so incredible.
There is no relief for my suffering.
My hands clench my skull,
My eyes screw shut.
There must be some release to my torment;
I claw at my flesh,
Shredding it to bits.
Blood gushes from every opening,
Drenching my body completely.
The taste of iron fills my mouth.
Tremulous shakes rack my frame,
I can hardly breathe…
Why is this happening to me?
Shrieking from the agony
I hurl myself at the walls,
I crash my face into the mirrors.
Calming down enough,
I glimpse my reflection in the cracked shards:
I see a monster.
Broken glass is lodged in my skin,
There is no area unscathed.
My body glimmers red in the flickering light.
I can't recognize myself.
Streams of blood ooze from my scalp
From where I'd torn out my hair.
My nails are jagged and torn,
And all but ripped from their roots.
My shirt hangs in tatters.
It all scares me,
But my eyes terrify me the most-
The eyes of a blood-thirsty beast.
They're wide and vicious,
Eager to rip into anything-
Preferably living.
Their intensity shocks me
And brings me back to reality.
What have I become?
Am I so weak-
My life so terrible-
That I revert to this?
I collapse to my knees
With barely any strength left
To even hold onto the sink.
I weep bitter tears,
Feeling so ashamed.
My sobs echo throughout the room.
I don't deserve my blessings,
I should end their suffering and leave.
I don't deserve their friendship.
How can I ask them to endure
Such a wretched existence?
Especially since I've hurt them so much…
There is only one way to ensure
That no one else will be cursed by my presence.
Goodbye, forever, my dear comrades…
-HozE