She thought she was prepared.
"No matter what happens... You mean everything to me, Liara. You always have."
But you can't really prepare for something like this. Something so dark and warped it crushes you.
"...I am yours."
Weren't those her last words? Before the love of her life fled forth, doused by the burning light of Reaper beams, dodging and barreling toward undeniable death?
And where had she been? Letting James half carry, half drag her to the medbay. Allowing Dr Chakwas to poke and prod, biting the inside of her cheek till blood spilled as her leg was reset. Listening to the scurrying of fellow crewmembers, their frantic failures.
And then the light. A bright, piercing green that spilled through every crevice and every crack, washing over her as her mind began to slip. Darkness crept into the corners of her sight, and as the light began to fade, leaving almost as fast as it had arrived, so did her conscious.
...
She stared at the plaque. Shiny metal that glared at her with a sick sort of humor and purpose. An all too familiar name etched across its newness. Shepard. It dashed all hope, all prayer. Shepard was gone; this time, there was no Cerberus to turn to. As far as she was aware, there wasn't even a body.
But that didn't stop her eyes from watering. That didn't stop her hands from clenching painfully tight, ripped gloves fraying against the pressure and allowing more pale blue skin to peek through. That didn't stop her heart from splitting asunder.
Eyes of hazel and shimmering green, saddened by her reaction, offered small comfort. Even worse was the gentleness of his touch as he laid an open hand against her shoulder. She wanted desperately to push him away, to push away the person she'd once loathed above all others.
But Kaiden's frown, his innocent pain, it brought guilt and shame swirling within the depths of her stomach. He had loved Shepard, too. As had so very many. Shepard had not been hers alone, and though that angered her more now than ever, it also gave her strength and assurance. Shepard would be remembered.
She laid down the plaque. Now, she would grieve. The first of her lover's deaths had been spent in rage and blind desperation. She would pray now, and she would morn. By the Goddess would she mourn. As if sensing her thoughts, Kaiden bid her goodbye. She waited silently as the medbay door slid shut.
Then, she cried.
...
They gathered and watched her. She felt their eyes boring into more than her back; they bore into her soul, pleading with their own guilt ridden consciousness.
She blamed no one. Not Joker or Javik, who had led Shepard to battle. Not Kaiden or Samantha, who had loved Shepard as she herself had. Not Tali or Garrus, who now found comfort in a budding romance that she felt she could never have again.
Not herself, who had loved Shepard unconditionally, and pushed her to be more than what she was.
With a heavy heart but clear conscious, the plaque was placed delicately amongst others. Surrounded by crewmembers, friends, held high by Anderson. Her Commander, her best friend, her bond mate.
Gloved fingers ran across those letters, knowing in her heart it would be the last time she ever got the chance. A life aboard ship was no longer for her; she would return home and help rebuild with what resources she still had. She would live the rest of her days with the memories of the Normandy and its crew, its family. With the memories of Shepard.
She turned, stepping back in with the remainder of her friends. Her leg ached slightly, but when Edi offered the kindest of smiles and Tali nodded her head in respect, it didn't matter. She gave a final glance to Shepard. 'I will always love you.'
She didn't look back as she walked away.