My precious Isabella.
A Nickelback songfic.
This time, this place. Misused, mistakes.
"Bella, I don't want you to come". I forced out of my dry, grief stricken throat; praying that my voice would not crack at the sound of her name. My words were all blasphemous lies, every remark I said a sham. Each sentence I spoke, my resistant would crumble just that little bit further. It took every ounce of strength I possessed, not to collapse to the ground and beg for her forgiveness- I would beg for all eternity if that's what it took. But no, I would not, could not do that to her. She deserved better than me, a soulless monster, forever doomed to walk the face of this earth lonely and bitter. I would take that; I would take it with a smile on my face if it meant that my precious Isabella remained happy, safe and human. Kissing her forehead, and taking one last look at her beautiful face, I ran away; leaving behind the only thing that was right in this world- broken and lonely on the cold forest floor.
Too long, too late; who was I to make you wait?
Just one chance, just one breath; just in case there's just one left.
Curled up in the foetal position, consumed by agony and loss; my thoughts drifted to Isabella. "No surprise there" I thought bitterly. Images of her filled my mind; her soft, chestnut hair gleaming in the pale moonlight, her laugh; so infectious you could not help but smiling along with her, and the way she positively glowed every time the sun came out. I do not know why I let myself think of her, surely it could not be helping my fragile state of mind- but I could not help it. Sometimes, I would delude myself into thinking that, if I ever returned- a situation merely a day dream in itself- then she would welcome me back with open arms. Isabella had always been too forgiving for her own good. But in reality, I knew that if I did go back, a choice of two things would happen. One; she would have moved on, making some man the luckiest man in the world. My appearance would simply be an annoyance, a mere inconvenience if you will. No one likes their past mistakes brought up unnecessarily. Or two; I would come back to Forks and Isabella, it still hurt to say her name- even in my mind, would run away screaming- like she should have done the first day she met me. I don't know if I could have lived with either of those decisions.
I love you, I loved you all along.
And I miss you, been far away for far too long.
Just another one of my day dreams, but it felt like I was rehearsing a speech- maybe I was? I don't think I could have endured it any longer, as the days grew into weeks, my resolve had grown thin. It would not hurt, just to make a quick check up on her, surely? I would be in Forks within one day, make sure she is still safe, and be back before anyone ever knew I was there- my family included.
I keep dreaming, you'll be with me and you'll never go. Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore.
Fighting with myself, I decided on what the best course of action would be. Half of my mind was at war with the other half. I weighed up the pros and cons of each path- but what it really came down to was my morals. A moral vampire? Oh the irony. The question was whether or not I was going to be selfish or unselfish. I had almost come to a final decision, when my phone vibrated annoyingly in my front pocket. I almost always ignored my families' calls and texts- they were all the same. Pleads for me to come home. But this time it felt different, I had a strong urge to look at the unread message. It was from Alice; those three words she sent all but had me running to the airport.
Go for it.
On my knees, I'll ask, last chance for one last dance. 'Coz with you, I'd withstand, all of it to hold your hand. I'd give it all, I'd give for us, give anything but I won't give up.
"Isabella" I breathed, using her full name to give my words more effect. "Edward?" She asked timidly, looking up from the book she was now reading. When had she gotten so thin? My gorgeous darling girl looked like she hadn't eaten in days. The enormous bags underneath her eyes gave me the impression that her sleeping habits had changed dramatically since the last time I saw her. Isabella, my precious Isabella had aged years during our time apart. Her eyes were dead, although a spark of something showed in them when she looked at me- giving some depth to her now shallow pools of brown. Her face was haggard and gaunt; she had the expression of someone who just came back from a long and bitter war. "Edward, is that really you?" Charlie was out, fishing I presumed; considering the weather. To that I was eternally grateful; we were both very unpredictable at this moment. And I also had a sneaking suspicion that Charlie hated me and my family- not that I blamed him at all for that, I hated myself also. Starting deeply into her beautiful brown eyes, I replied by simply saying "Yes". Even with her weathered appearance, she was still the most beautiful women in the world. Nothing could ever take away her grace; she was still my precious Isabella.
I love you, I loved you all along. And I miss you, been away for far too long. I keep dreaming, you'll be with me, and you'll never go. Stop breathing, if I don't see you anymore.
I told her everything. I told her the lies I spoke, the daydreams of her face, and I even told her of the agonizing nights where I would just curl up, and let the grief consume me. I guess she took it pretty well, all things considered. She sat still the entire time, the glassy look in her gorgeous brown eyes appearing let frequently now. "Please Isabella" I begged, holding both of her hands for impact. "You have got to believe me when I say that I love you. I have always loved you, and I always will love you. I just hope you can forgive me for every mistake I have made."
So far away, far away for far too long.
I wanted, I wanted you to stay. 'Coz I needed, I need to hear you say.
That I love you, I loved you all along. And I forgive you, for being away for far too long.
"So can you" I asked tentatively. "Of course I will understand if you can never forgive me- I will never be able to forgive myself. And I will not stop you, if you have already moved on." Both of us winced as I said that last statement, a flash of pain crossing our faces, each seeing it in the others eyes. "I could never move on, Edward. I love you". The only full sentence she had spoken to me in such a very long time, and the way she said my name still sent chills down my spine. Then, with all the power and fervour in the world, we embraced in a fiery passion, never to be separated again.
So keep dreaming, 'coz I'm not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go. Keep breathing, 'coz I'm not leaving you anymore. Believe it, hold onto me and never let me go.
Hold onto me, and never let me go.